Rose Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 (edited) Over the years I came to realize the best way to deal with parents like that is to “turn your ass towards them and your face towards your future” I have seen many ruined lives because of parents who are this way and children who were not able to fully separate themselves from them. A full separation means they take less than 1-5% of your life - a cordial relationship. This means you don’t tell them about your life, you don’t ask their advice, you don’t give them anything that could drag you back into their toxic abyss. You don’t let them manipulate you, you don’t pity them (remember that the moment you start pitying them you stop “pitying” yourself), you don’t try to change them or help them in any way. It’s ok to lie to them, it’s ok to constantly tell them you are busy, whatever lie will get them out of your life is good. You need to unlearn to overly explain yourself to them/report to them about what you’re up to - only children feel the need to explain themselves to anyone. An important distinction here is that 1-5% is not the actual time you spend with them, but how much of your headspace is contained by them. I have gone no contact twice with my mother. Every time I started talking to her again I was shocked how toxic she is and how clouded my mind gets every time I speak to her. Every interaction with her cost me more than it brought me. However, when I wasn’t talking to her, I’d feel guilty/worried - so to honour that part of me I decided to try to keep very little of her in my life. As you have more room for “charity work” in your life, you can introduce more interactions with your parents. It can also be a good way to practice acceptance, letting go of expectations, staying detached, etc. Edited March 20 by Rose Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Maynor Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 Less contact might be the middle way. I know what you mean. It hurts like hell to go no contact with a parent. Limit contact but don’t cut off. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 21 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said: Less contact might be the middle way. I know what you mean. It hurts like hell to go no contact with a parent. Limit contact but don’t cut off. Yes, for me it’s only with the purpose to ease the guilt Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 What if guilt is how judgment feels though? What if the universe only hears and feels the thought, ‘immature & psychologically unstable’ and doesn’t know anything, hear anything, or feel anything about others or because of others? Would this make for freedom, maturity, psychological stability & alignment? Wouldn't it feel better and be more empowering & connective not to judge, pity, explain yourself or lie? What if guilt & worry are guidance for thoughts, and you’re already whole? Maybe there is a better, as in more aligned & freeing way. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 20 Author Share Posted March 20 18 minutes ago, Phil said: Wouldn't it feel better and be more empowering & connective not to judge, pity, explain yourself or lie? So what do you say when she keeps calling you and telling you she will come over and you don’t want to spend time with her? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 34 minutes ago, Rose said: So what do you say when she keeps calling you and telling you she will come over and you don’t want to spend time with her? Does she keep calling because there has been open & honest communication? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 22 Author Share Posted March 22 On 3/20/2024 at 8:07 PM, Phil said: Does she keep calling because there has been open & honest communication? Yes, multiple times. We even went to a therapist together. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 @Rose Is it worth peeling away the label that she is toxic / her toxic abyss etc, that there may be more specific dynamics ‘seen’ which are what isn’t resonating? This communing with Source might serve you very well as it pertains to relationships going forward. Isn’t what you want more mature psychology and the stability (alignment) therein, and doesn’t this jive so well in terms of relationships that are unfolding, manifesting, in comparison to past relationships and how they’ve panned out, or perhaps, not panned out? What if labeling people as toxic is indicative of isolating immature discordant psychology which doesn’t allow true inner stability, assuredness & confidence in that it leaves alignment out of the picture altogether? I mean, are you just going to ‘cut’ everyone who’s ‘toxic’? Does that really resonate? What about the ‘what do I want relationship wise, and what vibration am I giving relationship wise’ here? Is this current orientation the way of alignment, as in peace & clarity regardless of external circumstances? If toxic dynamics, more so than ‘toxic people’, are detached from, is guilt & worry still felt or is resonance with / as peacefulness & all-encompassing love felt? Are you not attracting, as the creator of your reality, and therein is the dynamics of this relationship not a matter of reflection of your own vibrational alignment and beliefs? Is this course relieving, releasing of resistance & discordant emotions & thoughts about relationships? If self-love / well-being is the priority, is this current framing truly of abundance? How might that framing shed light on past experiences with relationships, and that light fulfill your much more deeply desired future experience with a relationship? Is your own well-being put above all else in that regard? Put another way, what does there being an experience of ‘toxic people’ say about your alignment and your prioritization of well-being and your realization of your abundance? Are you not infinitely greater than your appearance? Than this fleeting & surreal life experience & all coming & going relationships therein? Where is the greater depth of you in there being an experience of immature psychologically unstable & toxic people? Does that truly resonate? Can every experience, no matter how challenging, be met with at least consideration for an actuality of non-separation and resonance as unconditional love? How does the “you”, separate of ‘toxic people’, fit into this? Suffering, isn’t it so? Alternatively, the reality of empowerment, freedom. Isn’t it so? Is there suffering prior to the arising labels and interpretations based on separation & judgment… or untouched, unmoved openness, uneffected spacious awareness, without any need to turn away or engage in strategies of separation, as all is an expression of the indivisible whole you are? Is “your headspace taken up by them” really experienced, or is there an opportunity for turning discord into alignment, and again empowerment therein? Another consideration… is blame an action or an emotion, and which is truly empowering? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 On 3/20/2024 at 11:41 AM, Rose said: Every interaction with her cost me more than it brought me. Are relationships transactional? Is love transactional? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 (edited) On 3/22/2024 at 8:09 AM, Phil said: Is it worth peeling away the label that she is toxic / her toxic abyss etc, that there may be more specific dynamics ‘seen’ which are what isn’t resonating? I think that not labeling the whole person as toxic but certain behaviour as toxic is definitely feeling better. Is this what you mean? “Fighting” with this “toxic” behaviour feels more aligned than throwing out the whole person ❤️ Edited March 26 by Rose Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 50 minutes ago, Rose said: I think that not labeling the whole person as toxic but certain behaviour as toxic is definitely feeling better. Is this what you mean? That’s definitely the aligned orientation yes. 50 minutes ago, Rose said: “Fighting” with this “toxic” behaviour feels more aligned than throwing out the whole person ❤️ What feels more aligned than fighting with toxic behavior? No right or wrong answer, just, whatever feels more aligned, feels more aligned. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Phil said: What feels more aligned than fighting with toxic behavior? No right or wrong answer, just, whatever feels more aligned, feels more aligned. Encouraging and demonstrating “healthy” behaviour and communication, living a joyful life and inspiring others to do the same ——————- “Sam was walking in a dark alley and saw teenagers bulling a youngster. To stop this violence, Sam performed a beautiful dance in front of the bullies” Edited March 26 by Rose Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 On 3/22/2024 at 8:20 AM, Mandy said: Are relationships transactional? Is love transactional? I seem to be living from a state that it is. I haven’t achieved the realization that it is not. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 5 hours ago, Rose said: I seem to be living from a state that it is. I haven’t achieved the realization that it is not. So it's transactional, based on your achievement of a state? It's just that thought now making it seem transactional. It's already, you're Already unconditional. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 21 hours ago, Rose said: Encouraging and demonstrating “healthy” behaviour and communication, living a joyful life and inspiring others to do the same Sounds canned. 21 hours ago, Rose said: ——————- “Sam was walking in a dark alley and saw teenagers bulling a youngster. To stop this violence, Sam performed a beautiful dance in front of the bullies” Is that supposed to be communicating something? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it - does it or does it not make a sound!? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 3 hours ago, Phil said: Is that supposed to be communicating something? Yes, that if you want to change someone’s behaviour the best thing to do is to show them a better alternative Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 @Rose Oh, thanks, nice. Was it ‘canned’ ? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Long Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 11 minutes ago, Phil said: Was it ‘canned’ ? Like sitcom laughter, or like peaches? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 5 hours ago, Phil said: @Rose Oh, thanks, nice. Was it ‘canned’ ? No, felt it during my last trip, not to throw out people and that a best way to stop “evil” is to shift its attention Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.