Seeing Certain People as a Threat

[Orb]

Sometimes this happens in group convos. I wanna love everybody. 

Edited March 11, 2023 by Orb

[Orb]

There's a defensiveness that comes up.

[Loop]

Check out the start of this thread.

 

[Orb]

@Loop thank you, I will admit I haven't tried any of the exercises yet but just reading the first post brought chills.

[Loop]

@Orb 🙏🏼

 

I would slowly & gently dig into the defensiveness feeling using questions & statement like the ones I talk about in the thread. We don’t gotta express or be vulnerable with anyone about our emotions except ourself, and as we do, we feel more able to do so in the ways that feel good for us, make statements like “I can express myself fully” & just watch for a bit, see what kind of thoughts arise. 🤍

 

[Joseph Maynor]

You want to love someone who wants to physically assault you?   How about someone who wants to forcibly rape you?  How about someone who wants to frustrate your ability to survive and thrive in life?  You want to love that person?  This just gets ridiculous.  This is Divine Feminine dogma that is entirely out of touch with life and with what we actually do.  I apologize for being blunt and for teaching, but I feel compelled to point this out even if one person gets what I'm trying to say.  The Feminine can and often does make too many excuses in service of preserving relationships irrespective of individuals involved -- even when it comes to preserving the relation of the whole over the parts involved.  The Feminine is not the complete answer in development work.  It's a specialty not the whole thing.  I'm gonna stop teaching now because I think and feel like I've said everything I need and want to say.  

Edited March 11, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Loop]

@Joseph Maynor

 

Sometimes love means telling someone to fuck off. ☺️

 

[Joseph Maynor]

3 minutes ago, Loop said:

@Joseph Maynor

 

Sometimes love means telling someone to fuck off. ☺️

 

Oh damn!  You made my day.  You always have a powerful insight.  Spot on.  And good judgment is about knowing when to accept and when to draw boundaries.  👍♥️

Edited March 11, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Orb]

@Joseph Maynor I wasn't saying that at all, I'm talking about speaking to people who aren't actually a threat but feeling defensive around them. I never mentioned once any of the things you said.

[Loop]

@Joseph Maynor

Thanks. 🙏🏼

I enjoy having you around on the forum. 

 

22 hours ago, Orb said:

I'm talking about speaking to people who aren't actually a threat but feeling defensive around them.

 

That is what I figured.

 

Appreciate the defensiveness, allow it be as it is. It is a drive trying to protect you, get super curious about it. The more you understand it, the more it will arise in healthy ways, and not when it isn’t needed. 
 

[Joseph Maynor]

I think this is BS.  You don’t want to love everybody — you want to say that you love everybody.  No one wants to love everybody and no one does.  Loving everyone is a rabbit hole you can go down, but it’s just that, a certain avenue of development work.  It’s not the be all end all teaching.  This too is a kind of fame or glory seeking — look at me I love everyone — I’m special, I’m superior, I’m spiritually enlightened.  The problem is nobody loves everyone.  Certain people are a threat which is why we have jails and prisons.

Edited March 12, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Orb]

@Joseph Maynor I think you're looking for an excuse to monologue, start a journal my friend. I don't think you're actually reading my posts or understanding them.

Edited March 12, 2023 by Orb

[Orb]

@Loop yea I agree with that totally! Also drinking less caffeine lol.

[Loop]

@Orb

 

Don’t force yourself to stop a habit (Drinking caffeine), allow it to happen, but make space for noticing the stories & drives before & after going through with the habit.

What really loosens an addiction is actually making the drives conscious, not adding another drive to try to stop it. 

 

Addiction and repression are directly related in my opinion, there is an emotional energy not wanting to be felt, or is feared to be felt. As that is felt & processed you eventually just stopping going to the thing, as it doesn’t need to be used to not go to the feeling anymore, as it has been reintegrated. 
 

Before going to the caffeine as the desire arises, ask “What do I not want feel?”. Get as interested in the drive as you can. Then afterward if you still want to, drink the caffeine, & have space to just notice how you feel. 
 

[Phil]

Bring into question what it is which is being defended. 

Also consider everyone is already the love that you eternally (right now) are. 

Very much like watching a movie, there are threatening and non threatening people, and it’s all the light of the screen (the love that you are). 

Loving ‘everybody’ therein isn’t and couldn’t be a doing. 

You’re already being (the movie / “everybody”). 

[Reena]

@Orb maybe try to relate to others in the situation. Think by placing yourself in their shoes.

A few tips from me - 

Also read the book on non violent communication. 

Did you suffer trauma or bullying in early years? 

If yes, it could be the reason behind the defensiveness. 

If they aren't a threat,start by reevaluating how you speak. Write it somewhere and reflect on it and see if it appears socially calibrated. If it's too harsh then change the wording.

Dont jump to conclusions about people. Give some time before you make some judgment on them. 

Try to check your own state of mind before you comment either in spoken or written form. Start with a pleasant state. If you aren't in that state, then refrain from communicating so as to not further complicate matters. Use your good mood to your advantage.

Often times we forget to see context. If you take anything out of context, it will offend you. Try to see in what context the other person said what they said. This helps you to not be negative about it. 

Give space. If you give others space, they will give the same to you. Let them be themselves and don't fight it. Think that they have the right to say things that you might not always agree with and that's okay. Don't see it as an attack on your persona. 

Avoid people who trigger you explicitly. If someone is obnoxious, there's simply no way to love them. Love them, hate them, they will always get on your nerves. Avoidance in such cases would be wiser than confronting. 

Learn diplomacy and public social tact. See how others respond to a similar situation and learn from them. 

If you're overly judgemental, cut back on judgements. Try to see the same exact situation from a non judgmental perspective. Do this as an experiment. 

Don't overestimate people or give excessive value to their opinions. See if there is substance to what they say. If what they say doesn't resonate with you, let go and ignore it.

Sometimes being defensive is fun. You debate with the other person and learn a lot from the conflict. However that person should be open minded enough to spark an interesting fight with you without making it ugly. Look for such people. 

Your own state of mind is often the reason behind your reactions. When you need to stand up for yourself do so.. But if you overreacted and often tend to do that, then you need to explore within yourself the trigger factors and the root cause of these trigger factors and that might help you in working on issues that will eventually help you deal better and cope better with people 

 

 

Hope this helps.