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Truth + knowing + peace. Looking for clarity.


Blessed2
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I'd like to burst this bubble formation:

"I am someone. Maybe a human, I don't know. It seems like there is a me, my mind, my body, and all kinds of other stuff, that chair, that television, this house, other people.

Also, I think there is truth. Truth means something, it must be some very important thing. Though I have no idea what it is. Each time I try to figure out what is true or not, what is absolute, undeniable truth everywhere all the time, something I can trust, my mind gets all tangled up in logic and rationalization, and I always come to the same place, I don't know. I don't even know if I know. This makes me feel fear, anxiety and even certain terror. It seems like a paradox, there is no way to get a hold on it. Or maybe there is, I don't know. See what I mean? I DON'T KNOW. OR MAYBE I DO. I DON'T KNOW IF I MAYBE DO.

For some reason I think it is super important to know what is truth. Maybe something horrible will happen if I don't. Maybe I can never know, and maybe thus I will always feel anxious."

It's hard to put into words what I'm really trying to say, but if someone reading this truly knows truth, surely they must understand what I'm talking about, where I'm coming from and what I'm looking for.

I have a slight intuition that this bubble can be burst. There is something yet to be uncovered. Something is to be let go. The context of these questions is to be freed. Maybe... Just maybe. I don't know though.

If you are someone who truly, honestly, authentically "knows the truth" or something like that, any help, any advice or pointing could be most helpful. I'm really putting myself in direct light here. I fear what may come, what truth might be, how I might feel. So please be gentle.

If you are up to helping me, I'd like to have as clear, as direct and helpful words as possible. I'd like to have something like a walk-through from where I am now to truth.

Though I don't really want truth per se, I just think I need to know it in order to feel better. Really what I'm asking for, is: help me to feel at peace. True peace.

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When I was really young we had a house phone. It didn’t have ring tones, or call waiting, or even three way calling. No screen, no caller ID. No email, no apps, no texting. There was no internet yet. It was not a “smart” phone. When it would ring, someone would have to answer it to know who it was, and then they’d have to tell who it was for; that indeed it was for them. It was simple. There was no question, no dispute. It was so simple in fact, the notion of arguing or debating about this never occurred to us. 

One day for whatever reason I picked up the phone and just, listened. I didn’t answer it because it hadn’t rung. I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t say anything, I just sat and listened, and I heard something I’d never heard before. Something I never even would have thought of, but somehow just, recognized.

The dial tone was A. Not A something, not A person, not A question or an answer. In & of itself the A was perfect, consistent, unchanging - and literally useless. 

But by that A, I realized I could tune all of the strings on my guitar. With the guitar in tune the chords I’d strum and the notes I’d sing were all in tune. The inspiration I‘d feel, the words I’d write, the emotions I’d experience and express, the joy of the sound filling the room, the reverberation through my body - all traced back to that A. It never needed to be a thing, or any way other than as it was. It gave no reason, no instruction, no suggestion whatsoever. It did nothing, and without exception, without fail, anytime I picked up that phone and just listened, it was A, and thus the music, the whole experience, could be, and I’ve been in love ever since. 

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@Phil 

I would like to read many books, such as Conversations with God, ACIM, The Law of One, Abraham-Hicks. Though when they are in front of me, when I read them, I feel doubt, and certain insecurity.

 

I feel like I'm bullshitting myself, by enjoying and being open to these books. I'd like to feel alignment, I'd like to feel truth and inspiration.

Though because I don't know if these books are just illusions, intented to keep me from actual truth and peace, I feel unsure and can't really get into it with my being.

 

I've heard so many times, "Oneness is truth, go for absolute truth." Even though all these books talk about Oneness, and it is a very central message of each one of them, there is also aliens, spiritual beings, energies, chakras, crystals, seven densities, ascended masters, father/son/holy spirit, etc.

 

I like how these things sound, I'd like to kinda make-believe and see if they work and make me feel better, if they are true. But this insecurity and doubt is keeping me from it. Why do others say "energies, chakras, crystals, densities, etc. are nonsense, Oneness is only Truth", but others say "Yes, Oneness is truth, but also all kinds of cool stuff."

 

I'd like to just relax a bit and go with the flow. I'd like to go and kinda play with these weird cool things like crystals, chakras, healing energies, channeling, spiritual beings, etc.

 

"But maybe I would just bullshit myself. So I can't really feel good and at peace about it."

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1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

@Phil 

I would like to read many books, such as Conversations with God, ACIM, The Law of One, Abraham-Hicks. Though when they are in front of me, when I read them, I feel doubt, and certain insecurity.

 

I feel like I'm bullshitting myself, by enjoying and being open to these books. I'd like to feel alignment, I'd like to feel truth and inspiration.

Feeling of truth and inspiration doesn’t come & go. This is your own true nature. 

Thoughts, come & go, and can of course seem to obscure the true nature. 

Receive the emotional guidance of doubt & insecurity. Look to the thoughts…’what am I’m thinking which doesn’t resonate?’ 

The discord is with the thoughts about, and not with the books, content, or what anyone says or wrote. 

With specific regard to the thought ‘I feel like am I bullshitting myself’, nonduality / not two, is a much better pointer than ‘Oneness’. In receiving the pointing of not two, that thought is inspected for validity. That might sound like, ‘am I the I bullshitting… or am I the myself being bullshitted?’ 

The ‘point’ is to notice that is a thought about ‘two me’s’, and that is not actually ‘two me’s’. 

Also, it might be most effective to put those books on hold and research / read info on insecurity and address that directly. 

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

Though because I don't know if these books are just illusions, intented to keep me from actual truth and peace, I feel unsure and can't really get into it with my being.

Favor attention on the ‘I don’t know’ and remain open minded… vs projecting onto books and or illusion, as if asserting upon you, ‘keeping you from actual truth & peace’. Since you are what actual truth & peace is, that thought / thinking will feel off to you. The thought ‘my being’ can also be inspected in the not-two manor. 

Question the underlying belief; that there is a me and this book(s). The scientific investigation - ‘what is a body, brain & book made of most fundamentally’ might be fruitful. Also, notice the plurality of ‘if these books are illusions’, and consider singularity & not-two. ‘If the body, brain & book are illusory… what is real? What is it which is appearing as all of this, the whole or entitirety of experience?’

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I've heard so many times, "Oneness is truth, go for absolute truth." Even though all these books talk about Oneness, and it is a very central message of each one of them, there is also aliens, spiritual beings, energies, chakras, crystals, seven densities, ascended masters, father/son/holy spirit, etc.

If Oneness is The Truth, then there are these thoughts of these “things”… yet there are not actually separate things. In the same sense all of the things mentioned there are included in reality, ‘they’ are included in Oneness, or, Nonduality. Consider the approach of neti neti, ‘not me, not me’, for every “thing”… and also favor thoughts of inclusion. 

 

Analogously… imagine all of what you’re mentioning, including the thoughts and the expression of, are made out of legos. Then… ‘what is the truth, the true nature, of, legos?’. 

 

Also, are you trying these things out? Directly experiencing vs only reading about? Maybe try a Reiki class & some crystals, see how it is. Maybe a retreat and or trip, etc. Direct experience(s). 🙂

 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I like how these things sound, I'd like to kinda make-believe and see if they work and make me feel better, if they are true. But this insecurity and doubt is keeping me from it. Why do others say "energies, chakras, crystals, densities, etc. are nonsense, Oneness is only Truth", but others say "Yes, Oneness is truth, but also all kinds of cool stuff."

Inspect, see through, and therein dispell & relinquish the insecurity & doubt… by receiving the guidance, and acknowledging the discord is about the thoughts focused on about this. Pick thoughts which resonate more. If at a loss - be humble and acknowledge what is true for you so to speak… “I don’t know”.  Let any “figuring out” go. The Truth is not figure-out-able. Rather than looking to something to make you feel better - notice thoughts which don’t feel good. This is like the ever present empty clear sky… and the passing clouds. Good feeling does not come & go. Discordant & aligned thoughts come & go. 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I'd like to just relax a bit and go with the flow. I'd like to go and kinda play with these weird cool things like crystals, chakras, healing energies, channeling, spiritual beings, etc.

That’s a thought, which is an expression of what you want to experience. Create those experience which you want. Schedule them, order them, etc. 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

"But maybe I would just bullshit myself. So I can't really feel good and at peace about it."

Then this is a self referential thought. Inspect perception & feeling… ‘where is the I which is said to be bullshitting… and where is the myself which is said to possibly be being bullshitted?’. 

 

More specifically… what, where, who is this “I” which isn’t what good feeling and peace is… which can’t feel it’s own true nature without an “it”? 

Inspect for actual separation. Actually, really, try to find actual separation… such as an actual separation between perception (seeing, hearing)… knowing there is seeing & hearing… and awareness of this knowing. ‘Look’ in direct experience, as compared to ‘figuring it out’ in thoughts. It can be most helpful to recognize the thought that there is separation as a belief which has not yet been inspected… and to physically point to the actual separation. 

 

I’d also consider, from a most zoomed out / biggest picture view…. Is something coming up & out from daily morning meditation & using the scale…. But I am trying to ‘get’ the truth from books etc… vs allowing whatever it is to come up & out, to be seen, understood, healed, and dispelled. It is true on all fronts, logical, rational and literal… ‘when all beliefs are inspected & dispelled; only The Truth could remain’. 

 

Also, for what’s it’s worth (as you read this, it’s acknowledged here it only amounts to opinion / suggestion / a pointing)… everything & anything you’ve heard about Truth which is scary, negative, concerning, discordant, ‘hard to swallow’, etc, etc - is utter ignorance, arrogance & complete horseshit. “Someone’s” neglected shadow work ‘made into’ a “teaching”. Namely, for money, and or sex, and or self image, and or a surface level self esteem. 

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On 3/27/2022 at 3:21 PM, Phil said:

That might sound like, ‘am I the I bullshitting… or am I the myself being bullshitted?’ 

 

Huh... Good question.

 

It seems like there is me, the one who is writing this, me here now. And there is beliefs and narratives about a me-self, stuff like "a me who doesn't know what is true. A me who might be bullshitting myself. A me who is biased, ignorant, deceptive." This is more like belief/theory/philosophy about a me, rather than... Me.

 

Might be that there isn't really any bias, ignorance or deception here, only seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing... Though there is thoughts about "ignorance/deception", and that thought doesn't feel so good. It doesn't feel good or right to think I am biased, deceptive, avoiding or denying truth or something like that. Far more resonant to think I am innocent, I understandably and rightly look for feeling better.

 

-

 

I just wrote "truth" to the dreamboard. Feelin a bit odd about it, some anxious thoughts. But I'm gonna listen to the emotional guidance now.

 

At least this I know: whatever it is, it's not my fault. I've done nothing wrong. I've tried my best. If truth isn't good, if truth won't co-operate with me and my wellbeing, that's their problem, lol. I won't be settling for anything less than complete and total goodness, love and compassion.

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1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Huh... Good question.

 

It seems like there is me, the one who is writing this, me here now. And there is beliefs and narratives about a me-self, stuff like "a me who doesn't know what is true. A me who might be bullshitting myself. A me who is biased, ignorant, deceptive." This is more like belief/theory/philosophy about a me, rather than... Me.

 

Awesome. Could add ‘the one who is writing this, here, now’… to the beliefs, narratives, about a me-self category too, in noticing this is also the activity of thought. 

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Might be that there isn't really any bias, ignorance or deception here, only seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing... Though there is thoughts about "ignorance/deception", and that thought doesn't feel so good. It doesn't feel good or right to think I am biased, deceptive, avoiding or denying truth or something like that. Far more resonant to think I am innocent, I understandably and rightly look for feeling better.

Yes. 😊 Infinite can not know finite. Pure innocence. Put slightly different ways… knowingness can not know any thing… awareness can not be aware of any thing. 
 

If that is noticed, then ‘exceptions’ to this are noticed to not be exceptional at all, but to be the activity of thought… compassion naturally then arises in regard to deception, delusion, narratives of separate selves, etc, as it’s recognized in direct experience as no more than… thought attachment or, the believing of thoughts.  

1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

 

-

 

I just wrote "truth" to the dreamboard. Feelin a bit odd about it, some anxious thoughts. But I'm gonna listen to the emotional guidance now.

🙏🏼🤐



 

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@Phil The same theme is running through me once again. Truth, knowing, 'being sure'.

 

I read Bible a bit a few days ago. Been thinking what if christianity is truth. What if there is a devil who is trying to fool me. What if I just need to mindlessly trust the Bible, even if it makes no rational sense. Maybe the devil is rationality. Or maybe God is rationality and the devil is making me feel unsure, doubt myself. See the pickle?

 

Who can I trust? You? Sadhguru? Ramana Maharshi? Leo? The Bible? Quran? Myself?

 

I literally just don't know. I have no idea. This seems like a brick wall. No way through. No way under. What to do? I don't know. So I'll just be here now.

 

This is probably a bit of a silly question, but I still want to ask it. Have you really been where I'm at? Have you gone through this brick wall?

 

What I'm asking is basically that do you really "know the truth"?

 

If so... Let me ask, how did you get through it? What is the way here? And what is on the other side of this brick wall?

 

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There is a very strong power coming from admitting you don't know. It took me a long time to realize that even things that are proven, can still be wrong once new proof comes along, so science doesn't necessarily lead to Truth. The best teacher can fall into an ego trap, so teachers don't necessarily lead to Truth.

We live in a world where everyone is almost forced to take a side. War in Ukraine: if you are not against the Russians, you are a Putin-lover. Covid shots: if you are not for the shot you are an anti-vaxxer... More and more I admit I don't know and the funny thing is that people can get really mad for that. It also has a great consequence: the less you take a standpoint, the less you judge and that makes you more open for whatever is hidden from our senses.

I don't claim any truth. I just share my personal experience.

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

A bit more, when considering “anxiety” is a conceptualization of frustration, irritation and impatience? 

 

I'm not sure we're going to the right direction, but hmm. I feel frustrated because I think if I knew truth, I'd just be at peace and things would fall into place. No more useless philosophy and trying to figure things out. Now it seems that I'm stuck, whereas if I knew truth, and truth was good and freedom, I could go and live my life for the fullest. No more doubt. I would be complete. But now I feel incomplete and unsure about who I am.

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1 hour ago, Blessed2 said:

I'm not sure we're going to the right direction, but hmm. I feel frustrated because I think if…. 

Yes, on the same page, as it’s noted the frustration, irritation and impatience felt, is in regard to, the thoughts. 

(Anxiety is an unnecessary additional conceptualization, thought, and is irrelevant, or,  as you said ‘useless philosophy’.)

 

What about pessimism? 

Is also felt & acknowledged? 

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31 minutes ago, Phil said:

What about pessimism? 

Is also felt & acknowledged? 

 

I'm not really know what pessimism means, but yeah, maybe.

 

I don't know truth, and it feels unomfortable. There are better days and worse days. Maybe it's possible to see through fear and doubt for good, I don't know. Though maybe I can live like this, I can get through the day, moment by moment. It sucks, but right now I can live with it, and maybe tomorrow.

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@Blessed2

Not pessimism as a concept which means something. 

Pessimism as an emotion… which is guidance in regard to the thoughts. 

9 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I don't know truth, and it feels unomfortable. There are better days and worse days. Maybe it's possible to see through fear and doubt for good, I don't know. Though maybe I can live like this, I can get through the day, moment by moment. It sucks, but right now I can live with it, and maybe tomorrow.

Are we on the same page, that in regard to how these thoughts, or this thinking feels… is pessimism? 

This is not the same as saying you are, or you are being pessimistic. 

Is the emotion of pessimism felt? 

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