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Social Anxiety at Work


Orb

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I've been working in this company for almost 2.5 years! Everyday in the group meetings I stay quiet. My throat closes up and mind goes blank. I was supposed to show a report in our meeting but stayed quiet. I'm pissed off about this 😤😤😤

Edited by Orb

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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I wanna walk up to a wall and bash my head into it until I pass out. Or punch myself! 

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up.

 

 

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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@Orb

Why is anger experienced?

 

Why is fear experienced?

 

Why is the throat closing up?

 

Why is the mind going blank?

 

(Not theoretically, conceptually, existentially or philosophically, but specifically in direct experience. As if inspecting the inner workings of an engine by looking at it, looking at what’s happening.)

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@Phil I've given up on myself again today. God I'm such a hypocrite i post advice then i forget it the next day. 😔

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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@Phil I know it's the self referential thoughts. I already see all the lies im saying. I dont think im interested in any of this work anymore but I'm in too deep. I walked so deep in the ocean that I turned around and don't see the land anymore.

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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What is there to find in inspecting that previous post? It's the same issue, self referential thoughts. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Orb

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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Just now, Orb said:

@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

You inspect to see through the assumptions that perpetuate the suffering. It's not one thing a the expense of another. 

On 1/10/2023 at 9:39 AM, Orb said:

I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up.

 

 

Just try this one. 

 Youtube Channel    Website

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1 hour ago, Orb said:

@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

In the colloquial sense, which is a complete and utter facade, but nonetheless… go about it however. It’s your path so to speak. Definitely not trying to tell ya what to do or anything. What’s said here might be initially disturbing & resistance might arise, but there’s no intention here to be disturbing or disturb you or to create resistance.

 

Honestly I can’t even say there’s an intention here for you to be free of suffering.

 

There just isn’t even intention here. There is only that I am not suffering because I am love, and I am eternal, infinite & unconditional pure magic, and of course again not even because I am unthinkable in being all thoughts, unbelievable in being all beliefs, ineffable in being all words, and undefinable in being all definitions.

 

There isn’t a single thing known, realized, understood, etc. Absolutely nothing is actually known here. No knower, nothing known. 

 

I can not be more forthright, honest or sincere when I say that I have absolutely no idea who you’re talking about (‘I, me, my, mine, myself, etc’), and really I can’t even actually be forthright, honest & sincere because I’m undefinable & ineffable and can’t actually be anything. 

 

The having of energy or interest ‘in this experience’ so to speak, would just be assumptions. Believing that and not inspecting that, as it relates if you will to inspecting thoughts, is presumptive. Put another way, the reasons to not inspect, aren’t true, ‘they’re’ beliefs / believed to be true. That seems to be the entirety of what suffering is. Assumptions, via believing, that there is a separate self. Suffering not even noticing what suffering “is”. The quotes are used because “it”, suffering, is illusory, because “the separate self” is illusory. An illusion of believing thoughts. 

 

An “I” never has any energy or interest. There’s no “separate self” which has. Not meant in any mocking way such as written off as “neo advaita teacher” or some other lost in ego mind games horeshittery. Literally - there’s no I. Therein it’s not possible for an I to have energy or interest. 

 

The last thing I could possibly care one iota about, is the truth, because the truth is there’s no I. I = illusion. 

The cosmic joke. So to speak, you’re the mother f’ing center of the universe - and there isn’t that “you” “in the center”. 

Look around. Feel. That’s you. You’re infinite.

 

Just two cents, suggestions, nothing more than wind blowing & not even…

Dreamboard. 

Meditation. 

Expression. 

The emotional scale. 

Inspection of beliefs.

 

 

 

 

 

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@Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap.

"I shall give you what no eye has seen, and what no ear has heard, and what no hand has touched, and what has never entered into the human heart. "-Jesus (Gospel of Thomas)

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2 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap.

There’s no “I”. That’s presumptive. 

There’s no “doer”. That’s presumptive. 

There’s no “I” in “time”. That’s presumptive. 

There’s no “suggester”. That’s presumptive. 

There’s no “separate self” which feels happy. That’s presumptive. 

There’s no “I” which “gets back to some place”. That’s presumptive. 

 

Love is love. 

Happiness is happiness. 

Love is happiness, happiness is love. 

There is no second. 

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