I am a wreck, sinking ship.

[Blessed2]

I got so much baggage, so much conditioning, so much troubles, so much discord. I am a wreck. There is no way I can ever carry this and fix it. It's way too much. I can't carry it. I can't do it.

 

The self in time and space, the body and mind identity, is a sinking ship. Doomed. It can't fix and save itself, I can't fix and save myself.

 

There is no point. No point in trying anymore. I give up. I am a disgusting, selfish, miserable, smelly pile of poop. Every day is a fight. I just barely get by.

 

So fuck it. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever. I let myself to be that horrible, disgusting blob. Might as well just sit here and be that smelly pile of toxic bacteria infested diarrhea. I let source do the job.

 

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

 

 

Edited June 15, 2022 by Blessed2

[Forza21]

40 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

I got so much baggage, so much conditioning, so much troubles, so much discord. I am a wreck. There is no way I can ever carry this and fix it. It's way too much. I can't carry it. I can't do it.

 

The self in time and space, the body and mind identity, is a sinking ship. Doomed. It can't fix and save itself, I can't fix and save myself.

 

There is no point. No point in trying anymore. I give up. I am a disgusting, selfish, miserable, smelly pile of poop. Every day is a fight. I just barely get by.

 

So fuck it. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever. I let myself to be that horrible, disgusting blob. Might as well just sit here and be that smelly pile of toxic bacteria infested diarrhea. I let source do the job.

 

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

 

 

Great! Just surrender.  Just stop fighting. 
I had very, very familiar states, and the point of "not caring anymore" is the greatest relief ever.  It's like "ego",  which puts you in so miserable states, just doesn't have fuel anymore, because it feeds only on your resistance. So when you just give up, it literary dies. Let it die, brother. ❤️ 


exactly like that : 

;D 

 

Edited June 15, 2022 by Forza21

[Mandy]

 

[Links]

On 6/15/2022 at 9:06 AM, Blessed2 said:

Might sound like I'm bashing and judging myself, but this is actually super positive. I give up. And it feels way better.

What have you given up, the bashing and judging? Yes, giving up and letting go can be such a relief.  There's an equanimity in realising you don't have to do anything, obey anyone, be anyone in particular. If you're accepting the outcome, without bashing or judging anyone else either. Really we're all sinking ships, the whole world is a chaotic mess, the entire universe is sinking into the 'heat death' of entropy. But it's beautiful and lovely too. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by Links