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CPTSD - Damaged Self-Esteem


Serenity

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So, I've been introspecting a lot today and I have come to realize that I grew up in a family structure where my narcissistic brother sucked all the air in the room, and I didn't get the chance to blossom like I would like, due to the fact he felt threatened I would outperform him.

 

When I  would try to simply be and express myself, he would attempt to diminish me, make backhanded compliment or do his best so the situation turns into his one man show. He's been behaving pretty much like a domestic self-esteem terrorist. My impression is that he feeds his ego on making me feel inadequate, and this frankly disgust me. I remember that when I was a teenager, his emotional abuse was going through the roof and I would often leave dinner and cry in my room. It would happen each week. I remember he and my mother would gang up against me, blame me for being a bad teen for whatever reasons in humiliating ways. While I don't remember everything as an adult, it seems to me like it was a terrible, unproductive thing to do. I question also the nature of the abuse because with adult eyes, I can tell he's got sadistic tendencies and he totally lacks wisdom.  His ego is massively toxic. He regularly humiliates his friends, and also has a bad addiction to cocaine.

 

Nowadays, he also attempt to hoard family ressources and attention and control what's being done, crushing each time my perspective. Overall, his body language can be aggressive, and I have to be ultra careful near him and placate him. He doesn't physically attempt to beat me, though he often enjoy narrating how he come close to physically assault other people, which comes off to me as indirect threats.  Sometimes, when he is angry his body language clearly indicate a desire to physically impress me. He also doesn't hesitate to assault verbally people and/or threaten them, and then narrate the stories during dinners. 

 

The problem is that I see clear in his game since a while now, and I actually feel a lot of empathy for him, as I see him in the end as a very insecure man with big inner demons. I see that he loves me deep down, and he tries his best with what he's got, but at the same time I don't know what to do with his BS, as he is causing me still a lot of discomfort each time we see each other. I don't like much being around him, as my emotional needs aren't met and my self-esteem wound are re-opened by spending time around his ego. The old dynamique is still at play, and it's confusing because at the same time, he's doing also positive, nice things.  He also often let me know he thinks I have a bad self-esteem problem, and it's a problem with me. Which lets me speechless. 

 

My mother is the last child of a large family. She was the last attempt at making a boy (my grand parents got 6 daughters) and having a son was an element of pride for her. She's got very little self-esteem herself at the end of the day and doesn't seem to understand how toxic her enablement of him and their triangulation has been. I struggle with deep self-worth wound, a low quality family support system.

 

In any case, I have realized that I still have a lot of resentment and anger towards him.  I feel like he has taken part of my self-esteem.

 

But my anger is nothing next to traumas and needs that weren't met. For instance, I have a very strong need for positive validation, after having felt so often negatively mirrored. I seek that validation like I have been starved.

 

And when I look at the things I do, I can't help but think often "this is utter shit". I get convinced I made a terrible work, because I have gotten so used to look at myself through an invalidating, negative eye. It paralyses me when I am doing stuff. It happens often that I am surprised between the lag between inner distress I feel and how people around me assess differently the situation.  I can convince myself I wrote or did something that will be diminished, said to be terrible, and then be surprised at someone's reply saying " what you did is excellent", because I am almost expecting them to say how bad I am and they want nothing to do with me. Though, this doesn't happen all the time. On the surface I can be pretty confident and get things done, but suddenly something really matter to me and my feelings of inadequacy comes back strong. The more I seem to want it, the more I am afraid I'll screw it up, and the fear open that self-esteem wound in a pretty nasty way. I start doubting everything in these situations...

 

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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On 10/16/2022 at 1:39 PM, Phil said:

When feelings come back strong, where do they come back from?

 

I would say they come back from the unconscious, the shadow. 

 

On 10/16/2022 at 1:39 PM, Phil said:

Similarly, does ‘toxic’ label, cover, or clarify & heal the inferiority underlying the narcissism? 

No. But his sense of inferiority is his problem, and I don't think it is fair that I have to deal with the trauma + the constant challenges he throws at me.

 

On 10/16/2022 at 1:39 PM, Phil said:

“Where two or more gather in my name, there I am”. 

It only takes one to show oneself. 

The loa is Immutable

 

I didn't get how it relates to the situation. ☹️ 🤔 😭

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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Other than that, lately I've been silently weeping a lot.

I do feel some release, but it feels like a few droplet getting out of a dam. 😪

 

I'm hoping for the resistance to that sadness to lift and for theses emotions to flow. I'll probably feel like a lifetime amount of frustration will have left me. 🤧

 

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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2 minutes ago, Serenity said:

But the narcissist is my brother. I attract him because we share the same family 😐.

So this has been going on a very long time then, meaning it seems kinda big. But there have been others since, others that you were attracted to, that were obviously, attracted. 

 

If everything is working out for you, why would you attract a narcissist into your experience? What does a narcissist believe about themselves, and what is a narcissist's primary focus? 

 

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5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What does a narcissist believe about themselves, and what is a narcissist's primary focus? 

 

Narcissists are having very low self-esteem issues and thus, are desperate for external token of validation, as well as admiration.

 

They have constructed as a coping mechanism a grandiose image of themselves, which is continuously under threat and they need to defend. Their primary focus is to feed that self-image.

 

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

So this has been going on a very long time then, meaning it seems kinda big. But there have been others since, others that you were attracted to, that were obviously, attracted. 

 

If everything is working out for you, why would you attract a narcissist into your experience?

 

 

Yeah. It's been a very long time.

 

My strategy has been to 'ignore it' when he's there, and put as much distance as possible. But as I am doing inner work, I realize the wound is bigger than initially thought. It was also never properly addressed as my affection made me feel guilty, and spirituality have been used for bypassing.

 

Regarding me attracting narcissists... I've attracted a few of them, that's undeniable. Though, I also attract a lot of people who aren't narcissist, and that's the large majority.  And most of the narcissist I attract are actually a side product of a bigger attraction in my experience.  Anyway, the best way to get rid of them for good is to make sure there isn't in my shadow elements that can make us an energetic match, hence the need to keep on releasing my disgust/anger at my bro's attitude.

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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3 hours ago, Serenity said:

I would say they come back from the unconscious, the shadow. 

I would say thoughts as interpretations which are discordant arise again and again, as if looking for / wanting alignment. The discord felt with the interpretations is emotion, and feelingis really feeling, which relevance wise never comes and goes. We so often attempt to change how we feel with the intention of feeling better, while that better feeling is the natural outcome of letting an interpretation go which allows understanding & feeling to arise. 

 

3 hours ago, Serenity said:

 

No. But his sense of inferiority is his problem, and I don't think it is fair that I have to deal with the trauma + the constant challenges he throws at me.

But is it true that you have to deal with it? 

What about non-engagement?  Are you in some ways making it your problem? 

 

3 hours ago, Serenity said:

 

I didn't get how it relates to the situation. ☹️ 🤔 😭

Sometimes we end up in a mental-emotional Mexican stand off, every one pointing at each other believing the way one feels is because of the other. In such a situation, the one who stops pointing first actually wins, and all others left pointing feel the discord of the pointing, even if they’re not yet realized why that is. I’ll admit, it does very much seem like there is more than one Being here. 

 

If how you feel right now seems related to the past as it involves your brother, purposefully notice he isn’t present, and what has happened isn’t what is happening. What is happening are the thoughts about what’s happened. So it is in the aligning of the thoughts, via understanding as in compassion, which allows the healing of alignment. 

 

You’re still blossoming, it’s not a done or finished thing. You’ll be blossoming right up until to the rest of us it seems like you died. From what you shared, he is feeding his ego by diminishing others. But, it’s up to you wether that disgusts you or not anymore. Understanding & compassion are the key. Breaking that cycle, of experiencing the same interpretation, and feeling the same way, is key. 

 

Consider, ideally… feel… that innocence is absolute. It’s of out most rudimentary essence, the true nature of our infinite being, our actual eternal self. It’s so humbling too allow innocence to be felt. It’s of course great that your expressing & addressing this, please don’t take this any other way… but what you’re doing to yourself so to speak, experiencing a discordant interpretation again & again… suffering… it doesn’t feel good, but you don’t (yet) know better / see it as clearly as you soon will. 

 

Consider, why does he behave like that? 

You interpreted that it was about you, that you were bad, and therein you allowed yourself to interpret and feel the interpretation of humiliation. 🥹 Then another ‘discordant step’ is taken - this left you believing he is lacking (wisdom), and that his ego is toxic. This is (most unfortunately) a distancing from truth, Our infinite Self, by reinforcing the belief in separate selves, which have ego’s. But that’s what “the ego” is - separate selves don’t have egos… the activity of thought, the beliefs there are separate selves is what ego is. You mentioned he is ‘crushing your perspective’, and that you have to ‘be ultra careful near him and placate him’… but you are feeling your perspective… about him. That isn’t a perspective of empowerment filed by source, which knows very there aren’t separate selves… and in being you so to speak, is absolutely innocent of this ignorance.

 

But continuing to feel the discord or suffering, vs allowing the empowerment of Truth, now & going forward, is up to you.

On 10/15/2022 at 11:30 AM, Serenity said:

The problem is that I see clear in his game since a while now, and I actually feel a lot of empathy for him, as I see him in the end as a very insecure man with big inner demons.

If you’re feeling the discord, you’ve got to own the ‘problem’ framing to allow it to change, and therein to feel alignment. He’s not a ‘very insecure man’, he’s our very hurt & confused infinite being. When you frame this as ‘a problem’, you experience ‘a problem’. When you see why he acts that way, you’re freed of any suffering related. It might seem like he’s playing games, but that isn’t natural or indicative our Being. He’s experiencing & reinforcing an idea of himself, because of the suffering held inside is too painful for him to feel, and allow it too change, and therein feel alignment. Don’t continue to do the same. Bring the simple, effortless, action-less, doing-less-ness of non-engagement, non-problem, non-violence in thoughts to the situation. 

 

Shift focus from him & what you don’t want, to you & what you do want. You don’t have to give him any attention at all. An aspect of manipulative behavior is engaging you, getting your attention. When such behavior is given so much attention, it’s reinforced. When you’re triggered, reactive, or even bothered in any way - such as seeing it as ‘a problem’, ‘he’s toxic’, ‘playing games’ etc, it actually contributes to his confusion (and yours), because as that engagement unfolds it seems to him more & more that how he’s feeling has something to do with you, while it’s his own discordant self referential thoughts he’s feeling… and it seems more & more to you that how you’Re feeling has something to do with him. It only does to the exact extent you remain engaged in believing that it does, in large part by believing in separate selves, and therein distancing yourself (so to speak!) from the Truth, which is the only “thing” you want, because “it’s” the only “thing” that feels better. 

 

On 10/15/2022 at 11:30 AM, Serenity said:

The old dynamique is still at play, and it's confusing because at the same time, he's doing also positive, nice things.  He also often let me know he thinks I have a bad self-esteem problem, and it's a problem with me.

If you see (feel) what the video below is really about, I think that confusion will be dispelled. The means of delivery, of setting up a “simple experiment”, is genius. 

 

On 10/15/2022 at 11:30 AM, Serenity said:

he is causing me still a lot of discomfort each time we see each other. I don't like much being around him, as my emotional needs aren't met and my self-esteem wound are re-opened by spending time around his ego. The old dynamique is still at play

What you’re feeling is your interpretations, each & every time. There aren’t per se ‘old wounds’ which are ‘reopened’ by him. There is no actual lack of self esteem. Self esteem is a conceptualization of the discord between the unconditional feeling you are, and the thought you’re so to speak, thinkin. That is the ‘old dynamic’ which is still at play. Lift yourself - allow the natural arising of yourself - out of the herd, via compassion & understanding, and yet - non-engagement. Let his burdens be his and you are at peace in letting What Is be What Is. Let go of any desire or expectations about him changing. Let him have and feel all of his discord. Let him come to realize only God-Love will do. 

On 10/15/2022 at 11:30 AM, Serenity said:

But my anger is nothing next to traumas and needs that weren't met. For instance, I have a very strong need for positive validation, after having felt so often negatively mirrored. I seek that validation like I have been starved.

If you aren’t letting discord go and allowing the true nature in, you’ll keep looking to others to get you feeling better. Allow that dynamic to be seen. Also really look at the framing of ‘my anger’. Anger isn’t a thing, which is yours. It’s not a possession. It’s an emotion. Anyone experiencing the same thoughts, would be feeling the same emotion. When anger is felt, notice the story which arises about a self. Notice that “self” is actually thoughts, or if it’s a helpful term, a thought story. The relevance here is in noticing this… the ‘story’ is (more and more swiftly) let go… and processing, transmutation… can then transpire. The emotional scale is great for this. Instead of focusing on ‘the story’ - just acknowledge anger is felt and swiftly move onto expressing the next emotion, and don’t skip any, and don’t stop until you’ve finished the entire scale. (It does work!)

 

On 10/15/2022 at 11:30 AM, Serenity said:

And when I look at the things I do, I can't help but think often "this is utter shit". I get convinced I made a terrible work, because I have gotten so used to look at myself through an invalidating, negative eye. It paralyses me when I am doing stuff. It happens often that I am surprised between the lag between inner distress I feel and how people around me assess differently the situation.  I can convince myself I wrote or did something that will be diminished, said to be terrible, and then be surprised at someone's reply saying " what you did is excellent", because I am almost expecting them to say how bad I am and they want nothing to do with me. Though, this doesn't happen all the time. On the surface I can be pretty confident and get things done, but suddenly something really matter to me and my feelings of inadequacy comes back strong. The more I seem to want it, the more I am afraid I'll screw it up, and the fear open that self-esteem wound in a pretty nasty way. I start doubting everything in these situations...

I realize I’m speaking boldly here and I do apologize if it’s too bold and hurtful in anyway…

There is a belief that sounds like “I have gotten so used to looking at myself through the invalidating negative eye”. That is not yourself. That is thoughts. Yourself is you, feeling those thoughts. This is why letting discordant thoughts go is so powerful. Holding onto discord holds you back in life. 

 

One big Mexican stand off of us all believing how we feel right now is because of a past and or someone else just isn’t going to result in the world we all have in our hearts. It just doesn’t work. Letting go is breaking the cycles - is allowing Liberation. Allowing the true nature into it’s (your) world more & more. It involves emotions, and tears, and acceptance & understanding, and forgiveness… but only your true nature will do. Only real, inspired empowerment will do. And honestly not even. Only enthusiasm & eagerness & passion will do. Ask yourself so to speak… is it so? 

 

Now I’m really going out on the totally-might-offend limb and I sure hope I don’t…. 

There isn’t really a ‘my feelings of inadequacy’. (Sorry 😬) There is the conceptualization… ‘my feelings of inadequacy’.  You’re adequate exactly as you are right now. Some thoughts don’t feel great right now, but you are adequate. Saying you’re adequate is like saying the ocean is somewhat large. I’m not gonna validate here, but I think you get what I’m sayin. You’re the ocean, and the thought of you being inadequate is like a tiny twig floating by. Or rather, can & will be soon seen and felt as. 

 

The emotional scale is very powerful, empowering, because it helps to dispel conceptualizations, and therein to see clearly, prior to conceptualizing ourselves, and therein, to the unfettered life & world you very much want. 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Mandy said:

@Serenity If a narcissist is convinced that they are special and are obsessed with themselves, what would be the inverse/mirror of that? 

Being in a state of no-self and mirroring them with unconditional divine love. 

 

Which I am at this moment unable to energetically do as some energetic resistance cause me to suffer.

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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8 minutes ago, Serenity said:

Being in a state of no-self and mirroring them with unconditional divine love. 

 

Which I am at this moment unable to energetically do as some energetic resistance cause me to 

 The opposite of narcissism is being convinced that there are special people and being obsessively fixated on OTHER people. 

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@Phil

On 10/17/2022 at 7:31 PM, Phil said:

I would say thoughts as interpretations which are discordant arise again and again, as if looking for / wanting alignment. The discord felt with the interpretations is emotion, and feelingis really feeling, which relevance wise never comes and goes. We so often attempt to change how we feel with the intention of feeling better, while that better feeling is the natural outcome of letting an interpretation go which allows understanding & feeling to arise. 

 

But is it true that you have to deal with it? 

What about non-engagement?  Are you in some ways making it your problem? 

 

Sometimes we end up in a mental-emotional Mexican stand off, every one pointing at each other believing the way one feels is because of the other. In such a situation, the one who stops pointing first actually wins, and all others left pointing feel the discord of the pointing, even if they’re not yet realized why that is. I’ll admit, it does very much seem like there is more than one Being here. 

 

If how you feel right now seems related to the past as it involves your brother, purposefully notice he isn’t present, and what has happened isn’t what is happening. What is happening are the thoughts about what’s happened. So it is in the aligning of the thoughts, via understanding as in compassion, which allows the healing of alignment. 

 

You’re still blossoming, it’s not a done or finished thing. You’ll be blossoming right up until to the rest of us it seems like you died. From what you shared, he is feeding his ego by diminishing others. But, it’s up to you wether that disgusts you or not anymore. Understanding & compassion are the key. Breaking that cycle, of experiencing the same interpretation, and feeling the same way, is key. 

 

Consider, ideally… feel… that innocence is absolute. It’s of out most rudimentary essence, the true nature of our infinite being, our actual eternal self. It’s so humbling too allow innocence to be felt. It’s of course great that your expressing & addressing this, please don’t take this any other way… but what you’re doing to yourself so to speak, experiencing a discordant interpretation again & again… suffering… it doesn’t feel good, but you don’t (yet) know better / see it as clearly as you soon will. 

 

Consider, why does he behave like that? 

You interpreted that it was about you, that you were bad, and therein you allowed yourself to interpret and feel the interpretation of humiliation. 🥹 Then another ‘discordant step’ is taken - this left you believing he is lacking (wisdom), and that his ego is toxic. This is (most unfortunately) a distancing from truth, Our infinite Self, by reinforcing the belief in separate selves, which have ego’s. But that’s what “the ego” is - separate selves don’t have egos… the activity of thought, the beliefs there are separate selves is what ego is. You mentioned he is ‘crushing your perspective’, and that you have to ‘be ultra careful near him and placate him’… but you are feeling your perspective… about him. That isn’t a perspective of empowerment filed by source, which knows very there aren’t separate selves… and in being you so to speak, is absolutely innocent of this ignorance.

 

But continuing to feel the discord or suffering, vs allowing the empowerment of Truth, now & going forward, is up to you.

If you’re feeling the discord, you’ve got to own the ‘problem’ framing to allow it to change, and therein to feel alignment. He’s not a ‘very insecure man’, he’s our very hurt & confused infinite being. When you frame this as ‘a problem’, you experience ‘a problem’. When you see why he acts that way, you’re freed of any suffering related. It might seem like he’s playing games, but that isn’t natural or indicative our Being. He’s experiencing & reinforcing an idea of himself, because of the suffering held inside is too painful for him to feel, and allow it too change, and therein feel alignment. Don’t continue to do the same. Bring the simple, effortless, action-less, doing-less-ness of non-engagement, non-problem, non-violence in thoughts to the situation. 

 

Shift focus from him & what you don’t want, to you & what you do want. You don’t have to give him any attention at all. An aspect of manipulative behavior is engaging you, getting your attention. When such behavior is given so much attention, it’s reinforced. When you’re triggered, reactive, or even bothered in any way - such as seeing it as ‘a problem’, ‘he’s toxic’, ‘playing games’ etc, it actually contributes to his confusion (and yours), because as that engagement unfolds it seems to him more & more that how he’s feeling has something to do with you, while it’s his own discordant self referential thoughts he’s feeling… and it seems more & more to you that how you’Re feeling has something to do with him. It only does to the exact extent you remain engaged in believing that it does, in large part by believing in separate selves, and therein distancing yourself (so to speak!) from the Truth, which is the only “thing” you want, because “it’s” the only “thing” that feels better. 

 

If you see (feel) what the video below is really about, I think that confusion will be dispelled. The means of delivery, of setting up a “simple experiment”, is genius. 

 

What you’re feeling is your interpretations, each & every time. There aren’t per se ‘old wounds’ which are ‘reopened’ by him. There is no actual lack of self esteem. Self esteem is a conceptualization of the discord between the unconditional feeling you are, and the thought you’re so to speak, thinkin. That is the ‘old dynamic’ which is still at play. Lift yourself - allow the natural arising of yourself - out of the herd, via compassion & understanding, and yet - non-engagement. Let his burdens be his and you are at peace in letting What Is be What Is. Let go of any desire or expectations about him changing. Let him have and feel all of his discord. Let him come to realize only God-Love will do. 

If you aren’t letting discord go and allowing the true nature in, you’ll keep looking to others to get you feeling better. Allow that dynamic to be seen. Also really look at the framing of ‘my anger’. Anger isn’t a thing, which is yours. It’s not a possession. It’s an emotion. Anyone experiencing the same thoughts, would be feeling the same emotion. When anger is felt, notice the story which arises about a self. Notice that “self” is actually thoughts, or if it’s a helpful term, a thought story. The relevance here is in noticing this… the ‘story’ is (more and more swiftly) let go… and processing, transmutation… can then transpire. The emotional scale is great for this. Instead of focusing on ‘the story’ - just acknowledge anger is felt and swiftly move onto expressing the next emotion, and don’t skip any, and don’t stop until you’ve finished the entire scale. (It does work!)

 

I realize I’m speaking boldly here and I do apologize if it’s too bold and hurtful in anyway…

There is a belief that sounds like “I have gotten so used to looking at myself through the invalidating negative eye”. That is not yourself. That is thoughts. Yourself is you, feeling those thoughts. This is why letting discordant thoughts go is so powerful. Holding onto discord holds you back in life. 

 

One big Mexican stand off of us all believing how we feel right now is because of a past and or someone else just isn’t going to result in the world we all have in our hearts. It just doesn’t work. Letting go is breaking the cycles - is allowing Liberation. Allowing the true nature into it’s (your) world more & more. It involves emotions, and tears, and acceptance & understanding, and forgiveness… but only your true nature will do. Only real, inspired empowerment will do. And honestly not even. Only enthusiasm & eagerness & passion will do. Ask yourself so to speak… is it so? 

 

Now I’m really going out on the totally-might-offend limb and I sure hope I don’t…. 

There isn’t really a ‘my feelings of inadequacy’. (Sorry 😬) There is the conceptualization… ‘my feelings of inadequacy’.  You’re adequate exactly as you are right now. Some thoughts don’t feel great right now, but you are adequate. Saying you’re adequate is like saying the ocean is somewhat large. I’m not gonna validate here, but I think you get what I’m sayin. You’re the ocean, and the thought of you being inadequate is like a tiny twig floating by. Or rather, can & will be soon seen and felt as. 

 

The emotional scale is very powerful, empowering, because it helps to dispel conceptualizations, and therein to see clearly, prior to conceptualizing ourselves, and therein, to the unfettered life & world you very much want. 

 

 

 

 

 

First off... Thank you for writing this long answer.  I'm taking a few days to contemplate. I see how what you say is true (and also so liberating!) but emotionally there is a long way to go.

 

There seems to be the arising of a lot of thoughts and beliefs that keep on going, and which I tend to forget aren't true. The emotional aspect of it seems to make it harder.

 

How do you combine the recognition of false thoughts with the emotional body load? Will it wear off on its own or do they need to be felt at the vibration level they were created? 🤔

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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32 minutes ago, Serenity said:

How do you combine the recognition of false thoughts with the emotional body load?

Beliefs are beliefs, the ‘body’ is the truth. The truth is always washing out beliefs. The thought arises ‘how do I combine beliefs and the truth’, when the predicament is beliefs & truth are already combined. Allow the body to wash out beliefs (emotional body load) via expression of the emotions. Allow the sting, that the fear of bee’s may depart. As it does, be on the body’s team, not the thought’s team. Understanding, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, love arise of the body (truth) not the thoughts (appearance of). 

32 minutes ago, Serenity said:

Will it wear off on its own or do they need to be felt at the vibration level they were created? 🤔

The body ate what everyone else was eating, but it never digested, never ‘agreed’ with the body, and so the body chunders. 

If you will, the body does this all on it’s own and the mind has free agency as to wether to express or suppress, to allow or manipulate. 

Allow. 

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@Serenity

When you ‘hear the thunder’ (beliefs coming up and emptying out, an often emotionally difficult experience)… don’t avert from the body “into” thoughts (take cover)… ‘stay’ as presence… ‘take your stand’ as awareness… allow attention to be on perception and sensation…to find that indeed you do ‘come from’ the ‘land down under🤍.  

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