Venting

[Kevin]

I just kind of want to vent here. I am feeling very sad, frustrated, disheartened, and a little hopeless. From a certain standpoint things are great in my life. I am doing better than ever financially and I have time on my hands. For years before now I was always afraid to talk to girls I didn’t know. That would always frustrate me and I would feel sad about that. I always thought if I could just get over it and go talk to a girl then my problems would be solved and I’d be happy.

 

this is definitely not the case. It’s actually hiding that there is something really painful going on with me. There is a very painful dynamic I have revolving around connecting with women. I’m not even really sure how to put it but I’ll try my best. I feel tremendous insecurity around it.

 

The talking to girls I don’t know has highlighted it. It’s put it front and center. It feels like I’m looking for something from all the girls I’ve talked to. It feels stressful like I need something. I feel as if something is way off. I think going up to a stranger should be about connecting and getting to know them joyfully. Not all this fear and pressure about what if they don’t like me or what if I get embarrassed.

 

I get a little frustrated because I’ve been more friendly and outgoing with strangers than I’ve been in years. Maybe my whole life. I’ve talked to at least 20 girls in the last couple weeks. And I eve. Went on a couples dates with one of these girls. I should be absolutely stoked. But it’s like each time I see a pretty girl it’s like a reminder of this feeling inside. This feeling is like uncertainty and guilt and fear and despair all wrapped up together.

 

And I don’t think having sex or having a girl like me is the solution. I’ve had both those things and and it doesn’t fix it. It also feels very difficult. And I get frustrated because I know meeting girls doesn’t have to be as hard as I’m making if. It could be effortless.

last night I was out with friends and there were a few times where I wanted to talk to these girls but I felt timid. Honestly I hate that. I hate being timid.

 

Idk I might add more to this post later I guess I’m just struggling and feeling a lot very intensely and I wanted to get his off my chest. Idk honestly I just think I need to express it to others because it’s eating me up inside and I can’t talk to my parents about any of this.

[Phil]

Vent away. 🙂 Air it all out.

 

If I were in your shoes I’d go to the theater until I found security in the movie. 

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

Vent away. 🙂 Air it all out.

 

If I were in your shoes I’d go to the theater until I found security in the movie. 

Not sure what you mean?

[Orb]

@Kevin when you see a beautiful girl, is there thoughts like "how can i get her number" or "what's the fastest way I can get her to sleep with me?", that's what's come up for me in the past.

 

Just to share, I notice an impatience around hot girls, like I wanna sleep with some girls as fast as possible. I think a great thing to do is try to see that she's a human being with more to offer than just her body. 

 

I hope this relates in some way.

[Kevin]

7 hours ago, Orb said:

@Kevin when you see a beautiful girl, is there thoughts like "how can i get her number" or "what's the fastest way I can get her to sleep with me?", that's what's come up for me in the past.

 

Just to share, I notice an impatience around hot girls, like I wanna sleep with some girls as fast as possible. I think a great thing to do is try to see that she's a human being with more to offer than just her body. 

 

I hope this relates in some way.

Yeah this definitely makes a lot of sense. It’s a lot of the thoughts around the situation that can be stressful. Not the reality of it.

[Phil]

16 hours ago, Kevin said:

Not sure what you mean?

Would feeling be coming from the movie?

[Mandy]

What about the idea of being shy in particular is discordant? If you wrote down five words of how that contrast makes you want to feel, which five words would you write? 

[Kevin]

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Would feeling be coming from the movie?

Oh I gotcha. Idk why but when you said security in the movie I thought you meant like a security officer.

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

What about the idea of being shy in particular is discordant? If you wrote down five words of how that contrast makes you want to feel, which five words would you write? 

I think it’s discordant because it’s very restricting and it puts me in a box. And it makes me want to feel worried, pessimistic, insecure, and overwhelmed.

[Phil]

17 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Oh I gotcha. Idk why but when you said security in the movie I thought you meant like a security officer.

😂 

 

Essentially my two cents is security isn’t found in ‘the movie’, as in appearance / experience / thoughts & perception. When insecurity is felt and acknowledged as not only an emotion, but as guidance for thoughts, it’s very different. It’s ‘feeling’ ‘saying’ something’s ‘off’ with the thought / interpretation, and at the same time it’s the very security looked for. But of course there’s much to be said for the seeking aspect, or the looking for security in experience, to ‘come to’ the recognition of the guidance. Ultimately really, it doesn’t seem to be a learning, a knowing, or even any understanding… I feel pretty secure in saying it just boils down to letting a thought go. 

[Kevin]

On 3/20/2023 at 2:13 PM, Phil said:

😂

 

Essentially my two cents is security isn’t found in ‘the movie’, as in appearance / experience / thoughts & perception. When insecurity is felt and acknowledged as not only an emotion, but as guidance for thoughts, it’s very different. It’s ‘feeling’ ‘saying’ something’s ‘off’ with the thought / interpretation, and at the same time it’s the very security looked for. But of course there’s much to be said for the seeking aspect, or the looking for security in experience, to ‘come to’ the recognition of the guidance. Ultimately really, it doesn’t seem to be a learning, a knowing, or even any understanding… I feel pretty secure in saying it just boils down to letting a thought go. 

Yeah I gotcha man. The whole not finding security in the movie really landed for me yesterday when I read that. It seemed so convincing in my life where I don’t feel good and then a girl comes a long and then I feel secure. Or i am having thoughts about how I’m weak because this one kid physically bullied me in high school and he got the better of me for sure. Then I get good at jiu jitsu and not counting women I could easily beat at least 50% of the male population in one on one combat. And that’s a conservative estimate. And that makes me feel proud and secure.

 

but I get what your saying because I feel on some level that’s an illusion. And it the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter how many people I could beat on a fight. I only really believe that’s important is because I had some kids in high school overpower me and that really hurt me. That feeling of helpless and weakness. propelled me to train so hard and to lift to get bigger so it wouldn’t happen again, but at the end of the day something doesn’t resonate about all that. It’s all fleeting. What happens when I get old and weak for example. Or i get horrible burned in a fire and girls don’t like me. What then.

 

My main question is that if I don’t find security on the movie where would it be found. It seems like it would be found in nothing because there is nothing but the appearance. Or maybe security is everywhere but the seeking of it veils it?

[solereproduction]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Or maybe security is everywhere but the seeking of it veils it?

There is your answer.  Reason, to seek the self evident like it doesn't exist yet keeps the people looking for it, believing it wasn't already here. 

[Kevin]

16 minutes ago, solereproduction said:

There is your answer.  Reason, to seek the self evident like it doesn't exist yet keeps the people looking for it, believing it wasn't already here. 

I appreciate your response. Not gonna lie I’ve read a number of your posts and they don’t make sense, but I understand what your saying here and that is much appreciated.

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Yeah I gotcha man. The whole not finding security in the movie really landed for me yesterday when I read that. It seemed so convincing in my life where I don’t feel good and then a girl comes a long and then I feel secure. Or i am having thoughts about how I’m weak because this one kid physically bullied me in high school and he got the better of me for sure. Then I get good at jiu jitsu and not counting women I could easily beat at least 50% of the male population in one on one combat. And that’s a conservative estimate. And that makes me feel proud and secure.

 

but I get what your saying because I feel on some level that’s an illusion.

Yep. The ‘separate self’… an illusion of believing thoughts.

Like a dessert identifying as a mirage that was never actual / actually present. 

Unconditional identifying via appearing as and believing conditions / thoughts, many of which therein feel ‘off’. 

Nothing without need (for security) appearing as thoughts about security & insecurity. 

The illusion of ignorance. 

 

“Known yourself as nothing, feel yourself as everything”. 

Rupert Spira

 

“Separation never occurred”. 

ACIM

 

🤍

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

And it the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter how many people I could beat on a fight. I only really believe that’s important is because I had some kids in high school overpower me and that really hurt me. That feeling of helpless and weakness. propelled me to train so hard and to lift to get bigger so it wouldn’t happen again, but at the end of the day something doesn’t resonate about all that. It’s all fleeting. What happens when I get old and weak for example. Or i get horrible burned in a fire and girls don’t like me. What then.

 

My main question is that if I don’t find security on the movie where would it be found. It seems like it would be found in nothing because there is nothing but the appearance. Or maybe security is everywhere but the seeking of it veils it?

The I which finds or doesn’t, is a mirage. “The seeker”. ✊🏼

[solereproduction]

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

I appreciate your response. Not gonna lie I’ve read a number of your posts and they don’t make sense, but I understand what your saying here and that is much appreciated.

It is a starting point where eventually you will become instinctively aware how society trains your intellect to never accept what your instincts navigate limited to adapting in the moment evolving works conceived to decomposed now, being alive here.

 

Self evident displacement navigating around everything else existing as spontaneously alive, simultaneosuly occupying space now.  Equality as currently part of the numbers present ssdd.

 

I was trained to believe nobody knows how one evolved to this point in time occupying space specifically present.  I deciphered reasonable doubt semantics.

 

Just sharing my discovery for free instead of capitalizing off organized doubt.  Going for that Nobel Peace Prize I understand always goes to those sustaining reasonable doubt.

Edited March 22, 2023 by solereproduction

[Kevin]

17 hours ago, Phil said:

Yep. The ‘separate self’… an illusion of believing thoughts.

Like a dessert identifying as a mirage that was never actual / actually present. 

Unconditional identifying via appearing as and believing conditions / thoughts, many of which therein feel ‘off’. 

Nothing without need (for security) appearing as thoughts about security & insecurity. 

The illusion of ignorance. 

 

“Known yourself as nothing, feel yourself as everything”. 

Rupert Spira

 

“Separation never occurred”. 

ACIM

 

🤍

The I which finds or doesn’t, is a mirage. “The seeker”. ✊🏼

This really hits today for some reason. Thanks Phil 👊

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, solereproduction said:

It is a starting point where eventually you will become instinctively aware how society trains your intellect to never accept what your instincts navigate limited to adapting in the moment evolving works conceived to decomposed now, being alive here.

 

Self evident displacement navigating around everything else existing as spontaneously alive, simultaneosuly occupying space now.  Equality as currently part of the numbers present ssdd.

 

I was trained to believe nobody knows how one evolved to this point in time occupying space specifically present.  I deciphered reasonable doubt semantics.

 

Just sharing my discovery for free instead of capitalizing off organized doubt.  Going for that Nobel Peace Prize I understand always goes to those sustaining reasonable doubt.

I get the part about society training us to ignore our instincts. Conditioning.

But you lost me with the rest to be honest

[solereproduction]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

I get the part about society training us to ignore our instincts. Conditioning.

But you lost me with the rest to be honest

Are you sure it isn't you don't want to know the whole evolving process equally separating reproductions as eternally changing form as shaped since conceived occupying time here now?  I can do the natural compounding DNA algorithm per great great grandchild already arriving again.

 

That specific gravity of balancing out as part of the whole species never same population again.  The why life is physically self evident kinetically until how theories and theologies promise better tomorrows than life evolved into what, where, when, which, person, place, thing mutually existing in series parallel positions regardless inorganic combinations or ancestral combined DNA results.

 

Everything here is never the same total sum again be it eroding or decomposing chemical make up from gaseous, liquid, mineral molecular content doing cellular constructs since eroded from original displacement native to this atmosphere.

 

The 3 geo's doing  2 4 dimensional constructs of planetary universal position and ancestral displacements to current population ever existed in this atmosphere.

 

past/ancestrally, current ancestors, tomorrow/next generation of great great grandchildren.  The whole is equal to total sum of all its parts.  Self evident "It is what it is going on here now.".  Accountability without reasonable doubt.

 

See, I am venting against corrupted absolute power of suggesting now isn't eternity and it always has been in your venting thread.

Edited March 22, 2023 by solereproduction
adding information to clarify more than just a single talking point.

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, solereproduction said:

Are you sure it isn't you don't want to know the whole evolving process equally separating reproductions as eternally changing form as shaped since conceived occupying time here now?  I can do the natural compounding DNA algorithm per great great grandchild already arriving again.

 

That specific gravity of balancing out as part of the whole species never same population again.  The why life is physically self evident kinetically until how theories and theologies promise better tomorrows than life evolved into what, where, when, which, person, place, thing mutually existing in series parallel positions regardless inorganic combinations or ancestral combined DNA results.

 

Everything here is never the same total sum again be it eroding or decomposing chemical make up from gaseous, liquid, mineral molecular content doing cellular constructs since eroded from original displacement native to this atmosphere.

 

The 3 geo's doing  2 4 dimensional constructs of planetary universal position and ancestral displacements to current population ever existed in this atmosphere.

 

past/ancestrally, current ancestors, tomorrow/next generation of great great grandchildren.  The whole is equal to total sum of all its parts.  Self evident "It is what it is going on here now.".  Accountability without reasonable doubt.

 

See, I am venting against corrupted absolute power of suggesting now isn't eternity and it always has been in your venting thread.

My guy. I have no clue what you’re saying. That’s ok though I don’t think you can explain it differently so don’t worry about it

[solereproduction]

14 hours ago, Kevin said:

My guy. I have no clue what you’re saying. That’s ok though I don’t think you can explain it differently so don’t worry about it

You interpret life by historical social speculation , I navigate living as a single reproduction and you project I talk nonsense to protect history of people never accepting evolving in actuality of living eternally separated when reproductively mutually evolving forward now.

 

Philoosophy of mind over matter.  Intellectual faith character matters and genetic can exceed spontaneously here simultaneously alive since conceived series parallel displacement until dead and decomposed occupying space womb to tomb.

 

Reality is imagined into fruition, evolving is nothing stays what it was before again as a whole.

 

Divide and conquer 5 generation gaps is an ongoing process socially because evolving ends when great great grandchildren cease to keep arriving here one at a time. as living always has naturally.

 

So, plausible deniability works because the corrupted never want to find out the actual way evolving exists now.

 

Again the brain evolves navigating series parallel adapting to the moment here one at a time.  A mind obeys facts suggesting life isn't being eternally separated now and everyone's point of origin is beyond the time eternally separated now.

 

All the time relativity facts say so throughout history of events leading up to current results by the numbers evolving naturally sustains per generation gaps present.  16 great great grandparents' generation, 8 great grandparents' generation, 4 grandparents' generation, 2 parenting' geneeration, arriving siblings and cousins generation already here one at a time.

 

Evolving forward from here is becoming 1 of 2 parenting generations mons dads, aunts uncles. parenting generation becomes 4 grandparnting generation when children become 1 of 2 and those that don't become extinct.

 

It is the series parallel energy flow of thermodynamic molecular migration that combined chemical makeup of inorganice results eroding then combined into organic results of compounding DNA configurations as plant or animal, predator or prey nature, another generation of reproductions male, female, asexual means of adding another generation present.

 

You are part of life eternally separating ancestries by the numbers here now.  You won't believe it is mandated by rule of law in every reality serving humanity's better tomorrows pledge of allegiance to God, Country, Ideology cradle to grave or else tyranny of mind over matter situation ethics, symbolism over substance beliefs, "We are better than anyone alone platitude." social consensus rules contextually over living as genetics eternally separates each added replacement mutually evolving forward now.

 

You don't understand me by choice, I understand life by existing here one at a time.  Actuality of being.

 

I am venting against psychological class warfare practiced by everyone I knew and come to have conversations with in cyberspace.

 

I expect to be banned from this site because of my honesty.  Social consensus won't rest until then.  16 years and nobody argees with me.

 

There is a reason and I understand why, how, what, where, when, which, person, place, thing, means, motives, methods, opportunities, power, wealth, fame, mayhem, madness, misery arriving when supressing instinctive awareness socially through chain of command rank gets privileges cradle to grave for each great great grandchild here becoming 1 of 16 dead great great grandparents living never exceeded being alive now.

 

Thanks for allowing me to post this long.

Edited March 23, 2023 by solereproduction
add context to clarify life's specificity to evolving forward now.