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I cannot find source


Eothasian
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Usually this is how it goes.

Put feeling or emotion more into awareness, put the intention and voice that told me to into awareness, put both opposing eachother into awareness, put the awareness of them two into awareness, put awareness of them 3 into awareness, that is the highest I could do.

 

How can I improve?

 

Also, alot of times, there is also some tune playing in my head, often I don't notice it but it's still there. Like a separate chamber in the mind and whenever I am too stressed out that comes forth more and more into awareness.

 

Another thing.

I am highly sensitive and I keep an imprint of other peoples feelings in me, the more I have to do with them, the more their psychology is imprinted into me and many aquaintances do not feel good in me.  I have also problems unifying what is an imprint of others fully with myself, so it can easily become an annoyance and disharmonious inside me.

 

I wanna find source and heal and have a stable basis to go to and come from.

Edited by Eothasian

Animals are good people

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, Dima said:

Daily morning meditation, psychedelics (specially 5-MeO) & skype calls with Phil 😅

😂

I cannot take psychedelics atm because of the amount of pain I am in. Last time I did, I landed somewhere amplifying it.

And Meditation is what I have been doing, which feels bone hard to get through to anything.

And apparently, I am not doing it right.

Edited by Eothasian

Animals are good people

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1 minute ago, Eothasian said:

😂

I cannot take psychedelics atm because of the amount of pain I am in. Last time I did, I landed somewhere amplifying it.

And Meditation is what I have been doing, which it feels bone hard to get through to anything.

And apparently, I am not doing it right.

Just deep breath meditation? It's important to relax as deep as possible during meditation practice. Consistency is the key.

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2 hours ago, Eothasian said:

Usually this is how it goes.

Put feeling or emotion more into awareness, put the intention and voice that told me to into awareness, put both opposing eachother into awareness, put the awareness of them two into awareness, put awareness of them 3 into awareness, that is the highest I could do.

 

How can I improve?

 

Also, alot of times, there is also some tune playing in my head, often I don't notice it but it's still there. Like a separate chamber in the mind and whenever I am too stressed out that comes forth more and more into awareness.

 

Another thing.

I am highly sensitive and I keep an imprint of other peoples feelings in me, the more I have to do with them, the more their psychology is imprinted into me and many aquaintances do not feel good in me.  I have also problems unifying what is an imprint of others fully with myself, so it can easily become an annoyance and disharmonious inside me.

 

I wanna find source and heal and have a stable basis to go to and come from.

You can both stay present and keep other people and their psychology with you. First stop putting things into awareness, then forget that you stopped putting things into awareness, then you will be find yourself to be present to a very common ordinary and simple reality. Your sensitivity, you have forgot but it will work differently when present. 

 

Don't look inside the awareness - although, you will find there presence also but it will dissociate you form your whole self? This is the most important part.

 

Its hard to explain since this is happening all the time. If it is not working just take a vacation from the awareness, ideas about the awareness, finding source.

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12 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

 

Don't look inside the awareness - although, you will find there presence also but it will dissociate you form your whole self? This is the most important part.

 

Sounds good, but then what to put my awareness onto. I don't know how I could be simply aware unless through awareness of awareness?

Animals are good people

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1 hour ago, Eothasian said:

Sounds good, but then what to put my awareness onto. I don't know how I could be simply aware unless through awareness of awareness?

The awareness that you are putting onto something is what has to "transform" and take over, you do this by not dealing with your awareness. Not dealing with awareness in the purest form is like forgetting to deal with it, metaphorically speaking. Eventually, awareness of awareness or awareness takes over and is fully yourself or you can say you are awareness - in the lesser form so to speak, awareness is the feeling of attention which is also called focus - that is practically and directly formed by itself.

 

If it is not working, be aware of your entire body forcefully as you then do some activity but forget that you have to continue to be aware, it can feel like you are giving effort but ideally it is effortless. When a thought comes about you have to be aware of your body and the activity - let that thought go and eventually forget that you let it go, if you try to become aware of the activity let that also go and forget that you let it go. Test it and try to find what works for you. 

 

If still not working, don't think too much and most importantly take a break from your normal life and from awareness. The shit side of awareness is that it created you this condition you are in and you will remember and deal with everything through this condition. Awareness can totally latch into idea or a relationship or the sense of reality and fully develop that as your new reality. I am speculating you are having a weird sense of reality, projecting more and you forget a lot of things that is happening around you.

Edited by nurthur11
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You can not simultaneously blame other people for how you feel and find source, because source is loving everything about everyone, including you. 

 

When you make how others feel your business, you blame them for how you feel. But blaming them leads to worrying about your future, doubting yourself, and ending up overwhelmed again and again. It’s a frustrating way to go & it’s hard to see things working out going forward. But you don’t have to blame them, or believe how you feel is because of them. 

 

When you acknowledge they’re feeling what they believe and you’re feeling what you believe, you are at peace. When you are at peace, you start to see things working out, and naturally look forward to what’s to come. You feel excited about the possibilities. Without the discord of blame, you naturally become more aware of the specifics about what you want, and begin to realize just how good you are at it. Then you really start enjoying life, and you can’t help but naturally encourage others from your place of alignment. The very people you once blamed, are angels which showed you the way. 

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

You can not simultaneously blame other people for how you feel and find source, because source is loving everything about everyone, including you. 

 

When you make how others feel your business, you blame them for how you feel. But blaming them leads to worrying about your future, doubting yourself, and ending up overwhelmed again and again. It’s a frustrating way to go & it’s hard to see things working out going forward. But you don’t have to blame them, or believe how you feel is because of them. 

 

When you acknowledge they’re feeling what they believe and you’re feeling what you believe, you are at peace. When you are at peace, you start to see things working out, and naturally look forward to what’s to come. You feel excited about the possibilities. Without the discord of blame, you naturally become more aware of the specifics about what you want, and begin to realize just how good you are at it. Then you really start enjoying life, and you can’t help but naturally encourage others from your place of alignment. The very people you once blamed, are angels which showed you the way. 

Thank you.

Animals are good people

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