Orb Posted September 19, 2022 Share Posted September 19, 2022 I've posted a lot of nice spiritual stuff on here but for the sake of transparency I wanna add that these are fleeting experiences and are unsatisfying in the long run. I've been fearing that deep down I really don't want enlightenment, and only jumped on the bandwagon years ago because I wanted to be cool, basically to enhance the self image. My "style" is too turbulent. Everyone I see on YouTube who's self realized just went by the books, they meditated every day for 1+ hours and stayed focused. For me it's all over the place, very turbulent. I'll meditate for 20-30 mins at least per day them just be unstable and all over the place. Laying in bed all day watching YouTube, having a random burst of inspiration and working, eating food that doesn't feel good but tastes good, etc. I've had awakening experiences in my goddamn underwear for Christ's sake! just sitting on the floor in my underwear in awe of everything, this seems so different from other people on the path. I don't think I really want this because I'm not willing to meditate for decades to become enlightened, I want it right now. Thoughts still arise during meditation, in fact idk what the hell every spiritual teacher is talking about! J.K said that one must be very serious about meditation, keeping attention in all moments, the fact I'm unwilling to do this maybe means I don't really care about truth. I wanted enlightenment because I felt competitive, I figured enlightenment would make me better than anyone else many years ago. So I jumped on the bandwagon. Even when I mention about awakenings/glimpses I know I'm bullshitting, how can I myself know what experience is true or not? How can I know whether experience is material or spiritual? All these teachers were serious about truth in their youth, I don't take this seriously at all. Like I'm crazy, thoughts all over the place, dreaming, visualizing, eating food, jerking off, laying down, watching youtube, meditating for 20 mins. I'm a fucking monkey! I have thumbs! Only 2 paths I see moving forward, either I live my whole life wasting time meditating, or instant enlightenment! Come on! It's 2022! Make enlightenment instant already!! We got high speed internet, meditation is cringe! Watch, tomorrow I'm gonna have another glimpse and post some spiritual shit on the Path section of the forum. 🤦♂️ Quote Mention "I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of St. Thomas) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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