Dealing with anxiety and trauma

[nurthur11]

I am constantly in a state of anxiety. This is mostly happening when others critique me or if i think my future is in peril.
 

Is this self induced? 
 

An example would be if you say i am doing bad at my work then i think my career is at stake so i get anxious. Eventually and quickly i get traumatized. How do i let go of this fear and the associated everything that comes along with it? 
 

How do i find and learn more about myself? I am generally a very simple guy but i think i am complex. Why have i not noticed myself yet. This is weird. 

[nurthur11]

Please give me something to think about. Let me know if you have further question’s so you can better understand the situation . 

Edited November 22, 2022 by nurthur11

[Loop]

Let go of the distinction ‘fear’,

Trust the feeling you are labeling, 

Allow it to expand, and permeate into everything else.

 

1 hour ago, nurthur11 said:

Is this self induced? 

Is there a self to induce anything? 

 

1 hour ago, nurthur11 said:

How do i find and learn more about myself?

This just happens automatically, how much are you seeing the Process? 
Look for Harmony-Now, embrace the guidance of discord. 
 

[nurthur11]

1 hour ago, Loop said:

Let go of the distinction ‘fear’,

Trust the feeling you are labeling, 

Allow it to expand, and permeate into everything else.

 

Is there a self to induce anything? 

 

This just happens automatically, how much are you seeing the Process? 
Look for Harmony-Now, embrace the guidance of discord. 
 

I am sensing a Process not so much though i believe it to be positive.
 

I am trusting my feelings but i am not letting it ride me so to speak. 
 

No there is no self to induce anything. Is hard to say there is no self. Is hard to say there isn’t any self. 
 

Recently, more and more i feel life in continuum rather than me controlling it. This is a weird investigation from my point of view. I still  very much like to put my mind around it. Maybe because i am in a spot that feels dangerous or maybe because i like to think it is not under my control. 
 

What do you mean by the Process? Currently the process that i believe in is just be direct with others on how you are feeling about it. But this is very overwhelming. 
 

[Loop]

@nurthur11

 

The Process is so simple it really cannot be explained, only experienced for itself. 
A simple way of putting it is to just trust the guidance of Feeling.
 

Is there a me & my feelings? 
Can you find the seam where they are apart? 
What are you trying to ride or not let ride you? 
 

7 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

Is hard to say there is no self. Is hard to say there isn’t any self. 

Embrace Not-Knowing, it will always be closer then absolutely any idea you have about what you are.

 

[nurthur11]

1 hour ago, Loop said:

@nurthur11

 

The Process is so simple it really cannot be explained, only experienced for itself. 
A simple way of putting it is to just trust the guidance of Feeling.
 

Is there a me & my feelings? 
Can you find the seam where they are apart? 
What are you trying to ride or not let ride you? 
 

Embrace Not-Knowing, it will always be closer then absolutely any idea you have about what you are.

 

Embrace Not-Knowing really hit the spot for me. 

 

Now when i think of it - its okay to feel the guidance and sometimes to not feel the guidance. The thing with chasing experience is that - we just dont know which one it is haha. We don’t know what is this. 
 

Just think what you are saying: The Process is so simple it really cannot be explained only experienced by itself.  This

leaves me in the realm of experience. Now i go search for a process - if it has to be experienced i search it in my experience. Is it in front of me? It should be in front of me its a Process is always there. Now cant i feel it - yes i can but it feels wrong. If i can feel the Process were am I? I am the Process, there is no Process just me no there is only Process. And so on and so on. This is just chasing experience. In the end nothing is solved. 
 

An interesting remark. When i wrote this paragraph i remember what i thought and how i thought myself to be but not my experience. 
 

Sometime is process, sometimes is not. Okay? 

[nurthur11]

Sorry i forgot these questions: 

 

 

Is there a me & my feelings? 

 

Yes. 

 

Can you find the seam where they are apart? 

Yes like a blank space. 

What are you trying to ride or not let ride you? 
 

Let the feelings or the overall mood control me. 

[Loop]

4 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

I am the Process, there is no Process just me no there is only Process.

😊

 

2 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

Yes like a blank space. 

What is that? I would be pretty curious about it. 
 

5 minutes ago, nurthur11 said:

Let the feelings or the overall mood control me. 

Feeling is what guides thought. Without putting feeling first, thought gets ‘disassociated’ in a sense. When feeling guides thought, you can ‘feel your way through’ just about anything.
You aren’t something that can be controlled.

Awareness is untouchable, yet is all touch.

 

Searching for One always comes up with None,

You breath in and out,

But where & how does it all occur? 
Isn’t it so profound that you prefer,

At all anything,

Or that you are,

But what is it?

You certainly aren’t anywhere afar!

 

[nurthur11]

18 hours ago, Loop said:

@nurthur11

 

The Process is so simple it really cannot be explained, only experienced for itself. 
A simple way of putting it is to just trust the guidance of Feeling.
 

Is there a me & my feelings? 
Can you find the seam where they are apart? 
What are you trying to ride or not let ride you? 
 

Embrace Not-Knowing, it will always be closer then absolutely any idea you have about what you are.

 

Ok so just put my mind in the feelings? I feel happier already. There is me and my feeling for me and i prefer it this way for the moment 🙂 .

 

Right now I am feeling unsure 🫤 my feeling experience is like a hole with stuff in it. Now i am feeling impatience. Now i am feeling like i am oversharing or too much for others. 

 

Thank you, Loop 💙

[nurthur11]

Yes, but like this is hard to sleep and feel the trauma. I can see this now - after a heavy workout my entire body is in a state of trauma but it cant express like i am avoiding pain. I choose not to feel pain. 

[Loop]

2 hours ago, nurthur11 said:

Yes, but like this is hard to sleep and feel the trauma. I can see this now - after a heavy workout my entire body is in a state of trauma but it cant express like i am avoiding pain. I choose not to feel pain. 

Pain is a distinction you are making, what is there without the label? Feel it out. Feeling around it first if going straight into it is too intense. Where is the feeling?  

 

3 hours ago, nurthur11 said:

Now i am feeling impatience.

 

Keep going into Unknowingness. 
What is impatience? Feel into it. 

 

3 hours ago, nurthur11 said:

Thank you, Loop 💙

 

Anytime 🙏🏼

 

 

 

[Mandy]

@nurthur11 Meditating everyday? How is your diet? Any caffeine use? Lemon balm and ashwagandha are great to help take the effects of a good diet and quitting caffeine ever further. Exercise helps even more. From there you're set up for success to look at the thoughts, examine the assumptions behind the anxiety. What do you really want to do that you're afraid of doing? Can you push the bounds of that, with love and patience for yourself? What are your fears? Have you written them down, listed them out? Where do you feel them in the body? 

[Mandy]

3 hours ago, nurthur11 said:

Yes, but like this is hard to sleep and feel the trauma. I can see this now - after a heavy workout my entire body is in a state of trauma but it cant express like i am avoiding pain. I choose not to feel pain. 

What do you mean your body is in a state of trauma? What was this workout? 

[nurthur11]

44 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@nurthur11 Meditating everyday? How is your diet? Any caffeine use? Lemon balm and ashwagandha are great to help take the effects of a good diet and quitting caffeine ever further. Exercise helps even more. From there you're set up for success to look at the thoughts, examine the assumptions behind the anxiety. What do you really want to do that you're afraid of doing? Can you push the bounds of that, with love and patience for yourself? What are your fears? Have you written them down, listed them out? Where do you feel them in the body? 

I don’t know how to meditate. Nope i don’t meditate. My diet is good and sleeping is decent but i have intense anxiety and depression. Exercise is going great. I know what i want to do but i am not doing it.
 

Yes I can start loving and have patience for myself.

56 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What do you mean your body is in a state of trauma? What was this workout? 

 
I feel the body pains and the psychological pains. The memory of how it felt to exercise - deal with everyone(faces, moods, feelings), how my body felt to pain, how pain felt differently in my body when other were looking(it was intensified) and how this pain remains. 
 

[nurthur11]

2 hours ago, Loop said:

Pain is a distinction you are making, what is there without the label? Feel it out. Feeling around it first if going straight into it is too intense. Where is the feeling?  

Pain just feels bad thats why i avoid it. I have pain in my leg for example, it comes and goes, when it comes i feel myself avoiding it - distracting myself, ignoring it. I feel myself habitually getting away from it. 

[Phil]

On 11/22/2022 at 6:59 PM, nurthur11 said:

Is hard to say there is no self. Is hard to say there isn’t any self. 

There’s no separate, or second, or finite & limited self. 

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

I am constantly in a state of anxiety.

Where is the state? How’d you find it & get inside of it initially? 

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

This is mostly happening when others critique me or if i think my future is in peril.

Is feeling relying that those interpretations are true?

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

An example would be if you say i am doing bad

How do you feel when you imagine telling someone they are doing bad?

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

i think my career is at stake so i get anxious

And what does feeling say about that thought?

How does the exact opposite thought feel?

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

How do i let go of this fear and the associated everything that comes along with it? 

How do i find and learn more about myself?

If you could be gainfully employed with absolute certainty for the rest of your life, but could never feel happiness - would you?

Why or why not?

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

I am generally a very simple guy 

How do you know that’s absolutely true?

 

On 11/22/2022 at 3:24 PM, nurthur11 said:

Why have i not noticed myself yet. This is weird. 

What is other than yourself? 

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, nurthur11 said:

I don’t know how to meditate. Nope i don’t meditate. My diet is good and sleeping is decent but i have intense anxiety and depression. Exercise is going great. I know what i want to do but i am not doing it.

No one really knows how to meditate. Just sit down, cross your legs, (meditate cushion and blanket for under your legs highly recommended) focus on your breath, and watch thoughts that come up like clouds passing by. Start by setting a timer for 5 minutes in 15 is too much. Then work up to 10 and then 15. Take some really deep breaths and let yourself relax. Sometimes you'll yawn a lot. Feels like a nap without the sleepiness and makes the whole day brighter. I like to do it once in the morning and again once around noon. 

 

If you know what to do, what's the next step you can take that feels good?

 

 

[nurthur11]

14 hours ago, Phil said:

There’s no separate, or second, or finite & limited self. 

 

Where is the state? How’d you find it & get inside of it initially? 

 

Is feeling relying that those interpretations are true?

 

How do you feel when you imagine telling someone they are doing bad?

 

And what does feeling say about that thought?

How does the exact opposite thought feel?

 

If you could be gainfully employed with absolute certainty for the rest of your life, but could never feel happiness - would you?

Why or why not?

 

How do you know that’s absolutely true?

 

What is other than yourself? 

That state is like getting drunk, getting tired and angry. 

 

Feeling is relying that those interpretations are false. 
 

I feel bad telling someone else they are doing bad. The exact positive thought feels bad too. 
 

If you could be gainfully employed with absolute certainty for the rest of your life, but could never feel happiness - would you?

Why or why not?

 

Yes i would because i would have a secured source of income. Of course it will depend if i am making enough to live a life.

I dont know that that is absolutely true but i based my opinion on the people around me. 
 

Other than myself is other people, animals, objects etc. 

 

 

[nurthur11]

13 hours ago, Mandy said:

 

15 hours ago, nurthur11 said:

I don’t know how to meditate. Nope i don’t meditate. My diet is good and sleeping is decent but i have intense anxiety and depression. Exercise is going great. I know what i want to do but i am not doing it.

No one really knows how to meditate. Just sit down, cross your legs, (meditate cushion and blanket for under your legs highly recommended) focus on your breath, and watch thoughts that come up like clouds passing by. Start by setting a timer for 5 minutes in 15 is too much. Then work up to 10 and then 15. Take some really deep breaths and let yourself relax. Sometimes you'll yawn a lot. Feels like a nap without the sleepiness and makes the whole day brighter. I like to do it once in the morning and again once around noon. 

 

If you know what to do, what's the next step you can take that feels good?

 

Okay i did 5 min and is good for contemplation - it feel i feel good when i get support from others. When someone says your doing good i tend to become like them. 

[nurthur11]

@Philyour saying to assume that everything is fine with myself and try to figure out life from that. All states are fine, self is inconceivable. 

 

Smth like this?