Letting go of anxiety & compassion

[noomii]

I feel a lot of anxiety & over-thinking when doing any kind of mental activity such as planning, structuring & strategizing what needs to be done.  This makes me easily avoid doing things that is necessary for me, like planning out things I want to do. (my cognition's function makes me avoid a lot of activities too but in this post I focus on the anxiety)

 

I try to allow the feelings when that happens but this happens so many times everyday, I think it's not possible to let go of every feeling I experience every day. I do try to feel my feelings as much as possible though.

This have resulted in a lot of procrastination & isolation. 

It feels like I'm in a hurry all the time & that I don't have time for doing anything (I do have a lot of "time" for doing what I want & I know when I'm relaxed I do feel like I've got "time"). I've not even felt like I've had the time/energy to order a goddamn dream board, thinking I need the perfect one lol & prioritizing other things that is more urgent. I often feel like I don't have time for doing anything that is just for enjoyment.

I stayed at home the whole weekend because I felt too stressed about getting myself ready for a party. 

I even feel like writing this is making me waste time from my day, but letting go of that thought & expressing like this really grounds me. 

 

I feel annoyed by advice like "I can just let go of every thought, that I can just focus on what feels good or choose happiness in this moment." Because it seems to me I can't do that all the time.

I've been writing down things I want. When reading what I want there are feelings that want to be felt, but a lot of times I don't feel them. When it comes to actually planning it out, I just feel overwhelmed by thoughts & it feels like a lot of  "work" because of both my cognition/lack of clarity & feelings that come up. Planning out fun activities, ordering stuff I need online or just reading anything, should feel effortless... But really I always need to reward myself after doing any of that.

I have decided to attend a festival in two weeks but I already feel overwhelm/stress about preparing myself for it. 

 

It's clear to me that what I need is to let go of the anxiety that I feel. Taking action from a place of resistance just doesn't work or gives very poor results.

I feel confusion about how to most effectively let go of my anxiety. I'm meditating & after that doing deep, calmer breaths (I seem to need more of both or something different that works for me). I'm feeling a lot of feelings everyday. I do still have a lot of anxiety, shallow breath, existential rumination/anxiety.

 

There's a conditioning that wants to be let go of & it's pretty obvious what I need but it feels like I have such a hard grip on my critical thoughts because I feel fear about what would happen if I let go of them. The critical thoughts are learned from my father & I do try to let go of the fear of doing wrong when I'm in the presence of him too. I want to heal at the root.

It feels easy sometimes to give myself "free-time" to relax, listen to music, go to a party where I can let go of these thoughts. But when it comes to actually needing to use my thoughts as a tool in self-improvement in any way, I always feel anxious, not knowing what to focus on & overwhelmed with thoughts.

I also think a part of the "problem" is that I want this to go as fast as possible so I'm being too hard on myself. I have a belief that working on myself will lead to no longer needing to work on myself,  obv not true.

I can see how my solution is really here & now.

 

I feel shame sharing this because it feels like this is something that "should" be easy, this doesn't feel easy at all.

 

I want to let go of the anxiety that holds me back from taking any action. I want to take inspired action. I want to feel relaxed & peaceful. I want to be compassionate & allowing. I want to allow life. I want to allow myself as I am now. I just want to travel & enjoy summer with new friends, really.

 

There's probably a blind-spot that I miss out on because of the beliefs.

What techniques have helped you the most with letting go of feelings, besides meditation?

Is there a more effortless, easy-going & loving approach in my healing? 

 

Thank you

 

 

[Phil]

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel a lot of anxiety & over-thinking when doing any kind of mental activity such as planning, structuring & strategizing what needs to be done.  This makes me easily avoid doing things that is necessary for me, like planning out things I want to do. (my cognition's function makes me avoid a lot of activities too but in this post I focus on the anxiety)

I try to allow the feelings when that happens but this happens so many times everyday, I think it's not possible to let go of every feeling I experience every day. I do try to feel my feelings as much as possible though.

This have resulted in a lot of procrastination & isolation. 

Try a reframing of  “I feel a lot of thoughts”, and then use an expression journal to just type thoughts as they arise. Include ‘for me’, ‘procrastination’ & ‘isolation’ when those thoughts arise too. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

It feels like I'm in a hurry all the time & that I don't have time for doing anything (I do have a lot of "time" for doing what I want & I know when I'm relaxed I do feel like I've got "time"). I've not even felt like I've had the time/energy to order a goddamn dream board, thinking I need the perfect one lol & prioritizing other things that is more urgent. I often feel like I don't have time for doing anything that is just for enjoyment.

I stayed at home the whole weekend because I felt too stressed about getting myself ready for a party. 

I even feel like writing this is making me waste time from my day, but letting go of that thought & expressing like this really grounds me. 

Using an expression journal & seeing (visually) the thoughts is a different vantage point, and it gets clearer time and energy aren’t things, which you have and therefore don’t have (enough of).  It is as you say very grounding, as the thoughts believed to be feeling (“in the mind”) are readily seen (on the screen) as thoughts. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel annoyed by advice like "I can just let go of every thought, that I can just focus on what feels good or choose happiness in this moment." Because it seems to me I can't do that all the time.

It makes it effortless to see that thought is discordant feeling for you, vs advice being annoying. The thought is discordant because of the conflict between there only actually being this moment, and the thought of a separate self which could do it ‘all the time’. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I've been writing down things I want. When reading what I want there are feelings that want to be felt, but a lot of times I don't feel them. When it comes to actually planning it out, I just feel overwhelmed by thoughts & it feels like a lot of  "work" because of both my cognition/lack of clarity & feelings that come up. Planning out fun activities, ordering stuff I need online or just reading anything, should feel effortless... But really I always need to reward myself after doing any of that.

I have decided to attend a festival in two weeks but I already feel overwhelm/stress about preparing myself for it. 

 

It's clear to me that what I need is to let go of the anxiety that I feel. Taking action from a place of resistance just doesn't work or gives very poor results.

I feel confusion about how to most effectively let go of my anxiety. I'm meditating & after that doing deep, calmer breaths (I seem to need more of both or something different that works for me). I'm feeling a lot of feelings everyday. I do still have a lot of anxiety, shallow breath, existential rumination/anxiety.

The ‘con’ is the belief there are ‘two’ (things) which could be ‘fused’ together. The opposite of con-fusion is that there are not things, or, not-two. Using the backside of the Dreamboard is most useful for seeing (visually) the ‘twoness’ of con-fusion. I & them, my & cognition, lack & clarity, I & myself, I preparing & myself, anxiety & (that) I feel, I (have) & anxiety… 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

There's a conditioning that wants to be let go of & it's pretty obvious what I need but it feels like I have such a hard grip on my critical thoughts because I feel fear about what would happen if I let go of them.

I (have) & them. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

The critical thoughts are learned from my father & I do try to let go of the fear of doing wrong when I'm in the presence of him too.

Fear isn’t of a thing, it’s emotional guidance with respect to the thought. It’s how the thought feels. Doing wrong isn’t actually possible, it’s a framing which requires someone to judge this or that (as wrong). 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to heal at the root.

How many minutes per day are set aside to love yourself? 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

It feels easy sometimes to give myself "free-time" to relax, listen to music, go to a party where I can let go of these thoughts. But when it comes to actually needing to use my thoughts as a tool in self-improvement in any way, I always feel anxious, not knowing what to focus on & overwhelmed with thoughts.

My & thoughts. (There isn’t a “separate self” which has thoughts, or which thoughts belong to). 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I also think a part of the "problem" is that I want this to go as fast as possible so I'm being too hard on myself. I have a belief that working on myself will lead to no longer needing to work on myself,  obv not true.

I can see how my solution is really here & now.

“Thinker” is a thought. Writing the thought on paper clarifies. Then, for the first time, “thinker” is actually (visually) seen. Never otherwise. 🙂 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel shame sharing this because it feels like this is something that "should" be easy, this doesn't feel easy at all.

What’s felt is the thought, “should”. Judgement doesn’t resonate with what is truly unconditional. Me judging myself doesn’t resonate with what is not-two. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to let go of the anxiety that holds me back from taking any action.

To let go of it, first determine precisely where you have it. (Visually.)

If you look for it, one of two outcomes will happen… you’ll find it, or no longer be feeling it. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to take inspired action.

Using an expression journal and the back of the Dreamboard, the separate self (thoughts) and motivation, and the motives (thoughts) of the separate self (thoughts) will be seen (visually), and inspiration (feeling) will naturally be unfettered. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to feel relaxed & peaceful.

You are That. That’s what is unfettered. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to be compassionate & allowing.

You are That. That’s what is unfettered. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to allow life.

You already are. There’s nothing without you. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I want to allow myself as I am now.

There’s no other you to compare. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

I just want to travel & enjoy summer with new friends, really.

Then it will be so. Use the emotional scale for doubt, (vs unnecessary thoughts). 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

There's probably a blind-spot that I miss out on because of the beliefs.

Visually seeing is an entirely different vantage point than “figuring out”. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

What techniques have helped you the most with letting go of feelings, besides meditation?

Letting thoughts go by visually seeing them and inspecting what feeling is directly. 

17 hours ago, noomii said:

Is there a more effortless, easy-going & loving approach in my healing? 

Tension. Tense-I-on. What tension is felt, ask… ‘what tense am I on’? 

(It’ll be past or future)

Believing. Be-leaving. ‘What am I be leaving?’

(It’ll be feeling)

 

 

With the stuff you want to do, when you notice you’re thinking about doing it / not doing it… decide to do it the next day… let yourself off the hook… and instead bring each category to mind and appreciate different aspects about it. Give it your love & attention… and then.

[noomii]

@Phil Thanks for clarifying :)

 

On 6/9/2022 at 11:59 PM, Phil said:

Try a reframing of  “I feel a lot of thoughts”, and then use an expression journal to just type thoughts as they arise. Include ‘for me’, ‘procrastination’ & ‘isolation’ when those thoughts arise too. 

Express those words in my journal to see that they're just thoughts & to notice the feelings that come up when I write out those words?

"Include ‘for me’" - what sentence are you referring to?

 

On 6/9/2022 at 11:59 PM, Phil said:

The ‘con’ is the belief there are ‘two’ (things) which could be ‘fused’ together. The opposite of con-fusion is that there are not things, or, not-two. Using the backside of the Dreamboard is most useful for seeing (visually) the ‘twoness’ of con-fusion. I & them, my & cognition, lack & clarity, I & myself, I preparing & myself, anxiety & (that) I feel, I (have) & anxiety… 

 

There's no confusion in Feeling :)

I was more soft with myself the day after the post. When I'm being soft with myself I just do less of what I expect myself to do.
But it's not enough with "doing less", if I don't let go of the feelings I hold on to.

I don't fully understand how to love myself when I feel overwhelmed with thoughts when I'm planning, writing down stuff for improvement etc.
I know I can notice the feelings when it's happening & just be with it.
But I think I've made noticing & allowing feelings into an effort where I have high expectations on myself, pushing myself too hard (along with a lot of other things).
I think I feel a lot of resistance to feelings so I just want to "get rid of" all the suffering & feel "in control" by using force on myself expecting myself to do a lot of work on myself with a lot of effort.

I fear being without the attitude of needing to get rid of everything painful, because I think I would have to face much more suffering without it.
Without that attitude I would let things be as they are without changing anything about it, unless I actually wanted to change something. (if "I" would be in resistance I would just allow myself to be in resistance & not expect myself to be different, unless I wanted to/if it felt good to be different).
I also believe if there is something I want to change there is still suffering experienced.

Love for me feels like not needing to change the feelings or thoughts, if it doesn't feel good to do so.
It feels more loving to have lower expectations & follow what I feel inspired to do.

When thinking about how it would be to let go of this mindset I feel unsatisfied/pain & thoughts about meaninglessness, because I will most likely still suffer focusing on something different & I hate that. It's not a life worth living feeling constant suffering & hoping it will be over one day.
What I want most of all is to get rid of all suffering Now & I just want to feel complete/happy at all times. I feel so strongly when writing it, I despise suffering. I feel powerless about this desire. I believe I can't feel truly complete & happy all the time. I don't know if anything I write is true.

There is confusion about how I can truly end my suffering fully.

I managed to get away for a night this weekend.
Part of the experience was amazing. It was a forced decision & it did not feel like what I truly wanted, it was an escape from my feelings.
I experienced a lot of doubt before deciding to go. It felt almost like a wall in front of me. I expressed my feelings but I notice now that I did it as an attempt to get rid of my feelings just to be able to take action. I didn't feel with Love.
"The wall" of resistance were thoughts that said "if I decide now to go there, I'll feel stressed preparing myself, feel stressed getting in time to bus, the whole way there & I feel anxious about being in unfamiliar places. I feel unwilling to be with my feelings". I did feel all that but I did a great job taking care of it.
I also resist staying at home because of feelings of anxiety/fear/anger/powerless about manifesting life I want. From the fear of being in that place, I try to use force to choose to go places as an escape from the feelings.
Every time I'm alone with myself again, it feels like I'm "stuck" again. I've been looking for a solution in a place "out there", when the universe really wants me to look at the feelings here.

Edited June 13, 2022 by noomii

[Phil]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

Express those words in my journal to see that they're just thoughts & to notice the feelings that come up when I write out those words?

"Include ‘for me’" - what sentence are you referring to?

Yes, just write every thought that arises. As opposed to thinking… and trying to say some certain thing. This helps to (visually) see the thoughts… which is different than “thinking”. An example of a revelation that might occur would be… I’m thinking about why I feel unworthy, about my past, about some people and relationships, what unworthiness even is, why people feel that way, what people do about it, why I can’t seem to ‘let it go’ like some people do, etc….

 

But then, instead of “thinking” about this… I see those thoughts on the screen or page and now I notice….. the thoughts… that I’m focusing on. I’m focusing on unworthiness… that I am unworthy… and I’m trying to “solve it”… with “thinking”.  What I didn’t notice before is - I’m the one focusing on this! The one in question, the one the thoughts are about - ain’t even me! These thoughts are garbage - not me!

 

Which naturally leads to… 

 

Well - since I’m the one focusing… and life seems to keep on rollin… what do I actually want… 

I can focus on that!

 

 

 

And what I’m saying about this example here… is that it’s realized there is an experience created of unworthiness…. But there wasn’t yet the recognition that I”m the one focusing on these thoughts. 

 

And the ‘click’ I’m hoping to communicate here is… by focusing on those thoughts, I was creating an experience of, unworthiness. 

And thus… by focusing on thoughts that resonate, that are about what I do want… that experience will be created too!

 

 

 

Other potential revelations….

 

Feelings aren’t things I hold onto… emotions are real-time - felt right now. 

 

Oh for fuck’s sakes - that is how ‘I love myself’!

When I focus on what I do want, what feels good to me - that good feeling - it love!

 

These “expectations I’ve been putting on my self” - there isn’t eve that “my self”. I can’t put expectations on my self - I already am myself! These are just thoughts I’m focused on! A “way of thinking” I learned. I’m free! I don’t have to focus on discordant thoughts - and how convenient - since I’ve already been livin & experiencing for a while - there’s already lots of stuff I want to do, create, and experience! And I can! And when I’m thinkin I can’t - ever damn time without exception - I’m believing thoughts about a “separate self”, a “my self”. There’s no “self” feeling resistance to feeling - it’s the thoughts - some thoughts just don’t feel good - simple! That “this doesn’t feel good” says a lot about the goodness I must actually be! That I am!

 

There isn’t a myself to allow…. There’s allowing it to be seen some thoughts don’t feel good… because they’re about a “separate self”. But I’m actually the one focusing on - those thoughts! 

 

Oh snap! I can’t “get rid of suffering” - I’m the one creating it, by focusing on discordant thoughts! I can create what I want instead! How exciting!

No wonder I can’t end my suffering! It’s how the thoughts feel! Hallelujah! 

There’s no “forced decisions”…. That’s also a thought I’m focusing on!

There’s no “feelings to escape from” - there’s focusing on better feeling thoughts!

 

There’s no “feeling in a future”…. Feeling’s right here right now…. And these thoughts about how I’ll feel in the future… don’t feel good to me, right now!

 

There’s no “being alone with myself” or “anxiety/fear/anger/powerless” - that’s just how I feel when I focus on certain thoughts!

 

Oh! … “emotional guidance” he calls it! Use the emotional scale he says!

 

 

Wait a minute - every one’s in that same boat? Like, hardly any one is realizing this?!?! What the absolute fuck!

(compassion) (receive the Message… share the Message)

🤍

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Lotus]

On 6/9/2022 at 10:05 PM, noomii said:

It feels like I'm in a hurry all the time & that I don't have time for doing anything (I do have a lot of "time" for doing what I want & I know when I'm relaxed I do feel like I've got "time").

This reminds me a lot of my exam phase in uni. A key insight for me was that I could study/work way more efficiently when I was in a relaxed state of mind. So whenever I had discordant thoughts, such as the one above, I stopped and put feeling good first. I took out my expression journal, expressed how I felt about the exams. Emptying sorrows made me feel better. After that, I imagined what the ideal conditions for a good exam phase were - basically just being relaxed, because relaxation gives clarity. In clarity, learning is done best - and that was only in my interest, just as being relaxed. Initially, journaling felt like wasting time. Now, being in my last semester, I can definitely tell that this was THE way to save time. All of a sudden, I could appreciate the beauty of a flower, regardless of the exams I had to write.

*Edit: Nailed the exams too. 🤣 But those were secondary to that beautiful flower.

 

On 6/9/2022 at 10:05 PM, noomii said:

I feel shame sharing this because it feels like this is something that "should" be easy, this doesn't feel easy at all.

It is and isn't. When you're aligned, it is easy. When you're not, it isn't. These are great signals to take a step back and obverse how you are thinking about these things. That's where the emotional scale is so useful. It helps so much to "navigate you" towards alignment. I struggle with this, too, sometimes. But it's easier to be honest than to put up a fake front. There are no shoulds or shouldn'ts. You are perfect just the way you are - and in this recognition lies the transformation.

Edited June 13, 2022 by Lotus

[noomii]

@Phil

When I read about focusing on thoughts that feels good, I immediately started thinking about shaming or making the negative thoughts wrong. "I must force myself to think positive!!" Funny, I realized that didn't feel good. It feels good to know I can love the negative thoughts as much as the positive ones. I'm free to focus on whatever thoughts I want to. Feels good to express negative thoughts and give it my loving attention to feel seen. Then, when it feels good to me I can whenever I want shift my focus to the goodness.

So being the creator & being in control of what I focus on, is it possible to focus on what feels good all the time? I mean isn't that what we all want, why does it feel so hard then?... 😂

 

Constantly thinking "relaxation is difficult" does not feel so good.

 

I admit I haven't given the Emotional scale an honest chance. I've tried it briefly several times. I feel inspired to try it out for longer to really see for myself what will happen.

At first I thought that simply letting go of the feelings that come up when I write down what I want & while taking the action to do it would be most effective for where I'm at now. I go through the emotional scale slowly & for me it feels like more effort. But the emotional scale seems more fun, so that's what I'm trying out now.

 

On 6/13/2022 at 9:32 PM, Lotus said:

This reminds me a lot of my exam phase in uni. A key insight for me was that I could study/work way more efficiently when I was in a relaxed state of mind. So whenever I had discordant thoughts, such as the one above, I stopped and put feeling good first. I took out my expression journal, expressed how I felt about the exams. Emptying sorrows made me feel better. After that, I imagined what the ideal conditions for a good exam phase were - basically just being relaxed, because relaxation gives clarity. In clarity, learning is done best - and that was only in my interest, just as being relaxed. Initially, journaling felt like wasting time. Now, being in my last semester, I can definitely tell that this was THE way to save time. All of a sudden, I could appreciate the beauty of a flower, regardless of the exams I had to write.

*Edit: Nailed the exams too. 🤣 But those were secondary to that beautiful flower.

Yeah it surprises me every time! When I suddenly feel "in alignment" I always start doing what is my lowest priority, but that's also when I feel the most effective/productive, when I feel good.  Soaking up the beauty of nature & music is a good way to let go of thoughts. 🥰

 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

@Phil

When I read about focusing on thoughts that feels good, I immediately started thinking about shaming or making the negative thoughts wrong. "I must force myself to think positive!!" Funny, I realized that didn't feel good. It feels good to know I can love the negative thoughts as much as the positive ones. I'm free to focus on whatever thoughts I want to. Feels good to express negative thoughts and give it my loving attention to feel seen. Then, when it feels good to me I can whenever I want shift my focus to the goodness.

So being the creator & being in control of what I focus on, is it possible to focus on what feels good all the time? I mean isn't that what we all want, why does it feel so hard then?... 😂

 

Constantly thinking "relaxation is difficult" does not feel so good.

 

I admit I haven't given the Emotional scale an honest chance. I've tried it briefly several times. I feel inspired to try it out for longer to really see for myself what will happen.

At first I thought that simply letting go of the feelings that come up when I write down what I want & while taking the action to do it would be most effective for where I'm at now. I go through the emotional scale slowly & for me it feels like more effort. But the emotional scale seems more fun, so that's what I'm trying out now.

 

Yeah it surprises me every time! When I suddenly feel "in alignment" I always start doing what is my lowest priority, but that's also when I feel the most effective/productive, when I feel good.  Soaking up the beauty of nature & music is a good way to let go of thoughts. 🥰

 

❤️

 

 

🎤 

 

You are killing me. 🙂

 

[noomii]

On 6/18/2022 at 6:21 PM, Phil said:

❤️

 

 

🎤

 

You are killing me. 🙂

 

I promise, I did not see what I did there in the moment 😂

Still a lot of questions around the question that came up (that's why it came up) but I'm letting those inspections be for later, it's not the right timing for me.

Thank you for all that you are 😊