Constant Conceptualization of the Path

[Orb]

I notice theres a constant conceptualization going on, and theres a perpetuation of spiritual ego. 

 

By spiritual ego I mean: A pattern of beliefs/thoughts centered around non-duality, and the thoughts are used as a reference for "me" to know where im going on the path. 

 

In essence, ive never done anything, theres no path, and the whole path/insights/experiences is just thoughts.

 

So it goes like this, I meditate or inquire into direct experience, then conceptualize the direct experience, and this new conceptualization becomes identified with. The identification is very pleasurable, like eating candy, its basically just huffing up my own farts on where im at on this made up path, what advice id give to others, and very nice fantasies about how cool & enlightened I am. 

 

Then, the fantasies/farts lose their novelty and become boring, like withering flowers, and then more conceptualization is desired in order to have more fantasies to leech onto. 

 

I was journaling a few minutes ago and was scared that the Truth is unthinkable, because then I cant leech onto it.

 

I also notice that I deep down I am insecure about where im at and need a reference point in order to feel secure on this made up path. So a memory of a spiritual experience comes and that is used as a reference "that experience happened, so im at this point on the path".

 

I see what im doing, and how futile it is. But I cant stop, because the desire to stop is sneakily another form of thought-movement, basically another excuse to keep on think-ing.

 

This is whats so scary on this path, because ive been moving along this path, but this path is BS and I know it deep down, no ones ever gone anywhere. What if I just made it all up?

 

You see how weird it feels to have no reference point? 

 

Theres no start point or end point.

 

I dont wanna hear anything about starting a new path, or that im just beginning, just please leave me alone 😢.

 

[Blessed2]

❤️

 

Totally hear you and me too man.

 

This might sound a bit Phil-like, but I think it's good to point out and notice, that you are not insecure or scared etc. You are experiencing the emotion insecurity, fear, etc. Just noticing this, that you are experiencing the emotion insecurity, not being insecure, can be really clarifying, and is already a step toward "right view". 

 

4 hours ago, Orb said:

I dont wanna hear anything about starting a new path, or that im just beginning, just please leave me alone 😢.

 

 

😂😂👍👍 Obviously, because "a you being on a path, trying to fix something about a you, starting or finishing" etc does not resonate at all, because it's not true.

 

The Kingdom is not waking up after a spiritual path. It's being who you are.

 

When I read what you wrote in this post, I'm actually feeling excitement for you. This is the real juice. I'd expect some great relief and insight is coming.