Orb Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 (edited) I've been working in this company for almost 2.5 years! Everyday in the group meetings I stay quiet. My throat closes up and mind goes blank. I was supposed to show a report in our meeting but stayed quiet. I'm pissed off about this š¤š¤š¤ Edited January 10, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 10, 2023 Author Share Posted January 10, 2023 I wanna walk up to a wall and bash my head into it until I pass out. Or punch myself!Ā Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 10, 2023 Author Share Posted January 10, 2023 I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up. Ā Ā Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 If you keep calling the experience social anxiety at work, you keep overlooking whatās really going on, and you keep experiencing anger, fear, the throat closing, and the mind going blank.Ā Ā Ā Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil what's really going on is emotions coming out. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Orb Why is anger experienced? Ā Why is fear experienced? Ā Why is the throat closing up? Ā Why is the mind going blank? Ā (Not theoretically, conceptually, existentially or philosophically, but specifically in direct experience. As if inspecting the inner workings of an engine by looking at it, looking at whatās happening.) Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @PhilĀ the next time it comes up i will look. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Orb Ok. šš¼š¤ Itās all here on this page / thread too.Ā Could inspect that as well.Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil I feel bad idk. Thoughts are averting away.Ā Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil I've given up on myself again today. God I'm such a hypocrite i post advice then i forget it the next day. š Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Now thereās more (here on this page / thread) to inspect.Ā Everything is working out perfectly.Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil I know it's the self referential thoughts. I already see all the lies im saying. I dont think im interested in any of this work anymore but I'm in too deep. I walked so deep in the ocean that I turned around and don't see the land anymore. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Orb Now thereās more which can be inspected. This is the gift that keeps on giving.Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 (edited) What is there to find in inspecting that previous post? It's the same issue, self referential thoughts.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Edited January 11, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Yourself. š Iād start at the top and inspect each sentence, each word, each implication really. Including the title.Ā But thatās just two cents of course.Ā And I wouldnāt be presumptive. I wouldnāt frame it up as āworkā in any way.Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Just now, Orb said: @Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more. You inspect to see through the assumptions that perpetuate the suffering. It's not one thing a the expense of another.Ā On 1/10/2023 at 9:39 AM, Orb said: I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up. Ā Ā Just try this one.Ā Quote Mention Ā YoutubeĀ ChannelĀ Ā Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 1 hour ago, Orb said: @Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more. In the colloquial sense, which is a complete and utter facade, but nonethelessā¦ go about it however. Itās your path so to speak. Definitely not trying to tell ya what to do or anything. Whatās said here might be initially disturbing & resistance might arise, but thereās no intention here to be disturbing or disturb you or to create resistance. Ā Honestly I canāt even say thereās an intention here for you to be free of suffering. Ā There just isnāt even intention here. There is only that I am not suffering because I am love, and I am eternal, infinite & unconditional pure magic, and of course again not even because I am unthinkable in being all thoughts, unbelievable in being all beliefs, ineffable in being all words, and undefinable in being all definitions. Ā There isnāt a single thing known, realized, understood, etc. Absolutely nothing is actually known here. No knower, nothing known.Ā Ā I can not be more forthright, honest or sincere when I say that I have absolutely no idea who youāre talking about (āI, me, my, mine, myself, etcā), and really I canāt even actually be forthright, honest & sincere because Iām undefinable & ineffable and canāt actuallyĀ be anything.Ā Ā The having of energy or interest āin this experienceā so to speak, would just be assumptions. Believing that and not inspecting that, as it relates if you will to inspecting thoughts, is presumptive. Put another way, the reasons to not inspect, arenāt true, ātheyāreā beliefs / believed to be true.Ā ThatĀ seems to be the entirety of what suffering is. Assumptions, via believing, that there is a separate self. SufferingĀ =Ā not even noticing what suffering āisā. The quotes are used because āitā, suffering, isĀ illusory,Ā because āthe separate selfā isĀ illusory.Ā An illusion of believing thoughts.Ā Ā An āIāĀ never hasĀ anyĀ energy or interest. Thereās no āseparate selfā which has.Ā Not meant inĀ any mocking way such as written off as āneo advaita teacherā or some other lost in ego mind games horeshittery. Literally - thereās no I. Therein itās not possible for an I toĀ haveĀ energy or interest.Ā Ā The last thing I could possibly care one iota about, is the truth, because the truth is thereās no I. I = illusion.Ā The cosmic joke. So to speak, youāre the mother fāing center of the universe - and there isnāt that āyouā āin the centerā.Ā Look around. Feel. Thatās you. Youāre infinite. Ā Just two cents, suggestions, nothing more than wind blowing & not evenā¦ Dreamboard.Ā Meditation.Ā Expression.Ā The emotional scale.Ā Inspection of beliefs. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 @Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." -Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 2 minutes ago, Orb said: @Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap. Thereās no āIā. Thatās presumptive.Ā Thereās no ādoerā. Thatās presumptive.Ā Thereās no āIāĀ inĀ ātimeā. Thatās presumptive.Ā Thereās no āsuggesterā. Thatās presumptive.Ā Thereās no āseparate selfā whichĀ feelsĀ happy. Thatās presumptive.Ā Thereās no āIā which āgets back to some placeā. Thatās presumptive.Ā Ā Love is love.Ā Happiness is happiness.Ā Love is happiness, happiness is love.Ā There isĀ no second.Ā Quote Mention YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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