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Posted (edited)

There's so much going on. Adulting is overwhelming. You gotta reach out to family, gotta keep track of bills, work well in your job. 

 

I'm going through a lot of healing and its scary. I don't speak up at my job during meetings and I've been quiet for the 2.5 years I've been working there. I'm beginning another career that can be very lucrative in the long term but with that comes marketing myself to the world but I feel embarrassed to market myself and put on an act or to share my true "style" with people. 

 

At work I believe everyone is more experienced than me, smarter than me, and I think I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. 

 

Also on top of that, I feel very unmotivated half the time. My bathroom is dirty, bathtub is filthy. I haven't done laundry in a while (thank God I have a lot of clothes) . 

 

I got to pay money for my hospital bill after my car crash too and pay tolls as well. 

 

I wake up in the morning and workout or meditate but then for the rest of the day, I just don't see the point in doing any of this. 

 

Yes, the thought of having a beautiful family and a well paying career is highly inspirational, the reality of how to get there (working, paying bills, cleaning, working out) just doesn't provide any pleasure. 

 

For example, I lift weights every morning and while I look great, I don't really feel any pleasure from doing it. I no longer feel pleasure from drinking my green tea or coffee. I get excited to eat food, I eat all the food then feel sad that now I'm not excited anymore. I look at my dreamboard and I don't feel inspired. 

 

Sometimes I don't shower for days in a row, sometimes I don't brush my teeth for days in a row. Yet truth unveils itself before me more and more and I'm like why me? Why is my life so strange, why do people tell me nice things about me while in my personal life there's filth and apathy? 

 

Here are the things I gotta do that scare me: 

 

-Speak up at meetings

-Market myself on social media

-Work all day and feeling no pleasure from all the obligations

-Get my room cleaned and organized, bathroom too

-Fully express myself around friends and ppl in real life (I come from a history of people pleasing)

-Clean myself more and take care of myself

 

This has been a reoccurring theme for so long, when will this finally end!!!!

 

When will I finally get my shit together and go accomplish my dreams. 

 

Well I'm already doing that but it's so slow and ugly. I'm such a weirdo. Like I'm a grown ass man now and I still do weird shit that I did as a teenager lol. 

 

I realized an important facet of Enlightenment after my car crash, No-Money 😔.

Edited by Orb

"Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source. Better to have been blind and deaf from the beginning! Dwelling in one's true abode, unconcerned with and without - The river flows tranquilly on and the flowers are red."

9th Ox Herding Picture

Posted

You haven't stated your age so I have no idea how young are we talking here. If you're younger than 20, then I would say that's quite normal to not have your life together. 

If you're in your 20s, it's still not too old. 

It's never too late. 

 

 

My recommendation for you would be - 

 

- be easy on yourself 

- first work on your emotions as emotions are the main root cause of lack of motivation 

- take things slowly 

- do chunks of work in baby steps. 

- don't over analyze your situation 

- learn to accept that life happens. This acceptance will bring peace. 

 

 

 

On a side note, you could be suffering from the need of wanting everything to be picture perfect which is a case of perfectionism. This yields frustration. 

Just keep moving on, nothing is going to be happening at rocket speed. 

 

Have patience with your self and your self will cooperate with you. 

 

 

So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

Posted

@Cupcake thanks for the kind words, I'm in my early twenties. I also work from home which is a blessing and a curse. But after working from home for so long im tired of being indoors all day. And I was recently in a car crash but I'm getting a new car soon. 

"Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source. Better to have been blind and deaf from the beginning! Dwelling in one's true abode, unconcerned with and without - The river flows tranquilly on and the flowers are red."

9th Ox Herding Picture

Posted

I'm feeling better today, sometimes I get hard on myself and forget about the days when I have my shit together, when I'm productive and killing it.

"Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source. Better to have been blind and deaf from the beginning! Dwelling in one's true abode, unconcerned with and without - The river flows tranquilly on and the flowers are red."

9th Ox Herding Picture

Posted

Write out a morning and evening routine and post it on the fridge or somewhere visible. Make it simple but powerful. 

 

Example...

 

Morning:

Brush Teeth

Do 3-5 stretches

meditate 15 min

workout 10 minutes

Drink a glass of water

 

After work:

5 minute pick up around the house

Catch up on dishes

load of laundry

mediate 15 minutes

 

 

Evening:

Brush Teeth

Wash Face

Meditate 5-10min before bed

Write down a few things, plans for tomorrow, journal, dreamboard, whatever you want to write

 

When you fail to do your routines, return to the routines like focus on the breath in meditation. Just come back. That's all. Helps to design and write them down though, so you have something to come back to. 

 

The idea of yourself as failing isn't moving forward and this is a lot all bundled together, just set a timer for 5 or 15 minutes and you'll get momentum going on whatever you like. Stuff like confidence speaking or clarity on something falls into place effortlessly. You don't need to do it, just own the desire. If the other stuff isn't getting done, plan a routine. You don't need to shower everyday especially if you work an office job at home, no one cares, it saves resources to not shower daily. You know when you need to shower. It doesn't reflect badly on you whatsoever. 

 

9 hours ago, Orb said:

For example, I lift weights every morning and while I look great, I don't really feel any pleasure from doing it. I no longer feel pleasure from drinking my green tea or coffee. I get excited to eat food, I eat all the food then feel sad that now I'm not excited anymore. I look at my dreamboard and I don't feel inspired. 

 

This is just the current lens of pessimism, nothing more. "You" are not "that way."

 

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