Why men who had many sexual partners are unattractive for long term relationship

[Rose]

Some people believe that men who had many sexual partners and one night stands are somehow high value. 
 

I think for me and most of my friends and women I’ve talked to about this, not only is it false, but it’s the opposite of that. Most women find it gross if a guy has been super “promiscuous”, they don’t feel sex is special with that guy - he is able to have sex with anything, so why would it be special with them? Women need to feel special and connected for them to have great sex.

 

I think that is why men who have lots of sexual partners just remain single/rotating partners forever. It’s not just their choice, women don’t want to commit to them long term themselves. Women can’t love these men long term and don’t feel safe with them.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rose

[Reborn]

For them to be able to rotate partners, there has to exist a huge population pool of women attracted to the traits these dudes use to sleep with these same women.

 

So that statement in the title is actually false. They are maybe unattractive to YOU, they are maybe unatractive to your friends. Those could be valid, truthfull statements

Edited March 27, 2023 by Reborn

[Jonas Long]

Attraction is way too nuanced for general statements like this to be accurate(or inaccurate really).  I think a lot of women also kind of want to be the one who is able to break the cycle for a guy like this, and feel special that way. 

[Rose]

51 minutes ago, Reborn said:

 

For them to be able to rotate partners, there has to exist a huge population pool of women attracted to the traits these dudes use to sleep with these same women.

 

So that statement in the title is actually false. They are maybe unattractive to YOU, they are maybe unatractive to your friends. Those could be valid, truthfull statements

 

Being able to play on women’s emotions short term after meeting her and before she really knows them is different than being able to build a relationship with them.

 

No doubt they learned a few tricks to make unexperienced women (who don’t know these tricks) to sleep with them. 
 

That is what I mean, in experienced women’s eyes, they are either ONLY good for short term fun or not good at all. 

[Rose]

34 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Attraction is way too nuanced for general statements like this to be accurate(or inaccurate really).  I think a lot of women also kind of want to be the one who is able to break the cycle for a guy like this, and feel special that way. 

Yes, especially if they have trauma - abandonment trauma, attachment trauma - they want to win over these guys and get their full devotion, attention, and commitment because they couldn’t win over their parents to get that.

 

Women who don’t have trauma don’t play these games.

[Rose]

I personally see those men as a masturbating monkey at the zoo, they kind of lost their “humanness” to them.. 

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rose

[Joseph Maynor]

Among incel guys it signals value because those guys are so scared to even talk to a woman.  What impresses me is if a guy can keep a relationship for like over 4 years.  That's another level than simply having sex with multiple women.  That is gross.  It also shows immaturity.  It shows an inability to connect emotionally or deeply with the opposite sex or a person of the opposite sex.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Jonas Long]

Just now, Rose said:

Yes, especially if they have trauma - abandonment trauma, attachment trauma - they want to win over these guys and get their full devotion, attention, and commitment because they couldn’t win over their parents to get that.

 

Women who don’t have trauma don’t play these games.

Also, there are people of all gender who just prefer casual sex to relationships, or go through life phases like that, and there's nothing wrong with that either.  Two people can have casual sex without either of them having been "tricked" into it.  Something like "pickup" is sketchy and designed for manipulation.  But there's straightforward, honest on both sides, hookups of all manner, and again, nothing inherently wrong about it. 

 

[Jonas Long]

7 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Among incel guys it signals value because those guys are so scared to even talk to a woman.  What impresses me is if a guy can keep a relationship for like over 4 years.  That's another level than simply having sex with multiple women.  That is gross.  It also shows immaturity.  It shows an inability to connect emotionally or deeply with the opposite sex or a person of the opposite sex.

This is just an equally judgmental attitude and is not true as a rule at all.  Like I said, different people prefer different types of interactions, and it's often different at different times in life. 

[Rose]

13 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Also, there are people of all gender who just prefer casual sex to relationships, or go through life phases like that, and there's nothing wrong with that either.  Two people can have casual sex without either of them having been "tricked" into it.  Something like "pickup" is sketchy and designed for manipulation.  But there's straightforward, honest on both sides, hookups of all manner, and again, nothing inherently wrong about it. 

 

Yes, that is why I said “for fun”

 

Women being into hookup is less likely, but possible, unless they are very young.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Rose

[Jonas Long]

3 minutes ago, Rose said:

 

Women being into hookup is less likely, but possible, unless they are very young.

It's more common than you think, and at all ages. 

[Joseph Maynor]

1 hour ago, Jonas Long said:

This is just an equally judgmental attitude and is not true as a rule at all.  Like I said, different people prefer different types of interactions, and it's often different at different times in life. 

 

Could be.  I'll grant this to you.  There is an old saying along the lines of "a man is only as faithful as his options."  I kinda don't believe that personally, but maybe that's my bias.  I like to be married.  I've always been like this too -- even when I was young I would dream of having one girlfriend that I really liked and who liked me.  But maybe because women have never rushed to want to have sex with me and I never really was into sex without a relationship.  When I've been propositioned by a women to have one off sex, I've always turned it down.  Maybe too much info here.  It's just not appealing to me and I do feel it's kinda gross.  I'm more marriage material and I'm in a relationship so the issue is moot for me.  I'm very monogamous and committed.  A lot of my Theory of Marriage came from experiences committing to relationships through thick and thin, so I've gotten a lot of growth from the relationship aspect.  

Edited March 27, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Rose]

47 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

It's more common than you think, and at all ages. 

I don’t associate with those kind of women, it’s true. 

[Reborn]

1 hour ago, Rose said:

Being able to play on women’s emotions short term after meeting her and before she really knows them is different than being able to build a relationship with them.

 

No doubt they learned a few tricks to make unexperienced women (who don’t know these tricks) to sleep with them. 
 

That is what I mean, in experienced women’s eyes, they are either ONLY good for short term fun or not good at all. 

And of course, the only way to justify the above mentioned statement in the title, is to assume the position of superiority over these women. While labeling them with some inferior quality, such as, in this case, them being inexperienced. Which is just a nicer way of calling them low quality, pretty much.

 

People are simply very different, and reality tends to often be too complicated for us to just claim how things are supposed to be.

 

People are born with different needs, different temperaments, different sex drives, different personalities. I could go on and on. Not everything is so simple.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Reborn

[Jonas Long]

I wonder what your goal was in starting this thread.  Validation? 

[Jonas Long]

16 minutes ago, Rose said:

I don’t associate with those kind of women, it’s true. 

Definitely sense some judgement in this statement 

[Phil]

It’s like comparing the surface of the ocean to the depth of the ocean. It’s shiny on top but the deeper you go the more you discover. It doesn’t get any better than co-creating & co-discovering. 

[Rose]

53 minutes ago, Reborn said:

And of course, the only way to justify the above mentioned statement in the title, is to assume the position of superiority over these women. While labeling them with some inferior quality, such as, in this case, them being inexperienced. Which is just a nicer way of calling them low quality, pretty much.

 

People are simply very different, and reality tends to often be too complicated for us to just claim how things are supposed to be.

 

People are born with different needs, different temperaments, different sex drives, different personalities. I could go on and on. Not everything is so simple.

I am not showing a level of superiority above those women, not having experience is not a crime, every person was there at some point.

 

Things are not simple but patterns emerge.

[Rose]

51 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Definitely sense some judgement in this statement 

That’s just a fact. None of my friends are like that. 

[Joseph Maynor]

56 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

Definitely sense some judgement in this statement 

 

What about your judgment?  You're judgmental as heck.  I know you're trying to teach but you have a lot of firm statements about things too as coy and witty as you are in your desire to overturn the chess tables of others.  If you weren't judgmental, you wouldn't take issue so strongly to what others post.

Edited March 28, 2023 by Joseph Maynor