Jump to content

I am a wreck, sinking ship.


Blessed2
 Share

Recommended Posts

I got so much baggage, so much conditioning, so much troubles, so much discord. I am a wreck. There is no way I can ever carry this and fix it. It's way too much. I can't carry it. I can't do it.

 

The self in time and space, the body and mind identity, is a sinking ship. Doomed. It can't fix and save itself, I can't fix and save myself.

 

There is no point. No point in trying anymore. I give up. I am a disgusting, selfish, miserable, smelly pile of poop. Every day is a fight. I just barely get by.

 

So fuck it. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever. I let myself to be that horrible, disgusting blob. Might as well just sit here and be that smelly pile of toxic bacteria infested diarrhea. I let source do the job.

 

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

 

 

Edited by Blessed2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

40 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

I got so much baggage, so much conditioning, so much troubles, so much discord. I am a wreck. There is no way I can ever carry this and fix it. It's way too much. I can't carry it. I can't do it.

 

The self in time and space, the body and mind identity, is a sinking ship. Doomed. It can't fix and save itself, I can't fix and save myself.

 

There is no point. No point in trying anymore. I give up. I am a disgusting, selfish, miserable, smelly pile of poop. Every day is a fight. I just barely get by.

 

So fuck it. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever. I let myself to be that horrible, disgusting blob. Might as well just sit here and be that smelly pile of toxic bacteria infested diarrhea. I let source do the job.

 

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

 

 

Great! Just surrender.  Just stop fighting. 
I had very, very familiar states, and the point of "not caring anymore" is the greatest relief ever.  It's like "ego",  which puts you in so miserable states, just doesn't have fuel anymore, because it feeds only on your resistance. So when you just give up, it literary dies. Let it die, brother. ❤️ 


exactly like that


;D 

 

Edited by Forza21
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/15/2022 at 9:06 AM, Blessed2 said:

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

What have you given up, the bashing and judging? Yes, giving up and letting go can be such a relief.  There's an equanimity in realising you don't have to do anything, obey anyone, be anyone in particular. If you're accepting the outcome, without bashing or judging anyone else either. Really we're all sinking ships, the whole world is a chaotic mess, the entire universe is sinking into the 'heat death' of entropy. But it's beautiful and lovely too. 

Edited by Links
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By clicking, I agree to the terms of use, rules, guidelines & to hold Actuality of Being LLC, admin, moderators & all forum members harmless.