_A journal on Borderline disorder and women's suffering

[Reena]

It's just this penchant for drama. Can't stay without it. 

 

[Reena]

Borderlines need safety and security. First and foremost. Anything that threatens the feeling of safety can make them fly off the handle. 

 

[Reena]

How to deal with people who are difficult to communicate with? 

 

What are their problems? 

 

There's definitely a component of ASPD with these people combined with something like Aspergers. 

 

The K syndrome. 

 

Of course narcissism. 

 

 

 

Paranoid and delusional. There's a huge part where even the tiniest things are viewed out of context and on a schizophrenic proportion, "they must be out to get me," kind of thoughts are attributed to another's actions even when such intentions do not exist. 

 

There's lack of accountability for the misunderstanding generated by their own paranoid mind and the amount of mayhem their false accusations created. 

 

Aside from all the bunch of convoluted mental problems that makes it difficult to have a resolution with a narcissistic, autistic, 

 

 

 

Edited September 10, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Parasitic narcissist

These latch on to you like a leech and take all your resources. You know it when you get 100 calls a day, it's toxic. 

[Reena]

4 hours ago, Reena said:

Aside from all the bunch of convoluted mental problems that makes it difficult to have a resolution with a narcissistic, autistic, 

These are Aspergers. 

[Reena]

I can't imagine my last entry was so long ago. 

By September 10 I was free. 

 

[Reena]

My borderline is back again. 

The severity is higher. 

[Reena]

A great video on crappy childhood causing obsession with people. I was asking myself what my problem really is. I get the answer. 

 

[Reena]

I should practice "reflection corner" at least twice a week. 

[Reena]

@the system made me this is my new journal on bpd. 

[Reena]

7 hours ago, the system made me said:

I grew up around Borderline Personality Disorder. To the point where I was 27 and dating a girl who said she has BPD. So I researched the condition and it was crazy because I knew what I was reading so well. I realised my sister has or had BPD. Apparently it fades with age. I love my sister, bless her, and I hope she never reads this, she is fucking emotional. I grew up with the violent outbursts, the emotional blackmail, the double standards, the insults, her being very controlling and me walking on eggshells all the time. And she fucking despised me and blamed me for all her problems. I was just a child and then a teenager and then 20 and after she cursed me, shouted at me, insulted me and tore me apart I stopped speaking to her. I'm not being funny, I care about you because I understand everything that I read from what you wrote. I grew up with it. But introjection is very real. I'm 35, and those projections of hers haunt me to this day. My mind is scrambled. It's a fucking mess. It's not all my sister's fault. I am overly sensitive. That's apparently just genetic. I have Paranoid Schizophrenia and I'm sorry to say this, but if it hadn't been for my sister I think I would have been able to stay away from alcohol and self-hatred. I don't judge you. I love you because I love my sister. BPD is in my brain because I grew up with her. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could make her happy. I feel so much compassion for her despite how fucked my life is. The girl I briefly dated with BPD, I desperately wanted to fix her. But then I realised I couldn't and she was going to fuck me up again so I broke it off. I really believed I am a narcissist because I had to be this awful person because of how much my sister hated me. I had to be a demon. I had to be awful. I honestly wish I could fix you. The best that I have is don't stay at the bottom of those rabbit holes. All there is to darkness is darkness. All there is to the hot stone you are gripping in the hopes that is will break is an uncomfortable heat. The best I can do is ignore the thoughts, let them go and let the situation fix itself. I cannot tell you how well I know Borderline Personality Disorder. It's wired into my brain. It's like there are two sides of a coin and one is BPD and the other is all the shit I have. I guess all that has helped me is exposure to different sorts of people and ignoring thoughts. I wanted to fix that girl, I wanted to fix my sister and in a rather pathetic kind of way I wish I could fix you. I loved that girl so much. I could see she wasn't her condition. But I was only hurting her. I couldn't live up to her projections and I couldn't love her abuse. I'm not Enlightened. I'm not a wounded healer, I'm just wounded. I have empathy. I have compassion. I can be a jerk and I know my mind is really biased. I don't know you but I feel love for you because I wanted so damn badly to be perfect for my sister. I blame myself for her problems. I still do. Exposure seems to be the way for me. 

 

7 hours ago, the system made me said:

I am speaking to her again, by the way. We'll never be close I think. Despite all the mess I love my sister. I'm glad she has a family, her husband is a wealthy banker and she can do her exercise. I'm glad she's happy. 

 

Yea I have heard similar stories.