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I can't help it being negative sometimes


MazE
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It's because i'm really tired from work and from life. Like dead tired. I simply survive and to get out of this situation i need to work hard even though it is so hard already. I have the thoughts that others just have it better than me but of course someone could always say it could be a lot worse. I'm not depressed, in my core i'm fine but at the same time to maintain this lifestyle that i can't really avoid i destroy my health. As a result i act negatively sometimes. Any idea on how to turn this around? I really need motivation or rather inspiration but i can't find it.

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When I was 18 or 19 I had started this glass jewelry/beadmaking business but it wasn't bringing in much so I decided to get a job working in a plant nursery. It was pretty boring and the pay was low but I've always loved plants and flowers. I remember coming home and being really inspired to make these encased flower beads, and they started selling well. It was like while I was working I took the inspiration I could get but mostly when I got home released my pent up energy from being bored all day in doing the kind of work I really wanted to be doing. The job took away the discomfort I had around not making money with my business, so now I was completely focused on the creative fun aspect of it, and it sorta took off from that point. Never applied for a single job again. Sometimes two jobs (or a job and a hobby) are far less work than one. Let one fuel the other, it's symbiotic. What do you like, want to be doing? And what do you really appreciate about the job you have now? 

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@Mandy you don't understand. I'm a human robot. I have a very physically difficult job that pays good. My hobbies are not compatible for monetization. I can't leave my job because people depend on me. Money is not the problem. I will make enough of it. The problem is the possitive attitude that i don't have and the desire to push harder even though it's already too much for me.

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‘I can’t help it being negative sometimes’ is an interpretation. No judgement here, ‘it’s’ seen as entirely innocent. Just having a look at what ‘it’, is. 

 

Another interpretation is, ‘I can’t help being positivity all the time’.  A less implying of duality word would be, goodness. ‘I can’t help it being goodness all the time’. That would, imo, be very accurate. There is nothing you can do about always being goodness. Nothing is goodness so it get’s zen like quick. 

 

The relevance is in how you are defining you, and in how you are going about manifesting what you do want.

 

If you are something which is sometimes negative and sometimes positive, what is missed is some thoughts are discordant and some thoughts are aligned, and the feeling of discord & alignment is precisely with & as, the goodness that you are. If you were negative or even neutral, there would be no feeling of discord or alignment. Consider you can’t actually be positive and negative… but you can be thoughts, about that you are, positive and negative. 

 

Carrying out this change in how you, thoughts, and experience are interpreted… the ‘it’, of ‘it’s because I’m really tired from work & from life’… can be seen differently.  The ‘it’ is no longer work & life, but the ‘it’ can now be seen as, the interpretation, and more specifically the ongoing discord of certain thoughts and or interpretations. Wrestling one’s own true nature of goodness, can be tiring. 

 

If not interested, stop reading here. 

 

If interested, what is said to be surviving?  

‘I’, is said to be simply surviving. The very same, ‘I’, which is said to be, the one which can’t help ‘it’, being negative sometimes. 

 

The resolution of this is (I’ll assume) working less & making more money, and feeling the way you want to feel. 

Will working less & making more money result in feeling better? 

No. Because working less & making more money will not result in changing the beliefs. There is nothing in working less & making more money which brings about the inspection of beliefs, the inspection of the discord & alignment. 

 

Will feeling better from inspecting beliefs, inspecting discord & alignment result in working less & making more money?

Yes it will. 

 

Why is that? 

As you said - inspiration. 

To which I would add, is you. 

Is that which is being, work, time, and money. 

Comparatively, there is motivation which is the desire to achieve or obtain a motive, of the ‘separate self’ of thought. Motivation is the activity of thought, and is unfulfilling, and is precisely why one intuits what’s really desired, is inspiration. Inspiration is synonymous with Truth. Aside, this is precisely why enlightenment can never be achieved, obtained or attained, in spite of any rhetoric that - ‘it’ - can. 

 

The emotional scale can be utilized to ‘reach’, meaning, not to ‘get to’, but simply, to feel, contentment. To truly be fine with right now, as it is. 

This is ‘to make fertile soil’ as Jesus said. 

Trying to grow a plant, skipping the step of making fertile soil, can actually be done as an activity, but it doesn’t work. 

Nothing grows, as in, nothing changes. 

Does the seed sometimes grow in fertile soil and sometimes not grow in fertile soil?

No. And that is the significance of the fertile soil. 

A seed in fertile soil always grows. 

 

The ‘seed’, is your idea. First there must be the fertile soil. Then there can be the seed. 

Just as when one plants a seed into fertile soil, a plant indeed does grow - so it is with the cleared mind, contentment, and one’s idea. 

Therein lies the inspiration, the truth, and the manifesting of the change which is desired. 

 

 

Fruitful inspection isn’t complaining, it’s expression, emptying. It’s the beginning of tilling. 

 

People are dependent upon you, only to the degree you hold them to be. 

 

A positive attitude is never attained, achieved, accomplished or obtained. 

It is only found to arise of it’s own accord, when what obscures it removed, or rather, dispelled. 

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

The resolution of this is (I’ll assume) working less & making more money, and feeling the way you want to feel. 

Will working less & making more money result in feeling better? 

No. Because working less & making more money will not result in changing the beliefs. There is nothing in working less & making more money which brings about the inspection of beliefs, the inspection of the discord & alignment. 

 

I assumed that it would but i can see that you are right. I would be the same probably just with more money and freedom.

 

The thing is that i would be able to sleep enough. Changing the beliefs would be easier if i had room to breath. I sleep some days too little and i abuse coffee and tobacco or eat unhealthy. The challenge is to change my beliefs enough to stop doing these things. I can't continue abusing my body like this but it's my automatic response to deal with stress, and trauma and the current lifestyle.

 

It's not really that i don't know what i should be doing... I know exactly the steps i need to take to go where i want or at least i'm always confident that i can figure them out. I just can't take the actual steps... My emotions are too strong. Or maybe i should work with the emotional scale like you mentioned but this is deep rooted. It's the result of multiple traumas that i healed a great deal but still an attitude of apathy remains. In the good old days many years ago until 17-18 i was an example of passion. I was an example for others and my work ethic was very good. That self is gone. 10-15 years of traumas collection and i must say that i hold up really good. Except that this holding up is self harm. I need to get free of this. I can't keep smoking, i can't keep procrastinating and just be a fucking robot. Of course all this is just my interpretation... You see i am able to go a level above and see my own interpretation if i really want to. The problem is that i can't handle the emotional discomfort to take the right actions. I'm not the only one i'm sure but if i am going to face these emotions i'm releasing a huge beast. I might start hitting things or maybe not but i'm not sure if i can work while doing this. Or maybe i can! I just wasn't successful thus far or didn't even try enough because i'm stuck in a state of apathy that years go by and the good times don't come back in an environment that i don't like.

 

2 hours ago, Phil said:

A positive attitude is never attained, achieved, accomplished or obtained. 

It is only found to arise of it’s own accord, when what obscures it removed, or rather, dispelled. 

 

What is the best way to do that?

 

The analogy with the fertile soil was very helpful, thank you. 

I need to take action.

How do i take action? 

I need to handle the discomfort and whatever emotion arises while continuing to take the right actions. 

I need to physically move the body to take actions and stop the body before doing harmful things like smoking.

 

What is the best way to do that? 

Fertile soil or fighting to the death with willpower? I would prefer the first one but if the soil doesn't become fertile enough fast i need to take the second route to actually change something or fail, or the third one that is to stay where i am, where trees can't grow that is the worst option.

 

2 hours ago, Phil said:

 

Comparatively, there is motivation which is the desire to achieve or obtain a motive, of the ‘separate self’ of thought. Motivation is the activity of thought, and is unfulfilling, and is precisely why one intuits what’s really desired, is inspiration. Inspiration is synonymous with Truth. Aside, this is precisely why enlightenment can never be achieved, obtained or attained, in spite of any rhetoric that - ‘it’ - can. 

 

And i guess what i wrote above was about motives. 

What is the best practice that can help to stop smoking?

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, MazE said:

The thing is that i would be able to sleep enough. Changing the beliefs would be easier if i had room to breath. I sleep some days too little and i abuse coffee and tobacco or eat unhealthy. The challenge is to change my beliefs enough to stop doing these things.

 

Change doesn’t happen when we try to arrive at it by focusing on unwanted, what we’re not doing, can’t do, don’t want to do, and or on an absence of something. 

But change does happen when we focus on something. Anything.

I’d switch focus from ‘stopping doing these things’… to doing something else. I’d start with the smallest change possible. It’ll feel nice. Empowering. A bit of momentum will be felt. If caffeine from coffee is making sleep difficult, switching to decaf at some point in the day, maybe 2pm ish, would be something you can focus on, and would be the smallest change. Put the decaf where the caffeinated is currently kept. Then you don’t even have to address a habit. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

I can't continue -abusing my body like this- but it's my automatic response to deal with stress, and trauma and -the current lifestyle-.

That’s a thought loop. A is said to cause B, and B is said to cause A. The belief keeping the loop going is response. A response is not automatic. You’re free and this is what you’re choosing. Any pretending just isn’t true or helping. Also, this is not harsh. This is true. The suffering, the resistance of pretending this isn’t true, is harsh. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

 

It's not really that i don't know what i should be doing...

“I know what I want”… is empowering. Double negative, in thought, are confusing. 

There’s nothing you should be doing. That’s how free you are. Should is a belief. 

“I want health, well being, alignment”. Start forward thought, no double negatives, no confusion. 

Think it for a couple days - with no pressure or intention whatsoever of doing anything different at all. Whenever ‘old thoughts’ arise, instead, think that.  Watch what happens. How you feel will change, and what you do and choose will naturally follow. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

 

I know exactly the steps i need to take

Probably seems like I”m being critical. That would be missing the point. The point is no more suffering. In that light, there isn’t anything you need to do - at all. You’re already doing exactly what you want to, and when what you want changes, what you do effortlessly changes. Again, spend some days loving yourself so to speak, by just focusing on the better feel thought. No doing! No pressure, no expectations. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

to go where i want or at least i'm always confident that i can figure them out. I just can't take the actual steps... My emotions are too strong.

Emotions are great. The discord felt is strong. The momentum is much. Again, start small small small - with just focusing on a better feeling, more aligned thought. Put all the pressure down. You’d never treat a friend, the way you so to speak, are treating yourself, with some of these thoughts. Be a friend to yourself. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

Or maybe i should work with the emotional scale like you mentioned but this is deep rooted.

Now I’m just going to sound like a cold and callus prick… all there is is now. Thoughts arise to the contrary. 

Can it be noticed these thoughts only ever arise… now? 

That is where the emotional scale shines. 

One ‘goes on a thought story’… uses the scale… and is ‘again’ present. 

Soon it’s noticed, realized, one never actually went anywhere, never has been anywhere, never will be anywhere - but this very same, now. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

It's the result of multiple traumas that i healed a great deal but still an attitude of apathy remains.

Trade the concept of apathy for the recognition you are feeling now, by using the scale and acknowledging which emotion you are feeling. I’m not saying there aren’t some tears and some pillow punching ahead of you, but I am saying this will ‘bring you back’ so to speak, to how you want to be feeling. I’ve experienced traumas as well. Many, most have. Being born is traumatic. But we can heal. We can again be present, enthused, passionate, engaged. One day, and probably sooner than you think, you will be saying this to someone else on this ride of life. You will see. 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

In the good old days many years ago until 17-18 i was an example of passion. I was an example for others and my work ethic was very good. That self is gone. 10-15 years of traumas collection and i must say that i hold up really good. Except that this holding up is self harm. I need to get free of this. I can't keep smoking, i can't keep procrastinating and just be a fucking robot. Of course all this is just my interpretation... You see i am able to go a level above and see my own interpretation if i really want to. The problem is that i can't handle the emotional discomfort to take the right actions. I'm not the only one i'm sure but if i am going to face these emotions i'm releasing a huge beast. I might start hitting things or maybe not but i'm not sure if i can work while doing this. Or maybe i can! I just wasn't successful thus far or didn't even try enough because i'm stuck in a state of apathy that years go by and the good times don't come back in an environment that i don't like.

Emotional discomfort isn’t feeling emotion, is resisting feeling emotion. The scale is very clarifying. 

Let go of ‘right actions’. Instead, what you want. 

You aren’t going to ‘face emotions’. You’re going to understand, what you’re already feeling & experiencing. The change will be in understanding, and clarity, and feeling better. The ‘huge beast’ is the resistance to this. 

If you’re a hitter, maybe do what I did and buy a heavy bag and a speed bag, or duct tape some pillows together is budget dictates. It’s healthy to express anger & rage, it’s discordant to suppress it. It’s not helpful to hurt anyone though, as it keep the conditioning cycle going. Can you feel the bravery, the courage, in not tolerating that? In ending the cycle with you? Can you see the butterfly effect in regard everything in your life and everyone you will ever come into contact with?  I hope you can. 

 

1 hour ago, MazE said:

 

What is the best way to do that?

 

The analogy with the fertile soil was very helpful, thank you. 

I need to take action.

How do i take action? 

I need to handle the discomfort and whatever emotion arises while continuing to take the right actions. 

I need to physically move the body to take actions and stop the body before doing harmful things like smoking.

 

What is the best way to do that? 

Fertile soil or fighting to the death with willpower? I would prefer the first one but if the soil doesn't become fertile enough fast i need to take the second route to actually change something or fail, or the third one that is to stay where i am, where trees can't grow that is the worst option.

 

 

And i guess what i wrote above was about motives. 

What is the best practice that can help to stop smoking?

Just mind the soil. For three days lets say - you’re a gardener. Not a doer, not an action taker. Just three days of looking at the scale, and recognizing a better feeling thought. Let that be enough. Allow letting that be enough, to be seen, understood, and felt, as self love. Don’t even frame this up as ‘getting ready to make changes’. Even let that go. Just pick a slightly better feeling thought - just for how it feels. Let that be enough. 

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@Phil In regard to understanding emotion U.G Krishnamurti put it really well.

 

He said that when we feel frustrated we are only concerned with how to be free from frustration and not actually focused on the frustration itself.

🌞🌚

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@Phil @Phil 

Today i read and looked at the scale at work and before taking a 6 hours nap. 

I inspected emotions from the bottom up. 

I do have some traces left in the black and gray areas but it's so little that i believe is normal. I used to be stuck there but the last year or 2 i went up.

It was very surprising to see that jealousy can be actually used. I wouldn't say that i feel jealous of others but today i used it as a way to start focusing on what i want.

I couldn't find any hatred or rage... It seems that i'm over that stage too. It seems that the last 2 years i was moving up the scale.

At anger i felt the swift of thought to determination to do what i want. I'm not so angry...

At blame it was interesting. I used to blame enough and still do it sometimes but today i couldn't really blame. It's nobody's fault. It's just how it is. The government? It's just how it is. My parents? It is how it is. Who's at fault? Their parents? There is no point to blaming it gets silly.

I went through overwhelment last year. It's not really what i feel.

Not until pessimism i started to actually feel the actual feel in the body. But now i know...

Then i read about boredom and it's clear to me that this is where i am. I avoid boredom but i should embrace boredom. 

I never really tried to practice with the emotional scale before. I overlooked the value of this tool. I will continue practicing to practice this in the moment. 

I'm really grateful for your post thank you.

 

 

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On 4/26/2022 at 10:01 AM, MazE said:

Never mind. I'm quitting complaining cold turkey.

❤️🤗 It's ok to complain every now and then, just intend to release rather than practice an old belief, or convince others that this belief is ultimately true. We can even practice old beliefs about having old beliefs. The present is an eternally present pivot point, the changeless in it IS the only potential for change. That's the power of acceptance in seeing what IS in a whole new light. Then, finally what IS can transform in ways we never believed possible.  

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I finished reading it and now I'm happy without a reason 😅

Cool stuff!

Even if i try to become negative i can't anymore... Because i know that the scale is there waiting. I will continue looking at it. 

I was stuck in an emotion loop with a negative attitude. From hopefulness and beyond this starts to change. I want to stay happy without a reason and infect them with this virus. I'm not suddenly super happy as it might appear, there was just a subtle realizing that my attitude was a cause of suffering.

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