Nadosa
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Posts posted by Nadosa
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4 minutes ago, Phil said:
Awesome suggestions! I agree.
I like cold water on the face, laughter, exercise / loud music, meditation, fast, look at dreamboard (every morning).
What music do you listen to?
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I noticed EVERYTHING I DO, let it be sports, being with family, meditation, friends, music, is all accompanied with the belief of "let me get to it in order to feel better than I do now", and everything then feels as if I was completely powerless and passionless doing these things.
When did I really feel happiness the last time? Well I don't know. I see all the girls and boys in my age, hanging with their groups of people, having a good time, flirting...I am totally missing my entire twenties I guess. It's Saturday evening and I am making music and practicing for upcoming gigs, though I should go out and socialize, talk to girls, just enjoying time. I am not really practicing because I want to...I just know that procrastinating and letting my musical routines go would end up in me being absolutely pissed.
A year ago I wanted to create an entire drum solo for a song, something special, I haven't got to it, because well, I actually prioritize anything other now, I don't feel really passionate at the moment. I know this doesn't attract any people, this attitude...and maybe I should let go of the belief that other people trigger a spark of happiness. Actually I let other aspects (talking to girls, people in general, being obsessed with taking every opportunity) of life get the upper hand and I notice that I seek and seek and seek, and the more I seek, the worse I feel.
Even writing this feels like a waste of energy, because there is no one to help, because I know what I am, and you are, and that your replies probably just fill the lack of happiness for a sec.
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Taking time to breathe and taking time to defocus from contextualizing of emotions is so important. Rarely, there are times where I really feel happy and free. Mostly I experience uncertainty, overwhelment and pessimism. It's often experienced as being super kind and gentle to everybody, being the good guy with happy mood. But at home I oftentimes experience the exact opposite.
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However tbh, the body shows physical signs when discord is experienced or stress.
For 2-3 weeks now the right eye lid twitches and doesn't really stop anymore. That's basically consequence of rumination and not getting enough sleep.
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Those two weeks have been intense.
I was faced with straight up full blown psychotic people who were basically ready to kill me and I had to lock them and wrestle them down to the ground.
I've realized that emotions bottled up, mixed doubt, overwhelment and insecurity. I have had no training in how to really professionally handle aggressive patients.
I have realized, that no matter how you talk, even as a person they once had trusted (for example the doc), they don't really "see" them anymore in acute situations, they look through you and are basically really in need of medication. If they tell you they have a chip implanted in their head, that our necks would get slit, well...what is there left to do?
Otherwise, all other patients are so damn interesting, and kinda playing along in their "movies" and reality and just being accepting, allowing, they kinda trust you more than anyone else.
I love the team, the atmosphere and being able to help patients in very very dark times. I've been able to collect so many experiences, perspectives, listen to emotions while talking, training eye contact, focusing on listening and really feel what it is that patients NEED, which is oftentimes just an open 👂.
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I'm currently working at a psychiatric hospital with people that have very very strong "emotional" outbursts, psychosis and schizophrenia. I mean nothing "normal", emotional releases as if they were dripping an overdose every 30mins. They are locked in the station because they are potential threads to society and themselves.
I have myself never faced this dynamic before, I mean the patient vs nurse on a "face to face" base. Here, the patient is not treated like "king" but rather as someone who is known to be a potential threat to colleagues and nurses/docs. Mutual respect, as well as de-escalation, authority behavior is important.
Tbh, I'm experiencing insecurity and overwhelment regarding these dynamics. I see girls jumping and screaming their lungs out, hitting windows and doors until their wrists are bleeding, who throw chairs and stuff around and become physically abusive towards nurses. I respect that. But tbh I feel a bit intimidated, because I've always been open, very kind and very rarely outgoing and authoritarian towards patients.
Any suggestions for behavior?
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So everything that feels bad, is just felt as the thought about that thing, but a thing can never be bad or whatever, because it has nothing to do with what's felt.
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That again leads to questioning why feeling discomfort is even oncurring...when in fact there IS nothing happening. Discomfort is obviously caused by thought...
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So by dispelling this belief, the gap is kinda closed and I can really feel whats up.
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What also helps is realizing, acknowledging...that suffering, discomfort, is never in the objects or coming from the outside, or is put into me from the outside. It's always already in me, felt, meaning I have to already be able to feel it and dispell the belief that suffering is coming from external factors.
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So it's like sitting on a bridge and looking at the cars going by. Emotions are already going by themselves and all I do is acknowledging that they are already passing by?
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1 hour ago, Phil said:
To feel boredom is to have acknowledged pessimism. To feel contentment is to have acknowledged boredom.
How can I not feel about this to be something I have to do, focus or learn? The first thing that comes to mind is questioning what does boredom or pessimism even feel like and then I try to feel it by conceptualizing it. Which is not "the way".
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35 minutes ago, Robed Mystic said:
It's a disorder of the brain and certain triggers can just set off the obsessions and resulting compulsions. Really there isn't a cure for OCD other than to be aware of your obsessions and not give them attention. Giving them attention makes them stronger. Eventually within a few days the obsession you are dealing with diminishes and may dissipate altogether for a long time or until another trigger happens. But if you can find the strength to just ignore them they get weaker that way and will go away. But when you feed the obsessions with compulsions it only males them come back worse, until you exhaust yourself. And it's a lot of wasted time and suffering.
describes my life pretty good. Prolly the reason I always come late to meetings. Procrastination and checking obsessions.
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34 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:
Sitting in parks doesn't sound too bad, and there is no wasting anything. Thats just a thought as you notice.
Maybe sounds counterintuitive, but try to feel the emotions you don't like or don't want to feel even more. Go complete counter and invite it it. See what happens, get curious about your emotions. Don't judge them
Yep. Feels like extreme discomfort just sitting and not wandering off.
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Yeah. Just talked to an old man in the park. He seemed lonely. I guess that's a strength. I can completely vibe with old folks. He laughed. And asked for money. Lol. Gonna meet him tomorrow again I guess.
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I just spend my days sitting in parks. Im wasting away at the moment, or whatever, this thought says. At least Im getting a tan.
Everything I do I dont even feel the aliveness of it. Sports, breathing...I miss the feeling of putting feeling good in my body first. Like living through it.
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Everything feels so stupid right now. I am feeling like I want to go away, move to the next moment, not even taking time for the dreamboard but rather write smth, anything on it in hoping it fills the hole in my guts. This everlasting lack, feeling impatience and doubt.
I cant stand being with "myself" at the moment. I just do things in order to feel better instead of moving within This and acting from This.
Especially when you know "This", state-chasing is experienced...or at least sitting in silence in order to reach This...which of course leads to more dissatisfaction.
I feel the emotion of disencouragement, disappointment, pessimism and frustration. Tbh those are the main emotions experienced throughout the day.
Havent felt really happy for a longer period tbh.
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I feel disappoinment regarding building new relationships. I've been very open about socializing recently, as in just talking to random girls and usually the response is pretty positive.
Although the conversations/meetings weren't awkward at all, up until this point, after one meeting, girls end up ghosting or putting me off. I dont really mind. I understand that meeting a total stranger is probably uncomfortable for them.
What I dont do is actively showing sexual interest and rather behave on a friend-level and focus on having a good time.
Anyways, just renting...
Maybe Im just too needy? Tbh I always sense a lil bit of lack in my stomach, like a subtle resistance.
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It's good. But in direct experience the notion "about you" IS also just a thought.
Let it all fizzle out. But I totally understand as a first step, it sure IS quite helpful.
You is not a doing. You is the only one that is here noticing thoughts. The only one that is.
As you are the only one here, there is just you being able to choose what to believe. Can be quite challenging.
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Another one which seems to kinda block energy and flow is the thought of the upcoming festival season in summer, prolly playing 500-1000 people venues and usually we go really well with sax n drums mixed with rap. But the new songs are basically just rap because we love it and it's fun to explore how to work with flows and stuff. But direction wise, we are not really clear about yet. This kinda seems to hold back the vibe within the band too. Because one side says "the crowd loves the sax n drums", the other side states "better be focused on what WE like".
well, any advice? Just listening to what feels good?
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New Music's comin:
hit dem with the limp bizkit vibes
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Yeah. I havent been able to really let go...however, I was sitting on a bench when suddenly a good friend of mine came by and asked me to go bouldering.
First reaction "meehh dont disturb me, Im meditating!!", which felt of course ..Bad.
So fuck it, Ive never tried bouldering before.
It was sooooo cool. Already looking forward to the next time.
I have this inner longing for exploring yet thought oftentimes keeps me away from the boundless opportunities.
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Meanwhile This wondering how This should move away or get somewhere.
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Posted
Currently on a Phil Collins trip, the good vibeesss, anyways we have a artist called Peter Fox over here, he put out a song called "future pink", check it out. Maybe you know the band Seeed as well.