What is this level of disassociation…

[Rose]

My dad himself is not in a relationship and has been divorced for 20 years, yet he makes fun of my godmother and my mom about “getting though men” and not being able to find anybody decent still until this age - my mom has been in a relationship for 10+ years and has married recently, and my godmother is widowed, but has been living with a man for the last few years.

 

My dad is also overweight and kinda gross looking, vs my mom is fitter than me, works out everyday, and eats super clean. Yet.. my dad made a comment to me a few years ago when he saw her that he is “shocked how old and ugly she got”

 

My friend has been telling me about her cousin the other day (who very much reminds me of my dad), who is 30, lives with his parents, and barely works. Yet he was making fun of my friend for being unemployed and living “off of her husband”, even though she just quit her job a month ago to go in a different career direction. Her cousin also constantly talks about how much he works and how tired he is, even though it’s laughable because he maybe works 3-4 hours a day doing food delivery.

 
What kind of next level ego is this? How can they be so judgmental, nasty, and critical of others when they themselves have absolutely nothing to show for in those areas (or not much areas in general)? Like I mean it’s really funny that they have the audacity to make fun of people for qualities they themselves severely lack. My dad literally thinks he is the wisest and best in everything.. but objectively he is a nasty abusive loser.

Edited August 19, 2023 by Rose

[Mandy]

People see people how they want to see people, looking for flaws in others is a method of self protection, in that it avoids feeling with thought. A common emotion avoided is jealousy, because that's one that really burns and that burning is where alchemy happens. In the misunderstanding that jealousy or other emotion is bad or unwanted, thinking and avoidance is continued and they also avoid defining and moving towards what they themselves want. 

 

These kind of things...

1 hour ago, Rose said:

absolutely nothing to show for 

 

1 hour ago, Rose said:

objectively he is a nasty abusive loser.

are based on the belief that people are solidified in time, or rather that one's thoughts ARE the person. A thought of your dad is not your dad. Sounds really dumb and simple but changes everything. Free everyone up and you'll free yourself. 

[Phil]

@Rose

How is disassociation meant?

What is disassociated with what?

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

@Rose

How is disassociation meant?

What is disassociated with what?

With that they themselves do exactly what they criticize people for and at an even greater degree. Disassociation with being aware that they themselves are in a worse situation than the person they are criticizing 

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

People see people how they want to see people, looking for flaws in others is a method of self protection, in that it avoids feeling with thought. A common emotion avoided is jealousy, because that's one that really burns and that burning is where alchemy happens. In the misunderstanding that jealousy or other emotion is bad or unwanted, thinking and avoidance is continued and they also avoid defining and moving towards what they themselves want. 

So they are experiencing jealousy towards the people that they criticize and so they avoid it with criticism? 
 

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

are based on the belief that people are solidified in time, or rather that one's thoughts ARE the person. A thought of your dad is not your dad. Sounds really dumb and simple but changes everything. Free everyone up and you'll free yourself. 

But don’t I need to understand why they are behaving that way in order to free myself up? I am entangled in my own ego, judgments, and labelling. Don’t I need to understand to stop the judging? Even see it in myself? 

Edited August 19, 2023 by Rose

[Mandy]

@Rose Funny, I just watched this video, (the whole thing is great, highly recommend), but it's timestamped to what he explains there perfectly. 

 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Rose said:

With that they themselves do exactly what they criticize people for and at an even greater degree. Disassociation with being aware that they themselves are in a worse situation than the person they are criticizing 

When they criticize & judge, do you think it’s feels exactly the same as when you do, or do you think it feels different to them than to you? 

Whatever your answer… did it come from understanding and knowing?

That might point to what the disassociation at play actually is for everyone involved. 

[Rose]

On 8/19/2023 at 8:14 PM, Mandy said:

@Rose Funny, I just watched this video, (the whole thing is great, highly recommend), but it's timestamped to what he explains there perfectly. 

 

I’ve been feeling this way too - judging people who are judging 🥲. I am hating on people who are judging/moralizing/tell people what to do and are controlling 🥲

 

 

 

 

[Rose]

On 8/19/2023 at 8:40 PM, Phil said:

When they criticize & judge, do you think it’s feels exactly the same as when you do, or do you think it feels different to them than to you? 

 

It probably feels different to them than it feels to me
 

On 8/19/2023 at 8:40 PM, Phil said:

Whatever your answer… did it come from understanding and knowing?

No, it’s just my guess

 

On 8/19/2023 at 8:40 PM, Phil said:

That might point to what the disassociation at play actually is for everyone involved. 

Hm, not sure I answered “right” 😅
 

 

[Blessed2]

There's only one projection. What is called "people" or "person(s)" is a veil pulled over infinite love and light, the one son of god.

 

Basically, you're running from love and light so eagerly that you place an image of all these people in front of it so you don't see it.

 

Just two cents... Your own (so to speak) projection is the only projection you need to take care of.

 

 

In fact, literally the only function of any relationship whatsoever is forgiveness. And your only function is forgiveness.

 

Edited August 27, 2023 by Blessed2

[Rose]

6 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

In fact, literally the only function of any relationship whatsoever is forgiveness. And your only function is forgiveness.

But why would you want to keep having relationship with people that you need constantly to have to keep forgiving? Like what is the reason for keeping that relationship? 

Edited August 27, 2023 by Rose

[Blessed2]

56 minutes ago, Rose said:

But why would you want to keep having relationship with people that you need constantly to have to keep forgiving?

 

There isn't a relationship in which there isn't an opportunity for forgiveness. That there seems to be a separate other that you could have a relationship with is already a projection of guilt.

 

Can you find any relationship in your life in which you don't hold any grievances whatsoever?

 

 

Also, "relationship" in this matter does not mean like a friendship or a marriage you can just decide to end. A relationship already begins when there is a thought / assumption that "that is an another person".

 

Obviously, leave a relationship if you're being abused or unhappy in some other way. That might cut physical contacts but it won't end the relationship or the opportunity to forgive.

[Rose]

10 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Obviously, leave a relationship if you're being abused or unhappy in some other way.

But how do I know whether I am being abused or unhappy? How can I trust my own judgment? I have my own projections and my own ego, how do I know it’s not just my ego that thinks I am being abused? 
 

I feel me not being able to identify when I am being abused is the key issue why I am struggling with people. If I could trust my own judgment more, I would feel more safe around people because I’d know I can protect myself from them.

 

But I don’t know, I know that every situation in which I feel uncomfortable will end up with me thinking about it for days - going from “yea it must be me” to “no, I think it’s them” - it’s insane really

Edited August 27, 2023 by Rose

[Rose]

2 hours ago, Rose said:

going from “yea it must be me” to “no, I think it’s them” - it’s insane really

Ha, it’s funny, just found a video on YouTube talking exactly about this 😅