Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 Man this ox is kicking my ass! Help lol. Honestly, I've realized just how much "work" is left and its beautiful and yet a lot to take in. I've seen how much immaturity is left in this experience, how much delusions are still arising. The substance use has been tough, the back and forth between unveiled experience and clouded experience has been constant. What's the next step? What do I do? I'm not sure what to do because I can easily deceive myself into thinking I'm progressing or regressing. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 Everyday there's at least a few minutes to a few hours of unveiled experience, and then I wake up in the morning and that unveiled experience is clouded by mindless thinking and sluggishness. I find also that caffeine boosts focus and concentration. And it's A LOT easier to be in unclouded experience, then when the effects wear off there's lazy thinking. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 💭 🦉 Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 4 minutes ago, Phil said: 💭 🦉 They're about no one! But they're annoying! Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 To who. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Phil idk lol. Sometimes everything just gets confusibg. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Phil the truth can't be unveiled for a long time in this experience. Eventually i put on the vr headset and get lost in thoughts. Its not stabilized. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 Who knows this? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 18 minutes ago, Phil said: Who knows this? It doesnt matter, it doesn't change the fact that I'm addicted to drugs and barely have any money left. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Orb That isn’t a fact it’s misunderstanding & misidentification. All of what’s referenced there is experienced, yes? Thus it can not be you. Thus the thought that it is, is suffering. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Phil said: @Orb That isn’t a fact it’s misunderstanding & misidentification. All of what’s referenced there is experienced, yes? Thus it can not be you. Thus the thought that it is, is suffering. I don't know what I'm seeking. I don't want any generic answers like love or happiness, those words are meaningless. I don't know what I've been looking for all along. Edited July 10, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 Tell me what you want, I deliver. Tell me what you don't want, I deliver. It's love and happiness. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Mandy its all just nonsense. I'm so sick and tired of this law of attraction stuff. I'm so done with it. In one breath love is infinite and unconditional, in the next it's something that can be asked for or given, it's just nonsense. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 If love and happiness is unconditional I should be happy no matter what, but I'm not. I felt bad and went for a 2 hour walk and felt better, you see? I had to do something to feel better, that's by definition conditional. I'm so tired of all these bullshit nonduality buzz words and nonsense, I've seen for my self that "unconditional love" is fucking bs and a totally cope word. What a joke, no different than when I go to church and I hear all of the superstitious beliefs. I'm done with this. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 10 minutes ago, Orb said: If love and happiness is unconditional I should be happy no matter what, but I'm not. Read/observe your own writing. "I should". If unconditional, "I should". 10 minutes ago, Orb said: I felt bad and went for a 2 hour walk and felt better, you see? I had to do something to feel better, that's by definition conditional. Walking/running/exercise/meditation/etc typically have the effect of slowing down thought. Seems you took an action, but you made a decision to feel better and did something towards that and got it. Like Rupert Spira says, if your hand is perpetually and habitually tense, relaxing it at first seem to be an effort, but is in reality a relaxation. 10 minutes ago, Orb said: I'm so tired of all these bullshit nonduality buzz words and nonsense, I've seen for my self that "unconditional love" is fucking bs and a totally cope word. What a joke, no different than when I go to church and I hear all of the superstitious beliefs. I'm done with this. Of course it's no different than church, nonduality can be used as another belief, but that's not the intent, just like most of Christianity wasn't interpreted as what Jesus intended to share. We even created a doctrine of hell. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 Christianity is taken to be a way out, an escape from suffering ie hell. Nondual teachings is taken to be a way out an escape from suffering. There is no excluding oneself. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Mandy I don't want to have to do something to feel better. I don't want the tensions anymore. I've been into this shit for almost 7 years now I'm sick of it. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 @Mandy no more practices, mantras, repeating nice sounding nondual stuff, nothing! No more coping. I'm so sick of it. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 Liberation is liberation. It's not "I have to do this to be happy or feel better." Or "I have to think about what I want in order to be happy" Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 I'm sorry guys I'm grumpy right now. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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