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Comparing myself to others


Celestial
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It seems like the source of a lot of my suffering is in the pointless comparisons that I create about myself and others. 

For example: my friends are doing so and so; therefore I also should be doing so and so. (To fit in or to maintain the friendship).

Even if I'm comparing myself and judging myself about doing things that don't really even resonate.

 

I think it sort of boils down to judgement, because whenever I'm comparing I'm also judging, which might actually be the activity (judgement) that doesn't feel good.

 

I also notice that whenever I'm comparing and judging that I'm stuck in my head and not feeling the body in any deep way.

 

Was just wondering if anyone had guidance on this?

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@Celestial You could try seeing that it's all just a story in the mind. A thought thinking about other thoughts and judging them.

 

How would you feel if you just dropped the story?

 

It's very possible to do, because you're actually the observer of the story. Take a step back and see that the thoughts your identifying with are not doing you any good. See them for what they are and try to move on. It's the holding onto them that creates suffering.

You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'.

The 'changeless' can be realized only when the 
ever-changing thought-flow stops.

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Am I aware?

 

Am I aware that I am, aware?

 

What, other than awareness - is aware?

 

 

The “bodies” are in (are) the world-sphere. 

The thoughts about the world-sphere are in (are) the lens-sphere. 

 

 

The comparisons feel ‘off’ because there aren’t any selves. Unconditional love calls unconditional love “friends”. 

Thoughts made of incomparable, un-judge-able… feel accordingly. 

 

Jealousy:   “Turning saints into the sea.”

-The KILLERS 👀 

 

There’s no one to be stuck in the head - you’re being “the head”. 

There’s no one to feel the body - you’re being “the body”. 

 

Going Prior.

I Am.

 

“Three things cannot remain hidden for long;
the moon, the sun, and the truth.”
-The Buddha

 

“You are essential, not accidental”
-Colby Wedgeworth, Jordan Feliz, Paul Duncan

 

Creator-Creating-Creation Contemplation.

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18 hours ago, Faith said:

@Celestial You could try seeing that it's all just a story in the mind. 

I can see that its a story but I still get caught up in it. Like most of the time I find myself judging myself and others, even though I know how bad it feels as I'm doing it.

 

18 hours ago, Faith said:

How would you feel if you just dropped the story?

Non-resistance, peace, effortless experience. 

 

18 hours ago, Faith said:

It's very possible to do, because you're actually the observer of the story. Take a step back and see that the thoughts your identifying with are not doing you any good. See them for what they are and try to move on. It's the holding onto them that creates suffering.

@Faith thank you, it does seem like judging and buying into the stories is basically just habitual. 

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16 hours ago, Phil said:

Am I aware?

 

Am I aware that I am, aware?

 

What, other than awareness - is aware?

Only awareness is aware but I have to admit, most of the time, I believe that I am a human in a world that I perceive from the vantage point of the body.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

The “bodies” are in (are) the world-sphere. 

The thoughts about the world-sphere are in (are) the lens-sphere.

So the only actuality is the sights and sounds of the bodies, the world-sphere? 

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

Jealousy:   “Turning saints into the sea.”

-The KILLERS 👀 

 

There’s no one to be stuck in the head - you’re being “the head”. 

There’s no one to feel the body - you’re being “the body”.

That song for sure could've been written by me 😅. Minus the bright side part, yet. 

 

I definitely experience a lot of jealousy, maybe I was to proud to admit it. I also feel like I experience low self esteem/confidence. Especially socially.

16 hours ago, Phil said:

“Three things cannot remain hidden for long;
the moon, the sun, and the truth.”
-The Buddha

 

“You are essential, not accidental”
-Colby Wedgeworth, Jordan Feliz, Paul Duncan

Reassuring 🙏.

 

@Phil I feel like I should schedule a call with you but I don't know what I'd like to talk about 🙃. Kinda nervous to if I'm being honest. 

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30 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

This happens to me also. I perceive myself from a vantage point and many time become aware of this vantage point. How can I end watching my life experience ?

Perception refers to seeing, hearing, tasing, smelling, etc.

 

To ‘perceive yourself from a vantage point’ would required not being yourself, but someone or something other than yourself, which is perceiving (seeing or hearing) yourself. In accordance with direct experience, you’ve never perceived yourself. 

 

To ‘become aware’ would imply that awareness wasn’t aware, and then becomes aware. Also in accordance with direct experience, awareness never actually ‘becomes’ any thing. 

 

‘My life experience’ can not come to an end because it never began. 

 

Whats meant by ‘many time’? (Or times)

 

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

Perception refers to seeing, hearing, tasing, smelling, etc.

 

To ‘perceive yourself from a vantage point’ would required not being yourself, but someone or something other than yourself, which is perceiving (seeing or hearing) yourself. In accordance with direct experience, you’ve never perceived yourself. 

 

To ‘become aware’ would imply that awareness wasn’t aware, and then becomes aware. Also in accordance with direct experience, awareness never actually ‘becomes’ any thing. 

 

‘My life experience’ can not come to an end because it never began. 

 

Whats meant by ‘many time’? (Or times)

 

Why do you philosophate so much man. Just simple(jk dont get mad🤍). In my experience when i get tired or don't sleep at night I feel the tiredness. Why do i feel disconnected sometimes? The people that are with me still think I am the same person. 

 

Okay so life experience just is, so to say. You cant say awareness never becomes anything. Okay if you say it - then what is awareness in this sense? 

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23 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

In my experience when i get tired or don't sleep at night I feel the tiredness. Why do i feel disconnected sometimes?

Are you in your experience? 

 

23 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

The people that are with me still think I am the same person. 

Is there a thinker?

 

23 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

 

Okay so life experience just is, so to say. You cant say awareness never becomes anything. Okay if you say it - then what is awareness in this sense? 

Awareness. 

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7 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s meant by most of the time? 

It seems like for the majority of the day, even the whole day, I am identifying with being a human being. The experience of separation/suffering seems to be more apparent when I'm interacting with or around other people. I don't really feel scared to express myself or to act like a fool around trees for example.

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10 minutes ago, Celestial said:

It seems like for the majority of the day, even the whole day, I am identifying with being a human being.

How are you doing that?

 

10 minutes ago, Celestial said:

 

The experience of separation/suffering seems to be more apparent when I'm interacting with or around other people. I don't really feel scared to express myself or to act like a fool around trees for example.

What’s the relevant difference between trees and people?

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What beliefs might be behind the compulsion to compare ourselves to others? The belief that there is an ideal way to be, a better way, a higher way? What else? Maybe the knowledge that we aren't a certain way and can't truly secure or own "goodness"  is felt as insecurity?  When in actuality it's liberation, tthe joy of creation and a thorough appreciation for diversity? 

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17 minutes ago, Phil said:

How are you doing that?

I would like to say just believing self referential thoughts but it seems "deeper" than that. More like a deeply ingrained habit. 

 

25 minutes ago, Phil said:

What’s the relevant difference between trees and people?

I don't believe that trees are able to have ideas or thoughts about me. Trees are ego-less. 

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34 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What beliefs might be behind the compulsion to compare ourselves to others? The belief that there is an ideal way to be, a better way, a higher way? What else? Maybe the knowledge that we aren't a certain way and can't truly secure or own "goodness"  is felt as insecurity?  When in actuality it's liberation, to joy of creation and a thorough appreciation for diversity? 

Definitely trying to appear a certain way, and that doesn't resonate because it's a facade. 

 

But I don't even really know what my personality is.

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what give perspective is I quote on Ram Das: when you go out into the woods, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. you sort of understand it didnt get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you dont get all emotional about it. You just allow it, you apreciate the trees. The minute you go near humans- you lose all that. And you're constantly saying,'you're too this and I'm too this' the judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning ppl into trees, and apreciating them the way they are'

 

I find this quote useful to recognize humans can think but also acording to their own perspectives, so its good to care less about theyre thinkings. I know what you mean about trees though research showed they're very alive and receptive.

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17 hours ago, Celestial said:

I would like to say just believing self referential thoughts but it seems "deeper" than that. More like a deeply ingrained habit. 

Might be like a transition. Feeling better from experience, contingent on what people say, how the day or the life is thought to be going… to recognizing what’s felt are the thoughts.
 

Then it doesn’t matter anymore what anybody else might be thinking… because you’re feeling thoughts. It only makes sense then to let go of contingencies, and focus on aligned thoughts. 
 

17 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

 

I don't believe that trees are able to have ideas or thoughts about me. Trees are ego-less. 

The instant it is acknowledged inwardly, that you yourself have no ideas or thoughts about yourself, it is simultaneously recognize that no one else does either. Freedom which already is. 

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7 hours ago, Phil said:

The instant it is acknowledged inwardly, that you yourself have no ideas or thoughts about yourself, it is simultaneously recognize that no one else does either. Freedom which already is. 

But it seems like I do. 😬

Are you saying that it's the thoughts and ideas that "create" this very convincing sense of self?

Do you think the best course of action meditation? 

 

Would it be better to express complete judgement rather than telling myself that I'm "better than that", which is suppressing myself from judging and experiencing anger?

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1 hour ago, Celestial said:

But it seems like I do. 😬

But do you have thoughts? 

 

1 hour ago, Celestial said:

Are you saying that it's the thoughts and ideas that "create" this very convincing sense of self?

The believing of.

And…

The not noticing. 

 

1 hour ago, Celestial said:

Do you think the best course of action meditation? 

The best course of action is really no course of action. Shifting focus from ‘will do x in a future’ back to noticing now. But it’s always now, so there’s no rush or anything. 🙂 

Meditation slows the succession of thoughts down. Makes it easier to notice and inevitably easy, clear and obvious. Writing the thoughts and looking at subjects & objects in the (written) thoughts is easy to do and a clarifying experience. 

You might also say a ‘click’ just happens when it’s noticed thoughts which seem to be about me… I’m aware of. Prior to. 

 

1 hour ago, Celestial said:

Would it be better to express complete judgement rather than telling myself that I'm "better than that", which is suppressing myself from judging and experiencing anger?

Express away. Imo, never suppress emotion. It distorts interpretation & experience by accommodating a nonexistent self, making everything ‘fit’ around ‘it’. Like keeping green distorting glasses on because it’s going unnoticed because it’s adapted to vs taking them off and seeing what isn’t & never was actually green. Solutions where problems were. Opportunities where obstacles were. Unity where separation was. The true nature where judgement was. 

 

Imo, always put feeling first. If it feels better to express judgement, to empty of it, express it. If it feels better to express anger without judgement, do that. If it feels better not to judge at all, do that. ‘Be where you are’. That’s (loosely speaking) the ‘whole thing’. It seems like people want to get enlightened or transcend etc, but what’s actually wanted is what actually already is. It so simple that I can’t even tell myself about it. 

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