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About being fulfilled alone


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So I was just doing the scale / inspecting and something came up.


Basically if I imagine myself hanging out somewhere just by myself, without a "significant other", I feel like something is missing. I feel boredom, pessimism. Nihilism fires up.


If I imagine myself hanging out but with a "significant other", I feel fulfilled and that excitement, eagerness and passion is possible.


Alone, not possible. With a special other, possible. It's hard to imagine how I could ever feel fulfilled, eager, passionate, truly happy without having that sort of a special relationship. It all starts feeling meaningless. I don't see a point without a special other.


Why is that? 🤔 I'm tired of looking for fulfillment from things and stuff. It would be a great relief and joy and peace to find it within.



There must be an effortless way.

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1 minute ago, Rose said:

What was the longest duration of time where you were single? Without any kind of romantic involvement/friends with benefits/hookup situation 


Maybe like 5 years from when I was born until I had this "girlfriend" in preschool. 😂😂


Jokes aside. Maybe 2,5 years.


There must be an effortless way.

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If you've decided that you want something then any thought of absence of it and assumptions about what that means is going to feel bad. 


There's the general and specific thing, so maybe there are feeling associated with being with someone, yet that feeling does not come from the relationships. If you get general about the feeling rather than specific about the circumstances believed necessary there's going to be relief. There isn't anything wrong with wanting a relationship or anything else but believing that good feeling comes from whatever in the future is always going to result in discord saying "NOPE". 

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If it is believed I’m angry, afraid, overwhelmed, disappointed, in despair or the like, an other can seem to serve to validate and or sooth this discord. The attention upon an other is attention not upon the discordant unresolvable beliefs. Without other, no resolution is needed, as the ‘other’ is the one of thoughts, which is angry, afraid, overwhelmed, disappointed, in despair or the like. Put another way, an other of appearance can be a break from the other of illusion, yet can never be a true supplement for unconditionality, or, being without discord, or most simply put, self.


Put another way, an I can not think understanding, nor beauty, nor love any more than an I can think the feel of warmth. Perception & sensation can be thought of or about, such as the pointing of the very words… yet can not actually be thought as in thunk or conceptualized. Can only seem to, via believing the thoughts are that which thoughts point to. 



The boredom and pessimism is felt & acknowledged, with respect to that thought about imagining a myself. Then it is as if there is a fork in the path, a ‘which way’ arises. One way is the next higher vibrational emotion, contentment. As contentment is felt, all pessimism and boredom, which is to say all thoughts which feel like, or are met with the emotions pessimism and boredom have already been expressed, emptied. Without judgement or conditions held, contentment is felt yet not per se created. Contentment was already the case, and thoughts made or make it seem not so. The other way to go is conceptualizing about contentment, while feeling the emotion of pessimism, experiencing concepts like nihilism. 


At the ‘root’ of this is the belief in a separate self, a separate being, which could be fulfilled, alone. Being is fulfillment in & of itself, and is being via appearing as, a concept about a second being which is dual in that it can be, and not be, alone and content; while being is already infinite & appearing as the concept / conceptualization, about this second being. 


This is not to say there is anything right or wrong with experiencing a relationship, only that putting relationship before communion is a ‘position’ of need, as contentment is an emotion, and emotion does not arise from an other. But again, thought can make it seem so. 


Another way to go… if there is to be an other… if such a believing is already the case and what is truly desired is as you say fulfillment, excitement, eagerness and passion, is to recognize that “other” as God, and to inspect for any actual separation. 

TLDR maybe… the pessimism felt is believed to be about being alone, which is actually already the case, while what’s felt are thoughts about, being alone. 

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