Blessed2 Posted August 6, 2022 Share Posted August 6, 2022 (edited) ❤️❤️ Love to talk about this! I just meditated. Been meditating a couple mornings now. It's different now. I enjoy it! Sorry for posting these things on the emptying-sub. I guess many of these things should be on the journal section, but for some reason I just really like this sub... It just resonates. Anyway, the thing I'd like to talk about... For a long time I've held a belief. About spiritual awakening, enlightenment. My possible future enlightenment. These years have more or less gone by with constantly hoping and waiting for it happening. Not enlightenment per se, but some sort of spiritual awakening, a breakthrough. Essentially I believe that enlightenment would be the end to all fear and doubt: I would finally know the truth. I would finally be absolutely certain about all that matters. I would no longer doubt whether God and the world is good, whether I'm going to hell, whether there is a way out of suffering and uncertainty. Oh, and maybe then I would be relaxed, I would have more energy, my life would finally be fulfilling... I would be happy, I would enjoy life. This is what I think makes meditation and many other things so hard and uncomfortable... Because I'm constantly waiting for a breakthrough. Constantly thinking about a future, thinking what I'll be feeling. I'm not doing it for the enjoyment of doing it, but for the possible outcome. To be honest, it really seems quite impossible to live without doubt. To somehow get through the doubt, to get rid of it. This is what I mean by a "brick wall" or "no way out". It seems like an impossibility... And as such, also true peace, happiness and certainty, which I've come to call heaven or paradise, also seems like an impossibility... Which sometimes makes me wonder if this is the hell, the hellish existence: to doubt whether happiness and paradise is possible. It really at times makes me slightly terrified. Because this pickle of doubting if doubt can be get rid of, doubting whether true happiness and certainty is possible, seems very real. And it seems like it's out of my control. So the next logical step is... That this really is the hell I mentioned... Because it really seems to be real. Doubt and uncertainty seems real, and there seems to be no way out of it. Hence, this reality must be somehow broken, sinister, dark, or evil...? Edited August 6, 2022 by Blessed2 Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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