my family is telling me to kill myself

[Reena]

My family is telling me to kill myself.

I don't know what to do. Please help me it's urgent. They are threatening me. They say they will call the cops if I don't comply. What should i do?

They will tell a false story to the police.

[ThePoint]

Don't you like live in India?

 

Pack your back, hop on a train and jump to an ashram for a few months.

 

Kill the part of yourself that keeps you in the cycle of abuse, that'll be enough.

 

World's your oyster 😃

Edited March 23 by ThePoint

[Reena]

I don't have money for my medical expenses. And there was an argument over it and now they are telling me leave or kill myself. How should I cope with this situation?

 

[ThePoint]

Well having these two options leaving is a significantly better one isn't it? Both short and long term

Just remember that you're safe no matter what and you'll be supported with all your needs as long as you act in your best interest (e.g. not being around really mean people even if they're your so called family)

 

I'm on a hike right now the signal is shit but look at that pretty view 😍

 

[Reena]

I have been through a lot and I feel like a 92 year old trapped inside a young body. I feel like I can't take it anymore.

[Joseph Maynor]

If that's true, it's awful.  If someone said something like that to me, it would probably be the last thing they said to me.

[Reena]

My brief story -

 

When  I was a teen, my sister terminated My father's medical treatment. He was on Dialysis. She had the money. Yet she called the hospital to terminate his dialysis. He passed away the next day after it was terminated. I witnessed all of this and it caused me tremendous trauma. I suffered PTSD that I'm battling with since 10 years now. She and my mom went to Las Vegas on vacation  last week and spent a shit ton of money. I said that they could have helped me with my medical expenses too which they refused. I manage my expenses by farm work. But it only covers my basic expenses. My medical expenses are much more and so I turned to them for help.

I reminded them of how they treated my dad during his last days.

I feel like my sister murdered my dad and I reminded her of that so she flipped out on me. I told her that I will meet the same fate as my dad if they refuse my medical needs.

I feel like my sister is a psychopath.

 

I feel like she and my mother don't have the right to tell me to die. Nobody deserves that.

 

Today during the argument, she told me that I'm worthless and  I have no shame.

 

I felt very hurt. I don't think anyone is worthlese even if they are a drug addict.

 

In my heart I feel like I should forgive them for what they are saying and doing to me, I think they are ignorant to my suffering.

 

Also I don't know how to cope or find peace in this situation?

 

I have spent 10 years feeling worthless and internalizing blame. I was working hard to feel positive  .

 

 

I feel like they force me to internalize blame and when I refuse to, they start shaming me profusely till I suffer a mental breakdown.

 

How should I  find peace?

 

I also feel like I'll die suddenly due to these problems.

 

 

[Reena]

Right now they are telling me that they will snatch my phone. I told them that I need to call helplines for assistance and comfort.

I find their behavior very controlling given I'm an adult.

 

They are threatening to take my phone away. I told that I need some form of help as I'm depressed. Then they they are telling me that I am wasting everyone's time. They constantly take my phone away every time I dial a suicide hotline.

 

I find this behavior very suspicious. Why is me asking for help such a threat to them? Shouldn't they feel happy if  I'm receiving help from any source?

 

What is their psychology behind shaming me whenever I take help from suicide hotlines.

They keep telling me that there are genuine people who deserve help who should get it and I'm wasting time of the hotlines.

 

I tell them that my feelings are genuine too. Then they tell me that if my suicidal emotions are genuine, I would have already offed myself by now.

 

I feel like this is bad logic. It feels like by using this logic they are sort of egging me on to kill myself 

 

I go into self doubt and think that maybe they are right . I feel very stressed out and dont know how to cope. I'm already ashamed of myself without even knowing why. But I constantly look at myself as a burden and they heighten this feeling.

 

I feel like they are succeeding in shaming me. I just don't know what to do. Should I blame them. But if I blame myself, I begin to feel weaker and my suicidal instincts go stronger.

 

 

 

[Reena]

I have seriously no clue how to cope with all this. I feel utterly helpless and ashamed.

 

Then they keep telling me - "if you are so ashamed of yourself, you would have killed yourself by now. "

 

I feel very confused.

 

 

Are they right?

 

 

What's going on? Why are they doing this?

 

My heart is sinking with fear and I get this hidden feeling that they will try something to get rid of me.

I'm getting a lot of fear out of paranoia.

 

[Reena]

They will take my phone now so I won't be able to write for another 6 hours or I don't know when I can type again.

 

Sorry for venting. I hope things get better but deep down I'm panicking.

 

 

Bye.

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I'm feeling a bit better and they did not call the police. I'm still nervous.