How to know if a guy is committed to you?

[Reena]

I have a hard time trusting men. They always end up breaking my trust by cheating, abandoning etc. 

Usually they are quite friendly with me in the beginning and then later their true colors begin to show. The love is fake or not strong enough. 

What are the signs that a guy is committed to you? 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

There are good people out there.  There are people that are better than me/you out there, and most of us don't consider this regularly/routinely because of our limited exposure!  Most people are good if you approach them in the right way even if they're bad.  It's on them if they're limited and most people don't want to feel limited.  And most people will respond in a good way if you approach them in the right way.  One of the points to get to is where you can talk to anybody even if they're like a scammer or schemer or player of whatever.  Nobody wants to feel bad or be bad if there's a better option for themselves/ourselves/myself.  If you talk to others in the right way, you can bring out their humanity.  The high-consciousness person has no enemies because they can relate to everyone without losing anything.  People think when they're talking to me that they're in their wheelhouse, but they're in my wheelhouse.  I know exactly what's happening, and I draw them out and try to relate to them in way that leaves a mark of inspiration for them in my own way.  Sometimes people just need to be heard and to feel superior, but see that's an opportunity you have to soothe them and to leave a footprint/trace with them to encourage/soothe/inspire them from where they're at and the signals they're providing you/us as to what they need.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

This wasn't a very practical answer but anyway. 

[Joseph Maynor]

10 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

This wasn't a very practical answer but anyway. 

No, it's very practical.  It's excessively/deliberately practical from my perspective.  I don't think I could be more practical in words than what I wrote.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

9 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

No, it's very practical.  It's excessively/deliberately practical from my perspective.  I don't think I could be more practical in words than what I wrote.

I want a deeply committed, loyal monogamous partner. 

Can you tell me how to know if one is truly loyal and committed for the long haul? 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

14 minutes ago, Cupcake said:

I want a deeply committed, loyal monogamous partner. 

Can you tell me how to know if one is truly loyal and committed for the long haul? 

 

Don't attach to me.  Just allow my words to sit with you and maybe influence/inspire you.  I try to help people where I see they could use something that I see.  I don't want any relations.  I'm kind of a solitary monk of a person haha.   I try to stay above things and provide care where I see it could be useful in certain situations.  I try to share my experiences in a way that saves others the time/sh*t I had to deal with to learn.  As you/me/we get older, you/I/we learn more and your/my/our younger days look ridiculous to you/me/us.  There's a benefit to getting older besides the drawbacks.  I look back at myself 5 years ago and realize I was way more foolish than I am now.   I assume this continues as we age.  I think it's important to remove the earplugs and observe and listen to people, which is hard for us because most people have limited exposure to other people.   

Edited March 24, 2022 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

7 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Don't attach to me.  Just allow my words to sit with you and maybe influence/inspire you.  I try to help people where I see they could use something that I see.  I don't want any relations.  I'm kind of a solitary monk of a person haha.   I try to stay above things and provide care where I see it could be useful in certain situations.  I try to share my experiences in a way that saves others the time/sh*t I had to deal with to learn.  As you/me/we get older, you/I/we learn more and your younger days look ridiculous to you/me/us.  There's a benefit to getting older besides the drawbacks.  I look back at myself 5 years ago and realize I was way more foolish than I am now.   I assume this continues as we age.  I think it's important to remove the earplugs and observe and listen to people, which is hard for us because most people have limited exposure to other people.  

Yea I understand that the more we mature the more we are able to look back and process our mistakes. 

Yet. You're happy being a monk and a monk like existence. But this doesn't apply to me. I don't wish to live like a monk. I want a deeply fulfilling romantic experience with another human being with no deceit or lack of loyalty. 

I want something that would fulfill me in relationships.. 

A healthy long term monogamous faithful loyal committed partner. 

 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Serenity said:

For instance, stage blue has this kind of vision. Shoving people together regardless of compatibility, with commitment and loyalty as its highest value. It's pretty much a disaster.

No I'm not looking for the stage blue type, I don't even support it. 

I definitely screen for compatibility. But I need commitment and loyalty because I don't wish to keep investing in multiple people like serial dating. Not my cup of tea. I believe in true love, loyal love lasting forever, of course there will be obstacles and struggles but love will conquer those struggles.

Such love looks meaningful and it has a heroic fervor to it. It's beautiful because of its commitment and loyalty. 

Sadly most people lose interest and operate on  temporary instincts. 

[Phil]

@Cupcake

What about being together if & when you both want to be, for as long as you both want to be?  More if it’s mutually wanted vs it being a matter of trust.  Paradoxically, that approach might result in what you’re wanting.
 

Guys might be smitten with you and thus euphorically happily obliged to commit, but then in more difficult times, discord can be interpreted as obligation… and then to resolve the discord, they move on.  
 

[Baller]

On 3/24/2022 at 12:24 AM, Cupcake said:

What are the signs that a guy is committed to you? 

I think you're asking the wrong question.

 

The right question in your circumstance is "why do I keep winding up with these guys who cheat (when clearly not every woman has this same problem)?"

 

So then, it's likely a pattern that you've fallen into and it can't be addressed on the surface, i.e. by getting some handy tips.  Your unconscious has the upper hand when it comes to your choices, so any resolution of the problem has to be holistic and address root causes (emotional trauma, self-worth issues, inability to trust one's instincts, etc.)  So this requires deep inner work.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Baller

[Reena]

@Baller what I have found is that the guys who approach me are generally these type of guys who also approach other women. And the guys who would want to be committed rarely ever approach because they are too shy to approach women. 

 

[Baller]

Just now, Cupcake said:

@Baller what I have found is that the guys who approach me are generally these type of guys who also approach other women. And the guys who would want to be committed rarely ever approach because they are too shy to approach women. 

 

 

You have to give the second type of guy more encouragement (i.e. indicators of interest.) 

[Tarak]

@CupcakeYou are so not gonna like my answer, but here it goes:

The romantic view of a prince on a white horse coming for the princess is a very strong theme in western culture. It makes most women (and a decent amount of men) dream about that perfect divine partner that will make her life complete. The problem is that if you need that partner to feel complete, you will lose that safe feeling when something comes in between the two of you. A relationship like this (the one Hollywood portrays constantly) is bound to fail. People change constantly, and the things you loved in your partner at the start might disappear. The guys you dated might've been very serious, but the changes that happened to them and you, made them cheat/leave. That doesn't make them bad or make you not good enough. It's just the flow of life. They might also just have been assholes who manipulated you.

When two people, that already did some work to themselves and are not in need of a partner to feel complete, come together you have a completely different story. When something comes in between those two, they can let each other go (temporary or indefinately) with no attachments.