I don't know what to do

[noomii]

On 10/17/2024 at 12:22 PM, A Tim said:

Is there a possibility you're addicted to thinking about all of these things (emotions, cookies, slush puppies, judgement) instead of just experiencing?  A sort of hamster wheel for exercising something that keeps you (seemingly) feeling comfy cozy, but isn't serving you all that well? They are a poor approximation of the essence. 

Yes.

 

21 hours ago, A Tim said:

This is nuts. Don't you see? I think this pretty well sums up this entire thread - not relating to answering me, but to the entire thing. 

I didn't try to do what you suggested but I thought I don't have time and it felt bad to reflect on what you wrote because of how it feels difficult to focus on anything.

If there is a task I postpone it's because there are thoughts coming up before doing it that feel resistant.

Edited Friday at 12:23 PM by noomii

[Phil]

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

The emotional scale feels like a hamster wheel now because it seems like I'm trying to get to a final destination 😕

It can seem that way indeed, but when you finish the scale it will no longer seem that way. 

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

What you say here doesn't really make sense when the sentences contradict each other?

The emotional scale is not a separate thing and therein has no power over you whatsoever. 

If, nonetheless, the belief that it does is so strong, no problem - just drop it (the belief). 

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

I'm used to blaming but it doesn't really feel challenging to feel blame when using the scale. I think blaming something or someone other than me has been a way to avoid feeling guilt or unworthiness for doing something wrong or not being good enough?

I didn't even know that blame was an emotion before using the scale. I don't think we have a word for blame as an emotion in swedish, it's just a verb.

Emotion and feeling is the same in swedish.

Blaming yourself is blaming, and is a (mental) way to not actually allow blame to be felt, as an emotion - as guidance. 

 

‘Emotion’ (how thoughts feel) is the same word in English & Swedish, while feeling is känsla and refers to emotion and sensation.

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

I even feel insecurity thinking I can't be myself when I'm alone because of how clairvoyant I think you are and that you are most likely judging me. 😂

😂 That’s hilarious! Thought’s so sneaky! 

 

“I can’t be myself” 

 

Not to worry - judgement takes up the space where clairvoyance would otherwise be experienced. 

 

Acknowledging insecurity though - 👍🏼. 

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

I changed my mind. I didn't read it because it feels very difficult to mentally focus on anything.

The old: It’s difficult to mentally focus. 

 

The new: Focus is already effortlessly the case. “Mentally focusing” is a thought about focus - which appears in, focus. The thought feels discordant because it isn’t true.

 

The belief may have been internalized innocently, but mistakenly. As in - “it’s difficult for me to focus”. That isn’t true.

 

There would be an emotion as to how that untrue thought or belief, feels. The acknowledgment & allowing of that emotion to be fully felt - is the un-obscuring, the clearing of, focus.

 

That’s also a subtle way of blaming - blaming yourself as if there’s something wrong with you, via focus. There isn’t, and you’re doing a great job inspecting & self-discovering. 

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

So I guess there are thoughts coming up before even doing it that feel resistant about how difficult it will feel to read and therefore I postpone it. It's not like it's just "a few minutes".

But I'm wondering if explaining how it feels difficult to focus on anything, labeling it or even mentioning it - is a way for the mind to avoid feeling the emotions that comes up with the thoughts about it?

Yes! Exactly! Very nice!

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

I have experienced this for over four years so it really seems like it has slowed down everything, very much so. Despite that I'm the most mentally focused now if I'm comparing to how it was.

Same. 😬

 

A great idea for an SNL skit - a gameshow where each contestant introduces themself and tells their life story - and just as they finish the game begins, and it’s revealed to the audience the gameshow is called - “Who The Hell Are You Talking About!?” 😂 

 

That thought - the “comparison” - there’s underlying emotional guidance for that thought too.

 

You’re perfection - exactly as you are right now. Truly incomparable! 

 

48 minutes ago, noomii said:

Did you also question the emotional scale and feeling resistant to it in the way I have shared?

That one just isn’t present. 🤷‍♂️  Probably in a landfill somewhere, idk. 

[noomii]

On 10/18/2024 at 2:36 PM, Phil said:

The emotional scale is not a separate thing and therein has no power over you whatsoever. 

If, nonetheless, the belief that it does is so strong, no problem - just drop it (the belief).  

I think there is a fear to do whatever I want.

 

On 10/18/2024 at 2:36 PM, Phil said:

‘Emotion’ (how thoughts feel) is the same word in English & Swedish, while feeling is känsla and refers to emotion and sensation.

I didn't know the word "emotion" was used in Swedish (my mother tongue) 😬 it would just sound odd, common word is känsla. I'm don't know if it makes a difference in what I say. 

 

On 10/18/2024 at 2:36 PM, Phil said:

Not to worry - judgement takes up the space where clairvoyance would otherwise be experienced. 

 

Acknowledging insecurity though - 👍🏼

"You could judge me later if you wanted to" 🙄😂

 

I don't even know in what way you actually are clairvoyant I'm just assuming.

If anything it's an opportunity to let go of the fear, insecurity and guilt about being judged.

 

On 10/18/2024 at 2:36 PM, Phil said:

That’s also a subtle way of blaming - blaming yourself as if there’s something wrong with you, via focus. There isn’t, and you’re doing a great job inspecting & self-discovering. 

I seem to feel blame when blaming intense emotions for what I think I'm not capable of as well?... and when writing that I feel guilt that everything I do is all my fault. That seem to be blame felt simultaneously?

 

On 10/18/2024 at 2:36 PM, Phil said:

Same. 😬

Same what?

[Phil]

2 minutes ago, noomii said:

I think there is a fear to do whatever I want

Fear is fundamentally illusory. Separation is fundamentally illusory. So fear is how thoughts, beliefs & interpretations, which are based on separation, feel. Most relevantly - thoughts, beliefs & interpretations about identity.

 

There’s the appearing thought ‘I think’ - but this is misidentification - there is no separate self, “the thinker”, actually present. That illusion of a separate self, implied by thoughts, is met with the guidance of fear. Rather than avoidance or aversion from the fear, allow fear to be fully felt - and the illusion of fear and of the separate self, which are one & the same - thoughts, and emotion (how the thoughts feel) - are dissolved.

 

It’s the same for “the doer” of thoughts. 

 

9 minutes ago, noomii said:

I didn't know the word "emotion" was used in Swedish (my mother tongue) 😬 it would just sound odd, common word is känsla. I'm don't know if it makes a difference in what I say. 

It’s the same in the US. Apparently the vast majority don’t acknowledge emotion, with even nearly all so called spirituality teachers attributing emotion to being human or a being a person of some sort / there being separate selves. In place of direct experience it seems there is a me and me’s story, thinking, experiences, knowledge & understanding. 

 

15 minutes ago, noomii said:

"You could judge me later if you wanted to" 🙄😂

😂 Even if there were someone here which could judge - feeling is prior to thoughts, so there is how thoughts feel, and that would be suffering. Judgment burns the heart that holds it, and never an other as thought might claim. 

 

15 minutes ago, noomii said:

I don't even know in what way you actually are clairvoyant I'm just assuming.

Clairvoyance just happens. 

 

15 minutes ago, noomii said:

If anything it's an opportunity to let go of the fear, insecurity and guilt about being judged.

Yes, absolutely. Judgement just doesn’t resonate. ♥️

 

18 minutes ago, noomii said:

I seem to feel blame when blaming intense emotions for what I think I'm not capable of as well?... and when writing that I feel guilt that everything I do is all my fault. That seem to be blame felt simultaneously?

That’s very astute. Blame & guilt can be confusing.

 

Blaming is, occurs as, appears as - thoughts.

 

Blame, as felt - as emotion - is guidance for thoughts.

 

So if emotion(s) is “blamed” - this doesn’t magically make emotion, which is guidance - some thing “out there” which is actually being blamed by someone. Emotion remains prior to thoughts, as guidance for thoughts, and so blame (the emotion) is felt with the thoughts about, blaming (emotions). 

 

A ‘thought loop’, or ‘belief loop’ might be experienced until it is noticed there is not the “second separate self” which thought apparently claimed there is - in the subtlest, and sneakiest of ways. But ‘the devil’ is not a real separate entity, merely a fallen angel - in reality -  the very same inseparable, indivisible pure innocence. 

 

As reality is quite literally pure innocence, and fault & blaming are only the apparent activity of thoughts - guilt is naturally felt as guidance, for thoughts, that you, perfect, pure, innocence - infinite consciousness - are at fault for anything at all. You are not. So to speak, you are as perfect, innocent & free as the day you were born. It is only thoughts which seem to  ‘make claims’ to the contrary - and this is not “a problem” - as there is self-inherent guidance (emotion) for thoughts, beliefs & interpretations. Self-inherent like if the heart were a compass - irremovable, infallible & effortless. As easy as “making your heart beat”. 🙂 The whole of experience is as effortless, as if being done for you. The present. 🎁 

 

32 minutes ago, noomii said:

Same what?

Same ‘situation’. Focus is Being’s being. Focus is not a thing which a doer (another thing) does. Focus is neither lacking nor in need of improvement. Focus is ‘functioning’ perfectly fine. Focus is only seemingly obscured, by thoughts. This is also not a problem, as again, there is intrinsic guidance for thoughts.  

 

In truth - you, infinite consciousness - which are being focus - are un-obscuring yourself of conditioning - of beliefs to the contrary of this, of reality, of the reality of yourself. 

 

Thoughts appear only presently. Thoughts appear within focus. Consciousness can zoom in and zoom out, focus on this or that thought, and or let this or that thought go. Thoughts might presently appear - about focus - such as a comparison between “how much focus I had in the past” and “how much focus I have now” and even “how much focus I have in the future”. These thoughts - any and all thoughts - are experienced presently-only. These - any and all thoughts - can be let go, and the lens of focus is only un-obscured more so, and the peace, love, fullness & astounding beauty & wonder of consciousness, of reality as it actually is, is self-recognized. 

[Mandy]

On 10/18/2024 at 8:36 AM, Phil said:

 

Not to worry - judgement takes up the space where clairvoyance would otherwise be experienced. 

Soooo true. 

[noomii]

@Phil

I gave up on the emotional scale again yesterday just after a few minutes and felt fatigue after, not wanting to be mindful of emotions, just wanting to cry and do nothing for the rest of the day. Could there be powerlessness felt that I try to avoid? Or maybe despair or frustration. 

I felt blame about the emotional scale and thought that I react this way because I force myself to sit with it for more than one hour and that the emotional scale is just not right for me. 

 

23 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s the same in the US. Apparently the vast majority don’t acknowledge emotion, with even nearly all so called spirituality teachers attributing emotion to being human or a being a person of some sort / there being separate selves. In place of direct experience it seems there is a me and me’s story, thinking, experiences, knowledge & understanding. 

What difference does it even make if you say feeling instead of emotion?

 

23 hours ago, Phil said:

But ‘the devil’ is not a real separate entity, merely a fallen angel - in reality -  the very same inseparable, indivisible pure innocence. 

Thanks for that reminder.

 

23 hours ago, Phil said:

Self-inherent like if the heart were a compass - irremovable, infallible & effortless. As easy as “making your heart beat”. 🙂 The whole of experience is as effortless, as if being done for you. The present. 🎁 

Really wish I could see that it's all effortless. Is it really only about being aware of the emotions, sensations and thoughts that say that there is effort and difficulty?

 

23 hours ago, Phil said:

Same ‘situation’. Focus is Being’s being. Focus is not a thing which a doer (another thing) does. Focus is neither lacking nor in need of improvement. Focus is ‘functioning’ perfectly fine. Focus is only seemingly obscured, by thoughts. This is also not a problem, as again, there is intrinsic guidance for thoughts.  

To see that focus is already perfect is it only about being aware of the thoughts that say it's not perfect?

 

Thank you so much for the kindness and love. I have really felt so good just from reading the kind words! ❤️

[noomii]

23 hours ago, Mandy said:

Soooo true. 

I don't trust that. 😬 Too good to be true. 

I don't know why I'm so paranoid about it now when I've been aware of it since I came here. 

[Mandy]

@noomii Aware of what? 

[Phil]

7 minutes ago, noomii said:

I gave up on the emotional scale again yesterday just after a few minutes and felt fatigue after, not wanting to be mindful of emotions, just wanting to cry and do nothing for the rest of the day. Could there be powerlessness felt that I try to avoid? Or maybe despair or frustration. 

I felt blame about the emotional scale and thought that I react this way because I force myself to sit with it for more than one hour and that the emotional scale is just not right for me. 

Are you present?

 

Are you yourself - or are there two of you, as thought implies?

 

10 minutes ago, noomii said:

What difference does it even make if you say feeling instead of emotion?

What difference does it make saying the earth orbits the sun? Well, it doesn’t make any difference. If it were believed the sun orbits the earth, the distinction stands to be clarifying. 

 

Feeling is appearing as thoughts. Emotions are how thoughts feel. It’s clarifying. It’s not that an actual difference will come about or happen. There might be tremdeous relief, unfettered happiness, dramatically improved quality of life, health & relationships… and an end of confusion, stress, tension, dis-ease, and the like. 🙂

 

12 minutes ago, noomii said:

Really wish I could see that it's all effortless. Is it really only about being aware of the emotions, sensations and thoughts that say that there is effort and difficulty?

That thought or those thoughts appear effortlessly, and you, awareness are effortlessly aware of those thoughts.

It’s only thoughts which “say that there is effort and difficulty” - not emotion or sensation.

 

15 minutes ago, noomii said:

To see that focus is already perfect is it only about being aware of the thoughts that say it's not perfect?

Yes.

 

16 minutes ago, noomii said:

Thank you so much for the kindness and love. I have really felt so good just from reading the kind words! ❤️

Thanks, but - kindness, love & goodness is not coming from anyone’s thoughts or words. You, consciousness, are unfettering… uncovering your own true nature. 🥰 

 

[A Tim]

5 hours ago, noomii said:

I felt blame about the emotional scale and thought that I react this way because I force myself to sit with it for more than one hour and that the emotional scale is just not right for me. 

So eat a cookie. Drink a Slush Puppy. Fly a kite. Take a barefoot walk on a beach/small pebbles/in the grass. Have sex. Fart loudly. Stare at a flower until it doesn't make sense anymore. 

 

[WhiteOwl]

3 hours ago, A Tim said:

So eat a cookie. Drink a Slush Puppy. Fly a kite. Take a barefoot walk on a beach/small pebbles/in the grass. Have sex. Fart loudly. Stare at a flower until it doesn't make sense anymore. 

Eat a cookie or have sex if you don't feel great? I think that recipe has been tried before.. I get the put attention somewhere else though.

[A Tim]

1 hour ago, WhiteOwl said:

I get the put attention somewhere else though.

and would make more sense to you having seen what I've been trying to point at up above. 

 

It is  interesting those are the only two you nipped out of the whole, though. You obviously could tell the intention, as you noted it. 

Edited 5 hours ago by A Tim

[A Tim]

12 hours ago, Phil said:

Are you present?

@noomiiWhere do you have to go to answer this question? Is there a referencing somewhere, to something?

 

Are you aware of these words? Are you aware of the thoughts about these words? Are you aware of an apparently audible voice reading these words? Are you aware of the computer? Are you aware of the noise of an airplane? Are you aware of the taste of a cookie?

 

Are you aware? Are you present? Do you need to reference anything to answer, or is it.... simple?