Dreaming

[noomii]

I feel so alone, isolated and I feel like I'm failing so much at aligning myself & doing things I truly want.
Feels like weeks, months pass by so quickly with very little change.

Feels like everything takes too much time to do, that I don't have time for doing what I want.
Creating things I truly want to do doesn't work with action most of the time.

 

Seems like people I want to be with and connect with are being hidden from me most times when I try to find them.

 

Feel guilty because I spent this day daydreaming nonsense, not doing things I want. 

Edited October 9, 2022 by noomii

[Blessed2]

I did this yesterday and it felt pretty good:

 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/creator-creating-creation-journaling 🙂

 

[noomii]

21 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I did this yesterday and it felt pretty good:

 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/creator-creating-creation-journaling 🙂

 

 

Thank you. :) Looks like it was made for me lol. Will try it out soon.

[noomii]

This journal was named dreaming. It's just me dreaming & expressing all of life. So it's not a journal for only night dreams or desires, I'm just expressing whatever. Here comes a dream I had last night.

I was walking by a school where my father used to work. I ate some blueberries that were growing there and thought I shouldn't be eating them because it's too close to where dogs and humans walk by.
I slipped on some mud on the ground and held on to a big wall of rock. I was hanging there, feeling anxious and on my right hand I saw I had lost my pinky finger.
It was kind of just like a hole there on my hand 😂 It didn't hurt but I felt anxious when I saw it.

By the school I saw a little girl sitting in a car without roof. Her father was walking a head of the car downhill. It looked like he wanted her to drive downhill to him and the father was walking ahead not looking at how it went for her.
I walked behind that little girl and I jumped into the car when it started driving.
Then I tried to stop the car, there were two buttons but I pushed the wrong one so many times. Then we it rolled down very fast out on the road. Luckily no cars were there. Later I noticed it was the other button I needed to use to stop it. Then I drove back and there was a car coming on the road but we didn't crash but it was close.
I drove her to her father while that little girl lied down in the car, the car was moving a lot, but she seemed to feel safe and happy.

The girl in that car is probably a symbol for my inner child/me.

I feel so exhausted. I feel too tired to write more than this. I've even had a break not even used the computer for hours but it still feels like too much effort to focus on writing/reading.

Edited October 13, 2022 by noomii

[noomii]

 

[noomii]

Still confused about why I've been continuing to shoot myself in the foot despite listening to emotions and when I've been seeing for so long that these thoughts/this behaviour is hurting me.
I've been aware that there's a lot of unworthiness and guilt that I've been trying to avoid. Might be that I'm always so quick to avoid it and cope with it by doing things that I think I should (thinking it will make me worthy and feel good). Then I'm always feeling stressed (what emotion is stress? worry? Not sure) and maybe I'm too focused on trying to let go of that same stress, missing out on what is calling for my attention even more.
Usually guilt is quiet and it comes up very often for me so it might be easy to miss.

 

I could question the thoughts with Byron Katies The work, but it doesn't feel good to do it right now.
Feels like I've been putting in so much effort to listen to the guidence for so long.
I've also tried to be aware of the pay-offs I get from this behaviour.

Right now I'm really trying to slow down and listen to unworthiness & guilt because something is really yelling at me saying "STOP!!!!".

Edited October 14, 2022 by noomii

[noomii]

I'm not actually shooting myself in the foot btw. ☺

[Phil]

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I'm not actually shooting myself in the foot btw. ☺

😅 🙏🏻 😂 

 

Try popping in     ‘the thought arises that________’      …  where     ‘I feel like _________’      typically is.

 

Examples… 

On 10/8/2022 at 4:56 PM, noomii said:

I feel so alone, isolated and I feel like I'm failing so much at aligning myself & doing things I truly want.
Feels like weeks, months pass by so quickly with very little change.

The thought arises, ‘I’m alone & isolated’.

With… the thought arises… there’s plenty of room to then question, how does the thought feel?

 

Possible answers… “uh, like shit. It feels terrible. Anxiety. Depression. Resentment. Hopelessness. Confusion”. 

Ok but which emotion seems closest?

 

From there I don’t know, as it’s a matter of expression. It might be fear of being alone & isolated. It might be powerlessness, in regard to changing this in terms of experiencing more togetherness and connectedness. It might be jealousy, for the fact that others experience more togetherness and connectedness. It might be anger, doubt, disappointment. Idk. But via expression you can know, and therein much alignment is felt, and therein what you do want is allowed to be.