Releasing emotions by focus?

[WhiteOwl]

When i focus on my chest or stomach, i can sometimes contact a lot of sadness, or thats how i would describe the feeling-tone. The more i meditate on it, the bigger and more fulfilling in my consciousness it becomes, sort of like around my body as well. It usually gets to the point where my face and throat is tensing until it hurts, where i'm grimacing (just by keeping focus on my chest/stomach or the feeling tone), and tears dribble down my face.

 

I wish i could cry full on in those situations but i can't, also i'm not actually sad like that, its just bubbling up (it usually almost feels good as i sense it's good for me). Then after a while it subsides or releases, depending on how far i have energy to continue at the time (seems like there is always more to contact), and i usually feel MUCH better and clear for some time.

 

I read books about releasing emotions like that, just giving them a room to be there until they "let go", but i'm wondering if i keep releasing new stuff or if its old emotions that will be empty at some point. It's especially one feeling that i can sometimes "contact", and i'm wondering if anyone has experienced something similar, and if the reservoir gets empty at some point?

Edited May 4, 2022 by WhiteOwl

[Mandy]

What you focus on becomes more, so there's a difference between giving awareness to a sensation and conceptualizing it to try to get to the bottom of a problem. You'll never get to the bottom of a problem because your thoughts are making it more. If a practice feels good, and releasing don't pay attention to anything anyone says about it, but of course feeling itself now is never "A" feeling and you're never without it. Feeling itself, now is a blank slate, it's not trying to clean itself out with some concept that it's defiled somehow nor is it trying to get anywhere in the future. 

 

For thought there are always two separate scenarios, either A. We ignore it, or B. We focus on it. To awareness/feeling/Now there aren't two. 

 

 

[Loop]

Breathe, you can actually expression emotions through breathing, and use it to ground yourself at the same time. There is a kind of breathing pattern for every emotion. Feel into the emotion, allow yourself to open up to it, allow your breathing pattern to change, allow the emotion to change, allow and notice. 

 

It is more like the reservoir gets purified, guidance of negative feeling emotions are just trying to guide you to the more positive feeling ones. The feelings transform. 

 

It felt good because you allowed yourself to express, to open up to feeling. The feelings were allowed to transform. 

Let the feeling permeate through the body, keep returning to allowing breathing and noticing. 

[Orb]

@WhiteOwl I find what's helpful is to acknowledge that what is felt now is thr one and only emotion that exists, sometimes in intense sadness we try to escape by imagining being happy, id say acknowledge that the real/present you is sad. 

 

You can recognize the nature of aversion, I prefer to call aversion "being afraid of feeling, or afraid of myself, since I am feeling". 

 

You are feeling, feeling (what you are) is so immense/powerful that you try to "step back" from feeling and dissociate from it, this is impossible, kinda like playing tug of war with yourself.

[WhiteOwl]

@Mandy Usually its  without thought. Putting awareness on feeling makes it impossible for me to think at the same time (thoughts usually pop up, but i do my best to continue to feel). There is no problem to solve really, and i don't know where the "sadness" or heavy energy is coming from (not conceptualizing it). My thoughts about it is thats its accumulated tension/sadness stored in the body somehow, since i can "contact" it just by putting awareness on my chest for example. Then slowly i'll be able to notice that more is going on than before i started to pay attention to it. 

 

@Loop Yes i'm always trying to breath through it. And your right about the pattern, in this case its making breathing kind of difficult due to tension. My solar plexus becomes a knot. Feeling it fully is a way of expressing it as well i guess. That was also kind of my question, thanks.

 

@Orb I am not actually sad though, as the "sadness" is very obviously not me. I can sort of "see" the shape and color of the feeling almost. It's something i am aware of. I am not dissasociating from it, very much the opposite. I am willingly going into it as much as possible.

 

 

Edited May 4, 2022 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

@WhiteOwl

Does it feel like sadness, but then really a deeper sorrow, and then more deeply, love, compassion, empathy for suffering? 

Does it feel ‘deeper’ compared to emotions, sort of making emotions seem more surface ‘level’?

(We might say, suffering in the world, or that there is suffering)

Also when I mention the conceptualization of solipsism, does it feel very off with respect to this feeling?

Does considering this feeling is actually prior to focus feel ‘on’, like clarity?

[WhiteOwl]

@Phil I think thats a good description. I have often gotten the feeling of compassion and empathy for suffering you mention afterwards. Feeling that i need to be a lot more kind and compassionate towards people as this whole thing is not easy. I haven't managed to sustain that feeling though as i usually forget it again. 

It feels deeper in the sense that it requires willingness and "work" to go into. 

I haven't read/viewed more about solipsism than just a quick wiki search. The concept never attracted me when i see people discussing/caring about it. Maybe it would be worthwhile?

About the feeling being prior to focus, i mean yes of course. But my awareness blocks it out during normal day to day living, if that makes sense?

 

 

 

Edited May 6, 2022 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

22 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

But my awareness blocks it out during normal day to day living, if that makes sense?

How does the reversal of that feel? 

(That the activity of thought seems to obscure the ever present infinite awareness.)

If feeling is prior to focus, is there focusing on feelings? 

[WhiteOwl]

@Phil Hmm i might be mixing up feeling and sensation. The feeling of the soles of my feet (the sensation) is always there, i just don't feel it unless i place my focus/awareness on the sensation (feeling). What am i missing?

 

The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness. Just had another social event where i feel eaten by thoughts, being inside my head not participating and feeling terrible inside. I did have a bad morning so wasn't very aligned before i joined. I started not wanting to drink alcohol, but decided to due to wanting to escape myself. Then a few beers in i become a lot more social and talkative. Why is it so hard without? It's been my problem forever and the reason why i got into spirituality and self help in the first place, that i seem to have the brakes pulled in social situations. Just seems endless. I am at the mercy of good/bad days all the time. Never continuity. Up and down, meditating every day and using the scale as well. Im so desperate to change this around. I want to drop the whole thing of whatever i am carrying around. I used to do a lot of drinking/drugs and that suited me very well socially. I just become relaxed and carefree like i want to be. But that is not something i want to do every weekend anymore, makes me feel bad the rest of the time. I am so terribly angry and tired of it. Just ranting off here

Edited May 7, 2022 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

@Phil Hmm i might be mixing up feeling and sensation. The feeling of the soles of my feet (the sensation) is always there, i just don't feel it unless i place my focus/awareness on the sensation (feeling). What am i missing?

It’s more what’s being unnecessarily added. An I which feels an it, an I to whom awareness belongs, an I which is believed to be missing something, an I which is not, or is other than, awareness. 

(The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness.) 🎯 

 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

 

The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness. Just had another social event where i feel eaten by thoughts, being inside my head not participating and feeling terrible inside. I did have a bad morning so wasn't very aligned before i joined. I started not wanting to drink alcohol, but decided to due to wanting to escape myself.

‘Eaten by thoughts’ is a conceptualization of feeling. What is the emotion experienced? 

(The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness.) 🎯 

 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Then a few beers in i become a lot more social and talkative. Why is it so hard without?

The implication is ‘for me’… ‘why is it so hard for me’.  For the one the discordant thoughts are about. That “one” is illusory and doesn’t actually exist. There is only the experience of the discordant thoughts. The acknowledgement of this is liberation. Most simply put… it’s not that it’s true, it’s that you believe its true… 

 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

It's been my problem forever

… but in truth, you are the one telling the same discordant story (so to speak). To any extent it can be said there is, or you have, a problem… it’s that. 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

and the reason why i got into spirituality and self help in the first place, that i seem to have the brakes pulled in social situations.

 

Spirituality, as inspection of what is actual…. is inspecting the discordant thoughts, not ‘getting into self help’. The difference therein, is the change which is desired. 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Just seems endless.

Recognize the discord is with the thoughts, the repeating story about you, and choose a more aligned story. 

Use the emotional scale, rather than continuing to self conceptualize. 

Let these thoughts go in meditation… and or anytime, meditatively. 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

I am at the mercy of good/bad days all the time.

 

(The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness.) 🎯 

There isn’t good & bad…. There are judgmental discordant thoughts. 

Good / bad days is a concept. 

Feeling is always and only now. 

The story about not now doesn’t jive with the actuality… that there is only & always, now. 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Never continuity.

Awareness never changes. 

Thoughts, which awareness is aware of, are always changing, appearing and disappearing. 

16 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Up and down, meditating every day and using the scale as well. Im so desperate to change this around. I want to drop the whole thing of whatever i am carrying around. I used to do a lot of drinking/drugs and that suited me very well socially. I just become relaxed and carefree like i want to be. But that is not something i want to do every weekend anymore, makes me feel bad the rest of the time. I am so terribly angry and tired of it. Just ranting off here

‘Before’, there was suppression. 

Now, there is inspection. 

- I used to do a lot of drinking/drugs and that suited me very well socially. I just become relaxed and carefree like i want to be. -

That’s what’s being ‘carried around’. 

(The activity of thought def obscures the ever present infinite awareness.) 🎯 

 

[WhiteOwl]

@Phil a lot to look into. thank you🙏