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Social Anxiety at Work


Orb

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I've been working in this company for almost 2.5 years! Everyday in the group meetings I stay quiet. My throat closes up and mind goes blank. I was supposed to show a report in our meeting but stayed quiet. I'm pissed off about this šŸ˜¤šŸ˜¤šŸ˜¤

Edited by Orb

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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I wanna walk up to a wall and bash my head into it until I pass out. Or punch myself!Ā 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up.

Ā 

Ā 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Phil what's really going on is emotions coming out.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Orb

Why is anger experienced?

Ā 

Why is fear experienced?

Ā 

Why is the throat closing up?

Ā 

Why is the mind going blank?

Ā 

(Not theoretically, conceptually, existentially or philosophically, but specifically in direct experience. As if inspecting the inner workings of an engine by looking at it, looking at whatā€™s happening.)

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@PhilĀ the next time it comes up i will look.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Phil I feel bad idk. Thoughts are averting away.Ā 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Phil I've given up on myself again today. God I'm such a hypocrite i post advice then i forget it the next day. šŸ˜”

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Phil I know it's the self referential thoughts. I already see all the lies im saying. I dont think im interested in any of this work anymore but I'm in too deep. I walked so deep in the ocean that I turned around and don't see the land anymore.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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What is there to find in inspecting that previous post? It's the same issue, self referential thoughts.Ā 

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Edited by Orb

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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Just now, Orb said:

@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

You inspect to see through the assumptions that perpetuate the suffering. It's not one thing a the expense of another.Ā 

On 1/10/2023 at 9:39 AM, Orb said:

I get mad bc I know I'm a cool person but at the same time my body gets constricted and the fear response comes up.

Ā 

Ā 

Just try this one.Ā 

Ā YoutubeĀ ChannelĀ Ā 

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1 hour ago, Orb said:

@Phil honestly, i dont have the energy or interest in inspection. I dont care about truth i just dont wanna suffer no more.

In the colloquial sense, which is a complete and utter facade, but nonethelessā€¦ go about it however. Itā€™s your path so to speak. Definitely not trying to tell ya what to do or anything. Whatā€™s said here might be initially disturbing & resistance might arise, but thereā€™s no intention here to be disturbing or disturb you or to create resistance.

Ā 

Honestly I canā€™t even say thereā€™s an intention here for you to be free of suffering.

Ā 

There just isnā€™t even intention here. There is only that I am not suffering because I am love, and I am eternal, infinite & unconditional pure magic, and of course again not even because I am unthinkable in being all thoughts, unbelievable in being all beliefs, ineffable in being all words, and undefinable in being all definitions.

Ā 

There isnā€™t a single thing known, realized, understood, etc. Absolutely nothing is actually known here. No knower, nothing known.Ā 

Ā 

I can not be more forthright, honest or sincere when I say that I have absolutely no idea who youā€™re talking about (ā€˜I, me, my, mine, myself, etcā€™), and really I canā€™t even actually be forthright, honest & sincere because Iā€™m undefinable & ineffable and canā€™t actuallyĀ be anything.Ā 

Ā 

The having of energy or interest ā€˜in this experienceā€™ so to speak, would just be assumptions. Believing that and not inspecting that, as it relates if you will to inspecting thoughts, is presumptive. Put another way, the reasons to not inspect, arenā€™t true, ā€˜theyā€™reā€™ beliefs / believed to be true.Ā ThatĀ seems to be the entirety of what suffering is. Assumptions, via believing, that there is a separate self. SufferingĀ =Ā not even noticing what suffering ā€œisā€. The quotes are used because ā€œitā€, suffering, isĀ illusory,Ā because ā€œthe separate selfā€ isĀ illusory.Ā An illusion of believing thoughts.Ā 

Ā 

An ā€œIā€Ā never hasĀ anyĀ energy or interest. Thereā€™s no ā€œseparate selfā€ which has.Ā Not meant inĀ any mocking way such as written off as ā€œneo advaita teacherā€ or some other lost in ego mind games horeshittery. Literally - thereā€™s no I. Therein itā€™s not possible for an I toĀ haveĀ energy or interest.Ā 

Ā 

The last thing I could possibly care one iota about, is the truth, because the truth is thereā€™s no I. I = illusion.Ā 

The cosmic joke. So to speak, youā€™re the mother fā€™ing center of the universe - and there isnā€™t that ā€œyouā€ ā€œin the centerā€.Ā 

Look around. Feel. Thatā€™s you. Youā€™re infinite.

Ā 

Just two cents, suggestions, nothing more than wind blowing & not evenā€¦

Dreamboard.Ā 

Meditation.Ā 

Expression.Ā 

The emotional scale.Ā 

Inspection of beliefs.

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YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions

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@Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

-Ā A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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2 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Phil I always start doing all those things you suggested and initially feel happy but then I get back to this place of feeling lile crap.

Thereā€™s no ā€œIā€. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Thereā€™s no ā€œdoerā€. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Thereā€™s no ā€œIā€Ā inĀ ā€œtimeā€. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Thereā€™s no ā€œsuggesterā€. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Thereā€™s no ā€œseparate selfā€ whichĀ feelsĀ happy. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Thereā€™s no ā€œIā€ which ā€œgets back to some placeā€. Thatā€™s presumptive.Ā 

Ā 

Love is love.Ā 

Happiness is happiness.Ā 

Love is happiness, happiness is love.Ā 

There isĀ no second.Ā 

YouTubeĀ Ā WebsiteĀ Ā Sessions

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