The world is a wonderful place

[Kevin]

I went to a comedy open mic tonight and I did a set. I thought I did badly. It was beautiful seeing the community. I’ve been to like 4 open mics and it’s usually the same people. Everyone is so warm and welcoming and kind. 
 

I experience suffering because I think I’m the odd one out. I’m the one dwelling on how my set was shitty when everyone around me is congratulating me and including me and being kind to me. I believe it’s thoughts. I believe it’s not really me but the emotions come up.

 

the comedy community here really is beautiful. I’m hanging out and enjoying hanging out with people I never thought I’d hang out with. It’s wonderful but partly I believe I don’t belong.

 

I believe it’s selfish and self centered to be so focused on negativity about myself when I don’t even know who that self is. And I readily acknowledge I can’t find that self. I experience frustration because I believe I can’t fix it because there’s nothing to fix. But I feel guilty when I can’t fix it. Which is stupid.

 

i sound insane bitching about an imaginary self but it feels real experientially. Then there is a belief that something’s gonna change to where it’s clear I don’t need to fix anything.

 

Then my next thought is it’s about love. When I felt love for the last girl I dated it wasn’t because of her. It was just love and acceptance and it felt right.  And I want that but how do you make a goal out of love? You can’t I don’t think.

[Phil]

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

And I want that but how do you make a goal out of love? You can’t I don’t think.

Light bulb… light beam -> movie. Is there a movie? No. Is there light? Yes.

Self… love -> ‘other’. Is there other? No. Is there love? Yes. 

 

To make a goal of what is, is only to overlook what is. 🙂

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

I went to a comedy open mic tonight and I did a set.

Awesome. 🍻 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

I thought I did badly.

Thoughts arise presently. I thought I, is a presently appearing thought about a second self, in a past, which thought. 

There isn’t even a thinker present. Check & see. This is pure freedom, just for no one. 

It’s the judgement which feels discordant, coupled by the belief in a second self (conditioning). 

There’s not something (to solve), judgement feels that way because there isn’t other / a second self. 

Nothing’s (Self) happening (Light-Love).  This is nothing happening. 

Something is a belief. Only something could do badly. 

Nothing’s happening! ♥️

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

It was beautiful seeing the community. I’ve been to like 4 open mics and it’s usually the same people. Everyone is so warm and welcoming and kind. 
 

I experience suffering because I think I’m the odd one out.

That thought appears - and is believed - while there is no thinker. 

That’s conditioning. Sharing an untrue belief which feels discordant. 

Buffet it; welcome & receive the warmth, welcoming & kindness… share the welcomeness, warmth & kindness… leave the conditioned belief. 

 

I think I’m. 

Reality: not two. ♥️

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m the one dwelling on how my set was shitty

No you aren’t. You’re the One aware of the judgmental thought about a finite self. “The dweller” 😂 

Laughter is the best medicine. 

Write a bit for the next set about “the dweller”. 

Transmutation. Conditioning into creativity, beauty, humor.  

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

when everyone around me is congratulating me and including me and being kind to me. I believe it’s thoughts. I believe it’s not really me but the emotions come up.

It is you. What there isn’t, is people. 

A person has never been experienced. 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

the comedy community here really is beautiful. I’m hanging out and enjoying hanging out with people I never thought I’d hang out with. It’s wonderful but partly I believe I don’t belong.

Nip discordant beliefs in the bud. How’s it feel, great or not great? 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

I believe it’s selfish and self centered to be so focused on negativity about myself when I don’t even know who that self is.

It’s not selfish and self centered… there is no self negatively focused on… it is unknown that there is that self.

It’s not that there is a self which knows something, and doesn’t know other things. 

It’s that there is no subject nor object, no self nor things. 

There is only how the thought feels. 

Nip. 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

And I readily acknowledge I can’t find that self.

The self which can’t find that self, is assumed and doesn’t exist. 

Light-Love. 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

I experience frustration because I believe I can’t fix it because there’s nothing to fix. But I feel guilty when I can’t fix it. Which is stupid.

“I believe I”. 

Nonduality proposes not two. 

 

“I feel guilty” is a belief loop. Like a plane circling the airport, which lands in the runway of the acknowledge that there isn’t a self which feels guilty - there’s an emotion called guilt. 

 

 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

i sound insane bitching about an imaginary self but it feels real experientially.

Thoughts are felt, ‘it’ is a thought, thought’s aren’t an ‘it’. 

“I sound insane” is a judgment as if coming from someone else. 

“It” does not feel real. Feeling feels real, because feeling is reality. 

The word “reality” is a pointer ‘to’ feeling. 

Feeling, rather than believing, is inherently grounded ‘in’ reality. ♥️

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

Then there is a belief that something’s gonna change to where it’s clear I don’t need to fix anything.

Go prior. 

That there is something is a belief. 

Nothing’s happening! 

There’s nothing nor no one to fix, nor be fixed! ♥️

Let a belief be… a belief. 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

Then my next thought is it’s about love.

“It’s” not about love 

“It” IS LOVE. 

There isn’t some thing. 

 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

When I felt love for the last girl I dated it wasn’t because of her. It was just love and acceptance and it felt right.  

🎯 

6 hours ago, Kevin said:

And I want that but how do you make a goal out of love? You can’t I don’t think.

What is “a goal”? 

A “you”?

An “I which thinks”? 

 

Comedy gold brother! 🍻 

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Saylor Twift said:

Thanks for sharing man! I had a similar experience doing comedy at an open mic night recently. I have this intense fear that if I screw it up then I’ll somehow ruin my whole life. Like the fate of the world depends on me doing everything perfectly, and it prevents me from just letting go and free flowing. Do you know what I’m talking about?
 

Sort of yeah I used to experience a lot of fear in college when I’d have to present in front of class. I don’t think I explained it the way you did but probably same shit. I think partly I’ve just gotten more used to it. Still a little scary sometimes but usually doable unless I’m feeling really sad.

 

I think it terms of helping resolve it, what Phil advises generally helps me over time. Like if I meditate and do the emotional scale often then I’ll feel happier and these things are way easier. I’m sure you’ve experienced similar.

 

Also some comedy clubs can be more nerve racking than others. There’s one that’s super chill and then there’s some that feel more intense. Idk why maybe more people or it seems more serious.

 

End of the day tho everyone bombs. It’s not that bad. Worst case scenario no one remembers your set and no one really cares. Worst thing I’ve heard of is a white guy dropped the hard r. Some people talked to him about it and the following week I was there and he spent his five minutes saying he was sorry.

Also bombing is totally subjective probably. You might think you bombed at some point but it probably wasn’t that bad. I realistically wasn’t that bad last time. I wasn’t great but I wasn’t horrible.

 

people are really nice and 

more forgiving generally. Everyone has been super nice at every open mic. You can even just tell people you’re nervous when you go up. I did that one time then just kept going.

One of the better guys I’ve seen, I thought he was bad cuz I thought he bombed the first time I saw him but he’s been killing it ever since and honestly he’s super different so he probably killed it the first night and I was just being judgy.

 

Keep doing it is the main thing. You’ve got this. It seems crazy until you’ve done it a lot and it’s normal. My friend who’s really working at it is going to like 3 or 4 open mics a week. Also he’s constantly writing jokes so I think part of it is if you’re prepared with material it takes the edge off. I’ve even heard you can take classes on comedy. 

oh also toastmasters is apparently a public speaking workshop that’s in like every American city. Probably Europe too. Maybe worldwide.

1 hour ago, Saylor Twift said:

 

One of my worst fears is public humiliation, and bombing at a comedy club related to that fear, so the stakes are very high. My worst fear is being hunted by a wild predator, and my second worst fear is being banished from society, but public humiliation is up there. I was wondering if you have any suggestions on how to be more authentic in the moment and not really give a fuck?

 

 

I feel ya on the public speaking for sure. I’ve never been afraid of being hunted by an animal tho. I am afraid of spiders tho.

 

for the animals don’t hike in Alaska and you should be fine. Bears are scary lol.

 

Phil explains this kind of thing way better but what I would do is public humiliation isn’t really a thing per se. It’s always your own judgement your feeling, not everyone else’s. 
 

A huge thing is momentum too. If you spend all day in bed on your then go out it’s gonna be hard. Build healthy habits, exercise and meditate. These things will make you feel better. And the better you feel the easier it is.

 

Also try challenging yourself in small ways that make you nervous. For example when I was feeling why more shy, I would try just smiling and random people. For you it may be different but it’s worth a shot.

 

1 hour ago, Saylor Twift said:

 

Also, how’s the crack addiction going? I hope you’re doing OK, man.

Thanks for asking! That’s actually going pretty good in terms of quitting. I’ve been off for a while now. I seem to have developed a permanent tolerance and I feel so sad after every time that it’s become not worth it at all. I don’t intent to do it again. I just need to work on avoiding all other drugs even caffeine.

 

Keep your  head up and keep us posted on how the comedy goes!

[Kevin]

On 3/7/2024 at 5:07 AM, Phil said:

Light bulb… light beam -> movie. Is there a movie? No. Is there light? Yes.

Self… love -> ‘other’. Is there other? No. Is there love? Yes. 

 

To make a goal of what is, is only to overlook what is. 🙂

 

Awesome. 🍻 

Thoughts arise presently. I thought I, is a presently appearing thought about a second self, in a past, which thought. 

There isn’t even a thinker present. Check & see. This is pure freedom, just for no one. 

It’s the judgement which feels discordant, coupled by the belief in a second self (conditioning). 

There’s not something (to solve), judgement feels that way because there isn’t other / a second self. 

Nothing’s (Self) happening (Light-Love).  This is nothing happening. 

Something is a belief. Only something could do badly. 

Nothing’s happening! ♥️

 

That thought appears - and is believed - while there is no thinker. 

That’s conditioning. Sharing an untrue belief which feels discordant. 

Buffet it; welcome & receive the warmth, welcoming & kindness… share the welcomeness, warmth & kindness… leave the conditioned belief. 

 

I think I’m. 

Reality: not two. ♥️

 

No you aren’t. You’re the One aware of the judgmental thought about a finite self. “The dweller” 😂 

Laughter is the best medicine. 

Write a bit for the next set about “the dweller”. 

Transmutation. Conditioning into creativity, beauty, humor.  

 

It is you. What there isn’t, is people. 

A person has never been experienced. 

 

Nip discordant beliefs in the bud. How’s it feel, great or not great? 

 

It’s not selfish and self centered… there is no self negatively focused on… it is unknown that there is that self.

It’s not that there is a self which knows something, and doesn’t know other things. 

It’s that there is no subject nor object, no self nor things. 

There is only how the thought feels. 

Nip. 

 

The self which can’t find that self, is assumed and doesn’t exist. 

Light-Love. 

 

“I believe I”. 

Nonduality proposes not two. 

 

“I feel guilty” is a belief loop. Like a plane circling the airport, which lands in the runway of the acknowledge that there isn’t a self which feels guilty - there’s an emotion called guilt. 

 

 

 

Thoughts are felt, ‘it’ is a thought, thought’s aren’t an ‘it’. 

“I sound insane” is a judgment as if coming from someone else. 

“It” does not feel real. Feeling feels real, because feeling is reality. 

The word “reality” is a pointer ‘to’ feeling. 

Feeling, rather than believing, is inherently grounded ‘in’ reality. ♥️

 

Go prior. 

That there is something is a belief. 

Nothing’s happening! 

There’s nothing nor no one to fix, nor be fixed! ♥️

Let a belief be… a belief. 

 

“It’s” not about love 

“It” IS LOVE. 

There isn’t some thing. 

 

🎯

What is “a goal”? 

A “you”?

An “I which thinks”? 

 

Comedy gold brother! 🍻 

Thanks Phil! This is a lot and I keep reading it and then getting interrupted. I’ll see if I have any questions but I don’t know if. I will. It seems really direct.

[Reena]

What you'll do about love or for that matter anything else will very much be decided by how you generally feel about yourself? How do you feel about yourself everyday?

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, Reena said:

What you'll do about love or for that matter anything else will very much be decided by how you generally feel about yourself? How do you feel about yourself everyday?

It varies sometimes great sometimes bad