Blessed2 Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 I'm so done with digestion issues and this seems to be one of the thoughts/beliefs that bloats me up. It's basically that I need to be special and exceptional. Having an ordinary career is not enough. I need to have my own business and it needs to succeed. I need to be exceptional and admired by my abilities and professionalism and intelligence. I need to be admired by both the coworkers and the clients. They need to be amazed about me. I need to make a lot of money. I need to be better than others. I need to know what others don't know and teach them. I need to be more capable than others. Basically, I need to be a superman. A super human. A saint. I try to live up to that standard. But I'm really just a bloated, sweaty, tired mess. A superhuman wouldn't be bloated and sweaty. If I'm not exceptional, why would anyone want to be with me? Why would anyone want to spend time with me? Why would anyone find my company desireable? I often have daydreams about being special, exceptional and admired and adored. Sometimes quite literally just insane narcissistic daydreams. Yet I don't have even a normal job. Almost every day I feel so worn out, bloated, exhausted and heavy that I basically couldn't even go to work feeling like that. Then I try to go the other direction and just accept mediocrity, humility, being ordinary. And there is the same inflammatory feeling in the stomach about that. In fact it might be even worse. Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 1 hour ago, Blessed2 said: I'm so done with digestion issues and this seems to be one of the thoughts/beliefs that bloats me up. It's basically that I need to be special and exceptional. Having an ordinary career is not enough. I need to have my own business and it needs to succeed. I need to be exceptional and admired by my abilities and professionalism and intelligence. I need to be admired by both the coworkers and the clients. They need to be amazed about me. I need to make a lot of money. I need to be better than others. I need to know what others don't know and teach them. I need to be more capable than others. Basically, I need to be a superman. A super human. A saint. I try to live up to that standard. But I'm really just a bloated, sweaty, tired mess. A superhuman wouldn't be bloated and sweaty. If I'm not exceptional, why would anyone want to be with me? Why would anyone want to spend time with me? Why would anyone find my company desireable? I often have daydreams about being special, exceptional and admired and adored. Sometimes quite literally just insane narcissistic daydreams. Yet I don't have even a normal job. Almost every day I feel so worn out, bloated, exhausted and heavy that I basically couldn't even go to work feeling like that. Then I try to go the other direction and just accept mediocrity, humility, being ordinary. And there is the same inflammatory feeling in the stomach about that. In fact it might be even worse. Yes, this is all normal and part of the spiritual path. This specialness is often projected onto the Self and Nonduality too. Things will become more ordinary I assure you of it. I promise you you will no longer be special 😅, and then you will also no longer perceive special people, and you will see no different between a bum on the street and a so called special person. Yet at the same time, everything becomes special and ordinary all at once. Extra-Ordinary. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 Yes, neither of those ‘pendulum swings’ will resonate. It’s like pushing left & right on the spoon and it just not bending. Of course it’s you that bends. Maybe what’s extraordinary, down right supernatural, is that there is no normal, ordinary, mundane, mediocure etc. How amazing is it that it seems like there is? Causation as well. ‘I’m like this, and that means this’. That it seems true is astounding, isn’t it!? Perfection and more perfection just wouldn’t seem to be experience. Why is there something rather than nothing? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted April 30 Author Share Posted April 30 3 hours ago, Orb said: Yes, this is all normal and part of the spiritual path. Might not even be about spirituality per se... I think this began before I heard about spirituality, and most of spirituality has been hijacked by it. I'm not sure where this is coming from. Seems to have started somewhere during teenage. The first romantic/intimate relationship I had at 15 might have been a bit 'traumatic', I remember feeling lots of insecurity at that time. Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted April 30 Author Share Posted April 30 57 minutes ago, Phil said: Yes, neither of those ‘pendulum swings’ will resonate Yeah both of them is about a me. The latter, trying to accept mediocrity, humility etc. is like self trying to be no self, as a self. 😂 59 minutes ago, Phil said: How amazing is it that it seems like there is? Honestly, it would seem more amazing that there wasn't normal and ordinary. That suggestion seems like a koan. 1 hour ago, Phil said: Perfection and more perfection just wouldn’t seem to be experience. Yeah. 1 hour ago, Phil said: Why is there something rather than nothing? I don't know how to approach this question. Maybe there's just an overlooking, or a pre-assumption of a duality 'something & nothing.' Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 19 minutes ago, Blessed2 said: Yeah both of them is about a me. The latter, trying to accept mediocrity, humility etc. is like self trying to be no self, as a self. 😂 Nailed it. 19 minutes ago, Blessed2 said: Honestly, it would seem more amazing that there wasn't normal and ordinary That’s what I’m saying. There isn’t. What’s amazing is that it seems like there is. 20 minutes ago, Blessed2 said: I don't know how to approach this question. Maybe there's just an overlooking, or a pre-assumption of a duality 'something & nothing.' It’s a most loaded question (why is there something rather than nothing). Probably the most loaded question possible. The reality of something & nothing is one & the same as how amazing it is that there seems to be normal, mundane. Like looking at a chair seems totally normal, mundane. That there’s no chair, but the thought & perception, making it seems like there’s a chair, makes “a chair” the most amazing experience. Not to mention… and “I can sit in it”… WHAT!??? 🤯 Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 46 minutes ago, Blessed2 said: Might not even be about spirituality per se... I think this began before I heard about spirituality, and most of spirituality has been hijacked by it. I'm not sure where this is coming from. Seems to have started somewhere during teenage. The first romantic/intimate relationship I had at 15 might have been a bit 'traumatic', I remember feeling lots of insecurity at that time. Yes, it originates much earlier than when you embark on the path. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 Stomach issues seemed to go away when lack of self love or self respect is noticed, and how indigestible it is to live like everyone else is normal, deserving of love but the specialness was that "I" require much higher, stringent standards. 😂 Almost like we need to be a cut above, when really what we really really want is equality, and to know that we are parallel IN LOVE, yet apparently beautifully unique. Just came across this.... "Don’t conclude that your mind is significantly different from anyone else’s. We all have this monkey mind. Once we put the monkey under the magnifying glass, the mind commonly appears crazier than ever. It’s not. You are just allowing yourself to become acquainted with how crazy it has always been. This is great news”. ~Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, In Love With the World Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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