Truth + knowing + peace. Looking for clarity.

[Blessed2]

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

Is the emotion of pessimism felt? 

 

I'm not sure. I don't think so. Maybe something more like worry or doubt. Or maybe yeah, pessimism, since I feel useless with this scale and things don't seem to become better in any significant sense. Maybe this whole thing just isn't working.

[Phil]

5 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 things don't seem to become better in any significant sense. Maybe this whole thing just isn't working.

Would you agree, that thought / these thoughts… feel not great… as far as great, or not great?

Can you feel and ‘see’.. the guidance of emotion, of pessimism, is in regard to, these thoughts…? 

And therefore what’s felt is, pessimism….?

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Would you agree, that thought / these thoughts… feel not great… as far as great, or not great?

 

Yes

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Can you feel and ‘see’.. the guidance of emotion, of pessimism, is in regard to, these thoughts…? 

And therefore what’s felt is, pessimism….?

 

I don't know. I don't get what pessimism is supposed to mean. Feels more like frustration and irritation still.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Pessimism doesn’t mean anything (in this usage). It just points to what’s felt, when certain thoughts are focused on. 

Again there’s no science to this, it’s not black & white, nobody’s really ‘knows’… 

I would agree that pessimism, frustration and irritation have a similar feel. In ‘black & whiting’ for the sake of communication, all three go in the ‘not great’ category. 

 

Would you agree with this distinction, in the vein of how it feels & what you’re experiencing… 

Thoughts about the past or present, which feel ‘not great’ = frustration, irritation, impatience. 

Thoughts about how it’ll go from here, about the future, which feel ‘not great’ = pessimism. 

 

Put another way, maybe…

‘I don’t particularly care for what happened or what’s happening’ = frustration, irritation, impatience. 

‘I don’t particularly care for what’s going to happen’ = pessimism.

 

?

 

 

[Blessed2]

9 hours ago, Phil said:

Would you agree with this distinction, in the vein of how it feels & what you’re experiencing… 

Thoughts about the past or present, which feel ‘not great’ = frustration, irritation, impatience. 

Thoughts about how it’ll go from here, about the future, which feel ‘not great’ = pessimism. 

 

Put another way, maybe…

‘I don’t particularly care for what happened or what’s happening’ = frustration, irritation, impatience. 

‘I don’t particularly care for what’s going to happen’ = pessimism.

 

?

 

Yes, perhaps something like this.

 

In this case, yes, pessimism is felt.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

🙂

How bout boredom? 

[Blessed2]

Many people say writing and expressing is helpful. So let's try it.

 

Like I've written already on this thread. Truth + knowing is in my mind now.

 

I don't know truth, and I'm feeling many negative emotions about it. Most prominently, fear. Certain urgency too, like this was an acute problem.

 

Yeah, I don't know. So many paradoxes. Such a brick wall, no way through, no way under.

What if the world is bad, what if the world is good, what if the world is neutral. What if there is something that is trying to fool me. Or maybe I'm fooling myself in thinking there might be something fooling me.

 

Don't know if anyone can be trusted. I don't know if I can know if any book, any thought, anyone can be trusted.

 

I don't even know what a thought is.

Seems like a complete, total brick wall.

Could also just let go and not play this game. Though I don't know if that is the right way either.

 

I don't know if listening to the emotional guidance and what feels good is right either.

Damn, there might be a panic attack coming, a terror. Not right now, but at some moment. I wish it won't be too bad.

 

I've had panic attack and such before, they usually come and go, and new clarity is found. But still, they're really uncomfortable.

 

Also, I don't want just some "new clarity". I want to be sure and get through this completely. I'm tired of trying to figure out and doubting truth. I want to be absolutely, completely sure.

 

Dunno about knowing truth, but I want to FEEL sure. Absolutely sure. So that there is no doubt or fear no more, never again.

 

To be honest, I have trouble seeing how this "brick wall" could be ever broken through. I'm not sure if it's possible to know the truth at all, if true peace and knowing can be. But maybe there is a way, maybe there is something that can be, but I'm not just noticing it right now. So I'll hold onto that possibility.

 

Oh how would I like that there was someone who could help me directly. Someone loving, someone compassionate, who would come and show me with absolute certainty what Truth is. So that everything would be alright forever.

 

What is talking here, is my doubt.

 

"No thought can be trusted." But that's a thought too. What is a thought? I don't know. It seems that in direct experience, thought is like a non-physical form. It's not separate from feeling. It's really not possible to describe. Is "thought" itself a thought? Literally impossible to describe or to know. Maybe a thought can only be "been". Though I don't know, is that a thought too?

 

Why am I thinking this? Well, I'm feeling uncomfortable and I think that figuring this out must be the answer for me to feel better. It really seems that all I ever want is to feel good.

Yup, I want to feel good. And I think I must know truth in order to feel sure, in order to feel better forever.

 

I'd really, really, really like to feel better. I'd like to feel good forever. I don't want any doubt or fear anymore, ever. If there is anyone listening, I'd really appreciate if you could help me. If you can help me feel good from right here to eternity, do it! Send your heling energies, or whatever. (Might as well ask. Got nothing to lose really.)

 

What if I'm taking this way too seriously? I don't know. There are flowers in that vase on that table. There are clouds there on the sky. I feel my legs. I breathe air.

 

Constantly I try to get over it, to feel better.

 

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am here.

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am.

[Blessed2]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

🙂

How bout boredom? 

 

Well, there is some boredom, perhaps not just related to this truth-knowing subject. It's bit of a boring day. There is nothing super interesting today. Maybe I'll go shopping with the girlfriend for a bit, but that's not super exciting, just slightly fun. Could be a lot more fun and joyful if there just wasn't this problem of not knowing truth or whatever.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Excellent. 

Now how about contentment. In having acknowledge all of those thoughts, and acknowledged the emotional guidance therein, of how you feel when you focus on those thoughts… can you still find anything which must be changed, so that you can simply feel contentment? 

 

Careful with holding any expectations about contentment too. It’s not hopefulness, it just feels better than pessimism and boredom. 

[Blessed2]

7 hours ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

Excellent. 

Now how about contentment. In having acknowledge all of those thoughts, and acknowledged the emotional guidance therein, of how you feel when you focus on those thoughts… can you still find anything which must be changed, so that you can simply feel contentment? 

 

Careful with holding any expectations about contentment too. It’s not hopefulness, it just feels better than pessimism and boredom. 

 

I do have expectations about contentment.

 

But yeah, I'd say there is a slight whiff of contentment. Though I'm having a bit hard time with this one, and what comes is frustration and pessimism.

 

Really feeling unsure with this one.

[Phil]

@Blessed2

Is there something ‘big’… something which you want to start, or a direction you know you want to go in which ‘seems big’? If so, is there the feeling of relief when you bring it to mind, and acknowledge it’s like everything else… in that it’ll be experienced as just this now, or, one moment at a time like anything else…? Further… when you think of breaking it down into steps, small pieces, is there more contentment with this moment now, as it is?

[Zeroguy]

@Phil Everything above contentment on emotional scale is how should we feel or strive too?

Is contentment default?

[Phil]

@Zeroguy

(Imo) Contentment is kind of the default, yes. Very close to boredom and hopefulness, which are just fine, but not exactly a lot happenin. Much better than disappointment, not nearly as good as feelin enthusiasm.

 

I wouldn’t hold a should or strive in terms of vibration. I’d just dive into, bask, extract the guidance, of the recognition, acknowledgement, full embracing of what one is feeling. Like, I could hold a cork underwater, and should & strive all I want, but I can not make the cork float. But the cork floats when unfettered, so you know, that’s really nice. 🙂 ‘Doership’ & corks are kinda opposite in a way. 

 

[Blessed2]

10 hours ago, Phil said:

@Blessed2

Is there something ‘big’… something which you want to start, or a direction you know you want to go in which ‘seems big’? If so, is there the feeling of relief when you bring it to mind, and acknowledge it’s like everything else… in that it’ll be experienced as just this now, or, one moment at a time like anything else…? Further… when you think of breaking it down into steps, small pieces, is there more contentment with this moment now, as it is?

 

Hmm. Yes, maybe something. There is a new way of relating to the world which is perhaps 'coming online' or being presented to me. Hard to explain. Less doing, more being. Not trying to be succesful, to live along others expectations and norms. More in the now. Free spirited. Hanging out with friends in parks, basking in sunlight. Magical energies, friendly fairies and elfs. Relaxed. Expecting good and great things, but not controlling or in urgency. Alignment. Feeling abundant.

 

Being who I want to be, following what feels good. Not being someone, not being an "awake person" or "high conscious". More like simply sprouting life and true wellbeing. No need to prove anything, no need to even talk or explain things. Silence is enough.

 

It does feel better to notice I can align with it in this moment. Simply relaxing and letting urgency and hurry go. Even while writing this.

 

-

 

Maybe, just maybe this brick wall can indeed be somehow walked through or seen through. Maybe, just maybe there is some way 'out', some magical or inexplainable, unfathomable Way. Yet, 'the answer' remains veiled still.

 

But, maybe. Maybe there is some possibility. Just a little little bit, hope grows.

Edited April 26, 2022 by Blessed2

[Phil]

@Blessed2

“Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” -Jesus