Pressure about studying

[noomii]

I feel worry about how I think I need to apply for studies. The last day to apply is tomorrow for most but for some you have more time.
I have an opportunity to get double support with money for one year, not needing to pay it back. But I won't get it if I decide to work, it's just support to get out of unemployment.

 

I just don't know what I want to study.

I don't think I'm capable to read much at all, but that can change. I have looked at more practical studies.

I just feel worry that I will look back to this later and think I made a mistake to not apply for anything.

I think I could look more for studies I want right now, but I just feel a lot of worry and effort about looking for what I want and applying for anything. I just want to avoid all of this because of how it feels, but I don't want to make a mistake.

Is it better to not take action or make decisions when there is doubt or any discordant emotion? To instead focus on alignment, and to let what I want come effortlessly?

[Rose]

Take out some paper, write out all your options and the cons and pros to each your options. Put importance scores next to each one of your cons and pros. Calculate which option has the highest score.

 

Do the same thing with all the studies you could potentially do. 
 

No one can tell you what is best for you. Only you know that. Writing things out will give you clarity, which is already what you’re trying to do here.

[Mandy]

It doesn't matter at all which you choose.

[noomii]

15 minutes ago, Rose said:

Take out some paper, write out all your options and the cons and pros to each your options. Put importance scores next to each one of your cons and pros. Calculate which option has the highest score.

 

Do the same thing with all the studies you could potentially do. 
 

No one can tell you what is best for you. Only you know that. Writing things out will give you clarity, which is already what you’re trying to do here.

Ugh yeah I used to think a lot about "pros and cons" in the past regarding decisions but I think it makes me too focused on thoughts and believing there's a good/bad choice

 

 

[noomii]

22 minutes ago, Mandy said:

It doesn't matter at all which you choose.

Why?

[Mandy]

10 minutes ago, noomii said:

Why?

Why should it matter?

[noomii]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Why should it matter?

So that I can feel good and avoid any discordant emotion about it

[Mandy]

6 minutes ago, noomii said:

So that I can feel good and avoid any discordant emotion about it

Like @A Tims analogy of the roomba, you wouldn't want a roomba that's so worried about bumping into a wall that it just sits there and doesn’t begin to explore the room. Allow yourself to explore and make mistakes and intuition, inspiration and curiosity can come online. You'll be blessed no matter what choice you make.

[Rose]

33 minutes ago, noomii said:

Ugh yeah I used to think a lot about "pros and cons" in the past regarding decisions but I think it makes me too focused on thoughts and believing there's a good/bad choice

 

 

Write it out and see which option makes you feel better. There is a “good/bad” choice in a way that some choices will not make you feel good, others will inspire you and give you energy. 

[noomii]

42 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Like @A Tims analogy of the roomba, you wouldn't want a roomba that's so worried about bumping into a wall that it just sits there and doesn’t begin to explore the room. Allow yourself to explore and make mistakes and intuition, inspiration and curiosity can come online. You'll be blessed no matter what choice you make.

I feel irritation about you writing that for some reason, making me want to say I'm not like that at all. I feel overwhelment about all of this shit

[Mandy]

21 minutes ago, noomii said:

I feel irritation about you writing that for some reason, making me want to say I'm not like that at all. I feel overwhelment about all of this shit

AWESOME. 

 

 

Read what you wrote is response to Rose. How does that fit in? 

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

Ugh yeah I used to think a lot about "pros and cons" in the past regarding decisions but I think it makes me too focused on thoughts and believing there's a good/bad choice

 

 

 

You could do what Rose suggested, or just explore. Either way. In "I'm not that way at all" you are a confused roomba. We are what we refuse to be. 

[Mandy]

https://sive.rs/donkey

[Phil]

Make a dreamboard and let it be a catch all for anything you think of, see or experience that you want. Whatever it is, big or small, write it, put a picture of it, whatever you like. It makes the not knowing what you want or want to pursue much easier as it’s more readily clear visually in front of you than “trying to think of it”. Often it gets revealed to you. 

 

Then receive it, and listen to the guidance as you do. 

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

Is it better to not take action or make decisions when there is doubt or any discordant emotion?

Yes. Alignment first. 

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

To instead focus on alignment, and to let what I want come effortlessly?

Yes. 

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel worry about how I think I need to apply for studies. The last day to apply is tomorrow for most but for some you have more time.

Here worry is acknowledged. 

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

I have an opportunity to get double support with money for one year, not needing to pay it back. But I won't get it if I decide to work, it's just support to get out of unemployment.

 

I just don't know what I want to study.

I don't think I'm capable to read much at all, but that can change. I have looked at more practical studies.

Here doubt was experienced, and addressed wonderfully (“that can change”). 

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

I just feel worry that I will look back to this later and think I made a mistake to not apply for anything.

And then here, scale wise, instead of continuing upwards (worry -> doubt -> disappointment)… vibrationally, you went… worry -> doubt -> worry. 

 

This could be a clue or insight for you to notice. There seems to be focus on avoidance, as opposed to focus on wanted. Noticing the possibility that what’s truly being avoided is the feeling of disappointment stands to dispel a limiting belief, which will also dispel confusion and allow more clarity. 

 

It’s ok to experience disappointment. Reality won’t come to a grinding halt, it’ll keep going, and you’re be all the clearer & more confident for the experience. There will also be a deeper felt communion as well as more discernment. 

 

Imo it would be really worthwhile to explore the avoidance of disappointment. There is likely an interpretation from past experience(s) involving disappointment which presently amounts to ‘getting in your own way’. Looking into that stands to result in alignment of the interpretation, and therein ‘getting out of your own way’. 

 

Did you experience someone disappointing you?  Have you addressed that / forgiven them? 

 

Did you disappoint someone? Have you addressed that / apologized / made amens? 

 

Does it ring true that there is a not wanting to feel ‘that way’ (avoidance of disappointment) again? 

 

Did you want / need, at an early age, someone to fulfill a role which by every measure was their responsibility to fill… and essentially - they blew it? If so, sorry, and also, how was it internalized? Unworthiness, not good enough, undeserving, lessor than, unwanted…?

 

7 hours ago, noomii said:

I think I could look more for studies I want right now, but I just feel a lot of worry and effort about looking for what I want and applying for anything. I just want to avoid all of this because of how it feels, but I don't want to make a mistake.

This sounds like overwhelment, which scale wise would be a skipping over disappointment, again a potential clue / insight regarding avoidance of disappointment. 

 

‘Feeling a lot of effort’ may be directly related to ‘carrying’ the burden of un-forgiveness and or resentment, of a yet processed early age experience / interpretation / internalization (essentially innocently yet mistakenly identifying based on an experience(s).

 

As kids, needs & wants are of course very related to parental roles & responsibilities being met & fulfilled. It can be very challenging to reconcile these roles not being met & fulfilled… with that everyone is in fact doing their best. I wonder if there was unprocessed trauma and or addiction, abuse or alcoholism involved on behalf of parents, as in they experienced these. Cycles which weren’t broken, which you’ve inherited, which now stand to be broken. 

 

Frustration / irritation / impatience felt lately? 

If so, acknowledged?

 

And what about pessimism? 

Felt, noticed, acknowledged? 

 

Have you identified with any of these, as in believe you are… frustrating, irritating, impatient, disappointing / a disappointment?

 

(Sorry very personal but)… when’s the last time you had a good cry?

[noomii]

16 hours ago, Phil said:

Make a dreamboard and let it be a catch all for anything you think of, see or experience that you want. Whatever it is, big or small, write it, put a picture of it, whatever you like. It makes the not knowing what you want or want to pursue much easier as it’s more readily clear visually in front of you than “trying to think of it”. Often it gets revealed to you. 

 

Then receive it, and listen to the guidance as you do. 

 

Yes. Alignment first. 

I have one but I don't often use it, I usually only feel like I have time for it when I'm in a good mood and feel inspired.

 

Abraham Hicks have said "if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no". Which resonates because it feels easy to follow if there is doubt felt, but I also feel doubt about that guidence. What are your thoughts on what she said?

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

This could be a clue or insight for you to notice. There seems to be focus on avoidance, as opposed to focus on wanted. Noticing the possibility that what’s truly being avoided is the feeling of disappointment stands to dispel a limiting belief, which will also dispel confusion and allow more clarity. 

 

It’s ok to experience disappointment. Reality won’t come to a grinding halt, it’ll keep going, and you’re be all the clearer & more confident for the experience. There will also be a deeper felt communion as well as more discernment. 

 

Imo it would be really worthwhile to explore the avoidance of disappointment. There is likely an interpretation from past experience(s) involving disappointment which presently amounts to ‘getting in your own way’. Looking into that stands to result in alignment of the interpretation, and therein ‘getting out of your own way’. 

 

Did you experience someone disappointing you?  Have you addressed that / forgiven them? 

 

Did you disappoint someone? Have you addressed that / apologized / made amens? 

 

Does it ring true that there is a not wanting to feel ‘that way’ (avoidance of disappointment) again? 

I find it kind of difficult to identify how disappointment feels like.

I don't remember last time I've felt disappointment about someone, or maybe I haven't been aware of it.

 

I think my parents feel a lot of disappointment about me.

I have wanted to say I'm sorry for everything to my dad but I feel insecurity about being vulnerable with him and I don't remember last time I said I'm sorry to him.

I feel worry that he might respond in a judgemental or righteous way giving me the impression that, yes, it is totally my fault.

I haven't really acknowledged and let go of all of the resentment around this either.

I think I should say I love you to him but it doesn't feel like I really mean it and that feels hard to say.

With my mom it's easier because I have a habit of saying I'm sorry and I love you to her.

 

17 hours ago, Phil said:

"Feeling a lot of effort’ may be directly related to ‘carrying’ the burden of un-forgiveness and or resentment, of a yet processed early age experience / interpretation / internalization (essentially innocently yet mistakenly identifying based on an experience(s).

 

As kids, needs & wants are of course very related to parental roles & responsibilities being met & fulfilled. It can be very challenging to reconcile these roles not being met & fulfilled… with that everyone is in fact doing their best. I wonder if there was unprocessed trauma and or addiction, abuse or alcoholism involved on behalf of parents, as in they experienced these. Cycles which weren’t broken, which you’ve inherited, which now stand to be broken. 

I don't think I have been abused, other than maybe me and my brother being physically violent to each other when younger.

It's been a lot of conflict at home, it seems like me and my siblings didn't learn much about forgiveness or resolving conflicts so there was a lot of "tension in the air" felt.

 

My parents seemed to have experienced a worse childhood from what they have told me, meaning their parents were both much more physically/emotionally distant/unavailable and somewhat violent. 

My mom experience similiar problems as me but I seem to experience it in a much more intense way, maybe because it's all coming up and out here.

Mom's not a daily drinker but she definitely cope with drinking.

 

I've been wondering how it's even possible for my siblings to function and live a 'normal life', even though we probably inherited the same beliefs from our parents. I mean why did everything discordant happen to only me and not them.

 

18 hours ago, Phil said:

Did you want / need, at an early age, someone to fulfill a role which by every measure was their responsibility to fill… and essentially - they blew it? If so, sorry, and also, how was it internalized? Unworthiness, not good enough, undeserving, lessor than, unwanted…?

I probably wanted someone to be more present with me emotionally, to allow feeling and comfort me?...

My dad is pretty emotionally unavailable and my mom seem to feel really distressed and defensive when I express myself emotionally (when it's not about her and when I'm wanting support).

 

Probably have internalized all of the unworthiness etc.

 

18 hours ago, Phil said:

Frustration / irritation / impatience felt lately? 

If so, acknowledged?

 

And what about pessimism? 

Felt, noticed, acknowledged? 

 

Have you identified with any of these, as in believe you are… frustrating, irritating, impatient, disappointing / a disappointment?

I have felt all of that but only noticed a little bit of them.

 

Not sure, maybe that I'm a disappointment.

 

18 hours ago, Phil said:

(Sorry very personal but)… when’s the last time you had a good cry?

That's not too personal.

I had a baby-cry a few days ago and I cry pretty often about smaller things. I used to not cry for longer periods but that is no longer a problem. Why?

[noomii]

On 4/14/2024 at 9:50 PM, Mandy said:

AWESOME. 

 

 

Read what you wrote is response to Rose. How does that fit in? 

I sometimes become a roomba when thinking of pros and cons, wanting to avoid making a mistake. Now it's more that I don't want to be a still roomba because I think that is the mistake

[Phil]

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I have one but I don't often use it, I usually only feel like I have time for it when I'm in a good mood and feel inspired.

You’re present (only). 

How does one ‘get into’ and ‘out of’ moods?

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

 

Abraham Hicks have said "if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no". Which resonates because it feels easy to follow if there is doubt felt, but I also feel doubt about that guidence. What are your thoughts on what she said?

Doubt is guidance. 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I find it kind of difficult to identify how disappointment feels like.

I don't remember last time I've felt disappointment about someone, or maybe I haven't been aware of it.

 

I think my parents feel a lot of disappointment about me.

Ask them if they do.

If your interest is in feeling as yourself (wonderful, amazing, etc), you’ll be glad you asked. 

If your interest is in being right, you’ll feel disappointment.

Thus, not communicating is avoidance of feeling disappointment. 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I have wanted to say I'm sorry for everything to my dad but I feel insecurity about being vulnerable with him and I don't remember last time I said I'm sorry to him.

I feel worry that he might respond in a judgemental or righteous way giving me the impression that, yes, it is totally my fault.

I haven't really acknowledged and let go of all of the resentment around this either.

I think I should say I love you to him but it doesn't feel like I really mean it and that feels hard to say.

With my mom it's easier because I have a habit of saying I'm sorry and I love you to her.

Sorry for what?

That what’s your fault?

Resentment for what?

Sorry for what? 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I don't think I have been abused, other than maybe me and my brother being physically violent to each other when younger.

It's been a lot of conflict at home, it seems like me and my siblings didn't learn much about forgiveness or resolving conflicts so there was a lot of "tension in the air" felt.

 

My parents seemed to have experienced a worse childhood from what they have told me, meaning their parents were both much more physically/emotionally distant/unavailable and somewhat violent. 

My mom experience similiar problems as me but I seem to experience it in a much more intense way, maybe because it's all coming up and out here.

Mom's not a daily drinker but she definitely cope with drinking.

 

I've been wondering how it's even possible for my siblings to function and live a 'normal life', even though we probably inherited the same beliefs from our parents.

 

I mean why did everything discordant happen to only me and not them.

What is ‘everything discordant’? 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I probably wanted someone to be more present with me emotionally, to allow feeling and comfort me?...

Do you want to notice self referential thoughts…

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

My dad is pretty emotionally unavailable and

Do you want to be emotionally available…

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

my mom seem to feel really distressed and defensive when I express myself emotionally (when it's not about her and when I'm wanting support).

… and therein feel less distressed and defensive?

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

Probably have internalized all of the unworthiness etc.

Unworthiness is guidance. 

Internalization would be the belief ‘I’m unworthy’. 

Unworthiness is how the belief feels. 

There’s being right & suffering, or not being right & liberation. 

Give it a hell yes or a hell no. 

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

I have felt all of that but only noticed a little bit of them.

 

Not sure, maybe that I'm a disappointment.

What can you share that is actually true about yourself? 

(Not experience, as in thoughts, emotions, memories.)

What’s one thing you can say is true about you?

 

3 hours ago, noomii said:

 

That's not too personal.

I had a baby-cry a few days ago and I cry pretty often about smaller things. I used to not cry for longer periods but that is no longer a problem. Why?

What about a release cry? 

[noomii]

On 4/16/2024 at 1:47 AM, Phil said:

Sorry for what?

That what’s your fault?

Resentment for what?

Sorry for what? 

Sorry for any reactive response, for avoiding him when there is resentment and for sometimes being irresponsible.

Sorry for moving back to them when my health was bad and staying even though none of us want me to be here.

 

I think avoiding communication have sometimes been good when I have felt a lot of overwhelment.

 

I feel irritation/anger about what he have said to me, that he don't understand me, that he don't want to understand, that it's my fault for creating the life I have.

He don't seem to understand why I'm so unproductive or what's even going on inside.

I want to let go of the beliefs about understanding and wanting to be understood.

 

He's kind to me now but I feel resistant about it as there are thoughts saying he doesn't deserve forgiveness, like I'm giving him a free pass when I'm being nice back.

 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:47 AM, Phil said:

What is ‘everything discordant’? 

I meant things that impact function in daily life a lot, like a lot of discordant emotions, physical/mental fatigue, digestive issues, eating disorders.

 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:47 AM, Phil said:

Do you want to notice self referential thoughts…

 

Do you want to be emotionally available…

 

… and therein feel less distressed and defensive?

Yes.

 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:47 AM, Phil said:

What can you share that is actually true about yourself? 

(Not experience, as in thoughts, emotions, memories.)

What’s one thing you can say is true about you?

Nothing?

 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:47 AM, Phil said:

What about a release cry? 

Maybe sometimes. I guess it's only possible if one acknowledge & allow what's felt?

 

I think I feel a lot of disappointment about how my past turned out to be, I've thought it's regret and guilt, but maybe it is disappointment too.

I think I'm many years behind in life and I believe I need to do all the things I want quickly to compensate for all the years.

Edited April 17 by noomii

[Phil]

13 hours ago, noomii said:

Sorry for any reactive response, for avoiding him when there is resentment and for sometimes being irresponsible.

Sorry for moving back to them when my health was bad and staying even though none of us want me to be here.

 

I think avoiding communication have sometimes been good when I have felt a lot of overwhelment.

 

I feel irritation/anger about what he have said to me, that he don't understand me, that he don't want to understand, that it's my fault for creating the life I have.

He don't seem to understand why I'm so unproductive or what's even going on inside.

I want to let go of the beliefs about understanding and wanting to be understood.

Disappointment is the natural guidance & alignment in that regard. Allowing disappointment to be felt is about slowing down, being present, not believing discordant thoughts or jumping to conclusions so readily. 

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

He's kind to me now but I feel resistant about it as there are thoughts saying he doesn't deserve forgiveness, like I'm giving him a free pass when I'm being nice back.

What would putting feeling, the guidance, being present, slowing down first… and thoughts about a past second… be like?

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

I meant things that impact function in daily life a lot, like a lot of discordant emotions, physical/mental fatigue, digestive issues, eating disorders.

Is reactivity, avoidance, resentment & holding judgements digestible… energizing… aligned with well-being?

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

Yes.

Feeling 1st, thoughts 2nd then… yes?

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

Nothing?

Are you aware?

What else is aware?

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

Maybe sometimes. I guess it's only possible if one acknowledge & allow what's felt?

Often noticing the defensive wall of reactivity, avoidance, resentment & holding judgements isn’t actually defending anyone and is taking a toll on bodily, mental and relationship health & well-being unnecessary is more than ample. 

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

I think I feel a lot of disappointment about how my past turned out to be, I've thought it's regret and guilt, but maybe it is disappointment too.

It’s a present & discordant interpretation, not a past at all, isn’t it so?

Feeling first makes a lot of sense, as feeling is present and some interpretations resonate & some don’t. 

Some interpretations are aligned with health / well-being & some aren’t.  

Yes?

 

13 hours ago, noomii said:

I think I'm many years behind in life and I believe I need to do all the things I want quickly to compensate for all the years.

Have you considered the possibility that you’re perfection exactly as you are, perfectly right where you should be?

And the discord / suffering is of some interpretations… and not actually indicative of reality… and therein is why such interpretations feel discordant, and why there are various health issues accordingly?

 

Does that interpretation resonate or not?

 

Maybe it’s not even an interpretation. 

 

Hell no or hell yes?

 

Is anyone, any other or entity whatsoever… putting pressure on you?

Or is the pressure actually in the interpretation(s)?

 

Hell no, or hell yes?

[noomii]

Thank you! @Phil 🙂

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

Is reactivity, avoidance, resentment & holding judgements digestible… energizing… aligned with well-being?

 

No

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

Feeling 1st, thoughts 2nd then… yes?

Yes

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

Are you aware?

What else is aware?

I don't know really.

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

It’s a present & discordant interpretation, not a past at all, isn’t it so?

Feeling first makes a lot of sense, as feeling is present and some interpretations resonate & some don’t. 

Some interpretations are aligned with health / well-being & some aren’t.  

Yes?

Yes.

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

Have you considered the possibility that you’re perfection exactly as you are, perfectly right where you should be?

And the discord / suffering is of some interpretations… and not actually indicative of reality… and therein is why such interpretations feel discordant, and why there are various health issues accordingly?

 

Does that interpretation resonate or not?

 

Maybe it’s not even an interpretation. 

 

Hell no or hell yes?

Hell yes, it resonates. I have thought about it but it really seems too good to be true. Doesn't really help to just say it and I forget about it when I'm consistently focused on all the ways I'm really flawed and how it's not possible to make it perfect.

But I'm trying to question it more.

 

On 4/18/2024 at 9:29 AM, Phil said:

Is anyone, any other or entity whatsoever… putting pressure on you?

Or is the pressure actually in the interpretation(s)?

 

Hell no, or hell yes?

It's how the thought feels like.

 

I didn't mention it first but I'm avoiding two of my siblings too. It's not just resentment, I honestly don't feel like I want to be in contact with them.

They both have a lot of anger issues, feels like I'm walking on eggshells around them and I believe I can't be honest with them.

My sister is very good at starting conflicts with anyone she meets. Most of the time she seem to feel irritation, anger, revenge, hatred or rage. She doesn't seem to be aware of her own behaviour or take responsibility for it, she mostly blame others.

It gets confusing when we meet at our parents place with her children.

When she's here I only small talk with her and I'm taking distance, because I feel really drained whenever I'm in contact with her.  

Sometimes we have have been closer to each other but then I have taken distance again.

I care about her children a lot and wish I could be there for them, they are going through a lot. But it seems like I need to accept that I can't be close to them if I don't want to be close to my sister.

 

If this were just a friend of mine I think it would be a lot easier to just be honest about where I'm at and have clear boundaries, but I don't think I can be honest with her about this.

I feel doubt about how to even act around her. I just want to feel really clear about what I want and where I stand for both myself and her (and my brother).

 

I kind of derailed this thread but I wanted express this, sorry about that. If anyone wants to share advice about what's shared feel free to.

 

 

[Phil]

4 hours ago, noomii said:

I don't know really

🙂 Not asking if you know (anything). 

 

Are you aware of these words, this screen, right now?

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

Yes.

So “it’s about” allowing interpretations to change, such that they are aligned, yes?

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

Hell yes, it resonates. I have thought about it but it really seems too good to be true. Doesn't really help to just say it and I forget about it when I'm consistently focused on all the ways I'm really flawed and how it's not possible to make it perfect.

But I'm trying to question it more.

The Truth is unbelievably good, so thinking / believing won’t do. Only feeling will do (and not even). 

 

It’s be nearly impossible to continue to focus on what feels discordant (some interpretations), just like it’d be nearly impossible to hold your hand on a hot stove. 

 

Question also where this ‘self in the future’ (of thoughts) is, presently. 🙂

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

It's how the thought feels like.

Yep. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I didn't mention it first but I'm avoiding two of my siblings too. It's not just resentment, I honestly don't feel like I want to be in contact with them.

They both have a lot of anger issues, feels like I'm walking on eggshells around them and I believe I can't be honest with them.

My sister is very good at starting conflicts with anyone she meets. Most of the time she seem to feel irritation, anger, revenge, hatred or rage. She doesn't seem to be aware of her own behaviour or take responsibility for it, she mostly blame others.

Maybe expresses blame but doesn’t acknowledge blame as an emotion. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

It gets confusing when we meet at our parents place with her children.

It’s confusing / confused indeed. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

When she's here I only small talk with her and I'm taking distance, because I feel really drained whenever I'm in contact with her.  

‘Drained’ might be no longer interested in the same frequency. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

Sometimes we have have been closer to each other but then I have taken distance again.

Neither of you are responsible at all for how the other feels. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

I care about her children a lot and wish I could be there for them, they are going through a lot. But it seems like I need to accept that I can't be close to them if I don't want to be close to my sister.

Sounds like more of a giving situation than a getting situation currently. Might be best to fill up first. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

 

If this were just a friend of mine I think it would be a lot easier to just be honest about where I'm at and have clear boundaries, but I don't think I can be honest with her about this.

You’re more honest with friends than your sister?

Just a friend? Sounds like there’s more love felt for her, not less. 

Does love equate to not being honest, maybe seem to based on a past experience / current interpretation? 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel doubt about how to even act around her.

Doubt love = feel doubt. There’s really no getting around it. (Emotions). 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

I just want to feel really clear about what I want and where I stand for both myself and her (and my brother).

Honesty is transparent. Clear as it gets. 

 

4 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I kind of derailed this thread but I wanted express this, sorry about that. If anyone wants to share advice about what's shared feel free to.

It’s your thread, do whatever you want it… same for life, right?