Going sober forever or...

[Blessed2]

I've been thinking whether the right way for me is to go entirely sober forever, or stay sober for some time and then see again if I can drink without a drinking problem.

 

Usually in terms of alcoholism, the advice is to stay sober, not drink at all.

 

Though it is also common for the idea of staying sober feel pretty scary for the alcoholic, which is why sometimes it's kind of a baby steps thing.

 

I recognize that fear too in myself. The rational part of me says that going sober forever is the obvious choice, but some other (a bit more loud perhaps) part of me that says that I could be sober for some time, like two months, and then continue drinking and see if it's still a problem. But this is probably the alcoholism-part speaking. What value is there really in drinking? Why wouldn't I just stay sober?

 

And then there is also a part of me saying that these are all just self-referential thoughts, a story about a nonexistent thing and misidentification. Therefore the question of staying sober or not is just irrelevant, and probably a hindrance in being free from all this.

 

I'm just extremely confused and honestly all of this feels really bad.

 

And more honestly I'm just really lost with all of this and don't know what to do. Staying even a few days sober is hard. My goal right now would be to stay sober for 2 months, but I doubt a lot that I can do it.

 

I'm seeking professional help at the moment but it's a bit slow.

 

I'll be starting new studies in two months and the student culture is such that there would probably be a lot of parties and a lot of the socializing is with alcohol. I feel like I couldn't make new friends as well if I'm sober.

 

In my mind it's a huge part of socializing in general.

 

Any thoughts or advice?

 

[Rose]

I think there is a reason why people who are serious about spirituality don’t drink, or smoke, or do recreational drugs, or medications, or eat crappy food

 

They have higher appreciation of their body. It is indeed their temple. 
 

Alcohol is highly damaging to the body, there is only damage and no benefit. 

[Phil]

The body is actually an appearance of the true and only self, infinite unconditional love.

Therein alignment of thought with feeling is the key. 

Self-love. Well-being. 

♥️

[Someone here]

Unfortunately "once an addict..forever an addict".

No baby steps ..cut the alcohol consumption completely once and for all.

May God help you( and me in quitting smoking).

[Isagi Yoichi]

13 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Unfortunately "once an addict..forever an addict".

 

wtf is that?

[Someone here]

17 minutes ago, Isagi Yoichi said:

wtf is that?

A common English colloquial saying regarding addictions in general. 

 

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Unfortunately "once an addict..forever an addict".

 

I kinda get that and in a way I agree. Though the narrative of a me who is an addict and will be in the future and should not drink again is a discordant thought story. It's heavy to carry.

 

But at the same time, the thought "I shouldn't drink" is really the only thing keeping me from drinking today.

 

[Blessed2]

7 hours ago, Rose said:

I think there is a reason why people who are serious about spirituality don’t drink, or smoke, or do recreational drugs, or medications, or eat crappy food

 

They have higher appreciation of their body. It is indeed their temple. 
 

Alcohol is highly damaging to the body, there is only damage and no benefit. 

 

This is also a very heavy thought story.

 

I don't want a story about a self, I just want for this insane need, the feeling that there cannot be happiness without alcohol to go. I want sobriety to feel better than this drinking.

 

[Blessed2]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

The body is actually an appearance of the true and only self, infinite unconditional love.

 

Does unconditional love get sick and die?

 

And what does this have to do with the body? Alcoholism is primarily of the mind. Some of it's effects can be seen in the body.

 

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Therein alignment of thought with feeling is the key. 

 

Of all the writings on AoB website, this one I dislike the most. Makes me want to bunch you in the face (jokingly) (though sometimes actually). Such is the discord.

 

[Phil]

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Does unconditional love get sick and die?

Those would be conditions. 

 

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

And what does this have to do with the body? Alcoholism is primarily of the mind. Some of its effects can be seen in the body.

What is the content or context of ‘the mind’, in regard to, the body?

More specifically maybe, what apparent conditions are ‘held’ by ‘the mind’, in regard to unconditional love (‘the body’)? 

 

Maybe most simply put - what’s the reason to drink in the first place?

[Blessed2]

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

What is the content or context of ‘the mind’, in regard to, the body?

More specifically maybe, what apparent conditions are ‘held’ by ‘the mind’, in regard to unconditional love (‘the body’)? 

 

Do you mean beliefs about the body not being good enough?

 

Like insecurity about the body?

 

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

Maybe most simply put - what’s the reason to drink in the first place?

 

If I drank today, I'd feel better than if I didn't drink.

 

[Someone here]

29 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Though the narrative of a me who is an addict and will be in the future and should not drink again is a discordant thought story. It's heavy to carry.

Maybe. But what's relevant is whether it's true or not .

Would you rather live in a comfortable lie or accept a harsh truth ?

32 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

But at the same time, the thought "I shouldn't drink" is really the only thing keeping me from drinking today

There you go .

Cut to the chase .get practical and schmooze that "alignment vs discordant "  dichotomy from your head . 

Utilise whatever is practical and true .instead of how it "resonate " or "algin".

[Blessed2]

This ia fucking unacceptable. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do.

 

Like for example right now I'm experiencing an intense desire to drink. What am I supposed to do?!

 

Meditation, the scale, expression, none of that will work. I've tried it countless times. This urge to drink doesn't go away.

 

????????

 

My mind is in total chaos. Like I'm literally hanging by the thread right now whether to stay in bed or get up and go buy alcohol. It's acute, as in right now. Like in fight or flight mode. What am I supposed to do?!

 

You all say to express or meditate or whatever but I don't even want to do that. What then?

 

Yeah align thought with feeling and question these beliefs etc etc blah blah. I'm too tired to do that. And even if I did, it wouldn't work. And I'm too tired to question that thought.

 

Fuck this. All of this is just impossible to me.

 

This shitty advice of aligning thought with feeling and crap just doesn't work. Literally it has NEVER delivered. And I have NEVER managed to even slightly succeed in it.

 

Meditation, the scale, expression, none of that doesn't come even close to the relief that comes from drinking. It's an obvious choice.

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Do you mean beliefs about the body not being good enough?

If that’s what ‘pops up’ as context / content, then yes. Those would be the conditions. 

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Like insecurity about the body?

Insecurity as an emotion, and emotions being how thoughts feel… insecurity would be informing as to thoughts / beliefs… about “a body” / “the body”. 

The condition / unconditional, discord / alignment aspect would revolve around identity. 

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

If I drank today, I'd feel better than if I didn't drink.

If you’re experiencing those thoughts and saying that… who are the thoughts about? 

[Blessed2]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

If you’re experiencing those thoughts and saying that… who are the thoughts about? 

 

Me. I don't know.

 

There is not going to be any insight like that there is no me and no relief will be felt, and there is still an urge to drink.

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

If I drank today, I'd feel better than if I didn't drink.

 

4 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

There is not going to be any insight like that there is no me and no relief will be felt, and there is still an urge to drink.

I don’t see how “there is no me” could be an insight. Even if it was, I (me) would be aware of the insight, so there certainly would be me.

 

But how the future is already known, and how feeling is in a future doesn’t seem knowable honestly. 

[Phil]

31 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

I'm experiencing an intense desire

What about me / awareness, being aware of that I of I’m, and intense desire. Maybe with curiosity as to what those are…?

 

31 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

This urge to drink

That too maybe. (Urge).

 

31 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

This shitty advice of aligning thought with feeling and crap just doesn't work. Literally it has NEVER delivered

And also, what exactly is supposed to be delivered. That would have to be known with certainty for it to be known that ‘it’ isn’t being delivered. 

[Blessed2]

4 minutes ago, Phil said:

I don’t see how “there is no me” could be an insight. Even if it was, I (me) would be aware of the insight, so there certainly would be me.

 

Okay.

 

There is still an urge to drink.

 

4 minutes ago, Phil said:

But how the future is already known, and how feeling is in a future doesn’t seem knowable honestly. 

 

Well I believe it is about 99% certain.

 

There won't happen any insight about how there is no future and stuff, no relief will be felt, and there is still an urge to drink.

 

Thoughts have been questioned multiple times and there has not been any actual change or substantial relief. Same with the emotional scale and meditation. There has not been substantial relief.

 

5 minutes ago, Phil said:

What about me / awareness, being aware of that I of I’m, and intense desire. Maybe with curiosity as to what those are…?

 

Feelings in the body and all sorts of thoughts.

 

I don't think I'm awareness. I'm the feeler of these emotions and the haver of these problems. I am also not very willing to question whether I am awareness or what cause that's been done multiple times and no substantial relief has been felt.

 

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

That too maybe. 

 

An emotion. Tension in the body. Some thoughts.

 

9 minutes ago, Phil said:

And also, what exactly is supposed to be delivered.

 

Relief, well-being, happiness.

 

[ThePoint]

Top notch entertainment

[Phil]

4 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Well I believe it is about 99% certain.

 

There won't happen any insight about how there is no future and stuff, no relief will be felt, and there is still an urge to drink.

 

Thoughts have been questioned multiple times and there has not been any actual change or substantial relief. Same with the emotional scale and meditation. There has not been substantial relief.

 

What about presently without beliefs?

 

4 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Feelings in the body and all sorts of thoughts.

 

I don't think I'm awareness. I'm the feeler of these emotions and the haver of these problems. I am also not very willing to question whether I am awareness or what cause that's been done multiple times and no substantial relief has been felt.

Aware of all that?