How not to kill myself after this

[Rose]

I wrote here before about the Portuguese guy. I went to see him in Portugal, I wanted to get a hotspot so I opened his phone at night. 

 

I saw his WhatsApp texts with women he is texting. He started texting them late June. There were at least  6 girls that I noticed. One he texted most for two months.

 

He was saying all the same things to her he was saying to me, but I was speaking to him for almost a year. I came to see him 4 times. I found a new job out of US that would allow me to come see him and eventually move to live in Portugal. I rented out apartment in New York and rented my condo in Toronto for this.

 

He called her his wife, that he loves her, wants to have children with her, all the same bs he has been telling me.

 

I am now in Greece. I feel like total crap and want to die. He doesn’t even care to reply to my texts anymore, doesn’t want to deal with this - says we are going in a circle and trust is broken, there is nothing he can do.

 

The craziness I feel is unbearable. Today is also my birthday. I don’t know if I will ever recover. This is the craziest thing that ever happened to me.

 

Sample of what I saw - light version 

 

 

(Picture omitted by moderation, as it could inadvertently be doxxing). 

 

[Phil]

@Rose

Awe!!! Happy birthday!!! This is heart breaking! It‘ll pass and it’ll makes sense down the road. Hang in there. ♥️

[Daniel]

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with this guy in all honesty, he sounds very immature.

[Phil]

Sorry again to hear you're going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult and disorienting, especially after investing so much time, emotion, and effort.

 

Focus on your own well-being and allow support from friends, family, and or a therapist. It’s a time to let go, to release what doesn’t resonate, not a time to size things up, plan or make any decisions.

 

Take time just for you. Let the love you are, in. Remember, this experience, as difficult as it is, doesn't define your worth, deservedness, happiness or future - it only uncovers you more. Take it one step at a time, in self-love & healing. Brighter days, and birthday’s are coming. ☀️

 

 

The self-clarity that stands to arise or be clarified from the experience of betrayal lies in recognizing one's own self-inherent worth, highlighting self-trust.

 

Spiritually, betrayal prompts introspection, clarifying attachment, expectations, and the nature of trust. It reveals inner strength, self-reliance, and compassion & forgiveness - not necessarily for the ‘betrayer’, but for oneself, for having trusted and been vulnerable. This experience will ultimately deepen self-awareness and resilience, revealing much insight about the impermanence of external validation and the importance of inner peace & the allowing of and trusting in your true nature. 

[Mandy]

Happy Birthday!🎂 It might not seem like it now but it's all gonna work out better than you expected. Sending you hugs. 💜

[Isagi Yoichi]

@Phil 

 

Is trauma a thought attachment?

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Isagi Yoichi said:

@Phil 

 

Is trauma a thought attachment?

Describe trauma in terms of direct experience. 

[Isagi Yoichi]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

Describe trauma in terms of direct experience. 

Not feeling good 

[Isagi Yoichi]

Trauma is a unicorn right?

[Serenity]

On 9/4/2024 at 2:42 AM, Rose said:

I wrote here before about the Portuguese guy. I went to see him in Portugal, I wanted to get a hotspot so I opened his phone at night. 

 

I saw his WhatsApp texts with women he is texting. He started texting them late June. There were at least  6 girls that I noticed. One he texted most for two months.

 

He was saying all the same things to her he was saying to me, but I was speaking to him for almost a year. I came to see him 4 times. I found a new job out of US that would allow me to come see him and eventually move to live in Portugal. I rented out apartment in New York and rented my condo in Toronto for this.

 

He called her his wife, that he loves her, wants to have children with her, all the same bs he has been telling me.

 

I am now in Greece. I feel like total crap and want to die. He doesn’t even care to reply to my texts anymore, doesn’t want to deal with this - says we are going in a circle and trust is broken, there is nothing he can do.

 

The craziness I feel is unbearable. Today is also my birthday. I don’t know if I will ever recover. This is the craziest thing that ever happened to me.

 

Sample of what I saw - light version 

 

 

(Picture omitted by moderation, as it could inadvertently be doxxing). 

 

Hello Rose,

 

First happy belated birthday. 

 

I know that hearing this is not going to be necessarily reasoning when feeling all the grief of deception, loss and the ego's illusion sting of how much we crave for love we've wanted and feel we've never had. I've been there too.

 

But this guy you've been talking with is just not the one for you. Honestly, he seems to be immature, manipulative and has a lot of healing to do, so I agree with Daniel when he said that you've dodged a bullet.

 

The time now is great for healing and alignement for YOURSELF and eventually attracting someone who is much better for you. All the arrangements you've made can be used for you to enjoy flexibility, travel and meet new people. Turn that lemon into lemonade. 😊

 

I had once a scenario not that far off. I ended up being disappointed with a dude I was visiting in another country, and then did just what I suggested you. It turned out pretty great as I met very cool people and guys that were obviously a great reminder that the other one was just not good at loving people in his current situation 🤷‍♀️.

[Phil]

Definitly time to lend some focus to self-respect. ♥️

[Mandy]

How you doing @Rose? 

[Rose]

Thank you everyone for all the words of support ❤️❤️❤️

 

I am doing ok. This came as a huge shock and was very disturbing at the moment.

 

I am slowly accepting what happened and getting ready to plan a new life. Sorry for not being responsive it was a very hard week.

[Serenity]

12 hours ago, Rose said:

Thank you everyone for all the words of support ❤️❤️❤️

 

I am doing ok. This came as a huge shock and was very disturbing at the moment.

 

I am slowly accepting what happened and getting ready to plan a new life. Sorry for not being responsive it was a very hard week.

❤️

[Phil]

@Rose ♥️

 

Suicide’s about the sep self btw. Not you. 

[Orb]

On 9/14/2024 at 11:30 PM, Rose said:

Thank you everyone for all the words of support ❤️❤️❤️

 

I am doing ok. This came as a huge shock and was very disturbing at the moment.

 

I am slowly accepting what happened and getting ready to plan a new life. Sorry for not being responsive it was a very hard week.

Those suicidal thoughts are just how the "mind" translates the emotion arising. If any thoughts like those arise, let the emotion take over completely. You'll see immediately after purification unfolds (CRYING) the relief will be amazing. I find listening to sad music to be the best help for letting emotions like that come out.