Rape dreams(trigger warning)

[Reena]

The act of rape is symbolic of the tension between you and  the rapist. 

 

[Someone here]

@Reena you are all over the place.  Slow down and just write short precise points /questions etc . No one These days have the attention span to read these walls of text. 

[Reena]

@Someone here you can take your own time. 

[Someone here]

@Reena tell me how can I help you ? I'm genuinely worried about your suffering..because im conscious that I'm you...so please in a brief paragraph...tell me how can I help you exactly to sort this problem out? 

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

Umm. I can actually have it if I want it. I never felt like I could never have it or feel like it's a fault if I had it. There's an element of sexual repression in me where having sex or at least imagining having sex wouldn't be easy.

How are these things both true at the same time, seems like they contradict one another. What exactly is the repression? 

[Reena]

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

How are these things both true at the same time, seems like they contradict one another. What exactly is the repression? 

Sure. It wouldn't be easy because I never had it. So there's anticipatory anxiety. Yet I never felt like I can't have sex. I never thought it would be my fault if I had it. I was sexually repressed that is I would feel shy and anxious about it and not feel completely free but I wasn't like I wouldn't have it if encouraged in a supportive manner. 

[Reena]

@Mandy the problem is not sex or sexual repression. The problem is the submission power factor in the rape dream and the comfort and safety  experienced with the rapist. I should have felt threatened by the rapist which tends to happen sometimes but in the end it's peaceful and safe. I was not understanding why the rapist was making me feel safe. Some of my recent posts about karma in the thread shed light on this aspect of the dream. 

[Mandy]

@Reena Are you interested in finding a husband? 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

@Reena Are you interested in finding a husband? 

 

If I find a man who is emotionally, sexually, spiritually compatible with me, I would definitely want to have him as a life partner and marry him. 

[Mandy]

@Reena Do you believe that this will occur for you? If I am looking for emotional compatibility, isn't that more of an in the moment thing than about the people themselves? 

[Reena]

8 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Reena Do you believe that this will occur for you? If I am looking for emotional compatibility, isn't that more of an in the moment thing than about the people themselves? 

Can you elaborate this again? I didn't get it.

 

[Mandy]

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

If I find a man who is emotionally, sexually, spiritually compatible with me, I would definitely want to have him as a life partner and marry him. 

Do you believe this will occur for you?

 

What is emotional compatibility if we experience a range of emotions in an hour? How can you be emotionally compatible with another person?

[Reena]

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Do you believe this will occur for you?

 

What is emotional compatibility if we experience a range of emotions in an hour? How can you be emotionally compatible with another person?

Emotional compatibility in the sense we both are emotionally invested to the same extent. I don't want a relationship where I'm more emotionally invested and he is not. 

 

[Mandy]

33 minutes ago, Reena said:

Emotional compatibility in the sense we both are emotionally invested to the same extent. I don't want a relationship where I'm more emotionally invested and he is not. 

 

Ok, got it. 

 

Do you believe that you will find someone, or is there often doubt around that?

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

Ok, got it. 

 

Do you believe that you will find someone, or is there often doubt around that?

I feel like I will never find someone. I am usually not very easily attracted to people. I rarely find someone attractive. I am deeply introverted so I tend to lock myself into a shell and rarely let someone that close to me. I tend to wall off a lot. 

[Phil]

Which emotion would you say ‘I will never find someone’ feels like?

 

[Reena]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

Which emotion would you say ‘I will never find someone’ feels like?

 

Powerlessness. 

[Reena]

Telling myself - These rape dreams are a form of trauma release. Don't feel upset by them. It will be ok. They are a form of finding security in powerlessness. 

[Reena]

On 11/12/2023 at 3:52 PM, Reena said:

Interpretation 9

 

Forgiving the rapist and tolerating the rape. 

 

 

Since I felt powerless and suffered Stockholm Syndrome, and survived and lived with the rapist in my dreams, I was left with a split personality. Psychologically speaking. 

On one hand, part of my personality was seeking tender love. I was extremely compassionate towards anyone who suffered. 

And I break down in tears when someone shows compassion to me. 

 

 

The other part of my split persona was to constantly imagine this act of victimhood and suffering where these images of my suffering at the hands of the rapist constantly arise taunting me, intrusive thoughts, the rapist is always in the background like an enemy sitting there watching me, telling me that I'm weak and helpless. That he hates me. That I need to suck up to him. That I'm his slave. Etc. 

 

Forgiving the rapist. 

 

On one side my subconscious is looking for tender love. The other half is reiterating that something is there that's holding me back. Can this be called subconscious sabotage? I don't know. But it's something. It does feel like sabotaging my spirit. It does feel like some Devil inside/outside of me who makes fun of me. 

 

 

Interpretation 10- craving domination and authority. 

This seems to be a powerful plausible explanation. An alternative explanation for the rape dreams. 

 

[Reena]

Just now, Reena said:

Interpretation 10- craving domination and authority. 

This seems to be a powerful plausible explanation. An alternative explanation for the rape dreams. 

 

Interpretation 11 - extrication of intimacy due to introversion. 

Sometimes I feel like (although I won't have a problem in the act of sex), my introversion will make me not go closer to the guy I'm attracted to. 

It's like I'm hiding myself deep inside a burrow like an animal. And someone has to put their hand inside and pull me out by force. I have been this way ever since I was a child. Never talking to anyone. Always shy. Always in my own world.

In the rape dream, I am not doing anything on my own. I'm simply submitting to his power and force. I might even try to resist. But my resistance is not extreme. It's like I let it happen. 

This could mean that I want forceful extrication of bonding out of myself. 

I'm not able to experience this bonding on my own. 

For example I don't imagine sucking a guy unless he forces me vigorously to do it. It's like everything has to be forced or an instruction. A command. Or I don't do it. 

I see this as an aspect of Infantilization.. 

 

Infantilization can be a part of Stockholm Syndrome 

 

 

As a child my upbringing was disturbing and distraught with narcissistic abuse, constant submission to authority of my parent and physical violence if I did not obey. 

 

I think parts of this childhood are playing out in the rape dream. 

 

Some of the upbringing involved Stockholm Syndrome, sympathising with my abuser or constantly expecting safety out of them. Which was not given. A feeling of neglect and abandonment followed.