Sexual fulfillment, despair

[Blessed2]

Something has been in mind lately.

 

There is intense sexual desire and 'need'. So, so much different wants and desires. And so, so much attractive people.

 

In fact, too many attractive people. Too much desires. It seems that it would be impossible to ever truly fulfill all this desire.

 

So many attractive people I could never be with. And even to be with one often means you won't be with many. And so many desires and wants, constantly coming up.

 

And it's not that I would even want to be with many - it's just that can one person really be all of it?

 

How can this immense desiring ever be fulfilled??! It seems impossible. 

 

Sometimes this despair makes me want to just say fuck it, I'll just be alone forever and try forget sex completely. (Maybe that way I could finally feel "on top"...?) This thought often comes when I see something/someone I desire but believe could never have - aversion, I think.

[Mandy]

This is probably going to sound like a bizarre answer. 😂 Unsupervised toddlers often tend to get into fruit bowls, take bites out of every single piece of fruit in it and put them back. The point is, you tend to develop more focus and insight into what you really want when you are less blinded by the beauty and/or availability of stuff.  Journaling, dreamboard, all that good stuff, etc, can clarify what you reeeally want. 

 

3 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Sometimes this despair makes me want to just say fuck it, I'll just be alone forever and try forget sex completely. (Maybe that way I could finally feel "on top"...?) This thought often comes when I see something/someone I desire but believe could never have - aversion, I think.

👍

 

Sometimes it's the essence of the thing we want rather than what it appears to be on the surface or it symbolizes something powerful and deeper. A new relationship can make us feel incredibly worthy and loved. But we already are that, we just might be thinking a lot of bogus thoughts to the contrary. Better to not use people to find that feeling, but find that feeling and then share it with people. 

[Orb]

@Blessed2 why not just hook up with all girls? Not just the attractive ones.

 

Why not see the beauty in every girl, have fun experiences with them, and also have sex or do sexual stuff? 

 

Maybe I'm being a devil here idk lol.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

There is no self which is in despair. Out infinite being is not in despair, and the discord of this is felt. The cart is being put before the horse. The guidance felt is that of doubt. In looking past or overlooking the doubt, the guidance is conceptualized as despair. The despair of the ‘separate self’, which is a secondary concept to having conceptualized the doubt, the guidance, as despair. Then there is disappointment, and then overwhelment, and then frustration… and liberation / relief is felt upon recognizing the pessimism - isn’t it so? But thoughts & emotions experienced don’t actually constitute a separate self anywhere in experience, which could be ‘in mind’, or in despair. 

 

Consciousness is fulfillment, already fulfilled inherently of it’s own infinitude. Experience, including relationships, sexuality, sexual experiences & togetherness, can not fulfill but rather is the icing on the cake for fulfillment. Experience can not fulfill consciousness, because consciousness is, as in is being experience. In expressing the doubt and working up the scale, the mind is essentially reunited with the truth, and is returned so to speak of course, to attracting. 

 

In the stability and security of the recognition of the truth… in the acknowledgement of the guidance…  desire & experience is then most sensible, as in - why you came, or why you are being experience in the first place. ‘It’s’ all for you to experience, not for you to experience the discord of need.

In focusing on what you want and allowing the guidance, the alignment is felt of being in your rightful place as the creator, and you are receiving rather than in need. 

[Blessed2]

@Phil 

 

I'm looking into it, the sexual and intimate desire, and things are uncovering.

 

To be honest, nothing else really inspires me, than intimacy. Everything else really is just empty, boring, dull and meaningless. Right now it seems that the only thing I'm ever looking for is that intimacy, crush, romance and love. Might be telling stories but right now it seems like that.

 

It's not really about orgasm, or even sex physically speaking. The intimate desire is something else, orgasm & physical pleasure is really just a tip of the iceberg. What I (and probably others too) feel when seeing or thinking of something attractive, isn't just some physical pelasure or dopamine rush, it's something else. It seems really deep, it really seems to go all the way to the very core of being. It's a feeling of true okay-ness.

 

Really words do no justice. Cannot explain it. Hope you get what I mean.

 

Though I worry about something. What if there really is no other motive / inspiration? I'd like to be inspired about other things too. I'd like to feel that same thing with more than just women. I'd like to have more things to do and enjoy and find inspiration and meaning. But there isn't that same spark with music, art, nature etc. Would be amazing if there was. I worry if at some point I lose the desire even for this, or if just somehow the feeling of excitement or inspiration of intimacy ends, I will end too. It kinda feels like this is the glue that keeps the universe together?! Without desire, without inspiration and passion, everything would be just colourless, meaningless, dull and empty.

Edited July 23, 2022 by Blessed2

[Phil]

@Blessed2

While experiencing physical intimacy, attention is shifted away from the nihilistic outlook and toward pleasurable sensations, and this feels significantly better because the discord & tension of the beliefs of knowing what emptiness, nothing, and everything is, isn’t experienced. The physical intimacy is a mental break from the tension of the belief nihilism is the truth. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with this of course. It’s innocent to believe and seek feeling outside. Also of course, it’s quite beautiful to then go full circle, and be aware of the sharing of our infinite being. 

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 Nothing happens to that passion and inspiration. It already didn't come from anywhere nor will it go anywhere. 

 

The Universe is deeply romantic, always leaving you love notes and signs of deep significance, it has perfect timing. Yet it also finds romantic love between humans both one of the most beautiful manifestations and also hilariously absurd. It's not like you are in it or out of it, you just are it. Sounds kinda nutty but listen to love songs on the radio not as the perspective of separate selves, written by a separate self for a separate self, but as a love letter from the Universe to you from you. 

[Blessed2]

On 7/24/2022 at 3:29 PM, Phil said:

@Blessed2

While experiencing physical intimacy, attention is shifted away from the nihilistic outlook and toward pleasurable sensations, and this feels significantly better because the discord & tension of the beliefs of knowing what emptiness, nothing, and everything is, isn’t experienced. The physical intimacy is a mental break from the tension of the belief nihilism is the truth. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with this of course. It’s innocent to believe and seek feeling outside. Also of course, it’s quite beautiful to then go full circle, and be aware of the sharing of our infinite being. 

 

You read me like an open book there. Thanks.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

The recognition of insecurity feels better than despair. Now you’re getting somewhere so to speak. Little bit of pressure and weight off. There’s hope.  
 

Jealousy even more so, now there’s a pinch of alignment. Now you’re bringing to mind what you want.  Now there’s a possibility. I mean if billions of people have done it, it might be possible to experience .

 

Hatred and rage for the despair, for the time that is wasted wallowing in thoughts of what you might not experience when the truth is you just don’t know and the likelihood is if you focus on it, and feel a little of the having of it, you’ll feel better than despair and probably experience an opportunity sooner. 
 

It’s discouraging to doubt you can experience what you prefer to. There’s relief in the admittance of the. Connection to. Everyone experiences this at some point or another. Blame conditioning! It’s highway robbery!
 

Release the worry by calling out - the worry. There’s worry life will go by and opportunities will be missed. 
 

Hammer the doubt. Get it into the light. Doubting attraction. Doubting the fairness of desire. Doubting needs will be fulfilled. Admittance, expression, for the relief, for the win, the the feeling lighter of it. 
 

Appreciate nipping it in the bud. It’s disappointing to end up feeling disappointment again and again.  Not going there is the best way to not be there. The more we go there the more overwhelment is felt more often. It’s frustrating and irritating to end up at there again.  So much impatience to realign and feel good again. 
 

Theres endless reasons to think and believe you can’t attract into this now experience what you want, but every single one of them is based on a past and conditioning. 
 

The seemingly mundane is the ineffable magic. Now is reached’ by letting past and future go. By not knowing. By feeling inwardly. By actually just breathing deeply and relaxing. This moment is fine just as it is. And there were just some discordant past & future thoughts being added. Those thought are fine too. Allowing whatever thoughts are arising to arise is allowing what is to be what is. This is letting resistance go. What is is you, and you are Good, and you are already fullness. 
 

Without resistance added, alignment simply as what is. It’s much easier to feel alignment, to feel that your nature of yourself…and then whatever experience. Less expectation, so much less pressure. 
 

Letting resistance go is alignment. Aligned thoughts arise naturally and effortlessly in alignment. That’s just who you really are. Who you really always are. It’s ordinary and natural. 
 

Every time you get down so to speak, you learn something about yourself in hindsight from having let worries and concerns go. You can’t lose. You can’t get it wrong. 
 

And there’s that effervescence, that ease. The empty sky that’s always present, sometimes obscured, sometimes not, but always present. It’s always ok to let it go. There’s no fight here. No winners, no losers. Our being is always what’s really desired. Go forward in alignment. 
 

There are experiences you like, you look forward to, that light you up. It’s true. Allow the truth of this.  Feel the freedom of love now. You love life. You must, you are being it. Allow yourself to enjoy it. ‘Even’ now.