Coping mechanisms stopped working.

[Kevin]

To be clear it’s not quite that they stopped working completely. It’s just got they’ve all stopped scratching that itch, so to speak. In high school and college whenever I didn’t like how I was feeling a bad a whole lost of coping mechanisms. Eating junk food, binge eating junk food, a pint of ice cream, smoking weed, masturbating, isolating. There is probably more I can’t think of.

 

I still engage in most of these but a lot less that I used to and for some I’ve practically quit. The main reason of the slowing down or quitting is that none of them work. I’ll get done smoking, overeating junk food, or jacking off and if anything I feel more empty and sad.
 

I overate junk food today like an hour ago and yesterday I had Popeyes. In a certain wya these things taste good but it’s not fulfilling at all in an emotional sense. Meaning it’s not actually what I want. I want to be loved and cared about. I want friends and a girlfriend who love me so go off and eat Popeyes and friend food just to fill this evening hole inside.

 

I am very glad the coping mechanisms are becoming less effective. Maybe then I can actually experience more true happiness instead of stuffing my face or smoking weed to ignore the loneliness.

 

My next question in my head was “well instead of bing eating junk food or doing drugs, what do I do to make this stop?”

Maybe I should feel it all instead of stuffing my face and running from my feelings.

 

Also has anyone else experience something similar? Bad habits that you partake in when your feeling bad stop working as well or just completely stop working.

[Phil]

What happens when you don’t cope (eat fast food, etc)? 

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

What happens when you don’t cope (eat fast food, etc)? 

In the past I would just stay feeling worse. Not when I don’t eat it I feel better.

 

Lately experience has been a lot more emotionally charged and I got from no appetitive during the day to being ravenous after 6pm. For example I went to Denny's with my roommates 2 nights ago which definitely wasn’t healthy.

[Phil]

32 minutes ago, Kevin said:

In the past I would just stay feeling worse. Not when I don’t eat it I feel better.

Assuming what was meant was Now when I don’t eat it I feel better… 

Notice the coping therefore, never actually worked… and did not stop working. 

They were just believed to work. 

32 minutes ago, Kevin said:

 

Lately experience has been a lot more emotionally charged and I got from no appetitive during the day to being ravenous after 6pm. For example I went to Denny's with my roommates 2 nights ago which definitely wasn’t healthy.

Did it work?

Experience isn’t emotionally charged. Must be more to it. 

[Ceejay]

13 hours ago, Kevin said:

stuffing my face or smoking weed to ignore the loneliness

So, "loneliness"... that is a keyword right?

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Ceejay said:

So, "loneliness"... that is a keyword right?

Definitely loneliness has been a very central theme for many years

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Assuming what was meant was Now when I don’t eat it I feel better… 

yeah I meant now.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Notice the coping therefore, never actually worked… and did not stop working. 

They were just believed to work. 
 

Your correct. But when I was in college and having a bad day I’d smoke a ton of weed and just pass out. Or I’d smoke weed and eat jack in the box then pass out. So in a sense, I was able to hide the emotional discord temporarily. Nowadays, none of those things work like that. If I smoke weed it doesn’t make me sleepy. It just puts me into this weird hyper aware state and it makes me feel weird. Especially when I wake up the next day after smoking I’ll feel weird.

 

And I barely binge eat now, but when I do it becomes very apparent that there’s a void that I’m eating to fill and it also becomes apparent that eating tons of jack in the box is not the solution and is actually making me feel worse. 
This might not make sense but I’m going to try and verbalize the feeling in those moments.

” I feel terrible shit feels hopeless but I just want to eat my junk food. It feels comforting. I think no one is gonna comfort me or hold me or tell me it’s gonna be ok. I’m on my own completely. Emotionally speaking there’s no one I can go to for help and guidance so at least this jack in the back is delicious and greasy and it will fill me up.”

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Did it work?

Experience isn’t emotionally charged. Must be more to it. 

Well the reason I went to Dennys is because I was hungry and it did work in the sense that it put me to bed.

Also there is more to it. There is something strange that’s been happening to my body. My motivation to work out or go to jiu jitsu has been super low. So for about 5 days before the day I went to Denny’s I wasn’t working out. However my diet has been through the roof. I’ve been eating so much food and a lot of junk food. And I noticed on the Dennys night I couldn’t sleep because my body was practically vibrating with energy. I was very stimulated. I’m not sure how else to put it. And I knew in that moment that eating a big meal would help.

 

I don’t know an about kundalini stuff but it felt sort of like that but not in a good way. Sort of like the energy is stuck.

[Mandy]

@Kevin Did you buy some bananas yet? They'll give you the calm without the yuck factor. Much cheaper and more convenient than fast food too. 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

yeah I meant now.

Your correct. But when I was in college and having a bad day I’d smoke a ton of weed and just pass out. Or I’d smoke weed and eat jack in the box then pass out. So in a sense, I was able to hide the emotional discord temporarily. Nowadays, none of those things work like that. If I smoke weed it doesn’t make me sleepy. It just puts me into this weird hyper aware state and it makes me feel weird. Especially when I wake up the next day after smoking I’ll feel weird.

This hits me a little differently. I find overeating causes mental lethargy (less activity of thought), as energy is diverted from brain to digestion system, physically speaking. I wonder if yall had indica in college, and you have sativa presently. Similar experience in terms of lethargy / less activity of thoughts with indica. Much activity of thoughts with sativa. So I could see where it would seem emotional discord was hidden, when perhaps the thoughts weren’t happening, and therein the emotional discord wasn’t either. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

And I barely binge eat now, but when I do it becomes very apparent that there’s a void that I’m eating to fill and it also becomes apparent that eating tons of jack in the box is not the solution and is actually making me feel worse. 
This might not make sense but I’m going to try and verbalize the feeling in those moments.

” I feel terrible shit feels hopeless but I just want to eat my junk food. It feels comforting. I think no one is gonna comfort me or hold me or tell me it’s gonna be ok. I’m on my own completely. Emotionally speaking there’s no one I can go to for help and guidance so at least this jack in the back is delicious and greasy and it will fill me up.”

Well the reason I went to Dennys is because I was hungry and it did work in the sense that it put me to bed.

Also there is more to it. There is something strange that’s been happening to my body. My motivation to work out or go to jiu jitsu has been super low. So for about 5 days before the day I went to Denny’s I wasn’t working out. However my diet has been through the roof. I’ve been eating so much food and a lot of junk food. And I noticed on the Dennys night I couldn’t sleep because my body was practically vibrating with energy. I was very stimulated. I’m not sure how else to put it. And I knew in that moment that eating a big meal would help.

 

I don’t know an about kundalini stuff but it felt sort of like that but not in a good way. Sort of like the energy is stuck.

It would make sense in that the thoughts shared (no judgment here) would feel very discordant, and the ‘solution’ from the prior interpretation of eating is coming to mind, yet is proving not to resolve in the long run. 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

This hits me a little differently. I find overeating causes mental lethargy (less activity of thought), as energy is diverted from brain to digestion system, physically speaking. I wonder if yall had indica in college, and you have sativa presently. Similar experience in terms of lethargy / less activity of thoughts with indica. Much activity of thoughts with sativa. So I could see where it would seem emotional discord was hidden, when perhaps the thoughts weren’t happening, and therein the emotional discord wasn’t either. 

 

That’s interesting, lots of weed smokers tell me it’s a strain issue. Like I need to switch to indica or sativa. I’m positive that’s not it though. I’ve tried a huge amount of strains. Mostly I think weed changed after my 5meo experiences.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

It would make sense in that the thoughts shared (no judgment here) would feel very discordant, and the ‘solution’ from the prior interpretation of eating is coming to mind, yet is proving not to resolve in the long run. 

I’m not 100% sure what you’re saying here. Are you saying that it’s understandable that I would want to overeat when I’m focused on such a discordant interpretation.

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Did you buy some bananas yet? They'll give you the calm without the yuck factor. Much cheaper and more convenient than fast food too. 

I got some bananas. They help for sure. That night I had run out though.

[Ceejay]

My diet is usually not this bad. It's not all too good either. But I don't binge eat fast food or consume way too much sugar or anything. 

 

But I remember one time order some 2 piece fried chicken from Chicking and I ate them up at evening, maybe along with some coffee (with sugar and milk). I felt like a gorilla.. (Imagine that full-moon gorilla Goku? from Dragon Ball Z)... I felt like that creature.. It sure is not healthy.. But whenever I smoke/eat weed, my body feels so gravitationally dense.. and heavy.. that need to eat some heavy food like meat.. otherwise I feel like my body is getting fried..

 

Sorry, I don't know how to help. You need to consume better food than fast food.. Maybe why don't you go to a regular restaurant.. and eat something that's not so bad like total junk food.. 

 

What are healthy alternatives you can order, to Denny's or Jack in the Box? Yes, bananas are good. But that might be too puritanical for you to persist with given the nature of your habit.

 

P. S. Since I am from India.. I actually had to google Jack in the box and Denny's and Popeyes.. (yes.. popeye and such are open in Bangalore.. but I am not living there..)

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m positive that’s not it though.

I’m not suggesting there’s a strain, weed, or food issue. I’m saying there is no issue. There is the belief that there is, and there is how that belief feels.  

The order is problem first, coping mechanisms second. 

The reason the coping mechanisms don’t “work”, is there isn’t a problem. 

 

9 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m not 100% sure what you’re saying here. Are you saying that it’s understandable that I would want to overeat when I’m focused on such a discordant interpretation.

Understanding is an unnecessary additional belief which obscures clarity by making it seem like there is someone separate who does or doesn’t understand something or that something is or isn’t understandable. That feels discordant because it is. (It’s not semantical, it’s a discordant belief). 

There is just how a thought feels. 

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

I didn’t like how I was feeling

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

I feel empty and sad.

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

I overate

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

I want to be loved and cared about. 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

Maybe then I can actually experience more true happiness

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

loneliness.

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

On 4/15/2023 at 12:55 AM, Kevin said:

Maybe I should feel it all

You already are. 

[Ceejay]

Inquiry, and the willingness/discipline to engage in inquiry.

[Kevin]

9 hours ago, Ceejay said:

My diet is usually not this bad. It's not all too good either. But I don't binge eat fast food or consume way too much sugar or anything. 

 

But I remember one time order some 2 piece fried chicken from Chicking and I ate them up at evening, maybe along with some coffee (with sugar and milk). I felt like a gorilla.. (Imagine that full-moon gorilla Goku? from Dragon Ball Z)... I felt like that creature.. It sure is not healthy.. But whenever I smoke/eat weed, my body feels so gravitationally dense.. and heavy.. that need to eat some heavy food like meat.. otherwise I feel like my body is getting fried..

 

Sorry, I don't know how to help. You need to consume better food than fast food.. Maybe why don't you go to a regular restaurant.. and eat something that's not so bad like total junk food.. 

No worries I appreciate your response.

 

9 hours ago, Ceejay said:

What are healthy alternatives you can order, to Denny's or Jack in the Box? Yes, bananas are good. But that might be too puritanical for you to persist with given the nature of your habit.

 

P. S. Since I am from India.. I actually had to google Jack in the box and Denny's and Popeyes.. (yes.. popeye and such are open in Bangalore.. but I am not living there..)

That’s super fascinating that you guys don’t have dennys or jack in the box. They are everywhere in the United States.

And yeah there are many healthier options. I’m usually pretty good about eating healthy but the energy in my body has been different lately. I’m feeling better today though. More motivated to eat healthy.

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, Ceejay said:

Inquiry, and the willingness/discipline to engage in inquiry.

Also interesting you posted this. I’ve been doing self inquiry obsessively for the last 3 days.

[Kevin]

7 hours ago, Phil said:

I’m not suggesting there’s a strain, weed, or food issue. I’m saying there is no issue. There is the belief that there is, and there is how that belief feels.  

The order is problem first, coping mechanisms second. 

The reason the coping mechanisms don’t “work”, is there isn’t a problem. 

 

This really resonates. So it would seem shifting focus to what is wanted is key.

7 hours ago, Phil said:

Understanding is an unnecessary additional belief which obscures clarity by making it seem like there is someone separate who does or doesn’t understand something or that something is or isn’t understandable. That feels discordant because it is. (It’s not semantical, it’s a discordant belief). 

There is just how a thought feels. 

 

gotcha.

7 hours ago, Phil said:

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

How does that thought (about yourself) feel?

 

You already are. 

 All of those thoughts feel discordant about myself.

I would like to dive into the thought I want to be loved and cared about. I’ve felt that urge all my life. But apparently reality is love. My first thought is then why can’t I feel it? But maybe I’ve been rejecting it. And I don’t mean a separate self rejecting it per se. I mean there was an assumption that I am not loved/lovable and that has been believed and even insisted upon at times out of an urge to be correct.

 

And it’s tough because obviously I never decided on this. It’s just how things played out.

[Phil]

7 hours ago, Kevin said:

This really resonates. So it would seem shifting focus to what is wanted is key.

Yes, simply & only because of how focus upon what’s wanted feels. It’s the perspective that’s felt.

 

That you’re not enough or what you want can’t be will always feel off because of the truth. The true nature of what’s feeling the perspective. The creator is creating, so thoughts to the contrary feel off. Aligned thoughts feel, in a very literal way, on. Lit up. Plugged in.

 

Creator is fine. Creating is fine. Creation is fine.

But Creator-Creating-Creation is flow. Ease. Effortlessness. Natural. Wholeness. Freedom. 

 

7 hours ago, Kevin said:

All of those thoughts feel discordant about myself.

Yes, but because there isn’t that self. If feeling is listened to it’s simplified. That the thoughts are about yourself, feels off. Thoughts that resonate resonate inherently. Thoughts that don’t, don’t. There is no one who can make em. They don’t and that’s it. That the truth. This is because of the nature of yourself. Prior to thoughts - feeling thoughts & perspectives. Being, creating. 

 

7 hours ago, Kevin said:

I would like to dive into the thought I want to be loved and cared about. I’ve felt that urge all my life. But apparently reality is love. My first thought is then why can’t I feel it? But maybe I’ve been rejecting it. And I don’t mean a separate self rejecting it per se. I mean there was an assumption that I am not loved/lovable and that has been believed and even insisted upon at times out of an urge to be correct.

 

And it’s tough because obviously I never decided on this. It’s just how things played out.

In a ‘here and There’ way, just for the sake of communication… it’s as if the problem with here is loneliness, because you can’t find someone & that’s the problem. And yet There as in Alone, is equated to loneliness, and so There is also a problem. There is a resonating middle way. Equanimity. Forgiveness. Compassion. Peace. Love. Consciously creating. 

 

The truth is no problem. The truth is Free. If the truth creates that there is a problem, there is an experience of, there is a problem. It is as if the prevailing (thus far) perspective is ‘stuck’, in the middle, as if between here & There were a problem.

 

‘Stuck’ = not letting a discordant perspective go. The perspective might be ‘self’ referential. Believed, but not aligned, not resonating, not indicative of truth. There is never actually a problem and you are never actually stuck. And, you are Free. Focusing on ‘stuck’ creates an experience as if you are. Even though you aren’t. Hence, the discord felt. The Guidance. Really notice whenever there is ‘stuck’ thinkin… notice perception. Notice reality is not ‘stuck’, it’s moving on, there is no actuality of ‘stuck’. Wiggle them fingers. See the spontaneity. The nowness. The ever-anewness. 

 

A slightly different perspective might feel slightly better, might resonate more, if it is true. If the truth is it’s the thoughts about yourself which don’t feel good, and therein there’s an avoidance of being with yourself… this would make sense of the experience of attracting females, only to find you don’t want to be with them. This would be the universe ‘showing you’ your vibration.

 

The desirable ‘shift’, such that the universe reflects (so to speak) what you want more deeply, more truly, intimately & sincerely, would be a willful shift from the framing / perspective of ‘problem & solving’, ‘stuck & needing fixing or to fix’… to appreciation, gratitude, thoughtfulness, smelling the roses, hearing the song, feeling the guidance, noticing the beauty, acknowledging God’s face in all. These are all words that point to feeling the Love. That you’re in Love is Done. It’s done, it’s done, it’s done. It’s already done. It was already done before the first thought which brought it into question. It’s already Done. 

 

‘The work’ is paradoxically that there is no work to do. It’s already done. It’s about allowing. Aligning, Resonating. Enjoying. See just how magical reality is. Let go more and more and more & more the innocence is felt, the beauty is seen, self-evident, allowed, revealed. 

 

The truth is so simple, it’s easily overlooked. But it’s never not present, never not the case, never not the actuality, never not what is. After all, this is your creation. Allow Yourself to break your heart. It breaks open. Allow yourself love, and to be loved. If you get hurt again, you get hurt again. Truly there is no real fear of that. To live never having loved, allowed, aligned, shined, that is by far the deeper fear. 

 

As you ‘do’, watch how fast the response is, how fast the resonating of appreciation etc lifts, how fast ‘she’ shows up. People showing up via you giving your love might sound counterintuitive, but it is not. It is your nature and the truth of creation. It’s wild but it’s just how it works. Love is crazy like This. Let this be the best of ‘both’ worlds.