Work is so stressful

[spiritual dreams]

My job has been super stressful as of late. They extended my probation because my performance wasn't good enough.

Lately it's been so stressful that it is taking a huge toll on my mental health. Even my physical health has deteriorated as I've gained a few pounds and I have less energy during the day. 

All my motivation for the job is gone and replaced with a depressed apathy. I honestly would have quit if the job market  wasn't so shit.

It's annoying because the job itself is actually incredibly interesting, it's just the constant overwhelming pressure to perform and never ending negative perfectionistic feedback that ruins it for me. I can't believe something I was so passionate about could end up being to terrible. Is this my life now?

[Devin]

11 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

Is this my life now?

No, you're at a bad company.

 

I'd suggest looking for another one, look at reviews online for company culture for potential new companies, move on before they let you go, it's easier to get another job while you already have one. If nothing else, just try another one, use your intuition if you can't find real evidence.

 

The best way to find a decent company is socializing and meeting people at other companies, this likely isn't much help to you now but just long term advice.

 

The team you work with is what matters, the company, not the companies niche, all jobs will get boring, work relationships never will though, either good or bad. Perhaps down the road you'll find an interesting AND good company, but starting out you NEED a good company, it's critical.

Edited September 16, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

What’s the specific feedback as to the difference in performance?

 

It might be negative & perfectionist as you say and time to start looking, but it might not be as you say… and given you like the work, it’s at least worth considering. 

 

What challenges are arising as far as making the changes they’re requesting? What are those changes? Getting there on time, sales / more production, adhering to regulations / OSHA type stuff…?

[spiritual dreams]

11 hours ago, Phil said:

What challenges are arising as far as making the changes they’re requesting? What are those changes? Getting there on time, sales / more production, adhering to regulations / OSHA type stuff…?

Lack of ownership of my tasks, that I do the bare minimum of what is asked for me. I don't take the initiative and I'm not a go-getter. Not independent enough, my code is messy etc.

The really annoying thing is that even if I complete a task and do what is asked of me perfectly, it's still not enough because I didn't 'go the extra mile'

[Phil]

Is there some truth in the feedback you’re receiving about the work being done?

 

Do they actually give the feedback as you have stated it here… as in about you and not at all actually about the work?

 

Are they giving specific steps as to getting from where you’re at to meeting expectations? 

Do they acknowledge the wins step by step? 

Do you? 

 

Are their expectations too high / unrealistic, or are you receiving good feedback with specifics which is challenging you to perform better?

 

Are they requiring accuracy, and or addition hours / overtime? 

If so, are you paid for it? 

 

Is the stress do to unrealistic expectations or resistance to receiving feedback and making changes? 

 

Are there beliefs around focus, in any not-enough of it manor? 

 

Have you talked with co-workers in the same boat, and or co-workers meeting expectations?

What advice do they give? What worked for them? 

 

What are you doing on the self care front to address the stress? 

What support is in place during this more challenging than usual time?

What do you do to unplug, check out, let it all go? 

 

Overall all, is this work fun, is there passion for it, is it what you want to be doing?

If not, do you know how to go about that? 

[Mandy]

@spiritual dreams Are you taking the time to write down what you want? You'll get far more clarity from this than trying to make a "should I stay or should I go" either/or decision.

[spiritual dreams]

@Mandy what do i want? lets see:

1. The actual content of my job is very interesting and It's something that my childhood self (who was obsessed with science and engineering) could only dream about. So in that regard, I want to keep within this work.

2. I want to not be so stressed, less pressure and more room to breathe. I've found that when there is no pressure on me, I actually love my work.

3. I want to stop feeling like I'm not good enough. Work really pushes the idea that I am underperforming.

4. although my job is interesting, the people at my work aren't really they type of people who I connect with. They are very stage orange. I would like to be around more conscious people.

5. I want to make the world a better place, my company is quite involved with sustainable energy so that's a plus.

6. I want a break from work. But since I am on probation, I can't really afford one.

7. I want my other needs (social life, relationships, sex, hobbies etc.) and I want my work to not interfere with that.

8. I want money (Obviously) because I need to put food on the table, and also money helps me go to events where I can meet new people and do interesting things.

9. I want time and space for my healing journey. Work can definitely interfere with that.

10. I want to be secure and stable financially. I don't want to constantly worry about being fired.

[Mandy]

@spiritual dreams Awesome. Notice how you hit the gas and hit the brake a lot above though. Try to get more simple and caveman like about it. 

 

FOOD

 

SEX

 

😂Doesn't have to be quite that simple, but don't contradict yourself. Just for a while don't write what you don't want, unless you're using it to define what it is you DO want more clearly. 

 

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

@Mandy what do i want? lets see:

1. The actual content of my job is very interesting and It's something that my childhood self (who was obsessed with science and engineering) could only dream about. So in that regard, I want to keep within this work.

2. I want to not be so stressed, less pressure and more room to breathe. I've found that when there is no pressure on me, I actually love my work.

Woo hoo!

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

4. although my job is interesting, the people at my work aren't really they type of people who I connect with. They are very stage orange. I would like to be around more conscious people.

Imma tell you right now, there aren't any. Let the disappointment wash over you and see the goddamn beauty in everyone now, and only ever the person you're with. But maybe you want to plan a spiritual retreat? Maybe you want to do some zoom calls with spiritual groups?

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

5. I want to make the world a better place, my company is quite involved with sustainable energy so that's a plus.

6. I want a break from work. But since I am on probation, I can't really afford one.

I dunno how it's gonna come but it is, cause the universe is my Waiter and I'm placing the orders. I'm beyond time so I don't even have to be patient and I can appreciate a break that's short because what is time?

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

7. I want my other needs (social life, relationships, sex, hobbies etc.) and I want my work to not interfere with that.

 

 

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

8. I want money (Obviously) because I need to put food on the table, and also money helps me go to

events where I can meet new people and do interesting things.

9. I want time and space for my healing journey. Work can definitely interfere with that.

It hit me recently that time and space are limitations but together, they are actually unlimited. Two objects cannot take up the same space, except with time, that is possible. Maybe healing is knowing oneself as beyond space and time and not limited by either. 

 

2 hours ago, spiritual dreams said:

10. I want to be secure and stable financially. I don't want to constantly worry about being fired.

So the text is the gas, and the strike through is hitting the brake. Notice how many times you hit the brake. It's great for journaling and expression as long as you're using the brake, to change direction, to turn toward what is wanted. Otherwise you're an obnoxious old man driver, and you're buying new brake pads every 5 months. Metaphorically. 🙂

[spiritual dreams]

 

11 minutes ago, Mandy said:

So the text is the gas, and the strike through is hitting the brake.

I don't understand, what is hitting the break supposed to mean in this context?

[Mandy]

10 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

 

I don't understand, what is hitting the break supposed to mean in this context?

Like driving a car, you move forward, you hit the gas (focus on what's wanted, place your order with the Universe). 

 

Or if you must stop suddenly, you smash on the brake, and the car stops. (Focus on what I don't want and explaining why I want what I want so others will understand it) 

 

I striked through in the quotes when you were speaking about what you DON'T want, all the while believing that you were talking about what you wanted. 

[spiritual dreams]

21 hours ago, Mandy said:

I striked through in the quotes when you were speaking about what you DON'T want, all the while believing that you were talking about what you wanted. 

i don't get it, what wrong with saying what I don't want?

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, spiritual dreams said:

i don't get it, what wrong with saying what I don't want?

Your thoughts create, they are creative. The Universe is like a waiter, waiting for you to place your order. Thoughts are placing your order. Thoughts have momentum, what you think, you get more of. If a waiter came to take your order would you not make eye contact with him and just mumble "I don't want the chicken alfredo" and then be surprised when he brings you the chicken alfredo? He isn't there to hear about what you don't want. The Universe doesn't hear the "don't want" it only goes looks forward to what is wanted. The waiter can only bring your meal if you select and express what you DO want. 

[spiritual dreams]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Your thoughts create, they are creative. The Universe is like a waiter, waiting for you to place your order. Thoughts are placing your order. Thoughts have momentum, what you think, you get more of. If a waiter came to take your order would you not make eye contact with him and just mumble "I don't want the chicken alfredo" and then be surprised when he brings you the chicken alfredo? He isn't there to hear about what you don't want. The Universe doesn't hear the "don't want" it only goes looks forward to what is wanted. The waiter can only bring your meal if you select and express what you DO want. 

Hmmm, so im constantly thinking 'man i hope humanity doesn't destroy itself in a nuclear war' does that mean that the universe is gonna bring me nuclear war?

[Mandy]

@spiritual dreams No because you didn't give that thought enough momentum. You gave it some though. The reason we have the capabilities of destroying humanity in nuclear war is because we have the capabilities of destroying humanity in nuclear war. It's a stand off. Stand off happens with thought, then it manifests as a stand off. And the hitting the gas/hitting the brake, this what I want/this is what I don't want is a stand off with yourself. 

 

It seems like thoughts manifest but all manifestation really is is illumination. The manifestation is never the final step, there is none. So even if you manifest something you don't want, it's illuminating, and the illumination is always wanted. But you can have much more fun in the process. Nothing is at stake. Nothing bad will happen. 

[Devin]

9 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

Hmmm, so im constantly thinking 'man i hope humanity doesn't destroy itself in a nuclear war' does that mean that the universe is gonna bring me nuclear war?

Humanity won't be destroyed in nuclear war, it won't be total annihilation, duct tape and plastic will really help out if it happens though.

 

 

 

 

 

[spiritual dreams]

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@spiritual dreams No because you didn't give that though enough momentum. You gave it some though. The reason we have the capabilities of destroying humanity in nuclear war is because we have the capabilities of destroying humanity in nuclear war. It's a stand off. Stand off happens with though, then it manifests. And the hitting the gas/hitting the brake, this what I want/this is what I don't want is a stand off with yourself. 

 

It seems like thoughts manifest but all manifestation really is is illumination. The manifestation is never the final step, there is none. So even if you manifest something you don't want, it's illuminating, and the illumination is always wanted. But you can have much more fun in the process. Nothing is at stake. Nothing bad will happen. 

Ok I think I understand now. This makes me worried though because I have a lot of intrusive thoughts of bad things happening to people I care about, and thoughts of hurting myself. And now that I know that these thoughts can manifest, it makes me even more worried and I think about it even more. which of course creates a feedback loop from hell. How do I deal with the fear of manifesting something bad?

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, spiritual dreams said:

 

How do I deal with the fear of manifesting something bad?

It's illumination. By realizing it's only ever illumination. It doesn't usually directly manifest to what it is you carelessly imagine, that would be boring and you also can't manifest on behalf of other people although we all collectively create. More immediately it manifests to you just feeling crappy. The manifestation part isn't serious, it's laughable. Be willing to laugh at it. Only care about the illumination. It manifests to the questions which manifests to this conversation, the purpose of which is.. illumination. It's always going in the direction of illumination. 

 

3 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

And now that I know that these thoughts can manifest, it makes me even more worried and I think about it even more.

That's momentum. Isn't that funny? You can't exclude of push anything away in though. DON'T THINK OF A PURPLE ELEPHANT. You can't tell yourself not to think of something, or it's EXACTLY like mumbling to the waiter in the restaurant what you don't want. You can only think of what you do want, and you can slow the momentum through meditation and time in nature, time considering general subjects. Get curious about the momentum and how it works and you've immediately taken focus off the thoughts.

 

 

[Mandy]

A couple hours ago I was throwing a toy for my dog (he's a high energy breed that needs exercise everyday) and it was getting dark and we just got 5 inches of rain or something so the midges were swarming and biting. And it was easy to focus on how bad they were, but there were also several dragonflies zipping around eating them, and the dragonflies would fly really close and it was just magical. Just appreciate the dragonflies and you won't be focusing on the midges anymore be default. Already. The best things in life are the ones that are actually cleaning up and taking care of on your behalf, what you don't want. YOU don't need to control, push it away or give focus to it. it's already taken care of.  The dragonflies are there, whether you see them or not, but life is so much easier and more fun and magical feeling when you do watch them. Feeling guidance is that for you. Give focus to it. The biting flies don't go away all of a sudden. That's fine. 

[spiritual dreams]

@Mandy interesting. What determines the stuff that gets illuminated? Is it my thoughts our something beyond my control?

[Mandy]

13 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said:

@Mandy interesting. What determines the stuff that gets illuminated? Is it my thoughts our something beyond my control?

You're the illumination, not the stuff. What you believe you are and about yourself will get reflected back to you. Mirrors seem to be illuminating but they aren't the source of the light. That's why it's not worth any worry, concern or fear. 

 

It's like you're an author, warm and safe on a crisp autumn evening with a cup of hot chocolate and a beautiful, ordered calm quiet office, writing the pages that tell of the day that the life of their beloved character falls apart. You never, ever become the character. You always remain the author.