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Body insecurity


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I'm insecure of my body.

 

I noticed it the first time some years ago. Before I really had no problem, but at some point I just started looking at the mirror and judging what I saw. I think I gained some weight at that time. Not so much, but still didn't like what I looked like anymore. 

 

I talked about it in my expression journal: "I'm insecure about how my body looks. I just don't think I look good. My butt is weird, not at all well-proportioned. Same with my chest. I'm insecure about my chest because I think I kinda have manboobs. So I don't feel sexy or masculine. I don't think I could be seen as truly attractive because of this. I don't like being in public because of it. I don't like how shirts look on me, I try to wear clothes that hide it. It controls my life.

 

That's about it. I'm insecure of my body because I think I have manboobs."

 

Ever since the problem seem to have grown bit by bit, and it's starting to feel really bad and even restricting what I do and what I wear. And I also constantly kind of feel dirty, sweaty and fat and unhealthy. I feel my tummy when I sit, I feel my breast area being fat and soft and it feels really bad. It ruines my mood, it ruins my confidence, it just generally feels really bad and makes life kind of dim and joyless.

 

I kinda know what I should do. I should exercise regularly, I should eat only healthy foods, and maybe I should see a doctor if I have some hormonal imbalance or something that causes the breast thing. But I really feel so tired, so unmotivated, so overwhelmed and discouraged to do any of that. Just some simple exercise seems too much. I just started meditating every morning and that is already bit of work for me. And cooking healthy food and having good regular meals etc, the whole diet shembang, also seems so overwhelming.

 

And I'm also impatient. I don't feel like "just taking the first step" because I'd like to fix it all already. I'd like to get it over with, to feel better now and feel good about how I look, now. Not step by step after months or years. 😑

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4 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

And cooking healthy food and having good regular meals etc, the whole diet shembang, also seems so overwhelming.

Sometimes I buy a box of prewashed fresh baby spinach and mindlessly eat it in front of the computer like potato chips. Highly recommend. There are lots of loopholes, like Phil's loophole shake. 

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"30 within 30" is  a good loophole too, get 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes of waking up and you feel less hungry all day. Then just find some activity you really enjoy. And be good to yourself. 

 

4 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

 

And I'm also impatient. I don't feel like "just taking the first step" because I'd like to fix it all already. I'd like to get it over with, to feel better now and feel good about how I look, now. Not step by step after months or years. 😑

Feel good now. When I'm kinda flabby I like to look at nude women renaissance paintings from hundreds of years ago, and then I feel really hot and desirable. Beauty itself is timeless, MFers. 

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🤍https://www.actualityofbeing.com/self-referential-thoughts🤍

 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-loophole-shake

This is why it’s ‘the loophole’. Cheaper, no learning curve, no cooking, tastes awesome, feels awesome, nice balanced energy. All the enzymes & crap you’re supposed to eat and actually kinda do want to, just as a chocolate peanut butter banana shake. 😋 

 

 

There’s kind of the two ways of going about this. Really getting sick of it / having had enough, and experiencing a breaking point & new gusto for diet & fitness. 

 

There’s the inside to out approach. In the mind a lot of these thoughts seems justified. But in terms of what’s felt, it’s that your inner being isn’t thinking that way about you, isn’t & can’t go along with the judgement or the self referential thoughts. You’re loved without condition, and you feel that you are by the discord of these thoughts. 

 

Another approach, if it fits… it’s never what you think it is.

If you’re feeling impatience, overwhelment, and the mind is getting ahead of & undercutting the changes you want to make, that could be related to caffeine. 

If you’re out of the circadian rhythm, get back in. Cutting caffeine, not eating late, going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier might just make what seemed daunting, effortless & enjoyable. 

 

11 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

And I'm also impatient. I don't feel like "just taking the first step" because I'd like to fix it all already. I'd like to get it over with, to feel better now and feel good about how I look, now. Not step by step after months or years. 😑

That ‘first step’ might not be an action, or any fixing or change at all. Might just be loving yourself as you are. There is so much to appreciate about your body. We tend to hone in again & again on specifics, missing the miracle that is the much bigger picture. The body is the means of all experience. 

 

Might also be fruitful to think through that ‘right now’ thinking - to think it all the way through. It’s like worrying. If one worries now, one justifies the worrying… not noticing one can always justify worrying… one continues to justify worrying. Realizing that - tends to diffuse & release the worry, simply by recognizing the futility of it, and that it is a choice of perspectives, a zooming out. It might seem like you want the change to be instant or already done, but then the next, and the next, and the next, and it’s inevitably realized the journey, the adventure, the experience, literally the ‘one step’, that’s what you really want. To allow yourself to enjoy it. 

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On 8/10/2022 at 10:26 PM, Mandy said:

If you had a daughter and she was going through a chunky phase and instead of playing and enjoying herself she was ultra focused on being chunky and comparing herself to an image that wasn't her, what would you tell her? 

 

 

Good question. I'm not sure, actually. Probably first I'd ask her why is she focused on it and comparing. I'd take a look at what beliefs would make her think the comparing and focusing on looks is important. And then we would see if it would feel way better to let those beliefs go, to see through them, and focus on something else.

 

Also I'd tell her that whatever she looks like, it really means nothing. She is never a failure.

 

On 8/10/2022 at 10:32 PM, Mandy said:

"30 within 30" is  a good loophole too, get 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes of waking up and you feel less hungry all day. Then just find some activity you really enjoy. And be good to yourself. 

 

Huh, I might try that! Though "an activity I really enjoy" kind of hops up. I don't really have any activities I enjoy... Sometimes it makes me think if there is something wrong with me. Usually things are just plain boring. Waking up, thinking "I could do anything today. What would I enjoy?"... And nothing comes to mind. Overall, life just kinda seems boring, colourless, spiritless, joyless.

 

It makes me worried because quite often the only thing that makes me feel even a bit enjoyment is alcohol. But I don't want that. I've spent many days and weeks just waiting to get drunk over and over again. At times it seems like the drinking is the only exciting thing to look for... And it sucks. Not to mention the hungover that follows... Makes me jealous. Some people just somehow enjoy stuff like nature or reading or playing music. But for me those things are just boring and even then I'm looking for something else, maybe that drink later.

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12 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Huh, I might try that! Though "an activity I really enjoy" kind of hops up. I don't really have any activities I enjoy... Sometimes it makes me think if there is something wrong with me. Usually things are just plain boring. Waking up, thinking "I could do anything today. What would I enjoy?"... And nothing comes to mind. Overall, life just kinda seems boring, colourless, spiritless, joyless.

 

It makes me worried because quite often the only thing that makes me feel even a bit enjoyment is alcohol. But I don't want that. I've spent many days and weeks just waiting to get drunk over and over again. At times it seems like the drinking is the only exciting thing to look for... And it sucks. Not to mention the hungover that follows... Makes me jealous. Some people just somehow enjoy stuff like nature or reading or playing music. But for me those things are just boring and even then I'm looking for something else, maybe that drink later.

Look into the belief that things and activities have the power to cause happiness. "I hate cleaning my house. I can't find motivation." "I LOVE cleaning my house, I find it enthralling, and energizing." Both statements are true, depending on what I'm thinking/feeling. Often when we first begin an activity, there are a lot of thoughts that come up like, "this is a waste of time", "I should go back to doing what I was doing before", "I'm terrible at this", etc. Thoughts are seen, dismissed, no longer believed and we continue on. Then in a short amount of time, we are in the flow state, no thoughts are arising that are resisting, but thoughts aiding, appreciating are filling in instead. This experience will be missed if we are believing, "I am bad at _____." "I don't like ______."

 

It's all about the vibrational lens you're in. You don't enjoy alcohol nor do you not enjoy nature, reading, etc. You just aren't dropping the initial wave of thoughts that are rebelling against the change of pace, yet the change of pace is exactly what you want. 

 

 

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