I want to be loved

[noomii]

I'm in my mid 20's and I have never been in love with a man or been in a romantic relationship.
I've only been hooking up with a bunch of men since I was a teen.
I've been with several guys that I've felt attached to but I haven't felt like I'm "in love".
This makes me so insecure thinking there's something wrong with me, why does it seem so easy for other women to attract men and fall in love?

I have also experienced a very low sex drive my whole life too. In the past I was mostly ignoring my body and what I wanted just to please men. Now it's different as I set boundaries and feeling myself, but that makes me less wanted by men.

I worry that if I would meet someone I wanted a lot, they would quickly get tired of me and leave if I would be honest about my sexuality (as it is right now). What can I do in a situation like that? I guess it's unnecessary worry about an imaginary future to let go of.

I experience unworthiness when reading what men wants, like I'm just not good enough and I worry about being perceived as unattractive. 
I also experience a lot of fear about aging because it seems like men won't desire me anymore the more I age, like I have an expiration date. I've been told by a man that I look like I'm 35.

Also the past several years when going through a lot of difficulties I've been meeting much less people and feeling like nothing I want is coming to me easily no matter what it is. So that explains a bit but I don't think it's just that.
When I've felt really unwell I don't feel like I've even had space for a partner and I haven't given it much thought.

I have written on my dream board about what kind of man I want. Also when I feel attracted to someone that is already in a relationship or just seeing anything I like in any man, I write down those aspects about him that I want.

I have thought that it might be better for me to just forget about trying to attract a man and just focus on well-being and feeling better.

 

I'm comparing myself with others who had several boyfriends young, but not me, and I'm wondering if that could be because I'm holding onto certain beliefs that they don't?

What beliefs makes it difficult for me to attract the man I want? Is it just the obvious, believing "I'm not good enough"?

Is it related to my relationship with my father?

 

The beliefs I've shared just feel like shit and I want to get rid of them.

[Jonas Long]

Flip it around to "I want to love", make it something active instead of passive and then do it, it has to come back around sooner or later. 

[Devin]

Yeah you need to build a relationship first for good sex in general, just ease in to telling him what you want as the relationship grows, when you both care about eachother he will love pleasing you.

 

"In love" is bulloney, the couples you see are faking it, just find someone you'd love to spend your life with and that would love spending their life with you.

 

Foundation physical attractiveness(what you have to work with) really isn't even an actual thing, being and looking healthy is actually what the attractive part is, what you do with what you got in terms of what social subcultures you mingle with or want a guy from matters a bit as well obviously too though, but sincerely a person's physical limitations aren't what's in the attractive factor. I'm not saying this to be nice either, guys that say otherwise don't even understand what they like.

 

Growing how you want as a person will increase your sex drive, a decent guy will be fine with your low or changing sex drive.

 

Don't worry about aging, older women are sexy, you can freeze eggs, you're very young,...

 

Go to group activities or social settings, coed sports, etc.

 

Times when you're down are the times that your partner is for the most, men are caregivers too.

 

Focus on well being, but part of that is being social.

 

You don't see the bad parts of the couples you're comparing to.

 

Yep, you've mentioned a few things that sound like unworthiness which is patently untrue, there aren't perfect guys out there, you're good enough for.... 95% realistically.

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

4 hours ago, noomii said:

The beliefs I've shared just feel like shit and I want to get rid of them.

Pick a belief to start with and let’s talk about it until you see that it isn’t true. When you see for yourself a discordant belief about yourself isn’t actually true, you see when & why you stared believing it about yourself in the first place. You see that it’s conditioning. You unlimit yourself of the idea of you little by little, and everything changes, little by little. It can’t be rushed and is more efficient the more you put your relaxed attention on it.

 

To supercharge it, genuinely take interest and appreciate the process. Appreciate that there is a process which will transform you and your experience. But don’t hold any of this as expectations. Putting burden on yourself like that is something you no longer do. No more self depreciating. It’s ok if it happens, but be aware of it, feel it fully, and start connecting the dots so it all starts making more & more sense. You will be liberated as it does. No rushing.

 

The key aspect is remainning present. Non-aversion. Not believing thought stories. Not seeking attention to feel better. Not believing you need to be understood. Not believing someone else feeling bad for you helps. Not using something or someone to feel better. Not wishing anyone ill, including yourself. It will likely be difficult & challenging to allow appreciation and forgiveness in these respects, but you can do it. It is within you in spades. 

 

The ‘work’ aspect is really allowing the feeling of the discord which comes up with the beliefs. It can be difficult. Most people have & continue to suppress the discord without being aware they are. Even when substances, unaligned habits, and even people are used and this weighs on the conscience. There’s a sense that something’s missing or not quite whole, but most don’t connect the dots. They don’t realize feeling fear, doubt, impatience, irritation, etc is feeling discordant beliefs about themself. Most people believe their own rationalizations which explain it away. “It’s because of someone or something”. But suffering does not have a source or cause.

 

When you uncover yourself, you’re uncovering everything you actually want to feel and everything you want to attract. This is the case wether you’re aware of this, realize this, or choose to believe this - or not. This is why it seems easy for some women. No two people have the same idea of themself, and the degree of discord varies greatly. 

 

You’re going about it wisely already, but none of the activity of thinking actually matters. None of the comparisons matter. All that matters is dispelling the beliefs behind the discord. Only your vibration, how you’re feeling, matters. You aren’t some thing that can be done or found, only uncovered. There is nothing greater, and you, unfettered, make sense of everything. The relationship you want will come without even thinking about it.

 

Put all your time, attention, focus & energy on yourself for the time being. Love & care for yourself like you never have before. Love & care for yourself so much that you are willing to feel difficult emotions to liberate yourself of limiting beliefs & resistance, and experience the life (and partner) that you desire to. You’ll experince more energy and sensation, and arousal will happen naturally and plentifully.

 

The universe is indeed Good, incredibly intelligent and loving, and there would not be that dream in that heart were it not possible to experience on this planet. It is possible for you. It’s all a matter of unfettering, of getting out of your own way. 

[noomii]

@Jonas Long @Devin @Phil

Thank you for the replies, I need some time to read it through.

 

16 hours ago, Devin said:

you can freeze eggs, you're very young,...

I don't want children so that's not a concern for me.