Orb Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Just felt like sharing for the sake of transparency/honesty. For a while Ive had an issue with an addictive personality. Meditation, TRE, Self Inquiry, Journaling have all helped to deepen Realization of Self/Love, and it's been great, I am great. But it's undeniable that this body has an addictive issue going on. There's an urge to always alter the brain chemistry and body functions and an anxiety in the morning arises when I don't. It's crazy how deep realization can get to the point where you "remember" you have never been born but still behave in ways that are harmful to health/finances. I know Zen masters have been notorious for having alcohol addiction. I care about deepening realization, this cannot be avoided anymore. Im considering speaking with a therapist or specialist or going to a rehab or something. I know it costs a lot of money usually, but there's gotta be something. Like this morning has been great but then anxiety was felt and then I just drove to a bar to drink some kava which is nearly 30 dollars per cup for the stuff I drink. Any ideas or tips are welcomed, thank you. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 As always I’d utilize all resources available. Therapy, a specialist and rehab. Among many beneficial aspects, they can help you to recognize and feel emotions and there won’t be an experience of anxiety anymore. 🤍 Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 @Phil thanks! I want to find a 12 steps program or join Anonymous meetings or something. I mean thank God I'm not hooked to the really hard drugs, just kava and kratom which is like hipster shit lol. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 49 minutes ago, Phil said: As always I’d utilize all resources available. Therapy, a specialist and rehab. Among many beneficial aspects, they can help you to recognize and feel emotions and there won’t be an experience of anxiety anymore. 🤍 Any common misconceptions about addiction and healing from addiction come to mind that might do more harm than good? In the light of the message shared on this forum. Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 @Blessed2 Yes. The common misconception is that there’s an individual doing. The story orbits around that. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 I'm heavily considering quitting kava, caffeine, kratom, and porn all at the same time. I notice that when I take caffeine, it triggers me to take kratom, and when I take kratom I feel triggered to take kava. Taking one substance makes me want to take more. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 I've read into it and I don't think the withdrawals would be fatal. I know I can't taper, I've tried to taper a million times. Probably gonna go cold turkey and take l theanine to ease withdrawals. I will be exercising too!! Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Learn to be OK with not feeling ok instead of freaking out. Therapy would be ideal for support. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) @Mandy I appreciate the advice. I can barely focus, I spend most of my time watching YouTube or playing videogames instead of working, my job is complex and I don't understand most of it. I have to get a new job because my current job is ending soon and I only have 3 more weeks of getting paid left. I'm trying to find a job that pays more while I can barely focus and remember things and on top of that I'm trying to move out. There's a lot going on right now. How can you not freak out in this situation? Like really put yourself in my shoes, you've worked at a company for 3 years and don't remember any of the stuff you did there, you barely even do work in this current job, now you have to get a new job that pays you equal amount of money and find a way to fit in there while not having a degree. All while dealing with emotional instability from drug use. Edited June 16, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 I've been doing all the spiritual "work" or whatever, it doesn't cure this impulsive behavior or the instability. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 @Mandy I'm too hard on myself. My coworkers have just commented on how I played a big part in the company, they're helping me with my reference letter. I tend to overlook my accomplishments. imposter syndrome is common for adhd brains 😦 Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 You know what, I have been too hard on myself, I have worked hard before!! Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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