Emptying caring about how others think of me

[Kevin]

Idk I’m just gonna ramble here. I’m only just now sort of stopping caring when others don’t like me. It definitely still bothers me a bit but I can sort of see that it doesn’t matter. But I guess it still bothers me a little.

 

I guess I’m frustrated and confused because it definitely bothers me a bit even though I can clearly see that it really doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like me. Like there’s a girl who’s a friend of one of my friends. I met her for the first time today and I can tell she doesn’t like me. She has been passive aggressive towards me. It bothers me a little bit also I can see that she doesn’t know who I am at all so it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like me. I guess I just gotta let it go.

[Mandy]

Sometimes the people you end up liking the most are the ones you're initially triggered by. Allow her her own journey by not making it into a reason to question yourself.  

[Phil]

“I’m frustrated” is a thought believed to be true, as in known, about yourself. 

The thought feels off because it isn’t actually true about yourself. 

Likely sounds ‘to good to be true’, but… you actually aren’t frustrated. 

Emotionally the message is loud & clear.

 

There is an experience of an emotion; frustration. 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts. 

Frustration isn’t about you, it’s about how the thoughts feel - to you. 

 

In scenario one it’s believed to be known or true and that’s the end of it. There’s no resolve or relief, no recognition of guidance, no Self-recognition. 

 

In scenario two frustration is acknowledged as an emotion and more significantly, as guidance for thoughts. 

Now there’s ‘somewhere to go’ expression & frustration wise for relief and clarity; the next emotion on the scale. 

This allows the ‘shining of the light’, the illumination, the clarity as to why these thoughts feel discordant to you. 

 

Con: The negative position or one holding it.

Fusion: The process or result of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

 

You’re not the negative (discordant) position, you’re the one holding it. 

 

Shadow work wise, the one who’s frustrated (I’m frustrated) is a concept and not a self. 

The one experiencing frustration is not conceptual and is you. 

 

The nonexistant self and actual self can not be fused together because there are already not two. 

 

Put another way in lay terms, only in thoughts and not actually; you’re judging “yourself”, then judging her, for judging you. 

But she’s not judging you. She is you, experiencing preferences, same as you. 

You’re already a complete, whole, infinite, eternal & unconditional entity… apparently believing the love you are was coming from her. 

Feeling, or, if preferred - ‘your inner being’… can not go there because it isn’t true. 

Listen to the inner being, enjoy the alignment. 

[Someone here]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

“I’m frustrated” is a thought believed to be true, as in known, about yourself. 

The thought feels off because it isn’t actually true about yourself. 

Likely sounds ‘to good to be true’, but… you actually aren’t frustrated. 

Emotionally the message is loud & clear.

 

There is an experience of an emotion; frustration. 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts. 

Frustration isn’t about you, it’s about how the thoughts feel - to you. 

 

In scenario one it’s believed to be known or true and that’s the end of it. There’s no resolve or relief, no recognition of guidance, no Self-recognition. 

 

In scenario two frustration is acknowledged as an emotion and more significantly, as guidance for thoughts. 

Now there’s ‘somewhere to go’ expression & frustration wise for relief and clarity; the next emotion on the scale. 

This allows the ‘shining of the light’, the illumination, the clarity as to why these thoughts feel discordant to you. 

 

Con: The negative position or one holding it.

Fusion: The process or result of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

 

You’re not the negative (discordant) position, you’re the one holding it. 

 

Shadow work wise, the one who’s frustrated (I’m frustrated) is a concept and not a self. 

The one experiencing frustration is not conceptual and is you. 

 

The nonexistant self and actual self can not be fused together because there are already not two. 

 

Put another way in lay terms, only in thoughts and not actually; you’re judging “yourself”, then judging her, for judging you. 

But she’s not judging you. She is you, experiencing preferences, same as you. 

You’re already a complete, whole, infinite, eternal & unconditional entity… apparently believing the love you are was coming from her. 

Feeling, or, if preferred - ‘your inner being’… can not go there because it isn’t true. 

Listen to the inner being, enjoy the alignment. 

Wow!  Dude are you fucking kidding me?lol the best thing I read in a while .

Tremendously exquisite and neat .

 

I also appreciate you trying to "water it down " to help in understanding what you're saying.

Bravo👏 

 

[Kevin]

Guys apparently I was completely wrong from the start. After we all stopped hanging out yesterday my friend told me that the girl I mentioned earlier actually liked me. I think I just misread the situation. 

[Kevin]

19 minutes ago, DMT Elf said:

@Kevin

Here’s a pro tip from a guy who’s fucked a lot:

If it seems like a girl doesn’t like you, just assume she wants your dick. Odds are she does.

Haha in this case this girl is off limits. her boyfriend, who I’m friends with, was there. I’d never met her before and she came off as a little rude towards me but I think I was misreading it and she’s just one of those people that had kind of an abrasive personality.

[Kevin]

Just now, DMT Elf said:

Never let a girls boyfriend get in the way! Don't even bother worrying if she's married or not. If it doesn't matter to you, it won't matter to her. And if your friend is really your friend, he wont mind.

Lmao if she was a stranger in Vegas I might agree with you. But not in this situation

[Kevin]

7 hours ago, Phil said:

“I’m frustrated” is a thought believed to be true, as in known, about yourself. 

The thought feels off because it isn’t actually true about yourself. 

Likely sounds ‘to good to be true’, but… you actually aren’t frustrated. 

Emotionally the message is loud & clear.

 

The emotions are always loud and clear it seems. Ruminating on whether or not someone likes me feels bad. Ruminating on thoughts about how someone else not liking me is reflective on my self worth doesn’t feel good either. I think instead of seeing it as guidance, in that situation I still believe the discord is evidence of my lack of self worth because of someone not liking me.

I was about to say someday I’ll probably get the message because I am experiencing frustration about how I don’t seem to know how to hear the emotions. But then I realized it’s only gonna happen now, not in a future

7 hours ago, Phil said:

There is an experience of an emotion; frustration. 

Emotion is guidance for thoughts. 

Frustration isn’t about you, it’s about how the thoughts feel - to you. 

 

In scenario one it’s believed to be known or true and that’s the end of it. There’s no resolve or relief, no recognition of guidance, no Self-recognition. 

 

It seems like the most important thing is realizing the emotions aren’t about me.

7 hours ago, Phil said:

In scenario two frustration is acknowledged as an emotion and more significantly, as guidance for thoughts. 

Now there’s ‘somewhere to go’ expression & frustration wise for relief and clarity; the next emotion on the scale. 

This allows the ‘shining of the light’, the illumination, the clarity as to why these thoughts feel discordant to you. 

 

Con: The negative position or one holding it.

Fusion: The process or result of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.

 

You’re not the negative (discordant) position, you’re the one holding it. 

 

That really hits. I’m not the position, I’m holding it.

7 hours ago, Phil said:

Shadow work wise, the one who’s frustrated (I’m frustrated) is a concept and not a self. 

The one experiencing frustration is not conceptual and is you. 

 

The nonexistant self and actual self can not be fused together because there are already not two. 

 

Put another way in lay terms, only in thoughts and not actually; you’re judging “yourself”, then judging her, for judging you. 

But she’s not judging you. She is you, experiencing preferences, same as you. 

You’re already a complete, whole, infinite, eternal & unconditional entity… apparently believing the love you are was coming from her. 

Feeling, or, if preferred - ‘your inner being’… can not go there because it isn’t true. 

Listen to the inner being, enjoy the alignment. 

This really hits. Thanks Phil. I had to sit down and take some time to really read it before I responded.

[Phil]

@Kevin

🙏🏼 

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

The emotions are always loud and clear it seems. Ruminating on whether or not someone likes me feels bad. Ruminating on thoughts about how someone else not liking me is reflective on my self worth doesn’t feel good either. I think instead of seeing it as guidance, in that situation I still believe the discord is evidence of my lack of self worth because of someone not liking me.

Putting what you or anyone else might think aside for a minute… how is self worth actually measured?  

 

I’m going to go measure it & get to the bottom of this once and for all. Give me instructions on where it is, what tools or measuring devices I’ll need, and what to do / how to actually measure it. 

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

I was about to say someday I’ll probably get the message because I am experiencing frustration about how I don’t seem to know how to hear the emotions. But then I realized it’s only gonna happen now, not in a future

Discordant emotions are like a toothache.

If it’s not happening, it’s not happening. If it is happening, it’s already happening.

If there is no toothache you’d never think ‘I don’t know how to feel a toothache’. It wouldn’t even cross your mind. 

If there is a toothache, the thought ‘I don’t know to feel a toothache’ still would not occur (because it’s already the case). 

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

It seems like the most important thing is realizing the emotions aren’t about me.

That’d be impossible. 🤍

 

[Kevin]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

🙏🏼

 

Putting what you or anyone else might think aside for a minute… how is self worth actually measured?  

 

I’m going to go measure it & get to the bottom of this once and for all. Give me instructions on where it is, what tools or measuring devices I’ll need, and what to do / how to actually measure it. 

Haha I see what you mean. It’s more like a silly arbitrary judgement call that happens only in thought and then I think it’s important and says something about reality. In actuality though it’s just thinking.

 

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Discordant emotions are like a toothache.

If it’s not happening, it’s not happening. If it is happening, it’s already happening.

If there is no toothache you’d never think ‘I don’t know how to feel a toothache’. It wouldn’t even cross your mind. 

If there is a toothache, the thought ‘I don’t know to feel a toothache’ still would not occur (because it’s already the case). 

 

Yeah. I was thinking that by listening to emotions properly I would think about how someone doesn’t like me and then I would feel the discord and then I would realize that it doesn’t resonate and let it go. What usually happens though is that I believe the discord is personal and about me so I try to fix it or distract myself with something rather than just letting it go.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

That’d be impossible. 🤍

 

Huh well it seems like that has to happen.

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Haha I see what you mean. It’s more like a silly arbitrary judgement call that happens only in thought and then I think it’s important and says something about reality. In actuality though it’s just thinking.

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Yeah. I was thinking that by listening to emotions properly I would think about how someone doesn’t like me and then I would feel the discord and then I would realize that it doesn’t resonate and let it go. What usually happens though is that I believe the discord is personal and about me so I try to fix it or distract myself with something rather than just letting it go.

Does it make sense that the emotion unworthiness is actually guidance?

 

7 hours ago, Kevin said:

It seems like the most important thing is realizing the emotions aren’t about me.

5 hours ago, Phil said:

That’d be impossible. 🤍

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Huh well it seems like that has to happen.

‘The realizer’ (which is never actually present) could ‘realize’ emotions aren’t about the realizer, in a ‘future’. 

Whereas you’re already experiencing emotions, so for you this is already the case. 

[Kevin]

17 hours ago, Phil said:

Does it make sense that the emotion unworthiness is actually guidance?

 

Yes this is becoming more and more clear.

17 hours ago, Phil said:

‘The realizer’ (which is never actually present) could ‘realize’ emotions aren’t about the realizer, in a ‘future’. 

Whereas you’re already experiencing emotions, so for you this is already the case. 

I get what you’re saying. That’s all conceptual.