Orb Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 (edited) There's so much going on. Adulting is overwhelming. You gotta reach out to family, gotta keep track of bills, work well in your job. I'm going through a lot of healing and its scary. I don't speak up at my job during meetings and I've been quiet for the 2.5 years I've been working there. I'm beginning another career that can be very lucrative in the long term but with that comes marketing myself to the world but I feel embarrassed to market myself and put on an act or to share my true "style" with people. At work I believe everyone is more experienced than me, smarter than me, and I think I don't even know what I'm doing half the time. Also on top of that, I feel very unmotivated half the time. My bathroom is dirty, bathtub is filthy. I haven't done laundry in a while (thank God I have a lot of clothes) . I got to pay money for my hospital bill after my car crash too and pay tolls as well. I wake up in the morning and workout or meditate but then for the rest of the day, I just don't see the point in doing any of this. Yes, the thought of having a beautiful family and a well paying career is highly inspirational, the reality of how to get there (working, paying bills, cleaning, working out) just doesn't provide any pleasure. For example, I lift weights every morning and while I look great, I don't really feel any pleasure from doing it. I no longer feel pleasure from drinking my green tea or coffee. I get excited to eat food, I eat all the food then feel sad that now I'm not excited anymore. I look at my dreamboard and I don't feel inspired. Sometimes I don't shower for days in a row, sometimes I don't brush my teeth for days in a row. Yet truth unveils itself before me more and more and I'm like why me? Why is my life so strange, why do people tell me nice things about me while in my personal life there's filth and apathy? Here are the things I gotta do that scare me: -Speak up at meetings -Market myself on social media -Work all day and feeling no pleasure from all the obligations -Get my room cleaned and organized, bathroom too -Fully express myself around friends and ppl in real life (I come from a history of people pleasing) -Clean myself more and take care of myself This has been a reoccurring theme for so long, when will this finally end!!!! When will I finally get my shit together and go accomplish my dreams. Well I'm already doing that but it's so slow and ugly. I'm such a weirdo. Like I'm a grown ass man now and I still do weird shit that I did as a teenager lol. I realized an important facet of Enlightenment after my car crash, No-Money 😔. Edited March 15 by Orb Quote Mention "I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of St. Thomas) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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