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I need Advice for Taming the Ox


Orb

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Man this ox is kicking my ass! Help lol. 

 

Honestly, I've realized just how much "work" is left and its beautiful and yet a lot to take in. 

 

I've seen how much immaturity is left in this experience, how much delusions are still arising. 

 

The substance use has been tough, the back and forth between unveiled experience and clouded experience has been constant. 

 

What's the next step? What do I do? I'm not sure what to do because I can easily deceive myself into thinking I'm progressing or regressing.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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Everyday there's at least a few minutes to a few hours of unveiled experience, and then I wake up in the morning and that unveiled experience is clouded by mindless thinking and sluggishness. 

 

I find also that caffeine boosts focus and concentration. And it's A LOT easier to be in unclouded experience, then when the effects wear off there's lazy thinking.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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4 minutes ago, Phil said:

       💭 

🦉

They're about no one! But they're annoying! 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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@Phil idk lol. Sometimes everything just gets confusibg.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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@Phil the truth can't be unveiled for a long time in this experience. Eventually i put on the vr headset and get lost in thoughts. Its not stabilized.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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18 minutes ago, Phil said:

Who knows this?

It doesnt matter, it doesn't change the fact that I'm addicted to drugs and barely have any money left.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Orb

That isn’t a fact it’s misunderstanding & misidentification. All of what’s referenced there is experienced, yes?

Thus it can not be you. 

Thus the thought that it is, is suffering. 

I don't know what I'm seeking. 

 

I don't want any generic answers like love or happiness, those words are meaningless. I don't know what I've been looking for all along.

Edited by Orb

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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@Mandy its all just nonsense. I'm so sick and tired of this law of attraction stuff. I'm so done with it. 

 

In one breath love is infinite and unconditional, in the next it's something that can be asked for or given, it's just nonsense.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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If love and happiness is unconditional I should be happy no matter what, but I'm not. 

 

I felt bad and went for a 2 hour walk and felt better, you see? I had to do something to feel better, that's by definition conditional. 

 

I'm so tired of all these bullshit nonduality buzz words and nonsense, I've seen for my self that "unconditional love" is fucking bs and a totally cope word. 

 

What a joke, no different than when I go to church and I hear all of the superstitious beliefs. I'm done with this.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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10 minutes ago, Orb said:

If love and happiness is unconditional I should be happy no matter what, but I'm not. 

Read/observe your own writing. "I should". If unconditional, "I should". 

 

10 minutes ago, Orb said:

I felt bad and went for a 2 hour walk and felt better, you see? I had to do something to feel better, that's by definition conditional. 

Walking/running/exercise/meditation/etc typically have the effect of slowing down thought. Seems you took an action, but you made a decision to feel better and did something towards that and got it. Like Rupert Spira says, if your hand is perpetually and habitually tense, relaxing it at first seem to be an effort, but is in reality a relaxation. 

 

10 minutes ago, Orb said:

I'm so tired of all these bullshit nonduality buzz words and nonsense, I've seen for my self that "unconditional love" is fucking bs and a totally cope word. 

 

What a joke, no different than when I go to church and I hear all of the superstitious beliefs. I'm done with this.

Of course it's no different than church, nonduality can be used as another belief, but that's not the intent, just like most of Christianity wasn't  interpreted as what Jesus intended to share. We even created a doctrine of hell. 

 

 

 

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@Mandy I don't want to have to do something to feel better. I don't want the tensions anymore. I've been into this shit for almost 7 years now I'm sick of it. 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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@Mandy no more practices, mantras, repeating nice sounding nondual stuff, nothing! No more coping. I'm so sick of it.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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Liberation is liberation. 

 

It's not "I have to do this to be happy or feel better." Or "I have to think about what I want in order to be happy"

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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I'm sorry guys I'm grumpy right now.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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