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Struggle and a wish for it to be over


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Had arrythmia yesterday, like many times before. It's been a trouble lately.


During the palpitations, there was a thought, which was kind of a wish. "I hope the heart would just stop already so this would all be over."


Been noticing the same kind of thoughts more and more lately. Whenever I think of death, yes, I feel afraid and/or worried, but also kind of wishing to die already, so that this struggle would be over already.


There is a belief that in death the struggle would be over. That there would be no longer need to worry, to stress, to fight and work. That I could finally just rest.


Life, in the other hand, seems like a ton of work, struggle, fight, constant pressure. So it's quite obvious why some wish to die appears now and then.


But I suspect life is not really a struggle. There are beliefs that make it seem so, and makes it seem like death could be an end to it.


The word "struggle" really describes it well. Constant work and stress and strain. And I don't really any real work or anything to do. I don't have a job, I don't have kids, nothing like that. What I mean by 'work', I mean simply living... Getting out of bed, not using too much drugs or alcohol, not eating only shit food, not being an asshole for others.


Just to stay alive, just to barely move towards and take care the basic needs is a struggle.


And even more so, only the smallest enjoyment or joy is a huge work. Often days or weeks go by, stuggling and fighting for even a small moment of joy or relief... Without success.


There must be an effortless way.

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@Blessed2 dude what the hell?! Went through the same thing, freaking out at night. Having palpitations.


Give this a shot, take a deep breath in with your nose, then very slowly exhale through the mouth, repeat and feel your whole being calming down.

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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