Eternal Posted July 29, 2022 Share Posted July 29, 2022 I find attraction very frustrating. I don't want to put on some kind of front just so I can be perceived by others in a different light. It causes me a lot of anxiety and suffering within my own mind. Should I say this or should I say that? What would be the best thing to say? Is me talking about spirituality to drunk girls a wise decision or a stupid decision. They most likeley won't get attracted to me if that is only what I am talking about as that is not really the environment for spirituality. It's the constant trying to be someone I am not. What do I genuinely talk about with people... I have no idea. I do know I have a deep fear of rejection. I was terrified of texting this girl that I went on a date with last night. I eventually decided to muster up the courage. She is probably going to send me a text back rejecting me. I purposefully sent her a very boring message. My thought process is to try and see how it makes me feel and be mindful of it. Of course it is going to bring up feelings of unworthiness. Makes me sad going on lots of dates and messing most of them up. I don't even enjoy being there. I think about how to escalate, flirt, what moves to make, how to close, how to kiss.. etc... It is up to the man to create the vibe on the date. When I don't meet that expectation I feel terrible afterwards. Like a failure. I do think I have a lot to offer if I am comfortable with the person. If there is a lot of mind game playing involved, I find that hard to cope with. I think what feels worse is just knowing that I am good looking but have such a bad dating life for so many years because I suck at socializing. I just waste time and money going on all these dates, it just makes me feel so bad inside. Every rejection is another bruise to my ego.. of not being good enough. I don't like the fact that I need to incoorpate certain behaviours and things to do in order for women to get attracted to me. I try working on my social skills but feel like I don't improve. You'd think I would be great at dates after like 50 but I am still the same.. still hate socializing and get rejected 99% of the time. I just want to know that I am able to get women. Sometimes I don't even feel like it's about the sex. It's more about failure and not being good enough to even get a woman attracted to me. Maybe I should just meditate in a cave for the rest of my life.. socializing and dating brings me back into unconscious thought loops. I am so afraid of making the frame of a date man/woman. I don't even try to esculate. I hope I don't get rejected by this one because It is going to make me feel bad. All my conversations are very forced. Boring platonic conversations. I just want regular sex and then I will be happy.. I want to get good at having sex. I have slept with like 50 women and I still feel like I am bad with women and worthless. I still feel bad at sex. I have slept with loads of unattractive women in the past because I thought that is the best I could do. I don't understand why I have such a bad self image of myself. My inner voice is so horrible. I even get scared of knowing what to say to a woman after I have slept with her incase she will reject me. Perhaps it is a fear of being around others. Usually I just want to vegetate and watch T.V while going back into the layers of my mind and not to thinking about social interactions. I have a date later, this is the second date we have been on and she kind of insinuated over text that she would be down to come back to mine afterwards. I hope I don't mess it up. I hope I enjoy the interaction.. I feel like I won't know what to say. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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