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58 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Life without kids is meaningless.You actualy become selfless and main focus changes to their well being as priority.

The tough part is when you become an empty nester after putting your child first for so long. It's an adjust period for sure. My only child also moved out of state, so I barely see him.

You have to remind yourself your children are in your care, but are not your possession. They will spread their wings at the right time and leave the nest, like the rest of nature's creatures do.

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I have a tough time being around with my mother most of the time, and it makes me feel guilty and i wish it was different. I realized more as i got older (currently in my late twenties) how deeply insecure she is about herself, and how this gets expressed in all sorts of ways. I feel like she doesn't understand me, and she often says things in front of other people that portray me in ways that i dont like, kind of taking away my integrity while hoping to be funny.  She is not doing it to be rude, but out of ignorance about what she is actually saying, while having no chill due to her insecurities.

 My sister has sort of the same thing going with her, and we were talking about recently how we were to improve our relationship with her. We were thinking not to care so much, and just let her be, but its difficult as we very easily get frustrated/irritated.

At the same time i want her to be happy and i wish things could just be easy, which is right infront of us, and we play the most important role for her.

What to do?

 

As a parent (dont have any kids yet), i will try to support my children in whatever direction they want to go, while being a strong example with a positive attitude to life. I like the phrase "Its not what you say, but what you do" when it comes to parenting. Ill do my best to live up to the things myself that i would hope for them to be in their life (integrity, caring, etc).

Edited by WhiteOwl
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I can’t talk from a parent point of view, but only as a son

My folks use to lie in front of others so they can “protect how others are seeing our family”… lies to hide the shame they were carrying because of there upbringing… drunken parents (my grandparents), convicted brothers (my uncles) addicts… uneducated siblings… 

And I use to hate watching them hide behind lies, only lies upon lies… I hated them because they never tried to change, or outgrow one of them. And so I started to wonder if it’s in my fate/universal DNA or something… because it was and some days it still is a struggle.

It took a while for “it” to settle and whiteout not even knowing, expressing “the problem” it somehow magically started to resolve by itself.

I started journaling and in journaling I started to see the topic/subject like “I think this would be a nice painting”… and in time things changed… I found peace and understanding.

and short after Mandy and Phil came into the picture and more and more started to “make sense” 🙂

 

so…@WhiteOwl , expressing my thoughts/emotions and patience  made a big impact in my case.
Some time we have to give some time TO time!

I hope it helps!🤗

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17 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

As a parent (dont have any kids yet), i will try to support my children in whatever direction they want to go, while being a strong example with a positive attitude to life. I like the phrase "Its not what you say, but what you do" when it comes to parenting. Ill do my best to live up to the things myself that i would hope for them to be in their life (integrity, caring, etc).

I suspect mum is experiencing jealousy, but isn’t recognizing it, due to not recognizing the projection (onto you).  This kind of keeps the vibration of insecurity going on her behalf, but it need not continue to have an undesirable effect on your behalf. I think the key for you would be seeing / recognizing her suppression (of jealousy) and her projection (of insecurity).

I also suspect the remedy on your behalf, whenever she expresses that way about you… is what you quite poignantly said (above). Perhaps supportiveness feels good intrinsically, and does not know or give any regard to the ‘rules of the roles’ so to speak. 

If it’s not too crazy 🙂… I taped the emotional scale to the wall in a couple places in our house. Didn’t really make a big to do or fuss about it or anything. It’s just ‘there’… and it was / is a powerful game changer for everyone in the household. It’s kinda of like ‘you can complain, you can deflect, you can project… but here’s this other way to look at it and go about it… if & when you choose to do so’.  She might experience a certain shift… from feeling better from what she says… to what she says being a natural expression of feeling great. 

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It's so good to have a section for family & parenting! I guess this thread is more for the children's pov tho I'm now a dad and trying to take a more conscious and deliberate approach to this work. There was a lot to unlearn from how I thought it would be, and how I was parented myself.  When stuff happens in the moment, we need more than a theoretical understanding.  It's a practice just like spirituality, and one of my main tools is therapeutic_parenting 

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