Always targeted for jokes

[fopylo]

Hey, so I am not here to judge whether it is good or bad, but I tend to always be the person targeted for jokes' sake. In every social group I am in I have found a reoccurring pattern - I, my name and personality, tend to be used very often in social groups for jokes (as well as inside jokes) and I get all that attention.

 

Back in high school I was known as a sorta funny floaty person (like that I forget things, sometimes late, kinda stupid lol).

At camp it really really peaked: My birthday was like 3 days into camp (no one really knew no one) and the whole camp (we were divided into 2 groups) sang every second of the day happy birthday and every time they saw me. Then it became a joke and starting singing happy birthday to me on days that weren't my birthday, and the funniest is that on other people's birthdays they sang to me as well lmao. But that is quite small. My humor has shot up (perhaps I was feeling more comfortable in this new environment), but I was literally like the clown of camp, made lots of stupid jokes, asked questions that made people laugh, behaved in a funny way, and lots of jokes have been built on me, so basically my name was quite famous in the camp because of the attention it had. I have also been the drunkest in 3 parties of the camp and people remember them well lol.

 

But here's the thing: Today I met up with some friends from my town (friends I didn't see in quite a long time) and it was really fun and jokes, I really enjoyed my time. We played the game Quiplash and my name was used quite often as answers (the whole idea of the game is that before the game starts you are given 2 questions/fill in the blank in which you need to fill an answer, and the goal is to make it the funniest because two people are given the same question and then compete for votes anonymously). But seriously, it's not like camp that I was traveling with them or lived with them enough time for making inside jokes and having my name get attention. They just for some reason thought laughing at me was the most fun, I guess.

 

My question is why is it happening to me? Is it because I give some sort of vibe that makes people comfortable laughing at me? Am I attracting lots of attention in the heat of fun? Am I perhaps showing signs of weakness and people utilize it for joking about me? What am I attracting for God's sake? It is literally a reoccurring pattern which is quite freaky. Sometimes it's jokes about me in the heat of fun and sometimes it's laughing at my weaker points, but I guess it's how I take it. Perhaps I am just good at taking jokes? But how could they know it before joking about me? And why don't they joke just as much about the other people?

Edited June 5, 2022 by fopylo

[Mandy]

Maybe you actually find your own fixation with yourself funny. 

[fopylo]

@Mandy wdym?

[Mandy]

Do you think that you're the most interesting thing in the room? Are the thoughts about yourself, and what you think others are thinking about you, more interesting than the other people themselves? Might the fact that they find you funny be a reflection or a pointer that the remedy for taking ourselves too seriously is to find ourselves funny? Not in a self deprecating or trying to be the clown kind of way, but being willing to see when we are focused on thoughts about ourselves and drop those thoughts in favor of being truly present? 

[Mandy]

Here's an analogy, I can't put on my makeup and drive in my car well at the same time, because I can't look back at myself in a mirror and see what's ahead of me at the same time. People when you are with them are not a mirror for looking back at yourself. Look ahead and really see the person you are interacting with, not just the reflection of you in their eyes. If you do that they are bound to find that funny. 

[Phil]

On the light side, perhaps you’re inclined to be on stage in some manor, professionally, career wise, or as a hobby. If you’re comfortable with it, enjoy it or even thrive on it. On the shadow side, perhaps you crave attention you didn’t receive in childhood and resort to unconscious means to receive it. If so expressive journaling would help bring it into the light, and referring to the emotional scale vs thoughts about a ‘separate self’ might be peacefully clarifying. 

 

Can also consider, if you are you, who are you thinking & talking about (right now)? 

 

Maybe if people are aware you are you, they find it funny when you talk about “you”. That could be a sore subject, or comedy gold. Up to you. 🙂

[fopylo]

@Mandy

3 hours ago, Mandy said:

Do you think that you're the most interesting thing in the room? Are the thoughts about yourself, and what you think others are thinking about you, more interesting than the other people themselves?

Sometimes it does feel like that, yeah.

3 hours ago, Mandy said:

Look ahead and really see the person you are interacting with, not just the reflection of you in their eyes. If you do that they are bound to find that funny. 

I don't quite understand. Seems like you're saying the opposite. If I do what?

 

[fopylo]

@Phil

2 hours ago, Phil said:

On the shadow side, perhaps you crave attention you didn’t receive in childhood and resort to unconscious means to receive it.

Actually this might be true, I do like getting the attention and I noticed myself feeling kinda down when there were times that I didn't receive much attention at camp.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

If so expressive journaling would help bring it into the light, and referring to the emotional scale vs thoughts about a ‘separate self’ might be peacefully clarifying.

I have actually started recently to use it as I've told you before. Do you recommend paper and pen or typing on the phone is good enough?

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Maybe if people are aware you are you, they find it funny when you talk about “you”.

How does this make sense? Why would they necessarily find talking about 'me' to be funny? I could also be talking a 'unicorn' for that matter

 

[Phil]

5 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Phil

Actually this might be true, I do like getting the attention and I noticed myself feeling kinda down when there were times that I didn't receive much attention at camp.

Thank God for music, right? 🙂

5 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I have actually started recently to use it as I've told you before. Do you recommend paper and pen or typing on the phone is good enough?

Any means will do. Whatever’s preferred. 

5 minutes ago, fopylo said:

How does this make sense? Why would they necessarily find talking about 'me' to be funny? I could also be talking a 'unicorn' for that matter

 

Right, exactly. If someone was talking about a unicorn and you notice they’re actually believing there is one, at some point it’s going to seem funny… since there isn’t one. 

[fopylo]

@Phil

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

Thank God for music, right? 🙂

What do you mean?

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

Any means will do. Whatever’s preferred. 

I am currently using my phone and I need to but a new notebook. Sometimes it can be a little difficult because I am not true to my thoughts really, not really expressing. Right now as I am writing to you about the difficulty, I am speaking more from the truth. Sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything, and then I might force myself to write something that feels kinda discordant.

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

Right, exactly. If someone was talking about a unicorn and you notice they’re actually believing there is one, at some point it’s going to seem funny… since there isn’t one. 

So as long as it is believed to be true then it could be taken too seriously, but when seen as a concept/not real then it could be found funny to joke about?

 

[Mandy]

32 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Mandy

Sometimes it does feel like that, yeah.

Well,  consider that other people might be more interesting to you than you are. Test it out. 

32 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I don't quite understand. Seems like you're saying the opposite. If I do what?

So imagine that you're talking to me and I'm worried that I have spinach stuck in my teeth, but I don't want you to know. So I pretend like I'm reeeeally interested in what you are saying. I put this sincere kinda, concerned look on my face as you tell me about your concerns, but really I'm hyper focused on studying the reflection of myself that I can see in your eyes to make sure there isn't spinach there. I'm looking at your eyes, but only so I can see a glimpse of my own reflection.  That would be hilarious, wouldn't it? Do you think you'd really feel as if I was listening to you, or would you totally know I was focused on something else? People want to be heard, they want to be seen. You want to feel seen and heard. See and hear other people as you wish to be seen and heard, and have faith that you will be seen and heard as you wish to be seen and heard. 

 

 Ever want to make a comedy youtube channel or something like that? Write a funny blog? Something like that? Very often we look to our social life or those around us to fulfill desires and things we want to express that are bigger than we know. I don't proselytize nonduality or whatever else to my neighbors, I make a youtube channel and express what I'm inspired to express for whoever who is inspired to watch. When we seek too much for reactions from the people we know, we miss out on the joy of the expression itself. It's like uncovering an inner light or a gem in the rough. 

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Phil

What do you mean?

When you perform somewhere it’s nice if you’re comfortable with the rooms attention so to speak being on you. 

9 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I am currently using my phone and I need to but a new notebook. Sometimes it can be a little difficult because I am not true to my thoughts really, not really expressing. Right now as I am writing to you about the difficulty, I am speaking more from the truth. Sometimes I just don't feel like writing anything, and then I might force myself to write something that feels kinda discordant.

It’s fine either way. There’s a season, a time for everything. 

9 minutes ago, fopylo said:

So as long as it is believed to be true then it could be taken too seriously, but when seen as a concept/not real then it could be found funny to joke about?

 

🎯

 

I once knew a guy who believed he could force himself to do things. 

[fopylo]

@Phil

10 hours ago, Phil said:

When you perform somewhere it’s nice if you’re comfortable with the rooms attention so to speak being on you. 

You mean that thank god I know to play the piano for getting the attention I seek? If not, then please explain.

10 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s fine either way. There’s a season, a time for everything. 

A time, a season for the journaling style or for the fact that I am feeling discord sometimes while journaling?

10 hours ago, Phil said:

I once knew a guy who believed he could force himself to do things. 

But then it's actually just "pushing through" discordant thoughts about 'himself' doing 'things' which doesn't feel good and believing some principals

 

[Phil]

48 minutes ago, fopylo said:

You mean that thank god I know to play the piano for getting the attention I seek? If not, then please explain.

Your interest in performing music & comfort with attention are already aligned… thank God, as in, how easy it is to appreciate that. 

48 minutes ago, fopylo said:

A time, a season for the journaling style or for the fact that I am feeling discord sometimes while journaling?

Sometimes you are journaling… sometimes you are not. 

48 minutes ago, fopylo said:

But then it's actually just "pushing through" discordant thoughts about 'himself' doing 'things' which doesn't feel good and believing some principals

Right. Turned out he was already himself. 

[fopylo]

11 hours ago, Phil said:

Your interest in performing music & comfort with attention are already aligned… thank God, as in, how easy it is to appreciate that.

I didn't understand what was the point in bringing this up.

 

11 hours ago, Phil said:

Right. Turned out he was already himself. 

lol

[Phil]

@fopylo

If you’re thinking the point was to imply you’re only pursuing music to get attention, I would journal and explore that. 

That’s not how I see music, or you. 

 

You could also just write music / songs, schedule some gigs, play some shows, and enjoy what you love (if you do idk) and witness it working out. That’d be the route I’d go. 

 

Also of course, both. Melodies & lyrics pour out effortlessly with earnest expression journaling, yet making it about someone else is more of a blockage or false ‘stuckness’… and yet again also makes for great songs. Can’t lose. 

 

Top of the scale vibrations attract band mates and gigs. Bands which ignore suppression, deflection & projection fight, fuss and argue & break up. Band’s that explore these & express, create & stay together. 

[fopylo]

@Phil

26 minutes ago, Phil said:

If you’re thinking the point was to imply you’re only pursuing music to get attention, I would journal and explore that. 

That’s not how I see music, or you. 

Nah no worries I wasn't even thinking much about it.

26 minutes ago, Phil said:

You could also just write music / songs, schedule some gigs, play some shows, and enjoy what you love (if you do idk) and witness it working out. That’d be the route I’d go. 

I would probably do that if I truly wanted, no? Maybe I can journal about that... Besides, going in a month exactly to the military.

28 minutes ago, Phil said:

Also of course, both. Melodies & lyrics pour out effortlessly with earnest expression journaling,

Yeah, I've noticed that the more I express, the more the expression does its own thing because I am literally writing down my direct experience of the moment, and the more in touch I am getting with this moment the more the writing flows. But yeah, sometimes mid journaling I don't feel like continuing to write a lot and then suddenly prefer to write using as little words as possible, letting the thoughts be for the most part. I find that writing shortly, quite like poetry can be the peak of honesty some times.

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

yet making it about someone else is more of a blockage or false ‘stuckness’… and yet again also makes for great songs. Can’t lose. 

You mean when I journal about myself, like my story, the things that happened to me, basically stories that relate to me?

 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

I find that writing shortly, quite like poetry can be the peak of honesty some times.

Me too.

 

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

You mean when I journal about myself, like my story, the things that happened to me, basically stories that relate to me?

 Yes, and anything really. Like if I’m angry at someone and I use the scale I inevitably realize the emotion of anger had to do with what I was thinking. Not what someone said, but what I thought about it, or them, or myself / how I interpreted. Ultimately this can be no other way because you are love, and you are the creator of reality. Not “you “a person, or the person, there’s no such thing as people. That in and of itself might be a good example because it probably initially sounds crazy. But it’s true. 
 

Songwriting  wise, expression and transmutation are a gold mind as it relates to self realization. You can write about anything. What you think, how you feel, the beauty of this place, that the beauty is you, the atrocities and injustices of this place, and that this is also you, conditioning, the cycles of conditioning, what it’s like to break the cycles of conditioning… literally anything.

And not to mention… Learning how to breathe and vibrate the registers to sing properly is the best yoga possible. Uber connective and unifying. And to sing properly you have to break through walls of giving a fuck what people think about how you look.  

[fopylo]

@Phil

2 hours ago, Phil said:

5 hours ago, fopylo said:

I find that writing shortly, quite like poetry can be the peak of honesty some times.

Me too.

Honestly, it usually happens when I am at a high vibration tho.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Yes, and anything really. Like if I’m angry at someone and I use the scale I inevitably realize the emotion of anger had to do with what I was thinking. Not what someone said, but what I thought about it, or them, or myself / how I interpreted. Ultimately this can be no other way because you are love, and you are the creator of reality. Not “you “a person, or the person, there’s no such thing as people. That in and of itself might be a good example because it probably initially sounds crazy. But it’s true. 

So then you still write about 'yourself' for that sake, right? If (in your example) you are angry at someone then I believe that the best way to express it is to be true to yourself and honestly write how you hate this person, and that he is f*cking annoying for doing such and such..

I wonder where that leads to eventually over time...

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Learning how to breathe and vibrate the registers to sing properly is the best yoga possible

How so?

2 hours ago, Phil said:

And to sing properly you have to break through walls of giving a fuck what people think about how you look.  

Powerful. However I do sing quite a bit when I am on my own here in the house and I really love it, it goes well with my overall enthusiasm and awe towards music, really it's like having an orgasm in the ear sometimes. But I do whistle a lot when I take my dog for a walk and I'd say I'm rather good at it already over the years. It is an amazing expression of the moment, very fun, however I don't find it as if it has any "lasting results", not like the more you train the stronger you get by the day sorta thing.

[Phil]

On 6/7/2022 at 3:45 PM, fopylo said:

Honestly, it usually happens when I am at a high vibration tho.

Allow a more deeply honest poem, which conveys high vibration isn’t yours. 

On 6/7/2022 at 3:45 PM, fopylo said:

So then you still write about 'yourself' for that sake, right?

No. There isn’t a separate self. There are thoughts that there is. 

But if it’d believed there is, that you’re a separate self, then yes, write about that experience and clarity will naturally arise. 

On 6/7/2022 at 3:45 PM, fopylo said:

 

If (in your example) you are angry at someone then I believe that the best way to express it is to be true to yourself and honestly write how you hate this person, and that he is f*cking annoying for doing such and such..

I wonder where that leads to eventually over time...

It leads to the realization hate is an emotion, and has only to do with the thoughts and how the thoughts feel, and that you are not a separate self, and neither is “the person” believed to be hated, and that there is actually no such thing as hate. Just ignorance, deflection, and projection. And, not even.