Comparing myself to others

[Celestial]

@Phil Really really appreciate your replies.

 

2 hours ago, Phil said:

But do you have thoughts? 

 

 

No, thoughts are just appearing.

 

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Express away. Imo, never suppress emotion. It distorts interpretation & experience by accommodating a nonexistent self, making everything ‘fit’ around ‘it’. Like keeping green distorting glasses on because it’s going unnoticed because it’s adapted to vs taking them off and seeing what isn’t & never was actually green. Solutions where problems were. Opportunities where obstacles were. Unity where separation was. The true nature where judgement was. 

I always notice that when I attempt to prevent myself from experiencing anger, I would feel even worse because it wasn't like the anger went away, it's more like the anger is still there but bottled up I guess. So I could be walking around, outwardly everything all good, but I would be experiencing low-grade anger and tension from "holding onto" the anger. Even though I've never really viewed myself as being an angry person, quite the opposite. I've demonised anger. Same for other emotions on the scale below anger.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Imo, always put feeling first. If it feels better to express judgement, to empty of it, express it. If it feels better to express anger without judgement, do that. If it feels better not to judge at all, do that. ‘Be where you are’. That’s (loosely speaking) the ‘whole thing’. It seems like people want to get enlightened or transcend etc, but what’s actually wanted is what actually already is. It so simple that I can’t even tell myself about it. 

It is already a little bit freeing knowing that it's OK to express these sorts of emotions that I have never really wanted to admit that I experience. 

 

While in meditation, if anger or boredom arises, is simply sitting with those sorts of emotions and allowing them, the same as expressing them?

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

@Phil Really really appreciate your replies.

🙏🏼

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

No, thoughts are just appearing.

🎉 

 

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

I always notice that when I attempt to prevent myself from experiencing anger, I would feel even worse because it wasn't like the anger went away, it's more like the anger is still there but bottled up I guess. So I could be walking around, outwardly everything all good, but I would be experiencing low-grade anger and tension from "holding onto" the anger. Even though I've never really viewed myself as being an angry person, quite the opposite. I've demonised anger. Same for other emotions on the scale below anger.

 

It is already a little bit freeing knowing that it's OK to express these sorts of emotions that I have never really wanted to admit that I experience. 
 

That. Is. Awesome. 
Freedom!!! 🙂

 

9 hours ago, Celestial said:

 

While in meditation, if anger or boredom arises, is simply sitting with those sorts of emotions and allowing them, the same as expressing them?

It could be, but talking it through with someone and or writing about it might be more effective, more helpful, or conducive to not keeping it at bay or holding onto it. 

[Celestial]

@Phil It seems like anger is an easier emotion to express than insecurity/guilt, and specifically embarrassment.

 

Embarrassment in particular is a feeling that I only really experience in moments when I am really averse to experiencing it. 

 

Like if I was to stand in front of a group of people, the experience of embarrassment/insecurity would occur.

 

I know this is due to my believing of thoughts and perspectives as I can stand in front of a million trees without experiencing embarrassment.

 

But, how would I express and empty of embarrassment if I can't really activate it in moments of solitude?

 

Do I need to become completely equanimous with the experience of embarrassment before I can be free from embarrassment?

 

19 hours ago, Phil said:

It could be, but talking it through with someone and or writing about it might be more effective, more helpful, or conducive to not keeping it at bay or holding onto it. 

Going to book a session with you. 🙏

[Phil]

42 minutes ago, Celestial said:

But, how would I express and empty of embarrassment if I can't really activate it in moments of solitude?

 

Do I need to become completely equanimous with the experience of embarrassment before I can be free from embarrassment?

Embarrassment is dispelled by recognizing what’s actual & true in your direct experience. By expressing, essentially just talking about it or talking it through, one of two things (or both) are realized… the ‘self’ thought about doesn’t actually exist, and or, it’s actually judgmental thoughts, not perception, which recreate the discordant feeling.