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A few things I just want to let out


fopylo
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It has been some time ever since I wrote something, and I feel I must put it here already. Not too much happened, but I might start to forget...

 

So about the birthday topic I was talking previously (I believe I made a post on it/ wrote on my journey here), I eventually gathered a birthday party at my house inviting friends from different paths of my life which was really cool: Friends from home/school, friends from camp, and friends from the military bootcamp. It was a very cool gathering imo and also they seemed to be mingling well. It's as though different parts of me just came together in this house, since each friend reflects a different side in me. I was actually very anxious before the meeting and acted very neurotic and cleaning my room, hiding stuff and making sure everyone was good. So yeah, that was quite a win.

The next night I felt very terrible and vomited in the morning (a day and a bit after the party). I felt terrible. The worst sleep of my life. I thought it'll pass but it was terrible and didn't go away (this stomach ache). Perhaps I should go to the doctor.

 

I've started studying already for my upcoming course. Quite a lot to study.

 

About a week ago I did a backflip on my cousins' trampoline. I didn't think I'll be able to, but it just gets me closer to believe that I could one day do amazing things physically.

 

I've fasted for a full day (more like 25 hours) for Yom Kippur. It's a Jewish day for the renewal of the new year and to cleanse yourself from all your sins. I don't really believe in that (in religion) but I still took it as a challenge. It ended up being very difficult also because I was still feeling sick. In case you don't know, the fasting includes no food and no water for 25 hours. Sometimes also more limited screen time. I wanted to also ask what do you guys think about fasting and all that.

 

Tried meditating today after a few days of not. It was quite hard. At least harder than what it was. It's as if I forgot how to meditate suddenly, or rather, created beliefs about meditation in that time being of not doing the practice.

 

My sleep schedule is fucked up bad, again. It is 4:15 and I'm even not that tired. I'm supposed to take the dog at like 8:00-9:30. It's either I go to bed now and force myself to sleep for like 4-5 hours and then take the dog and then go back to sleep, or to pull an all nighter (hoping to stay awake at like 7:00, and take him for a walk and then go to bed).

 

Kinda fucked up. Perhaps there's value in coming back here and writing. Perhaps there's more work to be done. Perhaps I took some steps back.

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Ok so eventually I pulled an all nighter and took my dog for a walk at around 7:15, then had a shower and went to bed. I was hoping on sleeping very little and being tired for the remaining day so that next night I'll be more willing to go to sleep earlier. However, I woke up at like 17:00. Fucking hell man! It didn't help, just got worse now! What am I supposed to do tomorrow?! I've also checked my WhatsApp when I woke up and apparently a family member passed away (I'm not even close to her and she's quite distant) and her funeral is tomorrow morning. How am I supposed to be there tomorrow morning? Damn...

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@Mandy yeah, an unexpected event happened and I had to get up early (slept 1 hour). Tried resting in the car for 1.5 hours, then slept for 3.5 hours at my grandma's house in the afternoon, then 1 hour on the way back at evening. I slept like 5.5 hours all together and now I'm feeling really tired so I probably fixed it in a little brutal way today.

About the fasting, it's just one day in the year. I guess you could say it is a water fast

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