Getting flaked on

[Kevin]

So I’m feeling very frustrated  and a little hurt because I feel like I get flaked on a lot. And I feel like I am no one’s priority. I just wish someone would prioritize me. I only have like 2 close friends and one of them flakes on me a lot. The other recently flaked on me too. It gets very hurtful and frustrating. I’m not entirely sure how to resolve this issue besides meeting new people which I’m honestly not too sure how to do. I feel kind of stuck on these friendships because I feel like I can’t cut them off because then I’ll have no friends which really bothers me.

 

[Orb]

@Kevin if friends are genuinely busy with life and can't hang that's fine imo. 

 

If "friends" are constantly flaking, meaning that they agree to plans but always cancel, I wouldn't really consider them worth the time. 

 

When we hangout with friends or make plans, we are devoting time to those moments that we will never get back. 

[Phil]

You are source’s priority, and I would make source / alignment your number one priority. I’d let this be the case with everyone else as well vs expecting anyone to put you ahead of their alignment. 

 

The framing of getting flaked on feels frustrating and hurtful. Make source your number one priority by listening to how the way you’re framing it up feels. 

Think a a little less personally & little more objectively & feel the spaciousness & roominess of doing so. Let old discordant framings go simply & only because of - how it feels. 

 

Friendships & relationships are more engaged in, appreciated, respected, valued & last for the long term when they’re based on shared interests. 

Take three things you’re interested in, and write them on your dreamboard or just a piece of paper and put it on the wall. This way if the mental framing wanders back to the habit of making it personal and therein frustrating & hurtful… it’s easy feel the guidance & recall the realization of making about what you want & how to go about experiencing it.

 

Use sites like meetup.com etc and community websites for get togethers & events. Pick a few that you have interest in.  Also think about expanding from interests. Since you’re into fitness, Jin Jitsu… maybe there’s a local or somewhat local place to sign up. Maybe everyone there has a common interest and it’s a friend making game changing experience.  Vision it the way that resonates. Allow it to be.  

 

[Kevin]

16 hours ago, Orb said:

@Kevin if friends are genuinely busy with life and can't hang that's fine imo. 

 

If "friends" are constantly flaking, meaning that they agree to plans but always cancel, I wouldn't really consider them worth the time. 

 

When we hangout with friends or make plans, we are devoting time to those moments that we will never get back. 

Definitely agree man. I think I need to find some new friends

[Kevin]

8 hours ago, Phil said:

You are source’s priority, and I would make source / alignment your number one priority. I’d let this be the case with everyone else as well vs expecting anyone to put you ahead of their alignment. 

 

Agreed. I have this weird belief where I think if someone did something I didn’t like I need to hold onto it because if I forget about it then they win? Or I feel like I need to hold a grudge which only hurts me. So if someone flakes then fuck them I'm gonna resent them. I think partially it’s an attempt at emotinal manipulation on my part.

8 hours ago, Phil said:

The framing of getting flaked on feels frustrating and hurtful. Make source your number one priority by listening to how the way you’re framing it up feels. 

Think a a little less personally & little more objectively & feel the spaciousness & roominess of doing so. Let old discordant framings go simply & only because of - how it feels. 

 

it definitely does feel frustrating and hurtful. I think it comes from thinking I need people to hang out with so I won’t be lonely. I think I view it as people being around is saving me from the discord. Lots for me to untangle there.

8 hours ago, Phil said:

Friendships & relationships are more engaged in, appreciated, respected, valued & last for the long term when they’re based on shared interests. 

Take three things you’re interested in, and write them on your dreamboard or just a piece of paper and put it on the wall. This way if the mental framing wanders back to the habit of making it personal and therein frustrating & hurtful… it’s easy feel the guidance & recall the realization of making about what you want & how to go about experiencing it.

 

For sure. I think if I spent more time focused on forming new connections with people as opposed to resenting people who may not have time for me I’d be happier. Maybe I’d meet some new friends as well.

8 hours ago, Phil said:

Use sites like meetup.com etc and community websites for get togethers & events. Pick a few that you have interest in.  Also think about expanding from interests. Since you’re into fitness, Jin Jitsu… maybe there’s a local or somewhat local place to sign up. Maybe everyone there has a common interest and it’s a friend making game changing experience.  Vision it the way that resonates. Allow it to be.  

 

I’m in kind of a weird situation where I I spend most of my weekdays doing 2 jiu jitsu sessions a day plus weightlifting plus a half hour to an hour of studying jiu jitsu by watching instructional and match footage so I don’t have a lot of time for meetup.com stuff. I could do meet up.com stuff on weekends I guess. Mainly I want to be more friendly at jiu Jitsu and I want to be more friendly at the weightlifting gym too.

[Orb]

@Kevin 💙