Why what normally one finds offensive or depressing, when horny one finds exciting?

[ConsciousDreamer666]

Unfortunately Not 1000s of meditation have given me this answer.

 

The karma I´m carrying, the darkness, the trama-thoughts, the puzzle of the ego...damn it's so well designed, so intelligently armed. It's a piece of art, I would say I´m proud of my creation if wouldn't be because sometimes I think I went too far in the 'suffering' aspect of it.

 

But anyways, I´ll cut to the chase: It happens to me, and I have verified it happens to other people too, that for example I might be with a girl and if she ghosts me or she does whatever thing that I find it makes me feel worthless, then I hate her, I judge her, I start to think, 'well fuck her, she's selfish, she's dumb, etc...'.

 

However, when I´m horny, precisely this behaviour, but amped up to the max, puts me in such a pleasurable state. The more she insults me, treats me like shit, completely abuse me, uses me, etc... The more fun I have. Why is this?? (As a side note, I believe this 'fun' I suspect its actually "pain", but its an erotic pain, very dark thoughts that for some reason to the ego feel pleasurable)

 

And of course when I am not horny I start hating her again, but this time multiplied by x1000 because of how she treated me while I was horny. 

 

Pd. Btw, I´m not talking about a specific girl, I don't have a gf that does this to me purposely, I just find them on the internet and I´m the one who start the interaction.

Edited May 11, 2023 by ConsciousDreamer666

[Blessed2]

41 minutes ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

The more she insults me, treats me like shit, completely abuse me, uses me, etc... The more fun I have. Why is this?? (As a side note, I believe this 'fun' I suspect its actually "pain", but its an erotic pain, very dark thoughts that for some reason to the ego feel pleasurable)

 

Maybe this is like a symbol or metaphor of your own rejection of love.

 

The ego thinks love is death, and rejection / denial of love is life.

 

Maybe there is some sort of a belief that there is something to be gained in rejection?

[Mandy]

Feels good to outsource your own self flagellation (in thought), it's a lot of work to keep up. Not only that but there's the possibility of merging and releasing involved. Let the energy rise to the heart. Be very intentional about the way you think about yourself. Practice self love. 

 

[ConsciousDreamer666]

3 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

.

 

Maybe there is some sort of a belief that there is something to be gained in rejection?

Yes, I would say when I'm being rejected humiliated ironically I feel a massive feeling of Love and like life it's perfect that very moment.

 

 

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

Feels good to outsource your own self flagellation (in thought), it's a lot of work to keep up. Not only that but there's the possibility of merging and releasing involved. Let the energy rise to the heart. Be very intentional about the way you think about yourself. Practice self love. 

 

Thanks 💙🌄🕊️

[Phil]

5 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Why is this??

The absence of dualistic thoughts / self referential thoughts.

 

5 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

for some reason to the ego feel pleasurable)

The ego doesn’t experience. 

[ConsciousDreamer666]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

The absence of dualistic thoughts / self referential thoughts.

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

The absence of dualistic thoughts / self referential thoughts.

 

The ego doesn’t experience. 

Why emotional pain makes me horny then? What is the explanation? And how to stop it?

[Phil]

6 minutes ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

Why emotional pain makes me horny then? What is the explanation? And how to stop it?

Pain is localized in the body & can be pointed to physically speaking. 

Emotion is not localized and can not be pointed to. 

There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘emotional pain’, but it has a lot to do with the confusion experienced. 

 

Emotion is not in perception and is not coming from somewhere, something or someone, it’s how thoughts feel. 

So when it comes to discordant emotions the question isn’t really ‘how to stop it’. 

It’s how am I creating it. 

[ConsciousDreamer666]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Pain is localized in the body & can be pointed to physically speaking. 

Emotion is not localized and can not be pointed to. 

There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘emotional pain’, but it has a lot to do with the confusion experienced. 

 

Emotion is not in perception and is not coming from somewhere, something or someone, it’s how thoughts feel. 

So when it comes to discordant emotions the question isn’t really ‘how to stop it’. 

It’s how am I creating it. 

ok, so the experience (wether good or bad) its because of the thought @Phil

[Phil]

12 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

ok, so the experience (wether good or bad) its because of the thought @Phil

 

On 5/11/2023 at 8:11 AM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

makes me feel worthless, then I hate her, I judge her, I start to think, 'well fuck her, she's selfish, she's dumb, etc...'.

Unworthiness, hatred and blame are emotions which are felt directly, as in, not coming from her / someone else. 

 

On 5/11/2023 at 8:11 AM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

puts me in such a pleasurable state

‘Me in a state’ is the overlooking and suppressing of emotion(s). 

On 5/11/2023 at 8:11 AM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

The more she insults me, treats me like shit, completely abuse me, uses me, etc... The more fun I have. Why is this?? (As a side note, I believe this 'fun' I suspect its actually "pain", but its an erotic pain, very dark thoughts that for some reason to the ego feel pleasurable)

Justification for the ‘ego’ makes it seem like the ‘ego’ was right, about unworthiness, hatred and blame being because of her or someone. 

On 5/11/2023 at 8:11 AM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

when I am not horny I start hating her again, but this time multiplied by x1000 because of how she treated me while I was horny. 

The belief in states is being extended to horny & not horny. “When I’, in this state… X”… but “when I’m in this other state… Y”. 

It’s a mental maneuver, a way of being right. But if there aren’t state, the emotions aren’t suppressed, and blame is recognized as an emotion directly felt, and not caused by someone else. 

 

On 5/11/2023 at 8:11 AM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Pd. Btw, I´m not talking about a specific girl, I don't have a gf that does this to me purposely, I just find them on the internet and I´m the one who start the interaction.

This is why it isn’t of a particular girl.