Tropicana

[Reena]

I think writing about it brings me clarity on what's happening. 

 

[Reena]

Finally he agreed that he will leave me alone. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I'm so done with this person. As though he doesn't get that he has been blocked. What part of "blocked" is not understood? 

 

Constantly wanting me to sympathize with him when he can do nothing but shit on the people who help him. 

 

 

 

Edited January 18 by Reena

[Reena]

He expects sympathy out of his girlfriends when he calls them bitch whore slut skank. Like wow. The entitlement. 

I am dealing with my own problems and this dude has poached on my feelings by constantly begging for my sympathy. So many people helped him. So many. I can't even imagine people helping me like that. A woman named Dawn used to get him his medication. He called her a bitch. So she stopped helping him. Literally I don't know what sort of a world these people live in. He thinks the whole world owes him something because he is American? He keeps saying how he doesn't to suffer because he is American. So the rest of the world deserves to suffer? 

This is what you get when you are raised in a culture of privilege. You'll never have humility. 

How many times did I help this guy? I used to wake up in the middle of the night and help him. 

I paid for his hotel because he was homeless, this was when I was his girlfriend. I saved his life when he was going to be mugged. And then he would shit on me. I developed insomnia because he would wake me up countless times to help him and I would do that for him thinking it was my moral obligation to show him compassion. And in the end he cheated on me and kept subjecting me to the horrors of his abuse. His ex was in the hospital for him for weeks and weeks. He kicked her in the bathroom and broke her car window. 

I don't understand what dudes like these think of themselves man. The level of entitlement is just mind boggling. 

Now he dates Asian girls because most Asian girls like me are naive and humble and they don't understand what abuse can look like. We just generally don't mingle so much with men. We are sexually repressed. It's just Asian culture in general. So we don't detect male abuse unless it's literal. I had no idea what I was getting into when I got into this relationship. I was shy, awkward, introverted and this American pathetic white guy would regularly subject me to racist abuse despite me helping him. He would completely alter the script to fit his narrative. He would tell him how his ex is abusing him. But he would carefully delete the part where he hit her. She had enough and she walked out. Why should a woman take physical abuse? She told me this when I contacted her. Why in the world did I not understand? I was so clueless showing compassion to such an abusive person. Most Asian women believe that white guys are innocent darlings. Until they experience it otherwise. 

 

I'm so frustrated. I can't imagine the frustration of the ex. 

 

 

I'm living on my own money. I don't take a dime from anyone. I am humble enough to live on my own money because I wasn't raised in privilege. And these American dudes who live on welfare think that everyone owes them something. He acts like if I help him I'm doing a favor to myself. Huh?? 

 

His own family threw him out because he gave them death threats. Grow the fuck up and EARN YOUR OWN PENNY AND STOPPING SUCKING OFF THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. 

 

I'M SO FED UP WITH THIS ENTITLEMENT. 

 

FREELOADERS. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I would not even get a single minute for myself in the day because all the minutes would be consumed by him. If he dropped his cigarette, he would call me a bitch. 

 

If I told him that I'm really hungry and I have to grab dinner, he would call me a bitch. It was just regular. I was completely stressed and drained serving this dude. Am I not human? 

If this happened to any other woman or person I would have cried thinking how much they are having to endure. 

Then people began telling me that I'm dumb in trying to help him. I thought that I should be a good person to him. But some people just never change. They suck you dry. Moralize a woman till she becomes your slave. Judge her if she wants to care for herself. 

 

[Reena]

All I ever wanted was a man who I could marry and live with. All I ever wanted was a white picket fence. All I ever wanted was a small house and a small family. And stay as his wife for the rest of my life. And be loyal, loving and committed to him for the rest of my life. And live in his love. True love. True emotions. 

That is all. 

 

And live in his heart of course. 

 

I don't want a man to poach my emotions when I'm not in love with him. I don't owe love to a man who I'm not attracted to. Simple logic? 

 

 

[Reena]

I have to love myself.